Dating a 70 year old man for 8 months,….everything smooth and easy, treats me nice! Then, simply stops calling and texting. This happened once before at the 6.5 month dating mark, and on day 8 of no contact from him, I called him, and just said, “Are we still dating?” To which he replied,….”Yes,…I’ll call you right back”. And he did call right back and we went out another 6 weeks before this silence. We have been seeing each other once or twice a week, and all has been good. By his actions, it seems he likes me very much. Fixes my car, brings me tools, contacts carpenters for me, and even says, “Want me to warm up your tea?” , and asks my opinion on things when we are together. However he has told me he does not know if he wants a serious relationship and says he does not know if he loves himself,…..though I don’t know why he feels this way. Normally, I do NOT call men, but, there are two things here,…..It has now been two weeks, and with him being 70, what if he is sick? Though wouldn’t he tell his adult kids to contact me? Another, and more important point is, since this is NOT a 4 or 5 week relationship, does it make sense for me to be able to call and ask what’s up? Would calling at this point, really hurt anything? I am NOT a needy person,….I do all kinds of sports like horseback riding, skiing, etc and am very social, and he knows this. I have no problem giving him time to figure his feelings out if that is what he needs,….and I will move on in the meantime as he is deciding. Whether I will still be free IF he comes back, remains to be seen. Your thoughts, please.

These teach us, ladies what to do. Thanks alot.

No what ever you do DO not sleep with him. Why would you go giving away your precious prize like that? For nothing, no effort by hi. Wats so ever. This guy can not be bothered with you. Understand that, let him go or it chip away at your self respect. The only way women are going to raise the standards of how men treat them is by showing them, we don’t settle. Womenstop sleeping with men on the first second third or 4thdate it should be months so you can builda true bond.

In my opinion, a man who’s truly interested won’t disappoint you because he really likes you and is attracted. I just advised a friend to stop calling or texting a man that isn’t responding readily to her

Met this guys it’s been a month now I’m 41 his 64 and he was calling morning and evening surprising today he did not call or text .tryd to call him but no answer

I met this guy 2 weeks back we exchange numbers n he was calling everyday he came to my place Sunday n invited me inhis place on Monday(yesterday) as it was his birthday,i went there we had a great time i came back n he called to check if i was home safe n promised to call monday(today) before 12,now is 17h20min no call no text don’t know what to do,should i call or wait for him to call as he promised.

Hello my mom had kept an word to a guy family on 13 may and then we started chatting due to covid we could not met so finally 14 july we met we felt good connection was good then as i came back after two days i msg him that how you feel he said me that it was really good i think we should meet again and talk more about it but then he doesnt msg me when i msg him he just reply to my msgs and now he is going to decide when to meet second time so what should i do plz advice me

Hi bp I met a nice guy via website we are in our 60s we are having fun /sex /laughing but he never calls me in between our dates,he talk often about his ex and if anything should happen to us (can we still be friends) and said he doesn’t want anything serious he never mentions. going out /walk ect it’s alway my place for food and drink which I pay for then bed. I would like a real date it dosent have to be serous but I would like to be treated properly, when we are together he’s attentive but distant I’m sure he like me but isn’t ready yet for a relationship I wish he would make a little more contact I feel so empty. Linda G.

Sorry, I wasn’t sure if I was going this correctly from the Previous response. Back in October 2019 I meet this guy from online. Our first time meeting was at Target with his son. He couldn’t keep his hands off of me, we went back to his home. He didn’t invite me in, which I respected. He left his son with his mom and came back outside to talk with me. I lifted for the night. The next two weeks we would text and chat of the phone like crazy. I even invited him to my Halloween Party, which he attended with open hand welcomes from friends and family. Yes, it seem fast that we meet some of our close family, but I thought it was going well. I was happy sending time with him, but I noticed some changing within him. That started when I made a comment about his son. His son was sick one week and a few weeks again he was sick. I responded, “He sick again.” And he took it very sensitive. We talked about it and I apologize for not being more empathetic about it. So now I watch how I say things. And the reason it came out that way because I work at a daycare and we have kids at are ways getting sick, which I told him that’s the way it came out. But apparently he said he told my apology but he didn’t. The week on New Years, he ghosted me. I reached out through text and even called but no answer. I would random, text to see if was doing alright. But still no answer. In April 2020, he texted back and wanted to talk with me. I was shocked and happy at the same time. We meet up the next night. We talked about what happen. He responded, that he was bitter about my apology about his son. And I was started to talk with other girl and they became girlfriend and boyfriend. That’s why he ghosted me. He wanted to see what was greener on the outside of the mountain. She lifted him. He wanted to be honest with god and me. He apologized for what he did and offered me his friendship. We started back up talking, texting and seeing each other. Everything fall back how it was from before, he said he would be honest in everything question I would ask. I recently asked him if he was talking to other girls are interested in any and how many is he talking to. He said, it was my business. He isn’t having sex with anyone, isn’t interested with anyone either. That he was having sex with me and only interested in me. That those other girls are just “friends” and don’t be jealous. In the fews weeks I brought up to his attention that he has lessen his texting and phone calls with me. Yes, we continue to do things, but know he doesn’t want to come into my area of location. Everything is No, so I would make the Initiative to go out to him. Last week him stood over, I went through his phone. I know I should have not went through it but I did. From Friday to Sunday he texted 6 women. Telling good morning baby or beautiful. Or how there day went and so on. One texted, from May 25, says that you would try his hardest to win this girl heart back. I was hurt and upset. I talk with him that day, we both got upset and I took him home. He asked me if I looked into his phone, and I told him no. I lied to him and still until today he asked one more time and I lied. I asked him once again, the same questions. Are you talking with other women and how many? Are you interested with any? Are you losing interested in me? Are you using pet names, honey, baby, mama, beautiful etc. His response, it’s know of my business and I’m not his girlfriend and he honestly doesn’t have to answer. I tried my best to avoid asking and to avoid how I feel about him having conversation with other women. As of today I sent him this, I wanted to let you know, thanking for everything. I wish you the best in what you are looking for and I hope for the best for you. I know the value of myself and my family, if you can’t see it, it’s your lost.”
He responded, “what are you talking about? Anyways whatever. Ok, I won’t call you and loose my number”.
I responded back, “ I truly appreciate the honesty of your response it just shows how much you value and respect me.” He responded, “that I’m upset that his is spending him his son.” I didn’t response back. I love the time his spends with his son and admire that he takes that responsibility as a father and I told him that and I value that in him. Overall, I want him to acknowledge my value as a women. I really do want things to work out between us and not sure what else to do so. Can you advice me?? I really want things to work between us. Thanks for your help!

Thank you for this website. I am 45 years old and know what is right to do and I will do it, but its painful.
I have been seeing this man for the last month, we hit it off, had a lot of fun and deep conversations. I started to feel this past week his pulling back. its been a long day of silence. he hasn’t texted or called since. His birthday was yesterday,
I sent him a small gift and a card acknowledging his birthday. I have heard nothing. my heart is in my throat. I am seriously tired of being put aside and not made a priority. I never would’ve thought he would turn out this way. moving on and will accept that I can only control my actions. I choose not to act and give him any more energy or power.

I met a guy on facebook dating. We had a few phone conversations that went well. We made plans to come to his house and meet. When i walked into his house his three year ran up to me and gave me a hug. He was looking at me checking me out while he was cooking. He looked surprised in a good way it felt like i made him nervous which was kinda cute. We sat on the couch and talked for a few hours. It was getting late and i didnt want to stay past 8pm. He walked me to the door we hugged and kissed. He wanted to take things to the next level i said no thats not a good idea and then he walked me to my car gave me hug and i left. We still talked on the phone and text messages. One time we made plans for me to come over and 5minutes after we made plans he called with this bogus story about something bad going down at his house. My gut was telling me thst he was lying so i called him out on it which caused an argument and me telling him i was done with the situation not him. He let things die down and texted me at 3am saying hey. I didnt respond until later that evening telling him i didnt like 3am text messages and until he wanted to have an adult conversation we couldnt talk. Its been a few months and i reached out to him by phone. He said he was trying to wrap his head around the situation and that he would call me before he went to work. He text me instead saying Good morning and he attached my text message going off with side eye emojis. When i saw it i only received the side eye emojis so i responded in an awkward way about the emoji eyes. Now i regret saying that to him and i want to straighten things out but i kinda think i would make things worse than better. What do i do if anything?

