Hi Bobbi
Thanks so much for the fast reply. I keep thinking that had I not questioned him or pushed so hard in the beginning that I’m the one that messed things up and that maybe he would have reacted differently. I know this is most likely based on the fact that I was in a physically abusive marriage very early on in my life. Always thinking and being told that if I had done something different it would have saved me from the last beating. It all happened over 40 years ago and I’ve been to counseling it’s hard for me to figure that that’s still somehow affects the way I interact with men. And that I haven’t been able to put it behind me. I feel like I’m smarter than this.
Thanks again I appreciate the push in the right direction

Hi
Ugggh I am a 62 year old woman.
This on line dating has been a bear to say the least. I have been texting a man who I am visually attracted to and as you explained after 7 months of only texting. I have made him into a perfect fit for me. Several times I have tried to draw a line in the sand with his hot and cold demeanor and Houdini act. When I have tried to move him into meeting or even a phone call he disappears only to reappear the next morning with a good morning beautiful and a couple emojis..and I fall excitedly for him all over again. Recently I challenged him that clearly something else was going on an to get a hold of me when he was ready to engage.. then when I didn’t hear from him I immediately retracted and said I was sorry that I just would love to meet the man I dreamed about ..ugghh. I know I have to work on my need to get validated by men or attention. It’s over now and I feel so heartbroken.. yesterday I sent several texts saying I was sorry for pushing him away ( with no response)and I’m struggling this morning wanting to say hi or for the high I feel of his banter.
Thank you Denice

Also forgot to add he wants to be more than friends and is excited to meet in person. Just don’t know if he’s being serious. The what turns me on and statements about thing the things he wants to do to me and if that turns me on was surprising, and maybe he’s just being honest and open with me because we have been talking for a few weeks now. He has been patient and understands about my situation. He’s excited to meet in person. I know he was somewhat inebriated when we were talking. Lol. I don’t really date much. It’s so different these days. I’m pretty much old school when it comes to dating.

I met this guy I would like to get to know, I also know he has noticed me on several occasions too. I connected with him on LinkedIn and sent him a “Thanks for connecting” message. I have also seen his IG, do you think it’s a good idea to add him there too? since I think he might have taken my message on IG as a professional usual connection message.

Hi I ran across your site on the web. I read some of your advice and really like what I read. I am a older woman and not single but separated. I have a Facebook account and don’t usually get requests from people to be friends often other than the people that I already know. But, I recently received a friend request from a man that says he saw my profile. He sent me a friend request. Well I’m not a very trusting person I’ve heard a lot of stories about talking to people you don’t know on the internet. I did not accept his friend’s request right away. But I was going through my email account and came across his friends request a few months later and I got curious so I finally accepted his friend’s request. He then sent me a few texts that were friendly in nature. But then it kind of got a little weird. Sometimes I enjoy talking to him but sometimes he says things that makes me wonder about him. He has started professing his undying Love, loyalty, commitment, he sends me things with hearts and blowing kisses and he tells me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He says he has a daughter that is 16 and he has sent me her email account so we can chat but I have never sent an email to her. He says that he has talked to her about me and he has told me that his wife died for a year ago with cancer. He says that he works on a ship on the ocean and that he is there 6 months out of a year but then he gets to come home for 2 months and spend time with his family and then he has to go back. I asked him if we could do a video chat and he told me no that that was too much security on the boat and that they was not allowed to use video chats because it would send ways through the phone and could cause a blast. He hasn’t offered to accept my request of a phone call. But he does want me to chat with his daughter. But I think that it is a setup that he has gotten someone to pose as a daughter to talk to me. He has several Facebook profiles. When I searched these profiles there are no friends list there are no posts other than his pictures some of the pictures look like him and some don’t but there has been no posts on his page. I asked him about it I asked him why he had so many profiles on facebook. He told me that it was because he had set those profiles up and then after setting them up a few days later they would lock him out and he couldn’t enter them again therefore he had to create other profiles. He says he is from Germany but that he lives in Florida but that he works in Mexico City. He is supposed to be on the ocean in a ship but today when we were texting he told me that he was on his way to work to the office and I called him on it but he did not get back to me. He has told me that he is coming home in December and that he is going to make a trip to come and see me. He has sent me an email address that is supposed to be his daughters and he wants me to text and talk to her. He has said that he has told her about me and he has sent her one of my profile pictures from my Facebook page and he says that she is very happy and that he told her that I was her new mom. He has also called me his wife. This is just one of his texts and this is mild. “My love, my world needs your love because I am going crazy. I cherish you with all of my heart my mind my body and soul loves you. I want to see you everyday of my life because seeing you is the only spark I need to obtain the greatness of dreamed of all my life. You are everything and I need and more I love you.”——-I would really love to get some advice from you. I do not know what to say to him. When I told him that we really didn’t know each other and that love didn’t work that way he sent me a text that saying you don’t care about me you don’t love me that I had sent him offensive words that hurt his feelings because of that. should I block him? Or should I trust what he is saying? Would really love your input on the matter. To me this is very strange but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. But I do not understand have someone can profess true love and really feel that without having met the person first.

Sincerely,
Sherri

Hello, need some advice here 🙂 Got to know from a dating site. After a month, in May, we moved onto messaging in Watsapp, have been chatting daily here and there as due to time difference (he’s 4hrs ahead of where I am). We havnt mentioned abt meeting in person but he has asked a few times jokingly when I’ll be going over (as I have plans to migrate in the near future). I do text him first when I’m awake as by this time, he is through half his day. On days when I don’t, he texts me when he’s done with work first. But in the recent weeks, he hasn’t on two occasions. I left it as it is. I do feel a little down as I didn’t hear from him. Yet I do what to give him space and take not rush into anything. We’re both in our mid 40s, single and do get along pretty well. He has shared personal details about his family with me, his hobbies etc. am I holding on for nothing? Should I be a little more patient?

I started talking to a man from Hinge back in the summer. Initially I told him I wasn’t interested as he was only into casual. However, we reconnected few weeks later. We texted/Snapped for a few weeks then finally met in person.

He was still adamant that we be only friends or do the casual thing. We have hooked up but lately, we do see each other when we can (he currently works out of town). However, sometimes he blows hot when we’re together, and sometimes he’s closed off.

He has expressed his interest but can’t get past previous heartbreak. We text every day (usually him initiating) but lately, it seems like he is texting later and later in the day. and I noticed he updated his dating profiles (we aren’t exclusive yet).

Is he actually interested and just afraid, or is he playing?

This guy started talking to me on a dating site and we have been talking for 4 months now. We text everyday and we talk on the phone everyday. We have spoke about daily life, being un relationships, previous relationships, children, work etc and even tells me he loves me. I have said about him sending me some recent pictures, he says yes and then doesnt. I have said about meeting, he says yes and then doesnt tell me when he has a day off.
In the last week he hasnt been talking as much but continues to be online on whatsapp. Is he just a player? Am I wasting my time?

Hey there,

So, I met a guy at work who started pursuing me, asking for my Facebook, wanting to go out for drinks, flirting and telling other co workers how much he likes me. We went out for a drink about two weeks ago and had a great time and he seems like a genuine guy and I really like him. He has told me that he likes me and wants to get to know me more. The last time we worked with each other a guy came up to me telling me how much the guy likes me, I was feeling quite good. Oh! He has two kids by the way. The last almost week now he has been more sporadic with his texts and I don’t know if he’s lost interest or if he’s just busy. He says it’s the time of year and being busy with his kids etc. He assures me that he won’t leave me hanging and wants to meet up soon. I don’t know if I’m overthinking the situation or just being completely selfish. I don’t want to push him away because I’m feeling insecure.

Thank you.

Hi,
I’m 42 and have been chatting with a guy online. He is 47 . We use the platform Mutuals. He is a surgeon and I know he probably is busy. But it seems that his capacity to communicate is one communication string/ day.
We have been chatting since Dec. 24th 2021. I did reach out to him initially and the next day he responded.
But that is pattern. A very slow tennis match. He does ask me questions and wants to get to know me, but very slow in response. I’m almost sure there is a plethora or at least (another one) of woman chatting with him. Though I do want to start talking on the phone. One so I can hear his voice, 2 to get immediate responses from questions and 3 to see if we can see each other in person eventually.
What do you think I should do ?

I took your test and the result I got is that I’m a bitter woman. The truth is I’m a shy and reserve woman. I’m not bitter, but I do have standards and a lot of the men I meet do meet high standards. A lot of dating coaches say lower your standards and you’ll have more opportunities. When for someone who has integrity, character and a personality that will mesh with mine, is hard. I’m not bitter, but a lot of men today have as much or more baggage than many women… and don’t deal with it.
Thanks for the insight, I don’t think you do a service when falsely label people who don’t match your criteria or are looking for someone who will value and compliment who they are.

Met a guy dancing. Have met and danced once before. Gave him my number and text me enjoyed dancing last night. Not really looking for a relationship. But do enjoy dancing with him very much and would like to do more.

I met a guy on a dating app. I messaged him first and we started talking. We messaged on the app for about three weeks before exchanging phone numbers. We were both busy with school, so we couldn’t do much more than text. School ended for him first, then me about two weeks later. We were texting this entire time, very friendly.

I hinted at meeting a few times and he seemed responsive, but didn’t ask me out. Finally, I had to initiate the meeting and decide what day and time because he said he didn’t like planning dates/hang outs. I’ll be honest, that kind of turned me off because I don’t want to be the only one asking and planning. We meet up and we have good chemistry, despite being a bit awkward. We keep talking and he suggests another date at the end of the first. I say yes, but it takes us a while to pin down the date, because, again, I had to figure out the place, day, and time. We meet and it goes well. We start flirting a lot, but then he suddenly hits the breaks on things and says we need to slow down and he’s not ready to commit.

At first I’m okay with that, but as time goes on and all we do is text (we called twice at my request, but no more dates or anything), I ask him if this is going anywhere. Every time I try to ask, he says he’s too tired to discuss it. I suggest we just be friends because, tbh, I didn’t really get what we needed to slow down from. We were texting every day and had only gone on two dates in the space of two and a half months. I told him if we were trying to date we had to do something other than just texting, otherwise, it’s just friendship. When I said that, he seemed to pull back a lot. Didn’t plan any dates, no calls, and (despite telling me he was ultra busy) he seemed to only spend his free time with his other friend now. It felt like a game or maybe I’d pushed him too much, but I told him I didn’t think it was going to work out because I was looking for a relationship and not just endless texting. I’m wondering, did I mess up by pressuring him too much?

