He Ghosted You. Why and WTF Should You Do Now?

I don’t have kids and I still get ghosted lol

You would make a hell of a friend!! Thank you for writing this article.. It helped give me a small peace of mind and gosh i hate ghosting..

Yes queen. I completely agree with this!!!!

Yeah well what if it happens after 15 years? I don’t completely agree with you. We put ourselves out there time and time again and each time it’s ends the same way. At least for me it has. Feeling completely depleted. After a while it starts to get to you. Especially when your a good person, not perfect by any means but your heart is pure. But trampled on. Yeah and it shows on my face. So here’s a thought, how about guys start taking notice of that and stop treating us like shit?? But noooo! We are supposed to put our big girl pants on and act like we are fine just so we can go out there and have it happen again. I think guys need to be held more accountable, and stop preying on the already hurt ones just so they can get what they want and leave us more broken then when they found us. It’s called having a heart and morals and unfortunately not many men have those things anymore. So yeah, I’ll be staying single at least for a while. I’m 40 never married and pretty sure it’s gonna stay that way. Not because I didn’t try, but because they didn’t.

Me and this guy went on a date and everything was good up until he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship , It made me go back to a place when I was in my last relationship for 5 years and I have been single for almost a year and half … I been working on myself, I got a new job , I been hanging out with friends so I felt like I can date again … but I over reacted in a way and he pushed away ( ok fine ) then blocked me on all Social media accounts and my number because he said (he doesn’t like emotional stuff ) it’s been almost a month since I talked to him , … should I reach out or just forget about him .. I been wanted to just text me him regular conversation because in my head ( what’s the worst that can happen ) if he doesn’t text back then I know my answer , if he does then … idk I like him still and I want to make it work or atleast be friends … what should I do

Howdy,
So I went on a date a few of months ago with a guy. We’re both in our late twenties.

I really liked him but this was my first time dating in a few years and I’m naturally awkward already, so I’m afraid I came off kind of cold or appeared uninterested. Like, I definitely shut down several attempts at flirting and didn’t realize it til later.

He said he had fun and I said I did too, but we didn’t make plans to meet again. I felt like saying this was enough to express my interest. This was second date, which I asked him on, btw.

I didn’t hear from him for a week, so I texted him. He responded, and for the next few days sent me some ‘hi, how are you?’ texts, which naturally(?) had equally boring responses. Definitely not as engaging as when we were chatting on dating app. He did suggest an activity but didn’t send me any details. The next week was the same thing. And then nothing.

All the advice I’ve read says that if he were interested, it would be clear. And that he might have found a girlfriend or FWB anyways. And that it’s better not to waste time on someone who doesn’t like you enough to put in any effort. Which I agree with. But… I’m shy to the point of disorder (haha, but no joke :’) I have bad eye contact and just feel really stressed with new people, so maybe apps are not right for me anyway) and just need some time to get comfortable with someone before I can be my actual fun, silly, and affectionate self.

Of course, I really don’t know what he thought of me or what he was looking for. Is it just polite to say you had fun even if you don’t like someone?

But I still think about him frequently even though the first week after he stopped texting me I decided to let it go and move on. Clearly not doing well on that front. I’ve been on dates with other people in the meantime. I’m not just hanging around and pining for him, but I just haven’t felt that connection, which was maybe one-sided, with anyone else.

Now for the actual advice question: is it weird, desperate, and/or creepy to text someone you went out with a few months later to ask for a second chance?

If I can text him, should I explain that I’m shy and didn’t mean to come off cold/uninterested? Would it be better just to say something along the lines of ‘Hi, I’m going to [activity] on [date/time] if you want to join?’ and then if there’s no response, let time work it’s magic and just move on? I’m fine with rejection on an intellectual level and I’ve rejected others too, but I just wish I could have relaxed a little and put my best foot forward. I didn’t have enough self-awareness then to realize how stressed I was, so I didn’t take any steps to chill out. Since then, I’ve been working on my EQ and just relaxation before and during general social interactions.
Tl;dr: I’m (very) shy and had a dating fail a few months ago even though I liked him and he said he had a fun time. Can I ask for another chance? If so, how? Is it too weird and/or creepy? How bad of an idea is it?
Thanks for any input!

I have known him for more than 2 years, I have also found him cheating on me many times but I have given him a chance, but this time things have gone too far, he has revealed his true face. I texted him but he didn’t reply and didn’t bother to read it, it made me so angry, I don’t know if I should text him again to say I’m leaving and Good-Bye.

