Don’t you hate when he promised you a date but leaves you sitting there wondering if you’re really going out? I mean you are both over 40, so why still play these “who should call” games?
So, should you call him? Here’s the answer, sister.
It’s Monday and you’re talking on the phone with a nice guy you’re interested in. After some chit-chat he finally asks you out on a date. It goes something like this:
Nice Guy: Do you want to go out for dinner Saturday night?
You: Yes, that would be nice.
Nice Guy: Okay, I’ll call you later in the week to firm up the plans. I’m looking forward to it.
You: Me too. Talk then.
You: Woohoo!!!!!! (Okay…I added that on for dramatic effect.)
You like him, and you’re looking forward to Saturday. In fact, you’re already wondering what you’re going to wear and what you’re going to talk about.
Wednesday there is no call. Thursday there is no call. Friday morning comes, and you wonder, “Do we actually have a date?” You’re disappointed: maybe a little mad. You’re fretting over what to do next.
Wednesday there is no call.
Thursday there is no call.
Friday morning comes, and you wonder, “Do we actually have a date?”
What should I do? Should I call him?
You email your friend or your dating coach and ask: What should I do? Should I call him?
Unfortunately, this is a common situation, even when you are over 40, “should I call” is still a dilemma — especially when you’re meeting men using online dating. What follows is my email exchange with my private coaching client, “Jean.”
Not only do I answer whether she should call him, I help her make sure this situation doesn’t happen again.
Here is her letter to me:
My date for Saturday hasn’t confirmed place or time. If I don’t hear from him by this afternoon, is it okay if I email or call him and ask him if we are still on?
Hi Jean. No. I would not email or call him.
I know it’s difficult to wait – kind of painful even. Not to mention a total waste of time … But he asked you out and, although it was up in the air about the details, it was set to do a particular thing on a particular night. That’s a date, right? Wait and see what he does.
Not calling him and waiting it out will reveal his true character.
Whether a man keeps his word is extremely important. It’s on your list as a must-have, isn’t it?
You want him to know you’re serious about finding a man whose word you can trust and that you respect yourself and expect him to as well. As important as letting him take the lead, especially at the beginning.
The gal who emails “just to confirm” sends the signal she’s willing to accept him even if he doesn’t come through with his promises. And you, Jean, are not that gal.
You are both over 40, and he’s either matured enough to keep his word about calling you, or he hasn’t.
That gal also says “yes” when he calls on Friday afternoon for a Friday evening date. She’s the woman he plays with, not the one he marries.
I’m not saying that if he doesn’t get in touch, you should forget about him. Something may have come up out of the ordinary that prevented him from coming through.
But it’s important to see what he’s going to do without prompting. Hold tight! This is where you set the pace for all that comes next.
Here’s a way to avoid this in the future.
When he asks if you want to go out and then says he’ll call later in the week, tell him something like this very kindly:
“You know, I’m really looking forward to seeing you, we’ll have a good time! My schedule is pretty hectic this weekend. [Make sure you qualify that it’s this weekend so he doesn’t get the impression you’re so busy that you won’t have time for him.] It would be great if we could make our dinner plans now. That way we can be sure it works out. Would that be okay with you?”
If he’s serious about getting to know you, he’ll spend the extra few minutes it takes to make a plan, or he’ll commit to when he’s going to call back with details.
If he doesn’t do either, it gives you some valuable insight. Maybe he isn’t serious about dating and relationships? Bummer, but good to know!
So, should you call him when he doesn’t call you? I think you know the answer now!
Let me know how it goes, Jean. I’m here when you need me!
Big hug… ~Bp
Here’s what to do so you’re never left with that ‘why didn’t he call…what did I do wrong’ feeling…
Dating a 70 year old man for 8 months,….everything smooth and easy, treats me nice! Then, simply stops calling and texting. This happened once before at the 6.5 month dating mark, and on day 8 of no contact from him, I called him, and just said, “Are we still dating?” To which he replied,….”Yes,…I’ll call you right back”. And he did call right back and we went out another 6 weeks before this silence. We have been seeing each other once or twice a week, and all has been good. By his actions, it seems he likes me very much. Fixes my car, brings me tools, contacts carpenters for me, and even says, “Want me to warm up your tea?” , and asks my opinion on things when we are together. However he has told me he does not know if he wants a serious relationship and says he does not know if he loves himself,…..though I don’t know why he feels this way. Normally, I do NOT call men, but, there are two things here,…..It has now been two weeks, and with him being 70, what if he is sick? Though wouldn’t he tell his adult kids to contact me? Another, and more important point is, since this is NOT a 4 or 5 week relationship, does it make sense for me to be able to call and ask what’s up? Would calling at this point, really hurt anything? I am NOT a needy person,….I do all kinds of sports like horseback riding, skiing, etc and am very social, and he knows this. I have no problem giving him time to figure his feelings out if that is what he needs,….and I will move on in the meantime as he is deciding. Whether I will still be free IF he comes back, remains to be seen. Your thoughts, please.