I need help so I have been seeing this Guy for months ok. He works Long hours I might see him 2 or 3 time’s in a month Hook up. He texts me every day sweet text’s but we haven’t been on a date or meet anyone friends or family he’s not emotionally connected with me I feel I’m putting it in more than him. I really don’t know what be are he doesn’t say like I want you. Just he’s the luckiest man in the world to have me and thank you for choosing me

Met a guy years ago at a house party he hosted. He went through great lengths in setting up to talk with me but I was not Interested at the time. We kept all hanging out eventually fell out of touch to end up randomly in college courses together. After a full semester he invited me out and I was I interested but I can tell his mind was someplace else (he was talking to a girl he ended up going out with a girl for 3 years). We fell out of touch again since he was in a relationship. On a night out we bumped into each other randomly and he looked better than ever. He was so happy to see me and said “ you look beautiful as always.” Bought us all drinks and we danced the full night away. He wanted to see more of me I took a chance and invited him to a very long family date. I was convinced he was not going to like it but the night went on and he seemed to be enjoying it. We kissed passionately and I felt something there. I had to move the next week so I cut ties, and he never chased. Years later I’m with someone awesome. He’s been constantly looking at my posts and liking everything. He then would write let me join you and joke around. I took it as he never was that into me I’m just what ever… he must be lonely. Then.. he messaged me “ Jen I can’t stop thinking of us . I patrolled around your neighborhood where I last dropped you off on our date (8 years ago) . I was floored really not like him. I decided before taking this plunge with the current guy, if I’m making the right decision? We exchanged numbers and started to text all night long. I told him I already moved on and it’s best he does too. I attempted to see if he should move on with a single friend but he didn’t want to. I liked talking with him. I liked how he is. From my memory we did align well with our personalities the one thing that had me hanging was how he loved and appreciated my family. He said it was the best date he’s had and he loved my dad. His father had passed away when were young- I know this is something he appreciates. Nonetheless meeting up kept becoming difficult. Texts was our only communication-huge red flag. When I told him to take it off and to phone call he said he’d rather in person… yet never set anything up. He then promised to set a phone call meeting and it didn’t happen. I’m stuck with confusion. He kept promising we would meet up again and thing would fall apart on either my end or his before even scheduling anything. Then I find out… he just started a relationship as well. I told him we are done and this not something I’ll ever entertain and he lost me. He’s still looking at all my posts and I’m still confused. I know what a real man does when he’s into someone, but I’m not sure in this scenario what it all means?

I have been texting someone I met on tinder for about 6 weeks now. Very elusive and secretive, and I’ve dated and just hooked up via internet dating in the past, so this isn’t new. Good as a rebound distraction after something else ended and I was having a hard time letting that go. But the lack of details and the amount of “interest” he has in me basically has me completely on guard. Its easy to fall but I know that it’s most likely either a scam or a socially-inept man who thinks he’ll win a woman over this way. Can’t meet due to 1) my commitments at this time and 2) his work just happened to take him out of the country. Then there is this small chance that he’s for real, so I let it go on. We had a phone number change, now the working out of the country. I envision a string of cell phones with girls names taped to them. I’m curious and I’m appalled at myself all at the same time.

So i matched with a guy on tinder, he only had one picture and his bio was pretty bare but we hit it off in messages and decided to exchange numbers. I was relieved to find out that he had an iPhone so i assumed everything was fine. Fast forward a couple days, the conversation is flowing really well and we seem to have a lot of chemistry. During this time he’s telling me a lot of sweet nothings and that he can’t wait to meet me. I tell him I’d love to get on the phone with him but he said he doesn’t really like to talk on the phone. He mentioned at some point that he was shy so i gave him the benefit of the doubt and told him we should just meet up in person instead. We established that we’re both free on the weekends but he kept saying, “We’ll have to find a time” the more i pushed for us to either talk on the phone or meet in person i noticed it would take him longer to reply. So i finally said to him something along the lines of, “Text me when you’re ready to meet because I’m free this weekend and don’t like texting back and forth everyday” he has yet to respond and that was yesterday afternoon. I forgot to mention i would ask him very direct questions like, “what city do you live in?” and he would tell me the region and it happened with other questions also where i would ask him a direct question and he was either vague or tried changing subjects. I have a gut feeling that he’s either in a relationship or just hiding something in general. It’s very odd how someone can go from acting super interested in you to now ignoring you after telling them i don’t want to text 24/7. Thoughts?

I met a guy on Tinder, chatted with him on Tinder for 2/3 months before we moved onto another app/met up. Things were going well until the Holidays. He’s working “remote”. It’s 8 months in and we still don’t have each other’s phone number. Am I wasting time?

I met a guy through a dating website. We met up the day after we matched and it went well! So well in fact we had 2 more dates after that. After our second date he moved. I honestly thought he would stop texting me but its been almost a week and he still sends me good morning texts and asks me about my day. He made a joke on the last day we saw each other that he’d call me to hang out when he gets back but I’d probably be on a date. Im so confused as to what this actually means and if hes actually interested or just being nice.

I met a guy from my past, he text every morning, some evenings..repeative morning texts.my be a little different pertaining to the day.no physical eye to eye.Starts he wants to see an spend time together going on two years.two trys to see each other but due to Covid no happenings.long distance.

I met a guy through a dating website we started texting he disappears at certain times he avoids the phone call conversation I think he is married.

I started texting a guy I met on the a dating site on Facebook. In one of my texts I had mentioned I live with a late friends husband and that we are just roommates. He text me today saying I never told him I live with someone else. I told him yesterday I did on January 8th look at my messages. Anyway he asked me why I don’t have my own place and I told him my income doesn’t allow me to rent my own place. I felt like he wasn’t too crazy about me sharing a place with another man. I’m guessing he could be a possessive guy. Are my instincts correct?

Thanks for your post Bobbi, I am a 41-year old middle-eastern girl living in Europe for a bit over 5 years. I have met some men mostly on the internet but nothing happened. A few nights ago, I met a polite nice man in the street who is in his late 30s and had two big dogs. He showed a lot of passion and enthusiasm for me while mentioning of going out to walk the dogs and have a coffee etc. and gave me his phone number and I sent him a text so that he could have mine as well. He answered that night, sent me a message next night and even on Christmas day with nice wishes. It is 3 nights he hasn’t texted, I am thinking if I should text him and see how he is or better to wait and hear from him? He looked very gentle and respectful and said he has fostered kids many times. Please, would you guide me a bit that how to handle this and lead it to an in-person date? Many thanks.

I met a guy on bumble and we have been seeing each other for a few months. He texts me throughout the day everyday but we barely see each other. Even on weekends when he is home literally doing nothing, he doesn’t make plans with me, he just texts all day. I see him maybe once a week, and when we do see each other he is so sweet , he cooks for me, we have nice conversations and we have a great time.

The problem is that I’m feeling confused because I really like him, but I don’t know if this is getting anywhere. I have thought that maybe he is like this because he is an introvert and likes to be alone, or maybe it’s our culture difference, he is indian and I’m not. Or he just doesn’t like me enough.

I don’t know what to do because I love talking to him and don’t want to loose that, but at the same time I’m scared of wasting my time with someone who barely makes plans to be with me.

Should I talk to him about how I feel?

I met this guy the first time back to July. Have a wonderful night he reached out to say he had fun . However he was leaving in another state and didn’t tell me. 3 month after I didn’t heard from him and one day he texted me and told m he was back for good in my city and wanted to see me. We already met 3 times , but he always text me on weekend. Once he was traveling for 2 weeks for work and told me the exact day he will be back but didn’t text while out of state , I texted him he replies but always a little late. Does he think I’m only he’s fuck buddy? Because I think I’m clear the way I act that I like him somewhat . And when we meet he is always really affectionate with me even in front of people but via text he act like he doesn’t care. I’m confuse.

Bobbi,
Hello. A man that I went to high school with (we never hung out in high school) started sending me messages through IM on Facebook. They were things like, I would like to work with you on your photography because you take such great pictures; just saying things like that in which I wasn’t sure how to react. I started off just saying thank you; I appreciate your comments. Then he started writing more and more and I was thrown off guard. A friend of mine said it sounds like he is interested. So we started talking through IM in FB. He then gave me his phone number and that’s when the texting started. But, he did start calling as well. But, we still have not been able to get together after 2 months. I found I was getting too involved and waiting for him text and it was taking it’s toll on me. I want to meet. I told him that I wanted to meet and it was on him. When he wanted to get together, let me know. I have not answered any of his texts for just one day so far. I do feel like we are back in high school, but we are both 63 and I don’t want to be in high school anymore. When I saw this article and read it, I thought this was him. It was interesting and the fact is, I would like to meet with him to see what he is like and if we could at least date. I am not sure this is the best thing and if you have any advice, I would appreciate it. Also, I did tell him up front what I was looking for at this age and that I want to have someone in my life. I was honest and open with him right from the start. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you.

Hi
I met a guy online a month+ ago. A week later we went on a date with his 11 yo daughter (he couldn’t find sitter or something). That was weird (do u agree? Is that common for single dads?) but overall we had nice afternoon. He’s a busy single dad and I am busy single woman. Both with demanding careers. Ever since he’s been texting on and off every few days, always busy and tired, he was also away with the girl for 2 weeks vacation. He also called twice after I asked for it (thank you for your advice! From now on I will voice my needs-can’t do texts only) . He asked to meet 2 weeks ago in between his trips but canceled last minute. Last phone call was pretty boring as I don’t feel any connection with a guy that seems too busy for real relationship and the daughter situation was weird as we never had a chance to talk like grown ups. Again, I don’t discuss serious matters with strangers over the phone. Am I the problem? Maybe I need patience with single dad ? I see girls here that create greats bonds with men over the phone and texts for months..I just have to have human interaction for this :/
Now he asked to meet again, should I agree or is he doing this just to pump his ego?
Thanks.

Hi I met a man online during Covid. We texted and he called before he left on vacation. A phone call that lasted 3.0 hours long. He went on vacation and still kept in contact, Either by text or even calling me and showing me his vacation spot. Things were going great. I was excited for him to come back so we could finally meet. We both discussed meeting up when he returned and both were looking forward to it. He returned and the calls and texts continued for a couple days until i said let’s set up a time and day to meet. He got angry with me and said patience. I’ve been gone for two weeks. Let me get settled. I was caught off guard and things have gone downhill since. Now he hardly texts and he has called maybe once and i missed the call. I have no idea other than he said his ex wife is giving him grief and he is stressed. I’ve decided to let him be. It’s been a couple days now with no communication.
Lucky me!!!

Hi! So i met someone on a dating app during lockdown. Hate covid… We are in different cities and have been having the most amazing, respectful, fun, considerate lovely and also intense whatsapp chat for almost 3 months while we wait for lockdown to be over, so we can finally meet. How crazy am I to be afraid of meeting up and all this being just unrealistic?