I love him so much and maybe I think I should call him to check on him,,should or should I wait

I met a nice guy while on vaca (Jan)and we are both from the states. We made plans to meet the next month (Early March) as we live in different states and he’s coming to my area. But it’s a while away and we text here and there. I suggested he call me this past weekend and he didn’t. So I called him at the end of weekend ( Sunday night) and left VM. (Just saying hey, and I hope everything is ok). We still have the date planned but I haven’t heard from him yet. (I guess I made a mistake in calling? He’s older (10 year difference) than me and my prefer actual facetime- I just I wasn’t too forward but if he agreed and I followed is that wrong?

Take off my hat to you. Learn from different scenarios. Yhkkkk u.

I had a man who had bee emailing me for 6 wks. In one of the emails I mentioned that I would like to talk to him on the phone. He said he liked that and that he would call me. He told ne when he would call . He emailed me the day he was to call and said he wanted to hold off on the call. I responded okay. I have not heard from him since and I gave a gut feeling I won’t. I’m disappointed that he hasn’t contacted me. He seemed like a nice man. I guess not. It still hurts.

God bless you, Bobbi, your clarity has given me the gift of strength and resolve after only 5 years lol. I let myself be played with because I felt so guilty over my initial defensive reactions to his flirting. I have the relationship style of an 11 year old myself; though I think in the first few weeks or months he may have been sincere, I got what I was expecting: he flirted without asking me on a date. (10 years older, he’s 50 this year. Hardened crispy cute first-responder bachelor flirt. Me: forever innocent loving pretty girl next door. Perfect combo)
I kept blaming myself and thought, since he was always keeping near me, he really cared. But… your essays have helped me reevaluate his responses to me of the last year whenever I happened to be in his immediate presence for actual conversation… and…
CLASSIC PLAYER.
Sigh…
I don’t date… i like a guy and that’s that for years… my question: i see him at church. He actually attends faithfully, even changed churches to attend mine. I found the strength of soul to forgive him this hurt, unintentional I’m sure, of being not actually interested or the one for me lol
… do I need to continue to greet him with special notice as tho we were friends and this pain doesn’t bother me because I’ve moved on? Or can I just actually ignore his presence and still be a loving person? Thanks 🙂

I personally believe that Bobbi should receive the Nobel Peace Prize for introducing the single greatest dating advice that EITHER GENDER will ever receive for asking someone out. As a woman, if you’re interested in a man, and have taken a little time to get to know him, put your name on a piece of paper with your number, hand it to him, and say something like, “I really enjoy your company and I want to find out more about you. If you’re interested, give me a call.” And then just scram. Leave. Don’t do anything else but give him your best smile. No calls, no texts until he replies. This is not just great dating advice for women over 40. This should be handed down to our teenage daughters. Women need to be more proactive in their dating lives without it intimidating men and upsetting the natural flow of the way things have always gone and just feel right. Don’t get me wrong. I know a couple of women who straight up asked out guys, but they were extremely disciplined about not texting constantly, not calling all the time and so on. It worked out, but it’s just not the way that is comfortable for most men and women. What I LOVE about Bobbi’s approach is that it puts women more in the drivers seat in terms of selection, but puts the ball in the court of the guy to still initiate and plan the date but with more information. The key thing with this approach is that it doesn’t ROPE OUT any men. Particularly the men I am most attracted to, which are the introverted types. Just guys who aren’t the life of the party, but who like having a few friendships and a relationship partner who is super close as opposed to a huge social life. Guys who still have some ambition and confidence, but go about it quietly. These men are too often pushed out of the dating game, and IMO, they are often the best relationship partners for women like myself who desire a deep emotional connection. They also make for great fathers for kids. But it’s really hard for these poor men to do a cold approach towards women. However, if you hand them your name, number and indicate your interest, no man, no matter how introverted, is going to mistake this as anything but, “she wants to date me.” This boosts their confidence, and makes them want to make that call if they like you. If he doesn’t make that call, as much as I hate the book, the phrase is apt: “he’s just not into you.” Because you have given him everything short of removing your clothes to show him that you’re into him. I wish to not flatter you Bobbi, but in this day of age, with the meToo movement going crazy and gender roles and stereotypes changing by the minute, I actually think this approach leaves the “gender thing” out of it, but still keeps it in (if that makes any sort of sense). It gets all personality types involved in the dating game, and it shocks me that no other coach or advisor is promoting it. Maybe you should have your advice trademarked?! This is something that can apply to 21 year olds as much as 44 year olds. What an idea! Thank you!

Hi, i m 55 he’s 56 we talk on line one time, then we text about 4 times then I didn’t know of him for two weeks I was surprised, I liked his picture. He asked me out after second time he asked to his house to spend the night. Since then he only Tex t one a day, short text how r are you and sometimes especially eeekend never text, I call two times he never answered but still text. What should I do

BP thank you so much for the advice I cant help it I have a good heart just need to know when to use it

Hello BP I’m so confuse I met this guy online we talked verbally and texting for like 2 weeks straight day and night we went on our first date I got there to the place first I greeted him with a smile really no reaction didn’t know if he was really and to me really no connection barely any conversation we hug goodbye he called me on my way home and he call me when he made it home I noticed the texting and the phone calls die down a little bit I bought it to his attention pick back up a little bit second date I treated him for his birthday I picked up the most beautiful card really know reaction I didn’t even know if he read it then he shows me a pair of shoes he will like that cost $110 do you think it’s too early to make that kind of purchase after knowing a person for a little bit over a month only been on two dates only saw him twice says hes into me I don’t see it and I
don’t feel it he says he’s been through a lot these last couple of two to three years he has a hard time of trusting and opening up to people should I block and delete or should I see where this goes and what do you think about the purchase by the way he brought up on the first day that he wanted to ask me to come home with him but he didn’t want to scare ….what’s his intentions

One other question : if a man says that he is looking for serious relationship but then asks you out on a first day of online chatting before even asking for your phone number, does that even seem serious?
Again, we are not teenagers anymore, far long from that :), so i justify it due to what is the point wasting time chatting online when you can just meet up and see how you work. But i was not sure what guys with truly serious intentions of finding smone long-term usually do?

Thank you

I like a guy, after I slept with him, he didn’t call me for a month a half, if I text him, he will text back, but he won’t call me. If I call him he won’t answer. What should I do?