Wow- I appreciate reading all of this. For myself I am actually married 25 years and have fallen into being disabled and home alone all the time- a couple months ago a young, sexy man flirted with me in parking lot- we texted a little and I was going to have an affair- but then he ghosted me. What came after this wow online married dating sites and have been ghosted 2 additional times- or I guess I have been pinged. This last one I actually met up with once- he married too- and then he ghosted me for 2 weeks, reached back out to me explained his wife was suspicious and could we see each other again. After few days of texting and a date set up to the last minute I even paid for room and was waiting for him. He ghosted and blocked me. I hear the message, but wtf- I have risked so much and why the hell did he reach out to me again. So thank you and is there a fee for getting some coaching with this? Kindly michelle

So we celebrated 4 mo anniversary I say so happy,, he really me2! Kisses hugs all was great, we share two kite exchanges over two more days but 2 days in between no contact then I send video doing my hair I’m talking kissing him our usual day later etc., next 2 day fo bye bi reply, finally 1154 pm he says sorry babe it’s been hectic so busy kiss kiss lips,, I’m sleeping didn’t see it!! I respond after work Sunday it’s ok no worries 150om!! Along with nice pics of me in skirt secretary style outfit etc,, 3 days go bye no response I say hello is ur phone broken babe ur both responding I say this on his second phone line!! Along with this isn’t funny so u better text me now,, he says hi ,, then rings me bye phone to make sure it’s me,, which made no sense then I reply hi he says hi baby I say where my msn u never say hey,, he says what I can’t say hi? I write kidding lol just u never do so where my man and few other texts then he switched to his main cell like so sorry baby just been feeling really blu I haven’t spoke to anyone I just don’t feel like getting out of bed; I said omg are u ok?? Thx for sharing I like to know stuff I care,, u nerd anything let me know etc,, he replied aww thx so much my babe my sweety two kisses I say check on u later etc,, next day i ping him how are you! Wednesday 1 week after our 4 mo anniversary! He relies so fast like it cut off my message n says ,, I’m great with tons of smile faces he kissed me tons Mike 4 times so happy to hear from u!! One extent to the other! I was so happy!! Next I say 2 hours later my regret now,, he baby so happy ur ok was so scary bye the way I’m still ur girl?? He said u wanna get slapped?? Lol I said so we’re good I promise just been sad past 4:5 days,, he never responds! Next day write him happy morning post no response 2 days no response, tomorrow will be day 49 hours!! Wth?? Break or ghosting?? Diesbt make sense! K ok like I’m crying freaking out scared because oh news it says msn kills himself they don’t say name hit his city in queens ny,, then no response! I say damn it that’s it not funny I’m crying he hates if I cry I only did once on 4 mo minor but I did he conforted me etc asked me not to! So is he scared I think he met someone on Wednesday night? Still makes no sense! We get along great, he told me we’re child kike when together were easy and love same music foods have so much in common down to our sex and politics ,, he says we’re best friends he told me on date 3 that we share special next level connection and it’s ok to share it?? This has me sick ?? Now what! Wait 7 days then say hi or ??))

I met this guy at work. He asked for my number and later suggested we get some coffee after work. The coffee date went really well and we planned to go out again the next day. The next date went really well and I really enjoyed myself. We ended up at his place and I slept with him. The texts afterwards were few and far in between then a week later I sent him a surprise six pack to his office because he had told me how much he hated Mondays and I was just cheering him up. He asked to hang out with me again that evening. After that communication on his end dwindled until one day after I tried calling him and he never picked up,he texts me saying he’s okay and that something’s come up and that he’ll tell me about it soon. After that I didn’t hear from him again and it’s been two weeks. The hardest part is seeing him from a distance every day and we act like total strangers because I stopped talking to him as well..the other day he posted a picture of him and his wife n child on WhatsApp (he told me he had a wife but saw her once a week)…as much as I shouldn’t have been involved with him,it crushed me…how do I get over this???

I met a guy on Tinder. We had a crazy immediate connection. We talked every day. Then spent three weekends together. Deleted all of our dating apps. He said he found what he wanted. He was the sweetest guy I’d ever met. He met my daughter. Invited me to the Thanksgiving with his family. Called me love, babe, it seemed perfect. The last weekend I spent with him I asked if we were official boyfriend and girlfriend and he said yes . I left Sunday night. He told me to text him when I got home to make sure I got home safe. So I did. Told him I missed him already. He replied with “I miss you too babe!” The next day I didn’t hear from him which was very odd. He always sends me a morning text and texts me on his lunch break at work. I sent him a text mid-morning saying I hope he was having a good day. Never got a reply. Later that evening he blocked me on Instagram Facebook and Snapchat. Did not answer any of my calls or texts. Ghosted. Out of the blue. No idea why. I really want to feel better about this and take some of this advice but my heart is broken. How do you get past this???