Hi! I’m glad I came across this article.
So here’s my very brief story, met a guy online and started dating him after a month’s time. We haven’t met since we’re miles apart but have made plans to meet once travelling was okay for both of us. Before we started dating, he was even able to text me on breaks during work. I’ve never been in an LDR before and I told him I didn’t know how it works. He told me patience and communication. But after we started dating, I noticed that he was much busier than before, not much texting even when on breaks. We’re in different time zones so his night is my morning but he doesn’t even send a text during his day. I get that he’s busy but a single text would be nice just to let me know he’s thinking of me. I’ve been feeling that his interests in me has been waning because he’s replies are mostly responses to whatever it is I was opening up conversation for. I somehow feel like I’m the one doing the chasing because we only get to text in the mornings before he gets to work and the evenings but he doesn’t initiate most of the convo and if he did, it’d be something like, ‘how are you?’ or ‘what are you up to?’ and then I carry on most of the conversation. I told him that it didn’t feel like he was ‘communicating’ with me and he told me he does in his ‘free time and the mornings’. I’m just hurt and confused. I don’t want to overanalyze anything but when he told me that, it made me think that I guess he’s really not into me as he says he is. Please tell me, I need someone elses perspective since I don’t think I can make anything coherent with my current train of thoughts. Thank you!

I met this guy online.. So, we’ve bumped into each a few times & only officially met up once for a brief while but has never gone out for a date. However, he has been texting me daily for the past 1.5 years.. Is he stringing me along or is he really shy?

Don’t wait, keeping meeting other people.
If he comes around, cool.
If not, cool.

This guy that I really like is my brother’s good friend and he’s always had a crush on me I never knew it and when he came out he told me and I told him I’ve always had a crush on him that was supposed to get together he was talking all kinds of stuff texting to one morning and said he’s going to call me today and I haven’t heard nothing I don’t know what to do and I’m hurt I don’t know if you meant it or not

My question is… I met a guy online. We’ve have been communicating through text via website. We finally met and went on a date the same day. He has taken time to his office, to the park where he runs. We have also gone out on a second impromptu date. Both time was fantastic. My problem is he is always texting. I have communicated to him that I would rather talk than text… and he agreed with me, but the texting continues… I like him very much and don’t know what to do to make him call me more… I’ve known him now for 1 month…

Hi Bobbi. Thank you for this article. Here’s my story.

I met this guy on tinder. We are miles apart with a different timezones. It’s impossible for both of us to see each other this time. He later gave me his number so that we moved to whatsapp. Since then we’ve been constantly texting each other on a daily basis. We’ve had phone & video calls as well. We get to know each other, becomes open from each other and even had deep conversation for weeks already. Until one day, I was worried about him getting sick so I told him to take care of his health. All of a sudden he told me that “I am not looking for anything serious. I don’t want a relationship or anything like that. I’m just being honest.” Of course, I was caught offguard. I was kind of hurt and embarrassed why he said that when all I did was show my concern to him. I did not reply to him immediately. I waited for 24 hours to passed and just replied “I understand.”

He told me he didn’t mean to be rude. He said he likes me but he wanted to make it clear that he can’t get into a relationship. He said he was just telling me so that I won’t get hurt if we become so close. He further said that he had enough bad relationships and he’s not looking to get into another.

I just told him I don’t deserve to be pushed away for being nice and friendly just because he had bad relationships in the past. And that it’s totally lame.

He was sorry and told me that he is not pushing me away. He was just a bit forward, according to him. He asked me to just forget about it and we go back to normal and move on from that topic.

We are back to our “normal” conversation: getting to know each other, a little flirting, deep conversations, and just talk anything and everything understand. I consider him as a friend from a distance. Although I wish we can be more than friends. I am starting to like him and I am afraid I am falling for him. He is a sweet guy. But I feel that he still has baggage from his past relationship. I just don’t know how to deal with it or make him open it up to me. I am investing time and emotion but I am not sure where this is going. I am afraid that this means nothing to him, while here I am hoping time will come he changes his mind.

What do you think? What shall I do?

Hi. There was this guy i met on Tinder who was in a heartbreak and just wanted to chat and clearly said that he was not interested in dating but “May ” be ready for a casual date! He never asked me out for that for sure ! We became good friends through texts! The conversations were fun. We talked for hours and in the mid, he was busy and he used to text me slowly but ofcourse there were less conversations! I started falling for him through the conversations and have not even met him once since he is miles away! There were very lil flirts, compliments and a minute sense of interest from his side which i took it on a positive side, his text replies reduced much .. but i considered it as ‘ may be , he was busy”
I have indirectly let him know that i was interested in him so did he ! But he says , he is not interested to date but casual in an indirect way and definitely i felt hurt reading that .
Very less texts from him and we had a small fight for calling me for casual in an indirect way and instead of explaining me that, he got angry and stopped texting. After a week or so, i texted him back and asked why he disappeared. He refused saying that he was not looking for casual specially with me neither willing to date. Then due to his late replies, i got irritated and we had a very small misunderstanding but since then, its been 1.2 months, no text from him back. I didn’t text him all these days to see if he really cares the conversation we shared and he definitely knew that i would be waiting for his text which i have told him jn previous fight we had … But he failed to text me this time too … I find him online sometimes ( very rare) .. but do u think, if he is angry that iam seeking a lot of attention or he had been playing mind games or What?

What a true blessing to come across this article. Now I know I’m in love with a “pinger”. Well, I’ve known for awhile, just never knew the term. I couldn’t understand it, why would he text me what he does then disappear? Breaks my heart to know that I’ve fallen for someone who’s only in need of feeding his ego. Thank you again so much for this article. You have saved me from continuous heartache.

Yup, Bobbi is right…and you are worth more than that!

Sorry, but if he was in to this , he would be all over it.
Believe me, I’ve seen the ones that work . They include skype dates, and
Facetime.
If YOU initiated the once a week call, he is not into it.

He’s just back benching , passing time, or stringing.

Nope. She’s no longer interested.

He’s probably married. Sorry but it just seems to me that he is. Never date just one guy always date 2 or more and never tell them you are dating more. Men do it all of the time.

This guy has been texting me for 3 months and still has not asked me out he says good morning doll every morning on his way to work , asks me how I am doing I tell him and ask him how he is doing and there are a few emojis back and forth and that is it he doesn’t text the rest of the day. I stopped texting him back for a week and he text me every day and asked where I went. I finally answered and he acted like it was a big deal I wasn’t texting him. I told him I had a lot going on and he said talk to me tell me. And now it’s all just good morning gorgeous or doll with but he doesn’t ask me anything about myself and I have asked him plenty of stuff about him . Is he a pinger?

You can ask for a second one, it’s not wrong just don’t over push your boundary. If you don’t get a reply it’s either she isn’t interested which on most grounds women are like that; she’s busy with work or she has moved on from the date and onto another one.

So I took a girl out on a date a couple days ago. Soon as we decided we were finally going out, she got worse with responding. The date itself went great, and she texted after saying she had a great time, but hasn’t been returning texts or Snapchat’s much since. Do I ask for a second one? I like her

Hi Bobbi

I’m “dating” a man long distance. We unfortunately started everything from a distance so we rely heavily on texting and I get him to give a once a week phone call. This has been for 4 months. I have seen him 3 times in 4 months and we have plans to see each other 1-2 times over next 6 weeks (work trips etc.). however, it seems that recently he freaked out that I would take a vacation to his city and stay with him for a day or so— at first he was in to the idea, now it “could be fun” (in his words) and now he is seriously slowing communication with me (ie texting every 3 days or so.) How do I proceed without scaring him away more?! Thanks.

So ive just found out that my boyfriend of a year has been texting a girl he met on a night out, for three weeks. I’m unsure of the content but he approached her, took her number and text first. He tells me he was being friendly, he does have a lot of female friends, but he’s only known her for one night. He also said to her that he was divorced and didn’t mention a girlfriend. Unlikely they would have met again as she lives a flight away, but not impossible. Can’t figure out what he got from this and why he would do it. He’s begging my forgiveness.

A great blog. I think many people prefers online dating because they feel comfortable there. And they also have tons of options. But those who don’t have trust on online dating, they prefers traditional offline dating. Take a look at my blog “Online vs Offline Dating“

so I have a question about this dude i started talking to him first he responded back and I went from there so today after talking to him for two days I asked for his phone number he said that’s classified but then he also said I’m not allowed to give that kind of information out is it a scam or he just don’t feel comfortable giving me his phone number?

a friend from high school looked me up on facebook some 40 years later. we start texting and at times we talk on the phone. I started sending him short videos of my day. He said he is a Christian as I am. he also sends me bible versus. Now he tells me he misses me and wants me to be his girlfriend. hmmm. Please advise.

I like texting and calling.more calling is even better..

i was messaging non stop with a nice man,we met up after 2 days for coffee,still talking away face to face,arranged a dinner date 5 days later,inbetween we constantly messaged,met for dinner,talked non stop again,met next night for another dinner,both at resturantes,no home visits! said wed meet again but his messages have practically stopped,hes reading my whatsapps but not replying? and when he does theyre not the same as before?? any answers,is he interested or am i wasting my time?

I started talking to a guy after he messaged me. This went in for a week. He asked to call. We spoke one evening. Then the next day I didn’t hear from him at all. This was strange as we text every day.
The day after I asked him if he was still up for meeting and he said yes. We met and he drove, I got a taxi. We were there for 2.5 hours and got on really well.he said next time I will get a train so I can relax. He said I will text you when I’m home. He text and said it was nice to meet you , thank you for meeting me. I replied a similar thing. The next day I hear nothing.
Is he really interested . Or was he just to worried about telling me the truth, being kind …

I met a guy at a friend’s party. Another friend made a joke about us being together and it carried through the evening. The connection and chemistry was obvious to everyone. We ended up spending the night together and in the morning he said he’d reach out when he was back from his trip. We’ve exchanged a few texts since but I haven’t heard from him in two days. Should I just calm down and wait for it to play out or move on?

I met a man on a dating site. We exchanged numbers. We text mostly but have had to amazing phone call. We have so much in common. We are going to go out soon on a date. I would love for things to work out for us. But my question is this? Should I stop going on the dating site? For one reason what if he notices I on there and then he feels that he can’t trust me or that I’m dating other men. So should I wait until our date and see what happens?? If I don’t go on there he may think no one else wants to date me!!! Please help!!

If you’ve been seeing him for a while, maybe you could say it’d be nice to hear from him more in between dates. See how he responds.

Thank you for reminding me AGAIN about texting etiquette. I
I find even at my age(57), it’s a constant and ongoing barrier to finding an “adult” male. Lol. So very frustrating when you feel you may have found someone interesting and exchange numbers and can’t even get past the texting crap.(with an occasional phone call with no mention of an actual date, just a possible see you sometime soon?) lol.
There are days where I don’t even want to try anymore.
But then the thought of being a lonely cat lady gets me back out there!

Both divorced with kids since 2018. He has dated someone seriously enough to introduce to his kids, I have not. Heavy, intense texting for three weeks covering all kinds of ground/dealbreakers (dec 1-dec 21) Finally met, hit it off, 2 makeout sessions dec 21 & dec 23; no sex. Then Xmas, etc. texts decreased. No more “good morning texts.” NYE meet up at a chill bar for pool, fun time. Super affectionate, good convo about undergrad, etc. made out in the car a little before going to our respective parties. Minimal texts since NYE. We started texting so intensely, then met and I wouldn’t have sex; just enjoyed the affection and makeout. He acts like there’s chemistry and no dealbreakers discussed in all our texts. Is he just pumping the breaks or slow fading? Said b/c of his divorce he’s “guarded,” seemed really into me. Confused, really felt a connection.