O mor ing text shall i wait

I did like your advice to jean . So my question is . If you me someone on a dating suit and you text back and forth and he says I’ll email you when I’m going to bed and we can chat then and you reply ok sure . Then you email him again and say so what time do you usually get to bed and reply’s about 10 pm .and never emails you what should you do

HI Bobbi,
Not sure if you can help me, I mess everything up, even though I am given the advise you have given to many of these women. I still do it all wrong. I started talking with this man 2 weeks ago, we met last week, and it was like magic, we saw each other for the first time and he picked me up spun me around then put me down looked at me and we kissed twice. That has never happened. WE had an instant connection like I never felt before. WE text all the time, and call often. After our first date (meeting) he got sick with the flu, it’s a week later now and it’s Friday. He live a little over an hour away from me, but he says he will commute and it doesn’t bother him. He says he knows I’m the one for him and he knows he wants to spend forever with me. Every morning I get a good morning, most nights he passes out when he gets home and I don’t get a good night, and he puts his phone on airplane mode so he’s not disturbed, (his job is very demanding). WE talk about our future, he tells me to send him apartment listings by me so he can move closer to be with me more. He says hes all in and he knows he wants me. This morning, no good morning, I know he’s been up since 3am, b/c that’s when he gets up for work, it’s now 10:30am. No text, no call. I’m wondering if he’s testing me, to see if I will chase him. I don’t feel I should. I did set down some rules about him being around my kids and stuff which may have pushed him away a little. But when we talked yesterday, I told him if he means all the things he has been saying to me, then I will be okay with him coming over and being around the kids, he said okay. I said I will not make rules, b/c of the distance, if you come out we can hang out. But not to lie to me, and to mean what he say. (I’m too trusting…I know). So this morning, still no word from him. I refuse to text first again. I want him to chase me, prove to me all he’s been saying. If I’m the one, like he says, I should make him prove it right? Idk what to think. I know once he gets to work, he gets REALLY busy, especially since it’s a mess b/c he was out with the flu, and the back up guy couldn’t handle it. I started to let down my guard and I do really like him and feel this connection I never had before. But I’m still nervous. idk what to do. So I guess I’m going to sit here and wait to see if he makes contact. But I’m wondering if he’s doing the same. But every other day before he got sick, he texted me good morning Princess. Today…nothing. can you help with some advise, please?

Ladies. Speaking from experience: This is the best advice you could have come across! Do NOT chase a man or make it too easy for him to date you. Don’t let marriage be your goal, but date towards the GOOD marriage. If you spoil him while dating and don’t have certain expectations or boundaries for him to fulfil or respect you, you will have problems. How you date, is a reflection if what your relationship/marriage will look like. If you chase him now, you will always chase him and at some point walk away brokenhearted. No! Don’t call him! What? Did he forget he wanted to date you? Yes? Well, next!
If he had issues, he can call you and explain and then it is up to you to accept his reason or excuse depending on what you are dealing with.
Don’t extensively chat either. Chat enough to know you may like him but if he is not asking you out, he’s wasting your time. Go have fun instead. (Movies, dinner with friends, fitness, paintnites- whatever makes you happy 😉
Again, extremely good advice advice. Try it

If he isn’t serious about dating and relationships, then why did he ask, in the first place. This small article doesn’t explain why he pulled away. I had a man ask for my number and suggest we go to a movie, sometime. However, he never called or made the date. I’m not exactly upset, but I am a bit curious as to why a man would do that.

I got interested in a guy I saw his profile and I told him his profile brought a smile on to my face. I sent an SMS through gmail he replied and he requested that I should open hangout I did and invited him. He hasn’t accepted my invitation what step should I take. I am really serious.

This is by far a silly write-up. Ladies, if you don’t hear from him, give him a call. Pretend you called to check up on him, but don’t speak about the dinner/date. It won’t make you look cheap if you did.

Some of you so called relationship experts are not objective. Would calling him make you any less the lady you already are? Pls stop feeding our women with nonsense messages such as yours.

Hello, there’s this guy I met 3months ago. He was in USA when we started talking and came back to nigeria later (he lives in my school). We started so well and I was really comfortable with him. He even got me a novel cos I told him I love reading novels and once asked me to be his babe, which I said I would think about. However, four days after this, I decided to question our relationship and he brought up the issue of long distance relationship and I tried convincing him we could work it out. Anyways, we started having communication issues. We’ll both take weeks to initiate a chat and though we still have a great time whenever we see, he ghosts me after and I feel really sad. Now, I called him so that we could see and talk things out, he said he was not in school but would call me later when he gets back. But this guy hasn’t called or messaged since that day and it’s a week already. What should I do? I really like this guy and I wish we could get the spark we had from the beginning back. Pls, help. Thank u.

Dear Bobbi,
I have been dating a guy for 2,5 years now. I’m almost 30, he’s 31. He moved for me to another country but he regularly expresses resentment towards me that I refused to move in with him before marriage (especially that he did so much for me, i.e moving). At the same time, I feel he doesn’t give me as much attention as I would like, rarely calls me, just texts me on messanger a few times during the day. We spend whole weekends with each another (Friday evening to Monday morning). He is also a bad communicator and not very talkative. Sometimes it makes me feel powerless and I end up complaining to him and about him, which brings relief but makes him feel unappreciated. He told me he will not propose until I finish my phd, which will be in a year’s time, explaining that he does not want me to be preoccupied with other things earlier. I am confused – I’ve seen my friends being with more generous, open guys. I feel sometimes I would like to feel more that I am loved. What can I do to come out of this rut?
Many many thanks in advance,
Anni

I met a guy on okcupid.com we chatted on instant messenger for 10 days . He is working in Dubai. We agreed he’d call or text me when he was back in Vegas. He was suppose to retyrn two weeks ago but his project could of had a delay due to million dollar contract as architect. He was a bit upset when I suggested he would text me when back in town. He agreed. I havent heard anything. I looked on okcupid and he hasnt been on there since feb 26, 2018. Dont know what to think..plrase hrlp.Im miserable and confused. I sent him a text if hus feelings have changed lket me know a few days ago. No answer

I went after a guy I met online and secured a connection, we have since been chatting everyday and I find I really like him.

One Friday afternoon, he told me he’d working late but planned to do half day Saturday and rest on Sunday. We had plans to be online at the same time for a chat. I remained online for up to 10pm without hearing from him. The morning after, he told me he had dosed off. This was the Sunday. Again, we had plans to be online so I was there but without hearing from him until 2pm the following Monday.

He said he was sorry for vanishing. I told him it was rather rude of him to have done that because he could have just informed me as the time approached. I felt taken for granted. I told him I liked him a great deal yet needed him to share that feeling with.

I have since not heard from him and I terribly miss him.

I’ve been dating this man for a year now . I asked him about our future and I wanted a comment. since day one we always spend weekends, holidays , and have taken trips . Have met and spent time with with our families and kids families.
We have become friends and I just asked for a comment and about our future, a few days ago.
Now the week end has come no show up,no call. I have called, no answer.
called his son , said he was over earlier helping with his sons car.
we are the age of 70 and he just finalized divorce three months ago.
They were not together before we met and the wife filed after 11 yrs of marriage.
I am not calling are bothering him for the second day now and New Years Eve Day is tomorrow. what do I do. wait ??? I do have clothes at his place.
Please help me. I love this man. and he told me he loved me for the first time the last time we talked a couple of days ago

Please help me,
Thank you
carolyn

Maybe his busy just wait maybe someone might keep you busy and you will easily forget about him

Hi!
I´ve met a guy on a dating site 3 months ago. By then I lived abroad but I was going to visit his city. After a couple of mails said he wanted to invite me to his concert. I responded. That would be nice just let me know when you have one. I did not hear from him so I dropped him. Then out of the blue he contacted me again 2 months later. He asked if I had plans coming to visit his city again? I responded that I planned to permanently stay here. He seemed happy and said that he wanted to date me. So I responded we could meet. Then he said he was going abroad the day after but that he properly wanted to date me when he came back and to stay single for him. So he came back 4 days ago after being abroad for almost 3 weeks and I´ve seen him online but he hasn´t contacted me. I visited his profile not sure what to do and he visited my profile but no action was taken. Don´t know what to make out of this. Is he waiting for me contact him? He has always initiated the contact between us. Did he all of a sudden loose interest? I have also seen him online during the time he was abroad but he hasn´t contacted me. By the way he lives a really busy life with tours and travelling.

Hello, I am a 22 year old who lives in Arab world. Here we have different culture so relationships rules differs. Anyways i have a guy in snapchat that i am really interested in. Saw him twice but nothing happened just a chitchat about his collection (he has a clothing line) I talked to him on snapchat once but nothing happened further. I am really interested in him i dont know if i should text him more or wait for him to start talking since i was the one who talked to him first in sc?