So I was reconnecting with this guy I knew from like 1st grade to 7th. I initially messaged him admitting I had a crush on him since we were little and he admitted to liking me back. So we spoke everyday for like a week straight. We even video chatted for 3 hours the first time he called me. So things were going great. All of a sudden yesterday, he got off the phone with me and like 10 minutes later he messages me saying he’s going to ghost me for a little while as he needs to figure his life out because he’s been acting on impulse. This hurt me as things seemingly were going so well. I feel like he got scared of his own emotions in fear of falling for me because of his traumatic past with abusive women. I’m nowhere near abusive and will even cry if I get yelled at. Do I prove to him I’m different and wouldn’t ever think of hurting him in any way? Or do I just leave him be? Our connection was incredible. I’m just shocked.

I have been talking to a guy for 2 years. He then wanted to come down for a whole week and I freaked out. He then stopped talking to me.
6 months later I decided I needed to apologize to him so I message him and he was happy that I did. He said he thought I was done with him. We started talking again. He asked to come see me for the weekend and I said yes. We hung out and things seemed fine at first then he started to get distant. When it came time for him to go home it was like he couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He hugged and kissed me twice, said he would text me. So I waited. Nothing so I texted him and he said he had fun but want used to hanging out with some that like him like that. Every time I asked about us he would avoid the question. He told me he was home and last message was about helping his mom in the garden and that she liked that I like to garden too. Since then I haven’t heard from him. I tried messaging him and nothing.

I’m being ghosted by my bf and I don’t know what to do. We’ve known each other for 6 years and have been dating for almost 4.5 years (on this upcoming June 4). In Mid-April we got into 2 arguments – honestly I was the one who pushed it and if I hadn’t, I might not be in this situation. I was arguing with him telling him that he didn’t care about me. At that time, I was stressed out from work, lack of sleep, and overall feeling horrible (had a bought of trouble breathing and temps over 100 degrees). I was messaging him how horrible I was feeling and only getting “Awww” as a response to everything I said. After a few messages he disappeared and didn’t respond. He eventually did and told me that his father was, “screaming in pain” and they were debating on sending him to the hospital. was upset that he didn’t seem to care about what I was going through and made the comment that his dad was a drama king (it sounds horrible, I know, at the time I wasn’t doing well and figured his father was having another episode – he’s banged his head against the wall and thrown dishes around when he’s upset). I understand that feeling horrible isn’t an excuse for saying that and have since apologized for it multiple times. He began to tell me how I didn’t “deserve” as much concern as his father because I didn’t have cancer like he did. I was upset and said we should both apologize for what we said and he refused to do so, even after I gave in and apologized for what I said.
The very next day after our 2nd argument, and working a night shift with a fever and feeling like I was going to pass out, I was told I was COVID positive. I immediately told him and he replied passive aggressively then told me he, “needed time to cool off because I had disrespected his family.”
Fast forward 7 days later and I hadn’t heard from him. I messaged him asking him if he was okay – mind you I was extremely sick during this time and he had not messaged me once to ask how I was doing – and he never responded. I continued to message him and even call him, while I was sick, and was ignored each and every time.
15 days after he told me he needed time to cool off, he messaged me with an ultimatum. Either I end the relationship because I wanted things he couldn’t give me or I change certain things and “attempt to salvage the relationship” with him adding that “I’d be lucky if we repaired our relationship enough to move it forward by next year.” He finished off his message by telling me he “wasn’t looking to talk yet” but to think it over and make a decision.
It’s now 28 days later since he sent that message and, despite letting him know over and over that I want to fix things, he has not responded. I know that he sees my messages because he’ll turn to being “online” right after I send them and then log off after a few minutes. The only time I can get him to talk to me is when he hosts events on this website where a bunch of his friends – who don’t know me – show up. I’ll try to talk to him about different things – trying not to start drama because he can kick me out of the event and it’ll ruin my chances of ever getting back together- and in an effort to make himself look good, he’ll respond back. This past time however, I asked him during the event if he had a girlfriend and his response was, “Shhh it’s a secret.” I’ve still continued to message him -saying good morning, good night, telling him about my day, hoping he slept well and had a great day, and letting him know I’m hoping we can talk soon. And he continues to ignore my messages.
It’s upsetting. I’ve helped him so much: I’ve given him money to help with his parent’s medical bills – including doing it 2 weeks ago only to not receive a simple thank you, I’ve offered to help them find a place to stay if they need it, I’ve bought him and his family practical gifts they can use to help them in their time of need, and I’ve bought him computer equipment to help him start up his online business. After being together for so long, it hurts so much to have him do this to me.
I know I made a mistake, but after apologizing, telling him I’m willing to give up things in order to fix things with him, trying to keep communication open, and still trying to offer help even though I’m far away – I feel like it’s cruel to send me 2 messages over the span of over a month (total) and leave me with him saying he “Wasn’t ready to talk yet,” making me believe he was going to talk to me and try and work things out. I’ve also had this feeling that he might be cheating on me and talking to someone else. He said he’d never do that to me, because his ex did it to him, but we used to talk every single day throughout the whole day and now that I haven’t heard from him at all I have a feeling he’s talking to someone else.
I don’t know what to do. I really want to talk to him to fix this relationship and go back to how things used to be. But if he won’t work with me, what do I do? If he wants to break up, I wish he’d grow up and be the man he claims to be and tell me instead of, essentially, waiting it out until I decide to give up and end things when that’s not what I want.