Here’s a weird one. Met guy on line we had great chemistry, then started texting, a 4 hour call, video chat and within a week he drive over 300 miles to see me. We are very different culturally so the time together was a little strained but we really connected on the phone so I stayed open chucking it up to nerves. Well, after in text he said he had a good time and would hang out again, but couldn’t see it working. I wanted to talk about it on the phone but he wouldn’t. Eventually I pushed it a bit because we had developed the relationship on the phone and I wasn’t ok with ending it by text. Ultimately, he blurted out that he is a terrible person, doesn’t deserve a relationship, has issues…He said he can only offer sex and when I said I wanted more and said No to seeing him, he seemingly got upset and blocked me. Ok, It’s a bit too intense for me, but wtf? Any insight?

Matched with the guy 2 months ago. After 2 weeks on the app he finally moved it to fb messenger. He lives an hour away ( not much a distance) but works at a project at the other end of the state. 2 months later: still no call or video chat , only messages. He disappears ( goes off the grid) on non work days. Messages become less frequent. I know I’m being played, knew from the beginning. It’s hard to not only accept it but to also acknowledge the fact.

I started talking to a guy on Tinder. We eventually switched to texting. He would send me good morning texts every morning and ask me how my day was going. Then when I went back home for the holidays he stopped sending me good morning texts or he wouldn’t text me throughout the day. We have been texting for over 2 month now, but haven’t met because our schedules are so busy. Is he losing interest in me? Should I initiate the conversations?

I’ve been seeing a guy for 4 weeks about twice a week. Before meeting each other we texted every day – now we only ever text as a follow-up after a date or to make new plans. I’m confused as to whether he is serious about me or just wants to hook up for a while. We cook for each other, we go out in public, we sleep over and he kisses, cuddles and compliments me a lot. It’s like when we’re together, I have no doubt. It’s whenever we’re not that makes me nervous..

I am an older woman, trying to date online. I hate it.
Everything you wrote I have experienced by immature men.
Unfortunately most men on line are either players or want hookups. They see online dating as a perpectual candy store. They go from one to the next to boost their egos.
Men my age on line don’t really want a commitment. Or seldom. They were married, divorced. Paid attorney fees, child support. Can tell by their lack of effort, they are on line to surface chat, flirt, seek out an occasional hookup.
Your article is by far, one of the best and accurate.
I think online dating works best for younger people who really want to start a life together.
I have read articles saying that most people do not take online dating seriously. I would have to agree. It is because so many people use on line dating for the wrong reasons. Scammers, opportunists, hookups. People don’t want to invest their time and emotions. I have found many dishonest people online. There are some good, honest, decent people too. But few, have to filter through so many BS’ers. On-line dating has been exhausting for me. I have had messages, meet and greets once, no spark or connection, or person really had no intention of a relarionship.
I am on 3 sites, 2 sites are major sites. Activity, but nothing ever seems to go beyond surface. I am letting my memberships end soon. Thankfully. I cannot tolerate online dating. I have 2 men this week who called me. We are supposed to meet, so will see if they follow through. I always hope for the best. Yet, online track record indicates otherwise. For me, would rather meet someone at social event, in a meetup class or church group. See a person, get to know in reality, if attraction the guy will just ask for my number. None of the on line bs and back and forth messaging. Most men online act like boys. They do not act like men. Thank you for your great article.

Met a guy on a dating app. Texting for a bit, he asked me out, we went out. Had a great time, appeared to have a lot chemistry. It’s been 2 days of some texting, he asked me out again this week on a date. But it has only been texting, usually at nights and I’m the mornings before his work. It has been flattering I admit, but no phone call? I said yes to the 2nd date but my gut is telling me something is quite not right because it is only texting since.
He seems as a busy guy, but texting only? Should I cancel the 2nd date? Or am I reading too much into it?

So glad I read about texting and phone calls in a 10days he has called me 2times last night he asked me what time I got up I told him all we did was text I asked he if he was going to call and he never answered I think I got the message thank you, Melinda

Well, matched with a guy in OkCupid. He sent me his number so we can text. For two weeks we texted, very frequently. He asked me out and had a great date. Great chemistry with nice kiss at the end. Then he texted after the date. Talked about how great of a time we had. Now texting is minimal (and I’m not budging in texting him much either because don’t want to seem desperate. What’s going on with him? Why would he give so many compliments and just text once in a while now. It’s only been 2 days since date, but I’m feeling crappy. Advice?

This is interesting. I had an old friend from 38 years ago message me on Facebook. I’m widowed and he’s divorced. He’s been texting me for a week now. After a few texts he did say we should meet for drinks when we are both not so busy. I admit I make it sound like I’m always doing something and we both have a college bound child ready to go back to school soon. Do I wait it out or try to stop this now? I must say it has been so long and it is flirtatious but probably needs to end, even though I thought I’d never need this again, but it has made me realize there is something alive in me yet and I may want to pursue something more.

I met this guy on POF he just move back in town near me hes not working dont have a car barely have anyone to stay everytime we talk on the phone hes always saying look things like I’m hungry….he is a very nice guy show I give him time to get on hes feet if so how much time you should I stay or walk away he is scare of falling in love again because he been hurt really bad

Hello BP I love the advice that you have given other women a eye opener for me …. I just got back in the dating world I have even try dating app I cant find anyone that’s serious about a relationship is it me or people just dont believe in dating anymore ….. they only want sex and I’m not so quick to doing that ….

I went on vacation last month, and on the first day of my three week vacation, this guy from an online dating site sends me a message. I hadn’t really intended on keeping up messaging guys while traveling with my family and kids, but he seemed like such a perfect match, that I couldn’t resist replying. We messaged (a lot) all through my vacation. I sent him photos of where I was, selfies etc., he would do the same. He said he couldn’t wait until I got back to meet me in person. Then, upon my return, from one day to another, he started messaging less frequently. I asked him if he still wanted to meet, and he said “definitely”. He first suggested a 30 minute coffee date, and I told him that I’m not interested in speed dating or checking people off my list. If we wanted to genuinely meet me, then he should invest the time, or else, I’ll pass (I said all those things nicely and with diplomacy)! He agreed, and the 30 minute coffee meet and greet was replaced by dinner, followed by drinks, and finally amazing sex and him sleeping over! We had so much in common, so much to talk about, and an incredible connection. The next day, as we parted ways for work, we kissed, and I asked him if I’ll see him again and he said : yes, let’s do drinks again”. When I got to work, he had already texted me “have a great day” to which I replied equally quickly that I wish him the same, and then no answer until the next morning 6 am when I was woken up by his early reply. I replied once at the office, and we texted forth and back for 10 minutes, until he stopped replying and again, no answer until the next morning 6 am! I actually really like this guy, and would like to see him again and see where things go from there. However, the inconsistency of his texting is driving me nuts! I’m left constantly wondering “maybe I imagined us having a connection, and he just wanted sex?”, although to be honest he doesn’t quite seem the type. OR, he’s talking to a lot of other girls online, and is just stringing me along as one of his options? In any case, I find the whole thing quite nerve-wrecking and am seriously considering not texting him back anymore, and focusing my energy and attention on someone else. What are your thoughts on this situation?

I kinda know about some of these questions and answers but it sure is nice to get someone elses answers who knows best. I recently got in a dating app again figured I try it again and it is literally the same bs men. They get your number and majority of them do no not know how to have a conversation. I have been talking to this guy for a few days he knows I can’t drop everything to come and meet him. He would texted all day but when he gets into the sex talk I stopped that right away, and then i knew he got bored. Now he just texts me gm, then I don’t hear from him all day till 8p.m. and he texts wyd. No hey you how was your day . Just the wyd texted. Sorry he isn’t worth my time, and what you said proves that he is bored and wants me to entertain him until his other person is in contact with him. I want to say thank you for having these websites where I can come back and read

First, love the blog.

From a man’s perspective, woman like to text! How about a dinner, museum, or a coffee. I get kids interfere, your career is important too. But everything you wrote about men doing, women do to! Including as a backup date!

The reality is partially we text because we are busy. Partially as a shield to protect from s repeat of past hurt. Alas, women are avoiding commitment as much as men today.

I do agree the fix is face to face contact.

Neil

I was introduced to this guy by a good friend and we went on two dates with the third one on the schedule in two weeks. He is very sweet, polite, and nerdy. I am the one who has to initiate everything, so it getting a little tired. When I text him, he will text back in a timely manner, but his texts are short and not much depth. He doesn’t tell me anything about himself over text messages, but he would tell me things in person. Giving our professional lives, meeting two times in a month is already a burden on our schedules, so I need texting to stay connect with him. How should I bring this up to him? BTW, he is extremely introvert, which is even harder for me to show my extrovert personality when I am around him. Am I asking for too much or should I just go find someone who matches my upbeat personality?

We got to know each other through app. And we started to chat on whatapp. We have a time difference like about 8 hrs and knew each other for about only 2 weeks and had never met in person until now. Usually he is the one start the conversation. Conversations are more like greeting and kind of what he is up to. But didn’t ask anything about me. Even if I say a few things about me, he didn’t respond over such things. Coversations are pretty short. But recently I received quite pricey gift from him via delivery since he won some sort of contract. All I did was sending a few text to cheer him on right before interview. What does these all mean?

BP I going to be very honest I been dating this guy for 3 years on and off and in between the on and off I been going out on dates with other guys the person I been dating on and off isn’t really my type ….I care about him a lot yes I do love him but I’m not in love with him Im so use to some of the routines things we do that I start to miss it at times I have a hard time of letting go I think I won’t find better I’m I selfish to keep him around for all the wrong reason and not be in love with him help BP

So I asked a guy out for coffee. We both teach part time for a program and he works at a company full time. I’m still a student so we don’t text or see each other much but once a week. In person he seems really interested. He shows signs through body language and speaking to me differently than others. My question is if he doesn’t text me can he still be interested? He replied quickly to my coffee date and set up a time a place. We just don’t text during the week! What should I do or look out for? Thank you!

I met a guy about a month ago and we haven’t gone on a date yet (even though our schedules have a Ent match up) but we have had a couple of opportunities to go. He texts me and calls occasionally. He has brought me lunch to my job a couple of times. He will text everyday. What should I think?

Thanks you have been very helpful. I feel I have fell into that type if relationship with a guy I meet in a dating site always texts every day once in awhile he will call when he can . But never has time to date I. Person . I need to somehow find out if he even cares to have a relationship with me it’s almost been a year .