Too stressful I am over 60 dating and men change their feelings fast.,mine also had ed said not my fault but made me feel undesirable.. let him go.. has 1 foot out the door ,sorry

I love you to infinity and beyo.dddddddddddrrrrrrrrr bo xoxo

HI, I met this guy when I was out on a girls night with some friends. He was with some other friends of mine that we ended up running into that night. we hit it off and hung out together the entire night! He ended up spending the night at my home and the next morning we went out for breakfast. We laughed and talked about the night before and about ourselves. He made me feel so comfortable and breakfast was his treat. He then said goodbye and told me that he would love to see me again and wished me a good rest of the day. I heard from him later that same day! he was at a family wedding and text me the entire time. Cute funny texts all day and night! even told me we should hang out again soon. But that was the last time I heard from him, I text him a week later with a funny comment regarding an inside joke that we had. He responded two days later stating that he had just gotten back from a trip out of the country and asked me how I was doing. I responded but haven’t heard from him since. I REALLY like him and want to see him again but it has been a week now since our last conversation and I do not know whether it’s time to move on or if I should try and message him one more time. What should I do?

He brings up some good points even if it may not apply to every situation. Your response sounds a little defensive.

Soooo grateful for your input. I think all of us know what the right way is to be treated and how we want to be treated and you so confirm that for me. I just had 2 dates with a jerk DELUX. Seriously took me out for a drink, miserly but rich……now he emails me to come and skinny dip at his pool …what a bloody chutzpah……I can’t believe these men..li don’t care how good looking, how much money, how fabulous a career he has, he can take a friggin hike to hell. What’s the matter with these men. And he is always online…….I WANT A MAN LIKE YOUR LARRY….and I’m not compromising, been there done that.

hai I met dz guy who came for a mission trip to my country n there was a very obvious connection we had. on the day he was leaving, I gave him my line which I wrote a dollar note so that he could contact me even if he did not ask for it. it is prohibited to exchange contacts but I took the risk and now its been 3weeks plus n he still hasn’t called. I have a feeling he has negative thoughts about Pipo in africa cz of the stories he has heard.please help. he’s a nice person.what could be the problem, should I contact him first.

Hello,

I have been dating a man for a year off and on. In the past few months its been on. We were spending weekends together. Things were going good. A couple of weeks ago he said he loved me and wanted to marry me. He wanted to move to where hia job was sending him to. Of course i was on board with it all. After he left my place we texted a few times. We had plans to do dinner that week. I called and left message. No returned call. That week was my bday and he sent flowers. I called again to thank him and sent a text. No response. I decided to let things be. Give space. But didnt hear back from him. 2 weeks later his bday rolls around and i decided since I havent heard from him to not contact him for his bday. Was that the right thing to do? He finally messaged me to say he was out of town visiting family and that he will talk to me later. But still no call. He leaves for his job next week. What should I do? I thought he wanted to share a life with me but there ia no followup or anything to that.

I actually think it’s quite simple. If a guy starts playing the game of “who calls who first” – just leave him.
It’s just not worth your time and value, you deserve better than this and the faster you leave him the faster you’ll be open to a better option, to finding the right guy for you.
The best guys I knew in 20 years, were those who were actually straightforward, and with whom fixing the next date or having the next contact was very simple – and spontaneous as it actually should be.
Just my 2 cents…

Hi Bobbi! I totally agree with everything you’ve said. If he’s serious, he would definitely make a plan or follow through with the date and exert a little bit of effort. Experience do tell us that though we’ve clearly sent out signals and signs, some men just wouldn’t call either because he is not interested or he’s just emotionally unavailable,

I met a man online about six weeks ago who lives in another state. We talked on the phone once and texted and emailed a few times. We have a lot in common and there seemed to be a mutual attraction. We have seen each other’s photos. We planned for me to come see him but two weeks after I bought my plane ticket he asked me not to come see him. His house is being foreclosed and he is very depressed and stressed about it. He said his friends and family are telling him that this is not a good time for him to be meeting anybody. I told him I was sad not to be seeing him after all but I understood his situation and I agreed that his loved ones are right. It his been two weeks now and I have not heard from him. Is this a lost cause? What should I do if anything? I sometimes “like” his posts on facebook or comment on them to show I am still interested in being friends (he is an author and has a page about his latest book.) Should I let him call me? I am 49 and he is 54 and we have both been through divorce, him three times and me twice. We have both been single about three years so I don’t consider this too soon to date.

Hi Bobbie,
That is what I have been doing and will continue to do.
Thank You!

Hi Bobby,
someone asked if it was okay to give my number to this guy she knows . I said yes. He texted me last Wednesday asking when a good time to call was. I got this text the next morning and texted him with a good time to call me. We spoke over the phone Thursday night. He unexpectedly called Friday to see how I am doing. On Thursday he said he wants to call me Saturday night. We spoke on Saturday night. On Saturday he said he wants to talk to me again either Monday or Tuesday and that he is going to be in town next week and wants to meet me. We became Facebook friends about 4 hours after the call. He added me as a friend. It is now Thursday night and he hasn’t called me. I saw that yesterday he posted on Facebook and he was on Facebook today but didn’t post anything. I haven’t texted or called him I don’t want to be the desperate girl. How do I know if he likes me or not and whether or not he is playing that 3 days or one week rule where he doesn’t call to see what I will do? Any advice would be appreciated thanks

Sounds like he came to check you out before the date to see if the connection was there. You met online. That’s why coffee is a better first date option. He may have appeared excited to see you tomorrow because who is going to say well now that I’ve met you, I’m not interested. He should have been honest but it’s hard so he just didn’t answer for the date. If he wanted you, you’d know it. He would’ve called you to arrange church time. And why does a stranger have your home address???!

thanks a lot Bobby.. 🙂

Hi,

I was chatting to a guy on internet. He wanted to see me quite a few times but I said no as I thought he was kidding or may be a play boy. Last night around 11:00 he said again do you want to meet up? I said yes in a funny way. He seriously came out and drove for 2 hrs to see me. We went somewhere, sat inside the car as the shops were closed. He as really nice. He didn’t do anything wrong. He was a pleasant respectful guy. All I came to know is he is a bit messed up with his life so wanted to meet someone new. I appreciated his honesty. He even made me promise to see him again. After he dropped me home I texted him thanks i had good time. It was 3 in the morning. still now he hasnt replied me yet. I called him just now, he said he was bz whole day and didnt hav internet on phn whereas i saw him online on watsapp. I can clearly see he is lying. And while talking the call got disconnected. May be his phn died or I dont know. I called back it was switched off.. Still now he didnt call me back yet..What do i do now? I really liked him. And he seemed really into me. Mostly he made me promise to see him again and he even wanted to exchange phones so that i do see him again. I really dont know what to do now. Please help!!

bobbi met a nice gentleman. after a few dates he confessed he had another lady friend who lives in another state and is a snowbird he goes home for 6 months. he says he loves us both he does not know what to do. I care for him very much but cannot accept this relationship. so I walked away but miss him very much and still love him.

I see this type of dating advice all the time.
its full of judgement and projection (if you accept a same day date you’ll be the woman he plays with, etc.)

Here is a man’s perspective if you are interested.

I’m generally considered a pretty good catch. I have 2 college degrees, have worked professionally for years and then built my own business. I’m late 40’s and have enough to retire now if I choose. I’m responsible and reliable and keep my word. When I can’t I take it seriously and do what I can to make amends.

I’m also spontaneous and enjoy doing some thing fun just because. (I’ve been known to fly to Hawaii with one day’s notice just because I was tired of dreary January weather).
I understand people cannot always be completely spontaneous, but I enjoy it when it’s possible and I appreciate a woman who is flexible and easy to be with.

When I perceive a woman is following “dating advice”, I stop calling. I want a partner who can be them self, express what they want and feel, and be honest enough to be vulnerable.

Dating advice is a game. Trying to present yourself in a certain way, make sure not to show too much interest, etc. In short, it “Managing” your image and the relationship.