I was ghosted by a guy I knew for a long time. He told me he wanted to settle. We talked consecutively for almost 6 months. The last time we talked was on a Saturday, and the conversation was lovely. He confessed his love for me, as usual. Then suddenly he ghosted. What does that mean?

Are you suggesting that he could come back? Do ghosters usually do that? I am asking cause I see no reason to come back as you left someone. What reasons could a ghoster have to come back to the ghosted person? Is there any psichological explanation? Thanks a lot!

Hi Bobbi, very good article! I am going to present you a situation I have been in, maybe you can express your opinion.
I met a guy on October and we fell in love, we have been a couple since out second date. He was very nice to me, polite, we spent a week talking and going out and we were about to meet on Saturday, for a walk in the park. I sent him a message asking what time we would meet and he said we could not meet, cause he was going to his parents’. I asked him if everything was fine and he answered me on the second day, saying that he was not ready for a relationship and he didn’t want make me suffer. I let him go and after 3 weeks of no contact and just watching my Instastories, he wrote me a few times and then we met. He told me he was sorry for what had happened and that he had a mental breakdown about his job. I offered him a second chance and everything had been going on well for 3 weeks, we went out, we talked every day, I met his grandma and we made plans for the New Year’s Eva. A few days before Christmas, I felt him getting cold, on Friday, Saturday, Sunday , I was the only one who initiated contacts, he told me he was with his friends. On Monday before Christmas, he didn’t reach out, although he was active on social apps. I called him once and he declined my call. After a few hours, I called him again fir a few times and he declined my calls as well. I sent him a message telling that I don’t deserve such a behaviour and that I would have deserved a message or a call. After 2 hours, I called him again and he didn’t answer. Since then , I haven’t heard anything about him. He had been watching my Instastories for 2 weeks and then he unfollowed me. I couldn t understand his behavior, he seemed a good boy, he told me that the respected me, we were colleagues at university . This is my story. Thanks!

Love it thank you that is what I needed to hear. He ghosted me on new years eve.

All of your tips help me! Sometimes I want to cry and can’t help to wonder what’s wrong with me? Am I not attractive enough, smart enough, funny or confident enough? I know I can be particular and maybe the people I’m meeting feel the exact same way about me.

To help me face my fears; I joined ToastMasters’s to help me overcome rejection and to help me get over my insecurities. My group is amazing!

Elizabeth Wyatt

I just smile at this childish behavior and tell myself………
“Wow! The trash just took itself out. Thanks.”

I’ve been ghosted and, sorry to say, have been guilty of ghosting myself. I fully understand about being a grownup and saying “Thanks, but no thanks”; however, these were all instances where the guys gave off such a bizarre and frightening vibe that I felt unsafe. There’s no kind or safe way to say “no thanks” to someone who exhibits signs of mental illness or other instability. In one instance, a dude tried to assault me. Knocked him down and got the heck outta there and went immediate NC. If you are easily located, easily recognizable, and live in a small town, keeping yourself safe is #1.