I have an odd situation. I am married and my husband left in August of 2016, came back in May 2017 and left again in December 2017 by mutual agreement. We were fighting all the time and I wanted to get help and counseling and he refused. We continued to talk and even see each other on and off. Last time we saw each other was September 2018. Since then he has kept it strictly text and now says he is uncomfortable seeing me until we can have a good text relationship. This is absurd to me and I have refused to just text. Every single time we try to have text discussions they end up with him calling me name or telling me to eff off or accusing me of having other people in my life or not loving him etc. I have gotten counseling on my own and have realized he is emotionally abusive and I’ve stopped playing into his games. My question is that sometimes he really does get to me making me feel like I’m ruining this relationship because I refuse to text (beyond the surfacey “hi” “how are you” etc.) which to him shows that I am not interested and I don’t have any care for him. I tell him it is because I never know what version of him I am going to get on text and I am tired of being called names etc. In person he is a totally different person and even himself will say he doesn’t do well apart from me so he gets angry. But now he won’t see me it all and if he ever does decide he wants to do something and I tell him I have plans (which could be simply with the kids) he will just “lol” and disappear or make me feel guilty. I just turned 42 and really feel like this is a toxic relationship but question myself when it comes to divorce and if I’ve really done all I can to save it. I hate text and think it is ridiculous at my age to be relegated to a text relationship with my husband!! Am I crazy? Should I be reaching out by text instead of “demanding” to see each other? Sounds really childish and dumb as I type it but it’s the reality of my situation.

Hello Bobbi,
Great website & podcasts with a lot of advice.
Regarding the topic of text messaging and dating, what about when you do not always have the opportunity to see in person?

I am a mom with co-parenting 50/50, week over week.
So while dating I only can meet up in my childless week.
So when I connect with a man, it often happens that we text a lot (on a daily basis) just to catch up about our live, till the next date.
I scent as you say in this article it creates kind of a connection, but not sure it is the right connection.
What is your advice to people in my situation regarding dating and texting intensity, as you say texting is for clarifying plan and updates?
Dating has quite changed a lot since I was last on the dating scen 15 years ago and it is becoming very confusing and meeting good people seems hard.
Thank you!

Hi, Have a question …
A co-worker’s friend asked for my number and I agreed. He texted for a couple of days, seemed nice. No mention of going out. He now texts me every day, but when I answer, his responses are VERY brief and really leave me struggling to know how to respond. I don’t think he is that interested, so why does he bother to text at all?

So I was talking to this guy through a dating app and everything seemed great. We had so much in common and talked for hours. I gave him my phone number told him to text me and he just never did. Finally I pressed the issue more and be ended up deleting the chat thread. I thought it was strange and friended him on Facebook and he actually blocked me. How did this go from a fun flirty relationship to getting blocked? I’m wondering if maybe he is in a relationship and that’s why he wouldn’t text me directly… So frustrating!! And I’m 40 recently separated and hate this BS so much!

Hi, my situation is super complicated im 44 yr old married woman and there is this 28 yr old guy who ideliver money at my work 2x/wk then he gave me his # but b4 that i already have a crush on him and i start texting him but after 1 week texting w/ him his text bcame all about sex and asking sexy pictures of me but I never do and we see to talk one time and he expecting wer gonna have sex and i said not for thqt one yet but i think im falling for this young guy and i feel so happy and diff but i starting to stop texting him but hes always in my mind what should i do please help ty

I’ve been texting this guy I met online since July. We live a little over an hour apart, and was able to meet about 2 months after we started texting when I was in his city. We’ve talked on the phone a couple times, but everything else has been texting. We text every single day. Our conversations have never turned sexual, which I’m ok with. It’s like we’re good friends, and never get tired of talking to each other. However, I know that I want more. I am looking for a relationship, and would like to see if that could be a possibility for us. I’ve told him that I like him and would like it if we could see each other more often, and he said that he likes me too, but if we lived closer to each other it would be easier. I cut him off for a couple weeks, and we didn’t talk. I told him I needed more than a textingship. And he said he understood. I decided to reach out to him again after a couple weeks. I missed talking to him. Very soon into the conversation he said that we should see each other soon and that he missed talking to me. He’s planning to drive to see me soon. However, I’m not sure if I’m wasting my time. I don’t want to get too invested again. We texted every day for 4 months. We have a lot in common and talk about pretty much everything. Do you think he may just want to be friends or is looking for an ego boost? Did I make a mistake reaching out to him again?

Hi,
Great read btw!

My situation: so I been dating this guy for roughly 3 months now, we TEXT everyday morning and night, we been on couple of dates. However I feel like he’s not putting in effort with me, sometimes 2-3 weeks pass by and doesn’t plan dates to see me, but decides to hang out with his friends instead. Am I over reacting? Should I stop this overall?

Hi Bobby! I just wanna hear some advices from you.
I met him at a festival through my friend’s introduction. At the 1st time we met he seemed to talk to people very naturally and so friendly. It was such a cold and windy day and I just had a light t-shirt so he was so kind to lend me his jacket. At the end of the day, I gave it back to him and didn’t have the thought of meeting him again because he was a lil bit flirty and flashy.
But after that we had some chances to meet again. We talked and laughed and felt that we had chemistry for each other.
One day when I was in his apartment and enjoyed his cocktails I was totally drunk then we had sex then. It was the 5th date.
At the beginning I just thought this relationship would be a friends for benefits but now I feel that I was in love with his intelligence, his sense of humors, his playing guitar skill and so on.
We are still getting on well until recently he has to move to another town for the new job. Then he doesn’t text me often like he did in the early stage. And he never calls me too!
One day I discovered that when we were dating he was going out with another girl but she posted in Instagram that they are just friends. The day he went out with that girl he told me that he went out with friend for hiking but I didn’t care that much because I thought that it was a male friend.
Then I discovered that he hided some posts and one album on Facebook then I couldn’t see it anymore. (I could see it when we first became friends on Facebook) But when Van showed me the post it was nothing that he had to hide from me. (Van is my friend’s friend and maybe he didn’t think that I and Van know each other because we’re not friends on facebook so he didn’t hide that posts from Van)
When we were dating I thought that I made some mistakes like keep asking him “What are we?” , asked about his ex…
He always treats me so gently and sweet. He told me that he doesn’t need to explain about our relationship because I can feel it myself. (Actually I was so confused ).

I think that maybe he is not ready for an exclusive relationship nor he thinks that I was a play girl then he’s not investing much in me?

This month I have a chance to go to his living city then I told him that we could arrange to meet each other he was so happy and eagerly waiting for that.

I’ve read some advices on Google then they told that we shouldn’t have sex until he commits.

What should I do next time when I meet him? Should I tell him we will not have sex anymore until we know each other well.
Should I ask him about the hidden posts he kept away from me?

Please give me some advices !!! Thank you so much!

Enlightening article. A little bummed that it seems to be written especially for me. I’ve been communicating with someone by text for two months. We met once for coffee and text just about everyday. I haven’t been out with anyone since my husband died 5 years ago & he knows that. I thought he was just being super polite and taking it slow. The texting is slacking off and I’m left a little sad because I’ve built a false connection with this man. I know, I know! I’m moving on! Dating at 45 is not for the faint of heart!

We have been on several dates from Aug til Sept i didnt see him at all in Oct he has never been to my home and he dosen’t know where i live and i have never been to his home we meet somewhere and i get in the car with him and we go hang out i dont have tight schedule and he kinder do to we text back and forth daily the day and talk late night on the phone for hours when i try to flirt with him blow me off and i ll to ask him a personal question he will answer it but won’t ask me back the question ill give him the answer but sometime im weary about if he really looking for a relationship or just a friendship he never ask me where i live but he does tell me how he appreciate me listening to him at time his text have been pretty dry. and phone call sometimes wont be answered but will call me 45,mins to a hour later one time his other line was ringing at 2 am he claimed he didn’t know the number this was the second time that happen iam i over thinking or overreacting i did say something about the wAy he has been alittle distance at time esp when he go pick up his children or he has to do this or that that deal with the kids mother he claimed the been broken up for 2 years i think its been shorter than that …..now he’s been ignoring my texts and phone call maybe my approach was wrong or he’s mad because i figured him out or the situation i. did have a. feeling that something was stopping him from getting closer to me ..he didn’t really flirt much with me or say anything much sexual either he will tell me that i look pretty or nice on the date but he was a huge fan of kissing never aggressive never inquired about coming to my home or me coming to his home something just didn’t seem right I was just thinking maybe he was just a different guy or something was just stopping him from getting close to me maybe he could still be seeing the kids mother or he had someone please help me very confused now we haven’t spoken in like 2 days when I confronted him about the way he had been acting lately the distance and the text messages and the phone calls he’s so upset I guess he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore and then I figure him out

hello i met this guy on online dating we’ve been talkin on the phone and text back and forth since late July we haven’t really seeing each other much but we text a lot and talk on the phone for hours it seems like he makes time for everyone else but haven’t made any time for me I usually see him maybe once a month or twice a month now it’s like I’m only seeing him maybe once every two months one month i didnt see him at all but we talk on the phone late night for hours how do I know if he’s really into me he tells me he wants to see how far this is going to go what should I do

I stated in my on line dating profile that I want to date men in my city (New York). I do not drive and will not travel to a place I have no way of getting to and from on my own.
So I get LOTS of messages from guys who don’t live here. They are married or just want to text message me to death!
One guy said he used to date a girl in Manhattan and it was fine. He told me about a nice restaurant he likes. He says his sister lives here. So all this and LOTS of text messages. It seems this guy wants to know many details about me before he comes into NYC (if ever) to meet me. He also said I remind him of one of his Facebook friends from high school days.
The bottom line is, as you said, will he make a date and show up?
I cannot stand tons of text messages with lots of personal information, especially with a man I have never met.
I agree with you that texting is not the same as dating. I am around his age and cannot believe all this texting but no talk of a date.
I feel a lot of guys want some sort of certainty that there is going to be a connection before investing in a date. That is the reason I’m particular that I won’t date men from out of town. They have to make a big effort to meet up and want some sort of assurance that it’s going to pay off.
That is unrealistic and also it is impossible to know a person via text. You actually have to meet them.
I have been on many internet dates. Some of them were not too great and none of them resulted in a “love connection”. That’s the nature of dating perfect strangers from the internet. You take it or leave it.
My experience with guys who live far away is that they ARE far away. They want to text to have a “connection” but it is not “real”. It is basically a way for a bored guy to pass the time.
I removed my dating profile from the internet because I was getting very agitated by the constant texting of guys who never followed through with a date.
I am a grown up and if the guy cannot date like a grown up – he is a boy.
It is understandable that he may be afraid of making a false move. Yeah – me too. So if you do not have the gumption to date like a man, leave the woman alone. There are no guarantees and she can’t get back the time she spent with you either. So don’t be a baby. Make a date and follow through and see what happens. So many of these guys text me tell me of their desires for intimacy and connection. I read their profile. I get it. I am assuming that is why they are on a dating website. Texting is not dating. It’s texting.
If a guy sends you lots of texts but does not follow through with dates, it’s on you if you let him continue to do that.
I happen to have a land telephone line in addition to a cell phone. One of my past boyfriend sent me oodles of texts but never answered my phone calls or called me. We had so many miscommunications because of this I cannot tell you. It got better for a little while when I blocked his number on my cell phone so he HAD to call me and speak to me if he wanted to see me. Just idly texting me made it easy for him to stay detached. So I found out that if he REALLY wanted to make things happen, he actually picked up the telephone and called me, left a message and answered my phone calls. We had much better and more clear communication in that manner.
Texting is good for setting times and dates and maybe short messages. It does not take the place of an in person experience.