It lacks honesty, integrity, and sincerity, and men I’ve spoken with feel the same. In fact, while I will simply stop calling a woman who displays this, many men will put her in the “play around” category and won’t take the relationship seriously.

If you want an honest relationship, then set the tone by being honest from the start. If it makes you uncomfortable to wait all week to know when and where (that’s understandable) then let him know.

If he said Saturday, go ahead and plan on the date and if you decide on a 2nd, it’s easy enough to say, “can you let me know ahead of time next time?” If the 1st date never happens because he flakes, then at worst you have avoided all of the problems of an unreliable person for the cost of a single evening.

It isn’t needy to express what you want.

If you play “dating advice games”, then you get “Dating games” in return. We always attract what we send out.

Hi Bobbie,
on Saturday I have got a message from a guy on online dating which he likes to get to know me.so I called him and he was a doctor and was very interested to know me. I send more pictures of myself and he send me more pictures of him .the conversation was going fluently (by the way I am 37 and he is 40) both of us never married and no kids.
then after he asked me about my job and education I told him I only have a diploma but attending to college now which is written in my profile and even in his profile he has mentioned (any education is ok for him). He asked me if I want to have a kid so I told him its too late now to have a kid since I am almost 38.he continued talking and also told me oh we can e-mail each other incase there is no reception where I work and gave me different options to stay in touch with him.so everything was great and he was suppose to call me next day.he didn’t call or e-mail me and now I am desperately wondering why he didn’t call me. is it because I don’t have a degree or don’t want to have a kid? he told me I am so beautiful and every guy would say that.. so what happened.
I did everything you have advised. Told him it was nice talking to you and I hope we do it again and he said sure we will. I even told him you have a very exciting job and I want you to tell me more about it….
today is Thursday and there is no call from him.
I don’t want to call or text him so he won’t think I am attracted to his degree or money and don’t know what to do?
I would really love to hear your advice and your great help.
thank you.
Ani

Hey,I have been talking to this guy for 2 months and we went on a date 5 times. he is kinda
Guy likes taking everything slow. I don’t mind for that as long as he makes me feel special, but this month he got a new job and he has been so busy. We haven’t met for one month and last week he made plans with me for this saturday. I was so excited and got a card for his new job to celebrate, then planning to bake a cake for him. all of a sudden Friday night he texted me asking if I would like to meet with him around 11 pm!! I said we are supposed to meet tomorrow night tonight. why ? and he replied back saying he has to drive up his back home for the weekend to see his family. I did not reply him back. I got pissed off. It has been a week since this happened. He has not texted me still. What am I supposed to think?
If u give me advice I appreciate it. Thanks 🙂

Hi Bobbie

I’ve been talking with this guy online for about a week. He seemed as a very nice guy and most of all he sounded like he loves God dearly in such a way that we’ve been planning on going to church on our first date and go eat lunch afterwards. I understand that his job occuppies him a lot but he finds time to call or text me whenever he get a chance.Well,to cut long story short…the day before we were suppose to meet he just suprised me, came into my house after not commumicating with me for the whole day. He brought me flowers and all was well, we talked about the time he’ll be picking me up for church the next mornimg.We were both excited about the next morning but Sunday came, got all dressed up and waited, he never came nor call. I called to ask if he was still coming but he didn’t pick up his phone, I texted him wanting to know what was going on, there was no reply…I don’t wanna lie, I was misserable the whole day,took my clothes off and went straight to bed, I was really hurt because I didn’t see it coming, I keept on thinking to to myself what would have went wrong but couldn’t find any answers. I deleted his number same day cause I don’t wanna caught myself up calling or texting him ever again. But deep down I’m still hurt..Can you tell me what would have went wrong maybe.

Thanks

Hi, Bobbi–

Your advice is always so RIGHT ON! I’ve learned to be pretty tough when it comes to situations like this because if you allow that behavior, it sets a bad precedent from the beginning. If I want a man with integrity and character who does what he says he’s going to do when he says he’s going to do it, that type of behavior is a deal breaker for me immediately. N-E-X-T is my new favorite four letter word!

Your blogs not only remind me that I’m doing the right thing a lot of the time, but they’ve also helped me with some touchier situations when I haven’t exactly been sure of myself.

Thanks again!

Nancy

Hello! I have a situation I need help with. I am single with 3 children, 41 and divorced. I work full-time and raise my kids on my own. I have been at my job 14 years and have met a wonderful man there, work only. He started where I work 2 years ago and for this long I have felt like a teenager with a crush. I have not felt like this about anyone before. The last year or so we have been taking lunch together every now and then, I have brought him lunch to work during my off day. He is 44, single, never married, no kids and Shy, shy, shy. Did I mention shy? He tells me we need to go do something sometime or go to a nice place for lunch, but never elaborates on it. I got him a nice, personalized gift for his birthday the other day and gave it to him privately at work. He forgot he told me his birthday a year ago and I remembered. He looked at me surprised. He mentioned going out again and I responded “you have said that a few times before and I’m still waiting”. He tilted his head, smiled and just stared at me. I catch him staring at me a lot, he goes out of his way to walk past me at work. He is just so shy, quiet and he never really had much of a out-of-work and family life. I have not either. Where should I go from here? We have a lot of respect for each other and work can bring on some bad tension, but I will always wonder what could have been, if I don’t try something. Any ideas?

Cookie

Hi Bobbi,
I enjoy all your responds, they are so helpful.
It’s been 2 weeks that I have been talking to a guy which I met online, but we have not met yet. Last Saturday when I spoke with him late night he asked me to send a picture while I am dressed up (I was coming home from graduation party) and I said no becuase I am tired and beside that you already have several pictures of mine.so after that conversation he stopped calling me it’s been 4 days that I have not heard from him. He was suppose to call me this week to meet up but ..I am not really sure what happened and why he stopped calling me.
I am controlling my self to not call him but is it right?
by the way from the day we spoke over the phone I have been going online but have not met him ,but Saturday night he was online and he didn’t send me any message or a wink.
I always have a problem with guys ..they either stop calling me or stop seeing me and the most we date is 3 or 4 dates and after that everything stoppes. i am really tired of this situation.
I am 37 and still single.
Ani.

Hi. A guy that works part time (second to his day job) at a cafe that I have frequented for over 7 years had asked me out in a round about way. First, let me state he is 33 and I am almost 41. We both have a love for tennis and he asked if I wanted to go to a match with him. I was a little confused that time because I was not sure if he like me or he was being friendly. He was very respectful and did not push any boundaries. I was really glad about this because despite not knowing where he was coming from .. I am not quite sure how I felt about him. There is an attraction, yes. So at the end of our meeting for the tennis match …he said we would “hang out”. No pressure or expectation …which I was fine with at the time because I was not sure what to make of the situation. I had not tried to contact him at all …I had been very busy and consumed with a business trip and car accident. Jumping ahead… he contacted me about with a lighthearted text 3 days after the initial tennis meeting. We had not spoken to each other for 2 weeks and he texts me talking about tennis and asked if I wanted to get together with him for a drink etc. Long story short, we both seemed to enjoy our evening at the end I tried to avoid being “kissed” because I was not sure if I wanted to go there yet. So we hugged and he said, “you know, you can text me too” …so I got the feeling he felt maybe I was not interested not sure. He then said …well even if you don’t “I am still going to hit you up”. Fine. After much thinking about the evening I decided I would like to see where it goes and am ready for that. There is a tennis tournament going on and I wanted to ask him if he wanted to get together later this week to watch etc. So I initiated a text Sunday evening about something regarding one of our favorite players. No response as of Monday morning …so I sent a second text saying Hi, how is your Monday. It is now Tuesday afternoon …nothing. I do not know if I should leave it as is or if I should make one real attempt to call and ask him if he would like to get together this week. I am baffled by the lack of response seeing as he was trying to get me to text and be in contact with him. I am not sure what could have “changed” over the course of the weekend. I understand people are busy …but …Dunno. Feel ridiculous being 40 and I am over analyzing this situation. I am just trying to date again …so all this seems so foreign lol. Anyway your advice would be greatly appreciated.

I think you shouldn’t call him because he is such a juke.

Good morning,

I was hoping you could help me. I met this guy online and we seem to have lots in common music, movies, etc. We made plans to meet tonight but I haven’t heard from him in almost a week. Is it something I might have said or done…I don’t know what to think. If I scared him away I would like to know why. Any advise would greatly be appreciated.

Hi Bobbi
I really like your responses! Youre a smart woman
So met this guy through friends. we had a lot of fun one night with his friends, then he invited me to his party. we danced a lot. Then he asked me out. we finally kissed and had a lot of fun. then came the next date. was super nice and romantic. Although a heavy issue came up and I got a bit defensive. we were making out a lot and it was fun. he walked me home but I said its best if he doesnt come upstairs. Anyway, never heard from him since. We have mutual friends. We are facebook friends. Should I call and see whats up? Or wait and see if I might bump into him? or like one of his photos as a gesture to show Im still interested? Or just move on? I liked this guy!

Hi Bobbie,

I had to laugh when I filled in the website name of this online form. I think I felt like a kid with butterflies when I met a man last Saturday (it’s Friday a week later), and I’ve felt like a heart-sick teenager since. I guess the “adult” part is on ice. I am wondering if there are any exceptions when you feel something you rarely ever feel when meeting a man? I met this person, without looking, while at a social event. We literally began a conversation over something random and proceeded to talk from 7:30 pm through 1:30 pm, without a care as to where our friends were or what they were doing. It’s rare to have such a connection, similarities, chemistry, and genuine interest on this level. I date often, in order to not get hooked on any one person; however, this one person stands apart. So the problem: After spending 6 plus hours in wonderful conversation, dinner, drinks, etc., he walked me to my car. It was a flirtatious night from early on and it ended with a very nice kiss. He commented that “we better say goodnight,” with an implied – “before we get into trouble.” This wouldn’t have happened however, because I am not one to move that quickly. We said goodnight. He and I live a little distance away from one another, but he had indicated all evening long, that this is not an issue. This man seemed more sentimental than most guys I’ve met. Not in terms of flattery, or romantic “lines”, but sincere, genuine, sweetness. To come to the point of this long letter, I have not heard from him since then. I am absolutely floored. Even as I write this, it still feels that a connection was made which was important. I don’t want to call, because I never call men first, but I do have a question. If everything felt as there is much promise to something more, would there be exceptions to time lapsing before he contacted me again? I could be wrong about him, or in denial, but something tells me that this was a very special encounter for the both of us. I’m hoping that no more than a solid week will go by, but I actually believe I would want to hear from him regardless. Thank you for your time and I apologize for such a long letter. ~ Lisa

Hi Bobbi,

I’ve read your awesome advice on my stories and I hope you can help me too. I met this very cute guy on a BBQ two weeks ago. We had a lot of fun and I was directly interested in him. Apparently, he was interested in me too, because he sent me a friend request on facebook a day later asking for a date. We met up a few days later and had a great time…talking, laughing, kissing, and he ended up staying the night (no sex though). We talked and made out almost until the morning. Later that day he sent me a message that he would love to see me again next week, for a dinner in his town. So I replied a day later, saying yes, I would love to see him too and I gave him the days of the week that would work for me. I also attached my cellphone number because we haven’t exchanged numbers yet. Since then (that was two days ago now), he hasn’t gotten back to me. I know he’s been home for his nephew’s baptism and was probably very busy, but he still hasn’t written back or send a text now that he has my number. Should I worry? Or maybe just sent a casual message, asking how his weekend was?
A friend oh his (who is also a friend of mine) said that there was some trouble with this father who left the family and that maybe he had trouble at home.

Shall I just keep waiting?

Thanks a lot!!

Hi Bobbi. You give really sensible advice so I thought I’d ask your thoughts on my situation. I’ve known this man through work for 5 years. We are both in our 40’s. There has always been an attration between us and initiated somenmild flirtiflirting which became o’re overt about 3.5 years ago. Unfortunately work and family became hard and I had to go off sick with stress for 6 weeks. He phoned me through out this period and we for a coffee and he asked me to call him, which I didn’t. After I returned to work he suggested that we meet for another coffee nit two weeks later I had heard nothing. A colleague told me they thought he was living with someone so (cringe) I texted him that He couldntngo out for a coffee with me if he was with someone. He phoned me, told me he wasn’t seeing anyone and that was that. However he appeared to go out of his way to say hello or talk to me at work. If we bumped into one another and would do me special favours and phonee at work on silly pretexts. Months later I was in a supermarket and we bumped into one another (actually he went out of his way to do so) and had a coffee together. He told me he thought that I had got the wrong idea (I was mortified but hid it) then told me that he was sorry he hadn’t arranged a coffee with me and that we got on and had a laugh and that he cared about me. I didn’t fully understand but after he carried my bags to my car and, me on the cheek and told me to call him I guessed he was interested. I hoped he would contact me but he didn’t. So six weeks later I plucked up the courage and asked him out in an email. He answered straight away that he would like to but needed to find out what shifts he was working and would get back to me. A week later he phoned to say that he couldn’t meet for 3-4 weeks. I presumed he was politely brushing off so kindly said not to worry if he was busy. On reflection he did try to persist a bit but I still declined. 4 weeks later he rang me at work on a work matter and said that we’d agreed to go out together. I reminded him that we want as he had said he was too busy. I was childishly curt with him. I fancy the pants off him but so do most the women where I work. I was scared. Still he persisted in phoning for spurious reasons now and again and we would chat for a while. I left my work department a year ago and told him I was leaving. He only asked if we would still have contact, which we will but very rarely. I hoped he would ask me out but he didn’t. Anyway 4 month’s ago we had to speak on the telephone and he asked me to call him when I was around. Needless to say I didn’t. id deleTed his number long ago. A week agohe rang me for no good reason and we had a chat and again he asked me to call him. I told him I didn’t have his number and he said he would text it to me. He tested me his work mobile and asked if I’d like to have Aaron coffee and catch up sometime soon to which I very happily agreed. Now a week later I still haven’t heard anything from him. What gives? Am I being impatient or childish. I don’t want to play games and don’t want to be with a man who doesn’t care about me.

Hi Bobbi! Thanks for answering my questions so quickly, I appreciate it. 🙂 I’m pretty sure I set my boundaries in a kind and reassuring way. As for the date, we just agreed on seeing each other the following Saturday, there wasn’t an agreed upon time and place. Prior weeks he’s contacted me a few days prior to firm up the date, though. But not this time. I think he has a lot to work out for himself, maybe he’s not ready for something more serious. He did say that he doesn’t want to be jealous of my son. He wants to feel like a priority in my life. I found that a little tough to hear, I let him know that I was a package deal and if he couldn’t handle that, then he needs to let me know now…if not, that’s fine by me. I told him he’s not a little kid (the date) he’s a grown man. Maybe that was too much, but I’m sorry…that’s my son! I’ve yet to hear from him, but I’m not sure I want to continue this with him anyway; there’s wayyyy too much stress and drama. Who needs that? We shall see…thanks again, Bobbi! <3

Hi Bobbi!