Old guy friend from 10 years ago messaged me weekly for about a month, at first just general how are you- then he proceeded to tell me he’s been interested in me since first time we met. We made plans for me to fly up to visit for a few days next month for Thanksgiving. Now I haven’t heard from him in over a week. I definitely don’t want to chase him but what gives. I know he’s been moving into a new place but I am beginning to question was he sincere in his interest. Any advice??

I should mention he has asked to meet up but I said no last-minute because I was hung up with assignments

I’m 50 and back on the dating scene after 17 years off it. I met a guy through ‘Match’. He’s working in Europe at the minute, coming home every 3/4 weeks. I knew from the start that it was going to be long distance texting/chatting to see where things go. I’m fine with that, we both lead busy lives and I’m not wanting to rush into a full on relationship but at the same time I want to know I’m in it with someone who wants to be in it with me for the right reasons. We text everyday and chat every week. We have met once and got on great. The snog at the end of the night was a surprise and amazing, leaving me wanting more and him too by what he said by text later when we both got home. I send more texts, sometimes playful but not sexting. I love word play and use quotes and memes which most of the time get a positive response. I’ve done this from day one. We agreed to a 2nd date two weeks ago and have spoke about it but he couldn’t give me a date he is coming over. That was over a week ago. I work shifts and need to plan although I do like spontaneity. Should I ask him directly or is that sounding too needy? I am attracted to this guy but I need to know for peace of mind too. I don’t just want to be his go to thing when he comes home to give him something to do to boost his ego. How do I approach that one subtly without sounding needy? I suspended my match account after a few weeks of chatting with him because I couldn’t cope with chatting to different guys when I was more interested in this one. Help!! Advice please…

I been texting with a guy for 2 years, we have had 3 dates in 2 years. The first meet he gave me a black $70 dollar wristband, its 1 of his product, he also told me he wanted to start building with me. By the 3rd date he shared personal stuff with me. I stopped asking to see him. My bday is tomorrow he suppose to come over. I will not sleep with him until he invest in me and I need to be in a committed relationship before sleeping together. I told him I invest what he invests. I won’t even let him touch certain body parts, i told him he needs to earn it. He said ok, he will. I told him action, not words. I do date other men. I will not put my eggs in 1 basket, till he makes an effort.

Good to know. I “met” a guy on Twitter. We did a few days of DMing. Eventually, it trailed off. I never felt quite right about the guy or all the DMing. Glad to know my instincts were correct.

Point taken, that makes complete sense. I think I had created communication expectations based on our last week of texting which wasn’t fair. Thanks for the sound advice!

Met this guy on an online dating app. Which was a first for me (I have never met anyone this way)…we texted/talked for about 3 weeks before meeting in person, we hit it off on our first date and have been seeing each other since, it’s been 2 going on 3 months now. He’s introduced me to his mom, aunts siblings cousins and some of his friends (another aunt just a few days ago). We always, always have a great time, we’ve even spend nights at each others place…however in the past couple weeks I’ve noticed a huge decrease in his text messages, before I’d get a good morning a goodnight and other messages in between asking about my day, I miss you text etc. etc. We’ve spend almost every weekend together since our first date and some days during the week but on the days we dont see each other I barely hear from him, most of the time I have to be the one to initiate a conversation and when I do his answers are short and dry. I really dont know what to think of it. We’re both grown adults (35/37) who enjoy each others company when we’re together so I don’t understand why he is being this way…as a woman it does make me feel a bit insecure, like he’s losing interest, or maybe he feels like he doesnt have to make an effort anymore…I dont know if I might just be over analyzing things since I am starting to develop stronger feelings for him and I’m afraid he might be drifting apart.
Your input is appreciated THX 🙂

I had been hooking up with this guy for 2 months. He had taught me how to conquer my fear and gain confidence driving in the freeway. He knows about my life.He is very busy in his work and he usually doesnt reply to all my text though. I text him every day and he usually reply after his work or the next day. I tried to not text him that often and he would be the first one to text me how was my day. I am getting mix signals because at times i feel he cares for me but sometimes i feel he doesnt. I dont know but it seems he care for me sometimes but he told me in the beginning he is not looking for long term relationship. I did try to forget him but he started texting me. He just have a female roomate who i already met. At first i was jealous but i start to understand the situation. Last time i mentioned to him im going to paris alone and he asked me with whom? I told him alone and he said i should not be going alone. I am waiting for him to tell me if he wanna go with me but he didnt. I told him i fall for him a month ago but he told me he is not ready because he just got out of 6 years relationship. Now that i started texting him less often he usually text me first or call me. Is it possible he is changing his mind?

So I met this 58 year old man online. we met a few days later, had a great first date, made plans to see one another the following weekend. In the meantime he called and sent thoughtful texts everyday. Now fastforward to 2 months into seeing one another one weekends and him calling every single day until 2 weeks ago. On a Friday he called and let me know that his 15 yr daughter would be spending the weekend with him, I replied by saying that’s great,however he could hear it in my voice that I was bummed out because I probably wouldn’t get to see him. I had gotten some no so good news earlier that day and that just piled on top of me not getting to see him. In feeling sad all around I said to him it’s fine if we cant see one another that I understood and by all means he should spend time with his daughter and that I would talk to him later since I had to be at work really earlier the next morning. He then said I love my daughter but want to see you too so how about if I call you around 12 on Saturday and maybe we could do something Sunday afternoon. About 15 minutes after hanging up, my fear set in and I started texting him saying I hope he’s not upset with me, that I hope he doesn’t think I’m upset at his daughter for wanting to spend time with him, I let him know that I was sorry for so many text msgs, that I had all these thoughts rolling in and wanted him to know what I was thinking instead of keeping it all in. Saturday came, no phone call, no message, nothing and I started sending him one message after the other, nothing. Once before this I had kind of put myself in a similar situation thinking I had said something wrong and sent him a bunch of messages. He let me know then and there he didn’t would not get into a conversation via text messaging. and he was adiment about that in which he raised his voice at me. Later for it. so for the nest 4 days I sent message after message asking why he had disappeared, what’s going on, that I wasn’t upset about him spending time with his daughter, little relationship quotes, telling him I miss him. A week has gone by as well as it has been 2 weeks since we last saw each other. I know I sent to many text messages and he know that I have been hurt a lot and has been very understanding of that. We definitely started to care about one another and us talking to each other every single day, I had no doubt that we really liked and enjoyed spending time together. I know I messed up, but it’s killing me because I finally opened my heart up and now he’s disappeared. I don’t know how to fix this or if it’s even fixable. I was only being human and said nothing negative in my texts. I am a 51 yr old woman who wears my heart on my sleeve and definitely a work in progress and learned from my mistakes. Is there anything I can do or say to get us back where we were.

I met this guy two weeks ago on Tinder. We moved the texting to a coffee date on a Saturday, and set up the next date for the arcade the following Saturday. In between that week, the texts fell off drastically. When I met him at the arcade, he said he was spending too much time thinking of what to say over text, and so he just wouldn’t text anything. He didn’t kiss me or compliment me, and we split the bill on everything. The next day after our second date, I waited all day for a follow up text. I sent one around 7, telling him I had a good time. He said he had a good time too, and again, said he spent all day trying to think of what to say. Is this an excuse? I guess I’m just wondering if he’s even into me at all.

For a month we text and call, and lastladt weekend it was going to be our first time meeting up and he even suggested a branch date. The Thursday before he told me that he was nervous about a check up at the doctor s for his heart issue that we talked over the phone for over 20 minutes. His last text was Friday. And from there on it was no call and no show, however his profile on line shows that he is active and always green, that he is online all the time. No it’s been 6 days of no contact. What do you thing of this? I’m just curious.

I just broke it off with a guy who only communicates through text and we are in our 40’s! We never hang out, I’ve seen him twice in a month because he’s too busy, but yet he textes me all day and night every day.
So weird.

Sooooooo very true…..I just went through this…..texted him for the last time and told him what I thought of him…..a lesson learned

I haven’t been able to find any help regarding my situation. First off let me start by saying I’m a widow and just got back into the dating world. I met a guy online. We message and texted for a few weeks before going on our first date. Everything is great, we text everyday all day. We dated for a few months, he even introduced me to his family at his mom birthday dinner. Still not even one actual phone call because he says he hates talking on the phone. Recently I noticed his texting was becoming less active. I asked if things were heading to the friend zone. He said I don’t know I like you a lot. I don’t know what’s going on in my head. I think you’re great but can’t seem to go all in with you. We agreed that having drinks from time to time is good and call it day. Not 2 days later he asked if I wanted to come hang out with him and his family for dinner. He is a little off/on right now. Sends me text throughout the day just as before but maybe a little less. Then drops things on me like I’m such an inspiration and that no one knows him like I do. We have not had sex and that is not something he has even attempted because he is a gentlemen. He once every couple days tells me he still likes me but he is so messed up in the head and thinks he is going through some kind of mid life crisis. He is 40 and been married twice already. I like him but I have no problems being friends with him either. I just don’t know if I should end texting completely because besides when we are together that is the only way he communicates besides social media. He sends me texts when he wakes up and before he goes to bed. He is giving me all the signs he wants to be with me but completely off and on from day to day. Thoughts?

I dated a guy for just over a month last year. We spent a lot of time together but it was too soon after he’d broken up with his ex. He met her for coffee to talk and I said well if you go I’m out. I stuck to my words and vanished from his social media etc gone completely no contact.
We met again through Tinder a year later and we had an amazing date right back to us and unfortunately I slept with him. He messaged every day for 5 days letting me know he got a new job which I suggested. Then nothing for two days then a call to say he was on a long distance haul with work he drives a delivery van he said he was thinking about coming to see me when he got back but it would be too late that night 9.30 or 10pm and he was exhausted.
So the next day I said hi to him via text we chat hea responsive and wishes me luck in my job interview telling me not to worry but it’s been 9 days since our first date and no sign of a second other than him thinking of coming to see me!!!
I’ve no intention of contacting him again now and I can stick to that.
But what’s your opinion of whata going on.
I should say we both had a rough year he finally departed from the ex and I had a disasterous five months relationship where the guy rushed in and rushed me too fast. So when he said let’s take this slowly I agreed but still no second date after 9 days is that normal?