I’d like your input on my situation. Recently, I’ve reconnected with my crush from Jr. High school. We went on two dates and seemed to hit it off nicely. We had agreed that if we were just friends, we would remain friends because we enjoyed each others company. If there was something more, we’d take it slow and see where it goes. Well, the chemistry was definitely there! We were two dates in and a lot was discussed. He had said he’d like to see me during the week since we had still lived a block away after all these years (wild right?). I didn’t feel comfortable with that right off the bat, even though I knew him…he’s still a guy I was dating. He asked about meeting my son, I told him that takes time for me. He understood… He asked me out at the end of the second date for the third date. He text me on Thursday, things got a little weird. I didn’t hear from him all day Friday or Saturday. I text him where are we meeting up that evening and he text back, “No not hanging out tonight.” I was hurt, confused, and pissed off, to be quite honest. If I didn’t text him, would he have even let me know? I responded with an Okay. Then on Monday afternoon he text me apologizing for Saturday, he said he had been in a funk for a few days now. I didn’t respond right away. He text again, “are you mad at me?” I told him, “why would I be mad at you, disappointed maybe, but not mad.” He said, “sorry to disappoint, but I had a lot going on.” I cut the conversation short and have yet to hear from him. I am not sure what I want here…giving myself until Saturday to figure that out. Any advice, I’d greatly appreciate it. Thanks again, Bobbi! <3

Hi….I’m in a little dilemma.I met this guy-about 16 Years ago…and we remained really good friends!!!Throughout the time of known him…he would try to ask me out….but I was in a relationship.So-we recrossed each others path(again)The chemistry was mutual.We kicked it-after our years of knowing each other….”Sex!!!Well-u know sex brings emotions…..so I had to make sure he was clean slate-let me see what hes about etc.Remind you-we were friends….nnnnbit not on the level of Sex!!!So anyway-I did my detective psi work on him…….come to find ojut this MF’r is married….(Broken:( …….It crushed me!!!!!I was like”wow”!!!If course he trys to justify saying-they were seperated…..then he’ll say…….we getting a divorce!!!All thee excuses……to TRY too COVER HIMSELF UP! !!!!!!But it didn’t register…..I left him alone…..now he has contacted me again…saying he’s getting a divorce….what should I do…?I’m in Love with him….what do I do….?He wont leave me ALONE! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi bobbi! I have been talking to this guy over a month now. We’ve been on a couple of dates. He used to called at least 3 to four times a week we talked a lot on the phone an some texting. Last saturday after valentine’s day he set up a date for a dinner and movie well he called me on saturday at noon and said he has a hangover because he went out with his friends the night before and he wasn’t feeling good at all. So around 4 o’clock that day i texted him and asked what time he want to go out but he didn’t respond until 6 and said he doesn’t know and that was the end. Until now he still hasn’t try to call to text me at all. So my question is has he lost interest already? Hope this is not too confusing but i am looking forward for your advice. Thanks

I have been dating a guy exclusively for the last 8 mos. we are both divorced with kids, and the frequency of getting together has been more infrequent than our daily texting and talking on the phone. He just recently started to stress about the security of his job future, and asked that we slow things down but wanted me to “bear with him until he gets his feet back on steady ground.” Just the day leading up to that conversation he’d been the one to plan out our whole weekend – sleeping over, activities, etc. Then he didn’t stay over, had the conversation with me about slowing down, etc. He has gone from texting/calling every day to infrequent “touching base” over the last couple weeks. I have no idea what he wants – not sure what to do. No “booty calls” during this time, just so you know. He keeps saying he’ll call (once he texts) that eve., but then doesn’t. Did call the other day and said he missed talking but he’s already starting to feel stress-free and getting more clear. What does this all mean? I really don’t want to play games back…want to keep it real. Not sure of what I’m “keeping” tho. Thanks for any help!

I met a guy online. We went out one time, had a great time, then he disappeared for a month citing ‘he was busy’. He reappeared. We texted/talked like nothing has happened and have set this Saturday to go out. Time and place were not firmed up though. It is now Wednesday and still haven’t heard back.

I know I shouldn’t call/text to confirm (I texted him “Happy Monday” with no response yet). He should reach out now. Do I go ahead and make other plans for Saturday since I haven’t heard from him? Or should I still say yes to going out with him when he calls back anytime between now and Sat? I don’t want to be his ‘go to girl’ just when he’s bored or because he doesn’t have better plans for the day. If I make other plans, is it OK to say that I did so because I didn’t hear from him? But I’m afraid that would end our dating.

Please advise asap. Thanks.
MT

Hi Bobbi,

I do have a similar situation of dating guys. Just like some of the women here. Here it goes, I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks already. We started as friends and he always calls and text me like everyday even if he’s at work and busy he always find time for me and eager to see me after work even if its late he drops by at my place and have a chat he always look forward in seeing me. we went for dates but the next date (2nd date officially) that we had it was my birthday. few days before my bday he was so eager and had a lot of plans in mind. So for me as a girl i prepared a lot (dresses, research possible restaurants, weather etc.) but then the day came, he said he’s going to pick me up around 7.30 pm and no calls or texts. I panicked but i dont want to text or call him i might sound eager. but then i did. still no response. Until he called around 8.30 pm and was apologizing that he fell asleep!! he said he’s still going to come and pick me up and bring me to his promised restaurant he told me. To cut it short, the date went well but then he felt i was still upset. the next day he texted about me asking if im still upset. But i drunk texted him. Haven’t heard from him since then. What went wrong? Help. thanks! Crystal

hello,
i know a man from a long time ago, as friends. i was married then, he said he loves me a few times. years later, i am divorced and single. we got back in contact and went out a few times, as friends. but then i told him i had feelings for him. he said he loved me for years and dealt with it and the friendship is too precious to lose. what does that mean? i told him i don’t want to see him again, and he asked me to reconsider and to stay on and see where life will lead us. then he dissappeared. i texted and emailed him and he replies distantly and shortly. did i mess up the love of my life?

Really appreciate what you said about the not calling. I am so confused…I’ve been out with this guy a few times and I really enjoy his company and liked where things were going. The last time we went out he kissed me, but since then he has basically disappeared. I keep wondering if I did something or said something, but if I did then why kiss me? I am SO confused, I want to call but I don’t want to come across as needy or desperate.

I have been dating a guy off and on for about a year now… and he has gone as far as to block my calls when we fight and I still can’t stay away, however I don’t call him anymore.. BTW, he is Bi Polar so that is why he is so moody, however there is no excuse for treating me that way…and I know that.

Recently we connected/hooked up/had sex again and I do all of the calling and initiating of conversation… I think I am the “go to” gal… and as of today I have decided that I am not calling nor texting anymore… if he wants more – he should work for it…

We have tentative plans for tomorrow and as of now I am not holding my breath and I am ok with that….

Hi Bobbie,

I went in a blind date in Friday that went well. We had a lot in common and ended up sitting and talking for 3 hours, afterwards he walked me to my door, we exchanged numbers, and hugged goodbye. I received a text later that same night saying he was glad he went on the date and that he had a good time. I responded likewise and casually said we should do it again sometime. The next day we talked a little though test message (I text first, it was a continuation of a topic we talked about on the date) and we talked on and off throughout the day. Now I haven’t heard from him since Saturday and it is now Tuesday. Should I try contacting him again or is contacting him first 2 times too much? Wait for him to contact me? How long do I wait before I know he’s not interested?

Thanks,
Cassie

Hi Bobbi,Can you help me?

Me and a guy I really like,have been talking to each other for four months,their was one date 2 months ago and I met his parents a few weeks ago.
This past week,he’s been busy with work ect. we really connected though. He has a dui and got his licence suspended for 2 years. But since last week he hasn’t contacted me at all. He has been having trouble at work.Should I just get on with my life or wait?