Many thanks
Rachel Corbally

I was recently traveling with my friend and my son when we stopped by to visit her friend. He said he liked me and wanted to keep in touch. He sent me a friend request on facebook and he sends me private messages daily. His messages are polite but they always end in good night kisses and/or morning hugs. He makes jokes about thumb wrestling for kisses and so on. I have only met him once and there is a 20 year age gap. I’m not opposed to getting to know him better but I find these types of messages annoying when I hardly know the person. I feel pressured into responding politely when I’m really not enjoying the exchange. I called my friend to vent my frustrations and she told him to leave me alone. Now it seems we can’t be friends because I didn’t enjoy his little advances. I am feeling a lot frustrated, with him, with her and the whole situation. She insists he is not flirting with me and that I should find someone who is “exactly like me.” Now I feel two friendships are in jeopardy. I have known her for over 17 years so I felt safe venting to her. Now I find myself feeling a little vulnerable and dare I say, betrayed. We were planning another trip in a couple of weeks but we never even made it that far. I tried to let him know in a subtle way that I was not receiving his advances but he chose not to heed my hints. I suppose this is why I’m single at 48. I don’t suffer fools and I prefer conversation to text messages. At least take the time to get to know me before you assume I want to cuddle, hug and kiss! I don’t know who I can trust with this since my friend doesn’t seem to understand.

Met a guy online about 2months ago and he asked if he could call. I said yes and we had a nice talk. He seemed nervous that I would not like him and really glad that I wanted to hear from him again. After that it was all text. Saying good morning and good night sweet dreams every night and plenty of text conversations. Sharing photos. Not the sexy kind. Kept telling me how much he liked me and one day soon we are going to meet face to face. He kept addressing me as friend or my friend which I thought was a little weird. I was wondering to myself if he just wants a text buddy then suddenly last week he texts when can we meet. I said when do you like and he said tomorrow or Monday. I said I have Monday off so then. That night I was busy and did not text him. Next morning I saw his texts about do I like chocolate and what kind of flowers and where to meet and I replied. He said I thought you did not want to talk to me anymore. I said no just busy with work deadline. I said I would think about where to meet. Went to new years eve party that night and texted and shared photos with him about that. Next morning was day we were supposed to meet. He said good morning and we text chatted a bit then he said I AM going to visit my mom ttyl and nothing about meeting. So I said do you still want to meet and he said would you mind a raincheck my friend. I said you have something else to do he said yes my mom, cleaning, food shopping. I said ok. Two more days of good morning and good night then I get a text saying he wants to be honest and respectful. He has been chatting with someone else he has a strong feeling for. Told me how beautiful and smart and good I am and thanks for sharing my thoughts and time. I actually was not all that into him but still a letdown and felt like he wasted my time by expressing strong interest for months. And don’t like the way he canceled the supposed date. We are both early 50s never married.

Bobbi,
I need your thoughts. I recently before the holidays went on two dates with a man, right before the holidays. After our second date last Friday, he called me on the Sunday of Xmas week and we talked for an hour. He left town a few days later to see his large family over Xmas. I texted him on Xmas eve (one week, and he had not contacted me) a playful text about him missing snow angels and hoping santa had him on the nice list this year. He responded immediately and we sent 2-3 texts each. Anyhow, I have not heard from him since Sunday and was i too pushy? And what are appropriate expectations of the holiday time. I am not sure when he is back.

Ugh I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen victim to the serial texter. We text everyday and video chat at night but when I hinted at him liking me he denied me. Felt so dumb. He still wants to keep the communication going but I don’t think it’s a good idea seeing that I like him smh. I feel extremely foolish.

Sherry , you’re absolutely right, I can’t stand texting, would much rather hear your voice and hear your texts . I find men hide behind the screen because it doesn’t evolve emotion or inflection of your voice, to some men I guess this is scary. Grow up. If you like a woman it’s immature to string her along with affectionate endearing texts and pull her heart strings, step up to the plate and show her and be physically present!!

As a divorced working parent who recently met another divorced working parent, who lives 45 minutes away, I have to say that texting is the life’s blood of any relationship. I’m at work or at the store or with my kids and I don’t want or need the people around me to hear a 45-minute personal conversation. If I want to talk on the phone I have to go out on the porch after my kids are in bed. As a responsible mom, I don’t want them to know I’m dating at all until I’ve been with someone for at least a couple of months and am reasonably confident they’ll be around for a while.

Even my 73-year-old mom prefers texting most of the time, as she’s waiting in line at the store or for a doctor’s appointment or whatever. Very few people have the time any more to sit still and talk for 30 or 60 minutes like we did in the 80’s. Most of my phone conversations are in the car, as I’m driving my 45 minutes to or from work.

Thank you for writing this. I was introduced to a guy by mutual friends about 4 months ago. I liked him instantly and we had great chemistry. I had our friends and him over for a dinner party at my house, and he wrote the most beautiful iMessenger message when he got home afterwards. I was out of town then for about a month during which time we would regularly iMessenger all night until sunrise. The conversations were witty, intimate, and captivating. He is a man of writing, in all senses, and it’s one thing I like about him. When I returned back home, I hosted another dinner party instantly, to see him and our friends and it was great. Since then we message almost everyday but it’s like pulling teeth to get him to spend time with me in person. I pushed once and got an afternoon with him, and he seemed to enjoy it, but it didn’t feel like his idea. I asked him to an art gallery another time and we had a good time, but again it wasn’t his idea. I’ve grown tired of the incessant messaging and no effort to spend time in person. I finally responded to a message that he can feel free to call me if he’d like to talk. Silence. The next day I realized that through all that time and seemingly intimate messaging he’d never bothered to ask for my phone number! I feel like an idiot for not realizing this whole time that he was using me, whether he realizes it or not, for his own pleasure, on his terms, with no intention of actually getting to know me. I’m grateful for the lesson, even though my heart is hurt, because I know now the red flags of emotional immaturity. Including my own.

I met a guy online. Took a while to meet and we went out 4 times. There were some cancellations and changes but when we go out we have a great time. He’s asked to take it slow and be patient as he has been traveling but how do I know if he’s blowing me off or honest. He texts me everyday and I like him but it’s so hard to tell

I met a guy off of a dating website. We hit it off right away. So we exchanged numbers and talk til 3am…we text all day and he calls every night to say good night to me. I finally went out on a date with him after 2 weeks. We had a deep and emotional connection. We had sex that night, but we already had covered the sex talk in one of our long endless conversations. Both agreed that it wouldn’t be an issue if we had sex. We were looking for someone to have fun with and have a companion. The text haven’t stopped nor has the say good night calls. But I haven’t seen him since our date and it’s been 2 weeks. He works long hours during he week and he said he only has the weekends for free time. I’m so confused. He says he likes me and wants to get to know me better but hasn’t taken the time to see me…what are you thoughts on this situation?

Hi. I met a guy on okcupid and after 6 months we started texting. We texted from sun up until after 1 am everyday. We lived in the same state but not same city. I moved about a half hour from him finally. We planned to meet twice but he canceelled both times. We had talked on the phone only 4 different times , he said he loved my voice but later told me he did not like to talk on the phone so we did not. When I would tell him to call me he would abruptly stopped texting and say goodnight. We texted from 2015 to recent Sept 2017. We shared everything , or so I thought. I told him personal things and he shared things with me as well. We snapchatted each other every day and we both would screenshot each others pictures. We would text flirt but then he took it a bit further telling me his fantasies about me. The second time we set up to meet I went and bought a dress , shoes, nails etc. I was scared but willing… that night we had a fight through texting and after hours of back & forth he told me we meet he would need a weeks notice? Only he never mentioned or asked to meet again. We contimued to text and he texted me Good morning every morning but I felt something was off and always kind of pushed him and I was super scared. I thought he was the “one”. He seemed to text less while he was working and I started lightly accusing him of talking to another girl which infuriated him. He told that he is not an angry person but that I made him mad alot. So I apologized and shut down even more and got quieter. Last month he ran hot and cold and did not texted less frequently and I caught him in some lies. He didn’t seem to care anymore about me and it hurt. Our last text he told me he had just moved my pics out of his phone and I stupidly asked if he was going to delete them? He asked did I want him to? I responded and asked him did he want to….his response was he didn’t know he’ll see. I was beyond hurt and that was our last text. He quit texting good morning and nothing at all. A week later I see on his facebook (we Don’t and never followed each other only on IG ) He posted he is in a relationship!? I was beyond hurt and how can he do this and a million questions… He is over the moon happy in his posts to. It has been a week and I don’t look anymore cuz it all still hurts. He told me so many things and we “planned” stuff. I understand things end but I feel so used and he strung me along and I also do not understand how he can say he cares about me abd always will whether I know it or not? I’m realizing that none of it was real even though it felt real . I told him so many private things and shared to much. The thing is he won’t and has not told me he is in a relationship and I don’t understand why he doesn’t tell me ? He has sent me 3 snapchats but the last one I don’t open. After everything we “shared” how can he just stop talking to me and not tell me anything and disappear. He knows how hurtful this is because it happened to him with a girl he had talked to on ok cupid before me. My sister tells me I am to naive which I am. He told me I could trust him and I believed him and did. I thought he was different and would never do this to me. He had to have been talking and seeing this other girl while talking to me right? I am a fool. I am stupid. I am not strong enough to ask him yet and tell him I know but nor do I think I should have to. I am not experienced with guys at all and he told me he had never been with a girl either? I know I need to forget him but it’s hard. I feel like he forgot me already in 3 weeks and he treats me like I never existed. I was starting to push him a little and ask why noone knew about me except for one of his best friends… He is 27 and lives at home still with his Mom and dad and he never told his mom about me (I would ask) why and he said his parents are against meeting someone online. My mom is to but I told everyone in my family about him and all my friends. Any helpful insight why he won’t shoot me a text and say he met and is with someone ? Thanks and sorry

Ive been talking to this guy i met on tinder for 3 months now. We have texted each other literally everyday for 3 months straight except maybe not hearing from him for 2 days at one point. He wanted to meet up about a month ago but I had plans already. This past week he hasn’t texted near as much and I texted him two days without a response. Finally I sent him a Snapchat and he responded. So I hinted that he hasn’t responded in 3 days so he texted me “good night” that night but other than the good morning that’s all we’ve been texting these past few days, no texting throughout the day. I asked him if something is up if he’s losing interest or what the deal was and all he says is “I’m sorry sweetie, I’ve just been busy ” I understand that yes he could have been busy he works 12 hours out of town and stays in a hotel for the week with his coworkers. But he also mentioned how the past 2 days he’s only worked a couple
hours and those so happened to be the days I didn’t hear from him and one of those days he had the day off. Am I thinking too much into it and being crazy or should I be concerned with his actions the last few days?

I thoroughly dislike text. Fortunately, I only date men I meet in person, so I always get asked out in person or via phone. (I never will understand the online obsession….its really creepy! And meeting men is easy, so why??)
Anyway, I actually will use how a men texts and communicates as a screening tool. If he relies on text too much, or does it too frequently, he’s done.
I just see guys the text alot as weak. Like little girls. And kind of flakey.
My method works well for me because it reflects my standards. It saves me from wasting time on losers and gives me more time with men who naturally fit my needs and style.
My current amazing man never texted at the beginning. Only calls and dates. Its been 9 months now, and he still rarely texts. Always calls if possible. Love!
Personally, I would rather have flowers brought to me at the end of the day then a “thinking about you” text.
Lame.
I mean, I KNOW you’ve been thinking about me! But what are you doing for me?
Do not let him TELL you, ladies. He should SHOW you with an action that took effort.
Texting is a cop-out.
Less is more in the text world.
And in relationahip, there IS a thing as too much verbal communication.
Far better to use your senses and physical body to connect : )

Met a guy online. After about a week, we were texting and finding out more about each other. Scheduled to meet last Tuesday and literally had a cancel minutes before due to actual tornado and bad roads. Talked about meeting later that week for lunch but then he couldn’t due to meetings. I offerred Sunday afternoon and his response was “let me see what I can do, supposed to meet up with friends”. Texted a little Saturday but never heard back about today. Can’t figure out if I should just give up

Hello Bobbi, I met a charming man online (not in a dating site but in a professional network). We started exchanging emails about our professional lives and our countries (we live in different continents – Portugal and Brasil) and exploring cultural differences. He gave me his number, we started texting in whatsapp and then he found my facebook profile. He shows great interest in getting to know me and tries to impress me with his little things (as guys normally do). He has sent me some pictures of his daily life and it’s really cute of him to do that. I feel he’s trying to build some connection with me despite the distance. It’s been almost two months. I really like what i see and hear from him and i guess the opposite is also true because he has always initiated contact (i never contacted him first) and we talk almost on a daily basis. He told me he would like to visit Europe and that he will come and visit me as soon as possible for him. My question is: does this story could mean something in terms of relationship potential? Should i just drop it because we live too far away and probably we’ll never be? or should i give it a try? i feel i can’t just drop it (like stopping answering him for example) i keep my expectations low because i can’t see him and our only way of communicating so far is texting. I don’t like texting very much but i’ve enjoyed getting to know him (not too much personal details so far, only generic info) but i think because of the circunstances it’s the only way we have to communicate. we could also use skype, of course, but i’d like to be him suggesting that.
Maybe I should initiating texts with him too and ask him directly where does he sees things going but it’s not what i do when i meet someone in my city and also because i don’t want to come off as an aggressive woman, which i’m not. but i also don’t like the idea of starting to get somehow attached and fall in the trap of the Fantasy relationship. What do you think? Thank you 🙂

Hello I have been texting this guy for about 9 months back and fourth and we were really hitting it off then out of know where he texted me and was like can I call you it was the best time I had then he stopped calling and texting and I don’t know why help me

Hi,

I’ve read your points and I believe I’m falling to option 5 here… I met a 55 year old man through an online dating website… this situation is a little different for me in the way that he’s a widower and new to the dating scene after 25 years of marriage. He sent a few texts every few days in the beginning and now it’s daily. He sends pictures of him and his children and I enjoy the texts and seems to be moving forward but slowly… has not asked inquired about an in person date and our texts are usually about our day to day activities and kids.

A… I don’t want to come off as pushy or insensitive…

B… I’m not sure if he’s actually been on a date with a woman since his wife passed and I’m not sure that’s a question I should ask.?

C… do I make the first move as indicated in option 5?

Open to advice…

Thanks

I’m a 49 year old woman. I joined a dating site and met (online) a man who lives about 70 miles away. We began texting, and I learned that he recently moved from very far away to care of his dying mother. We texts fairly regularly in the mornings and evenings. We’re both busy during the day. Our conversations have become very deep and we realize we have some fundamental things in common. We have spoken on the phone twice, but we both seem reluctant to do that again. Not sure why on either part. I know he is very wrapped up emotionally with what is happening with his mom. This is understandable, and I’ve been there. He’s been very sweet and romantic and shared some painful stuff with me. It’s been going on about 2 months now. Hard to make plans when you don’t know if your mom is going to be there tomorrow. She is on dialysis 3 times a week, if that tells you anything. I feel selfish wanting more of his time… Which really means seeing him in person. I get the feeling that he’s holding back because it’s such a weird time in his life. It really is a weird time in his life. Not exactly tranquil in mine either, but that’s another story and not nearly what he’s going through. In this case I feel okay about continuing our texting only (well mostly) relationship. He’s never missed a good morning or a good night. Any thoughts?

Hi. I’ve known this guy for over ten years. When we first met we never really dated because we were younger and he was so nervous. 2 years after we left high school we hooked up and again a year later. We still never made a relationship out of it because he was unemployed he said he thought of himself as a bum and apologized to me. We haven’t seen each other in over three years, I now have a son. He found me through social media. Ever since then we have been texting almost everyday for the past two 1/2 weeks. He always initiates conversation whether he text last or not and calls me( I never initiate convo because I’m to confused). He tells me he misses me and how i was his high school love. He flirts with me like sends hearts, calls me love, and talks about the past when we were younger in school. (Surprisingly he remembers a lot). But he never flirts in a sexual manner i have tried once but he didn’t continue, I wanted to know what his intension were. He doesn’t like when I call him my friend, but doesn’t ask me out to see me or anything. Whenever he texts/calls me its during the day or telling me good morning. I don’t know why he keeps texting me or what he wants. Thank You for your help in advance.

Hi Bobbi

I sent you a message a few weeks ago ‘re problems I was having with a guy ive been messaging online..had no reply from you it’s now been 2 weeks and still no message from him although when I go on the dating site he’d logged on a different times but just doesn’t message me….please help I’m feeling so sad is he just playing games? Or just thinking i will message him sooner or later seeing as I told him I liked him alot? Feel so low and like im a first class fool… I need some words of wisdom xx

Hi, glad I’ve found your site. Although am pretty sure I know the answer would just like your advice … met a guy 45 separated, dated 7 times over 10 months. We both have busy lifestyles running cattle properties. Hes 4 hours away and comes to town every 2nd weekend to spend with his kids. Long story short, he called it off as I wanted more than dinner drinks and a shag which was all I required at the time as was going through divorce. Hes a good man, true gentleman, great father and a businessman. His parting words were that if he was in a different stage in his life he would be at my doorstep constantly. 6 months later, see him at cattle show, we’re polite, he sends a text later that day asking if I would like to get coffee sometime. I say yes. Hear nothing. Another 6 months later he wishes me merry Christmas and we chat and he briefly mentions that hes been going through his divorce settlement, and asks me for a drink, we agree after the school holidays. 6 months gone and no drink. Meanwhile I’ve been dating other men, not too many get a second. I’m 45, tall, blond and quite attractive and dont have a problem getting men. However, this guy is the only man I would ever consider introducing my daughter to. Do you think hes just not ready or is he seeing if I’m still available to him.

Dear Bobbie
I met a married man who sells jewelry
He is very nice and we have met once for lunch
All he does is texting and never a phone call
Iam in a sexless and loveless marriage. And I craving attentionhe says I could be quite perfect match for him if anything ever happened between he and his wife
He is on his 3rd marriage
He never makes plans to see me and I feel like this is going nowhere
He says he just wants a friendship with me and i think that is fine but how are we having a friendship if I never see him
This has been going on since February and we have gone out once
What should I do about him
Iam not in the position to end my marriage

Hi,
My situation is slightly different from described here because I am married, but need to get divorce for a long time now. My husband is very controlling, abusive and I am extremely unhappy. However, he makes very good living so i didn’t have to work and it’s very nice lifestyle I would never be able to explore otherwise. Now it seems almost impossible to find decent employment for me to get a divorce. I married for 14 years and decided to check what’s out there before i ruin that what I have. Anyhow, I met someone little bit over a year ago. He is younger, very attractive, and makes as much as my husband if not more. I told him right from the start I am married with children…So we talked, texted, met and the rest. I don’t love him ( but I would)…I love energy comes from him when I get close. It drives me insane…sexually. But then it didn’t go anywhere…He thought (or pretended to be stupid, he is very intelligent otherwise) I just can move in with him. Obviously never been married and has no kids to think like that. So when he can meet I can’t because children activities, weekend is out of question obviously. He works during a day and that’s only when i can meet. I thought if he really wanted me he would make it happen even if it’s difficult. So I ended this relationship 3 times already and I was pregnant during this period of time too, unintentionally. He didn’t mind me be pregnant with another man’s child. Nevertheless, I ended this. But he kept so persistently texting me and calling until I just can’t take it and answer. Of course, back in my mind I thought he must be serious. But I was expecting him to be my REAL (financial and emotional) support in getting a divorce and he is not there at all. I know he is jealous (for no reason) i explained that there is no feelings in my marriage and barely any sex. I met other men in a meantime who were willing to help and support me in this situation, but right chemistry wasn’t there.If he just gaming me why he just can’t leave me alone and move on someone else? Although, he didn’t want to have kids EVER (biological) and that’s why his other previous relationships all ended. Now he DOES want to have kids with me. I don’t get it…I know it’s not me special. He had chances to be really happy and lost it ONLY because of kids dilemma. At the end of the day he just don’t do actions… I would expect him to do regarding helping me. I now plan to end this again FOR GOOD (no back doors open) but doubts cross my mind: maybe I should keep in touch? although it takes too much time these texts and so on. Confusing…

I love this analogy of the “trunk”. I have a guy that does this every month, or so. Says he’s checking on me. I don’t reply. We stopped talking when he never made IRL plans, but he will still send a text once in awhile. I don’t have time in my life for games

I met someone on a dating website while he was vacationing where I live, time didn’t permit for meeting in person. We’ve been texting for a month now and we say we are going to call each other but we haven’t yet. Am I wasting my time?

The fact he wants to actually call you again is a positive sign, in my opinion. It shows he’s interested in communicating with you properly. There are some people who don’t immediately proffer a date until they feel comfortable with the person they’re speaking to. He might be one of those. I would say give him a chance and see how things develop. As long as he’s not a serial same-one-liners texter, there’s some promise.

Awesome first date last Friday with daily texting since the date. We texted without meeting in person six months ago but I broke it off because I didn’t think I could handle dating someone with a child. But, we reconnected last week and I reconsidered. We had a great first date and he remembered the candy I like and brought that to the movie we saw. He planned it all. We had a lot of funny things in common too, somewhat serendipitous. Now it’s Wednesday and he has yet to ask me on a second date. Still, get the daily texts and funny cat videos. I’ve been getting mixed reviews from friends; some day to give up on it because he should be banging down doors to make plans with me. Others are saying give him more time. Others are saying I should ask him out. I’m inclined to give it another couple of days and then say something. If this was really the real thing, would I have to wonder??? Help!