Ok, I’ve met this guy over the internet as well and we talk the first day and things was fine. We talked a few days later and he was so shy about asking me out that he finally did everntually. But he asked me if we could meet and when and i asked me which day would be better and I said either friday or saturday and I’m unsure and he said that its fine to just give him a call to let him know. But he haven’t called or txted me in two days and today is friday. I am skeptical because I had txted him yesterday and i got no answer so I didnt call or txt. But now that today is Friday and I don’t knwo whether to call him or have him call me. And I am into this guy and I know he is as well but I don’t want to call just to make sure.. What should I do

Bobbi- I just stumbled across your website and am so happy I did. You advise seems to be spot on.
I am looking forward to your input on a situation. Or my thoughts about a situation.
I am in my 50’s…. Divorced almost 10 years. Been in a few long term relationships since. Haven’t really clicked with a good man in a few years. Out of the blue…or on Jdate…:)….I meet a great guy. First date lasts 4 hours. Time flew by. At the end of that date, he simply said “I had a great time. Good night.” lol…naturally…I “read into this”! Assumed he wasn’t interested. Lo and behold…he calls 3 days later to ask me out for a week from Saturday. Ok…a bit of a long in between time but I was so happy. We go on second date to a very nice restaurant. 6 hour date…. Dinner, dancing, talking, laughing….major chemistry! Two days after that date he calls. Asks if I can meet up for lunch. I can’t. Busy woman, working…etc. So he tells me he really wants to see me. He has plans Saturday night and his daughters bday Friday night but can I meet for a drink after work Friday before he meets his daughter. I say “sure” happy as can be. Then… As time goes by my brain starts going into overdrive. It seems clear to me that he has a date on Saturday night. He is squeezing me in to Friday. I am feeling like this is a step backward from our last Saturday night date. Obviously we have just met and obviously we are not in a relationship. BUT, I liked him enough to know that he would be a “front burner” guy for me. And I feel like he has already downgraded me from Saturday to Friday afternoon. This doesn’t seem like we are off to a very good start. It mostly feels like I can get hurt. I am thinking of canceling Friday…just saying I need to work. Is this massively immature of me or a good idea.
Argh!! Beginnings are the worst!!
Thx in advance.

Hi Bobbi thank you so much for getting back to me you really give great advice!
Following up on my date, he did call it actually turned out that he was responding to every text I sent him but his phone was not working properly and I did not receive his messages till finally he thought I was ignoring him and not responding so he called.
We went on our second date out to dinner last night and it was lovely. Planning a 3rd date for this week coming up! Taking it slow going with the flow and seeing what happens. I am happy he came around! I guess us as women over think things too much sometimes and it leads to insecurities and worry. In this case it was just technical difficulties.
Thank you for the article I’m forwarding it to my BFF who was recently stood up buy a guy and she was pretty down. It will be very helpful for her to read it.

Thank you again for your advice and kind words. 🙂

Hi Bobbi, I met a wonderful guy that I instantly was attracted to and connected with he asked me out on a date to dinner at a nice restaurant that date got cancelled cause of his work, but we rescheduled for the next day. So for our first date he invited me over to dinner at his house. (we were both exhausted from the week and thought something more laid back would be nice) So he cooked for me a lovely dinner at his house and I had an amazing time we talked for hours and kissed a bit didn’t go passed that and then I left.
As soon as I left he texted me how he had a wonderful
night and told me he was still high from being with me.
Since then we have texted back and forth we planned another date out for dinner this time. It usually takes him a long while to respond but he always gets back. Since our plan he told me you pick a place and time and I’ll be there so far I have sent him 2 texts to keep in touch and asking him if the area I picked was ok. I have not heard back from him at all and am really confused as is to is he busy, not interested or maybe something happened like lost his phone? He seemed excited to see me again and was very polite and has always responded till now. I thought we hit it off quite well. Our date is today and I still have not heard back should I call? Have I done anything wrong to give him a wrong impression? Some good advice would be great I feel pretty lost.

Thank you!

P.s sorry for the long message and horrible grammar and spelling my phone doesnt spell check

Thank u! You make me feel so much better 🙂
Im so glad i found your blog!!!!

Thank u for ur quick response! I will try to think of other things instead so i dont dwell on him. I still have hope on a call since i just met him 2 days ago. I hate this. Im upset that they dont even give me chance. Why r men like that? We give them a chance all the time and they wont even try.

Hello, i got a question and hope u can help me. I met a really nice guy last Sunday. We talked and he wanted me to go over his place (i know he was testing the water) so i told him NO that i didnt even know him. He asked me for my number and a kissed me. I suggested we could go for coffee or a drink later if he wanted to see me. He txted me an hour later saying it was nice to meet me and he was looking forward to seeing me later that night. I txted back saying it was nice and to call me to make plans. 9 pm comes around and he calls me. He says he is working late an can see me later. I tell him sorry but it was to late for a Sunday night but i could make it another time. He called an hour later and we talked. He seemed interested and said if he could invite me for dinner during the week instead. I dont plan on calling him but how long before i wait for his invite before i forget about him?

Hi bobbi,
i’m experiencing this limbo that you’re talking about! i’m using online dating and had been talking to this guy for a few days before deciding to meet up. The date went amazing and he kissed me goodbye and said i’d see him very soon. He then texted me saying he was ill the next few days and that he didnt feel like seeing me again so soon. He also said he hadnt lost interest and that he cant wait to see me,five days after the date and the odd text he stopped talking all together after i texted him. Im so confused as to what i can do, i called him once but he didnt answer. Should i forget this guy even though i like him so much? Thanks x

I am in my 50’s, divorced for 10+ years. I met a man in a social setting a few months ago and about 2 weeks ago he asked me out. We went out and had a very good time and the chemistry is there; at least for me, and I think for him too. Other than me initiating a couple of texts, I’ve not heard back from him. We did tentatively set up a second date but that has come and gone with no contact.
Your thoughts please. Should I contact him or plan to move on?

Hi Bobbi. Excellent advice I’ve heard already. I have been “out of the game” for a while and could use an opinion….I have met a man and have gone out with him two times since meeting and after our last date he asked me out again and I told him I wasn’t sure as I MIGHT have other plans. The next day I told him I would like to see him and he told me he’d made other plans since he thought I wouldn’t be around and has been really short and distant with me. Did I screw up here?

This is great advice. 🙂 I was googling this very same question because I had a date with the time up in the air. The man has not called yet and it is already the day of. I’m glad I firmed up my belief that I shouldn’t call him. I have been that woman and I experienced the tone it sets. I definitely don’t want to go down that path again.

Yes, I can see when you point out the difference of saying my weekend is busy as apposed to my life is busy—that looks show offy. I don’t think of my life that way at all, so don’t want to sound that way either. Thanks Marian

Thanks, Bobbi…….I’ve come a long way to think along those very same lines……..I’ve waiting years to start dating again, so have decided there is no need to be in a big rush now. I’m willing to follow his pace at this time, and I’m pretty sure he knows how much I care for him. (I’ve told him 🙂 ) And without so many words, just his actions, and kindness, and gentlemanliness, I know he really cares for me too..I’m giving it time to allow us to genuinely feel emotionally closer. But he better hurry up!!! LOL….Thank-you for your blogs & advice.

Hi Bobbi. Love your advice. My nice guy of 3 mos used to ask me out on Sat’s date for the following Sat. This past month or so he just says he’ll call; and always has, but not until Wed to chat & ask about Sat, then confirms details early Fri….When I broached this topic a few weeks ago, he said because he wasn’t sure what he was doing on Sat…WELL! But we have been seeing each other every Sat, just beginning to talk about exclusivity (we are in our 60’s), but nothing for sure yet. I don’t now feel the need to push that, just trying to enjoy the moment(s), but I really like him. But I still don’t like feeling “feeling on the edge” Sat thru Wed…..Any advice?

Yes,now we are given what words to say so we aren’t left dangling—Like my life is busy, can we set a time so it works out, Is that ok with you? Puts the ball in his court, and yes, tells us right there how serious he is about getting to know you. I enjoy knowing the words to say–for me that is hard, my gut says that doesn’t feel right, but What and How is always a problem for me. Thanks Bobbi you are great.
Marian

Bobbi – wahoo- great advice girlfriend! I tell my clients this key fact that separates dating life from the business world: “For women, there is no ‘Follow Up’ in dating!”

It’s his job to call, ask, confirm and picking the place is nice too! Don’t you do enough on your own? Let him do the work and you’ll be better able to judge his interest level.