This is one skill I want you to master: Rejecting online dating rejection. Learning to accept rejection gracefully, with as few “dings” to your self-esteem as possible, is key to finding your true love using online dating.
As a dating coach, I’ve found the #1 reason you won’t have success with online dating is giving up too soon. What you perceive as online rejection can exhaust you mentally and the positive attitude you started out with will quickly dwindle.
Here are 4 things to know to help you move forward in the online dating world with your self-esteem intact!
1) They don’t know you.
All a guy knows about you is 20 sentences and a few mediocre pictures. If they don’t “pick” you, take a deep breath and remember: There are 1000 reasons a guy won’t be interested and 999 of them have nothing to do with YOU. They want someone under 5’2”, someone who skis, someone without kids, someone who lives closer, etc. These things have absolutely nothing to do with who you are or even what you look like.
The way I see it, better he NOT chose you and waste your time or save you heartache and disappointment later. And let’s be honest. There are a myriad of reasons YOU reject guys online as well. You wouldn’t expect them to take it personally and feel all crappy about it, right? There’s just something you didn’t connect with. (And I know that some of your reasons are completely silly, btw). Believe me, most men are so much better at this online dating thing than we are. They get told ‘no’ wayyyy more than we do, but they understand that this is a process, accept that and keep going.
2) Let’s define rejection.
Let’s separate true rejection with what you consider as online rejection. You have a right to cry in your wine if the guy you’ve been dating for 3 months, who has truly gotten to KNOW you and you him, suddenly stops calling or breaks up with you. That feels crappy and like rejection, for sure.
But the guy not responding to your “like” or your email on Match.com…that’s just part of the process that’s going to lead you to some fun dates and eventually your Mr. I Love You. Move on without wasting one moment or one bit of energy. You have things to do!
3) Men over 40 are like kids in a candy store.
Guys in their older years have the statistical advantage – there are more of us (women over 40 looking for love) and fewer of them (men over 40 doing the same). A lot of women are emailing the 60 year old man with a great head of hair, healthy, active life and good career.
Imagine it like this – I asked a client about this yesterday: “You meet a guy in Starbucks and after a very brief chat he takes your card and he never calls. Would this bother you?” I asked. ”No”…she said. “I’d figure he probably went off to live his busy life and, since he didn’t really know me, I just kind of dropped out of his mind. That wouldn’t bother me.”
Well, imagine that he went home after Starbucks and there were 25 women waiting for him with open arms. Some even have candy for him and are wearing sexy outfits. That’s what it’s like for a guy online. Lots of choices. They can meet a lot of women. That’s just the truth. (But keep in mind that men, especially men dating in their 40s, 50s and beyond, still have the same dating challenges we do; sometimes worse.)
So just know this, and heed my advice to let the feeling of online rejection wash over you. Also heed my advice about how to make online dating work best for you.
4) Your age actually counts in your favor.
One advantage to being a woman over 40 is that you have the perspective of a life well lived. Instead of tapping into the insecure 18-year-old who is biting her nails waiting for the phone to ring and wondering what’s wrong with you when it doesn’t, grab the confident, experienced woman who knows what she wants and knows how to get it.
I encourage you to use online dating to meet as many men as possible. And remember, all you need is ONE good man.
Mastering the art of accepting rejection gracefully will most certainly help you stay online long enough to find your true love. This is exactly how I did it and millions of others have! Take responsibility for managing your feelings, and use this as the powerful tool it is to lead you to love.
Ty says:
As a 45 year old male with an OK job, 2 kids, and under 6′, I can tell you that I have no such advantage. All of the women are chasing all of a dozen men in any given area that actually only use online dating to fill in small gaps in their already rich real life dating. Those men also have no reason to commit to anyone.
Ross Felix says:
As a veteran of online dating I’ll let you on a huge industry secret. On the paid sites like Match, JDate, Christian Mingle and eHarmony, only a small percentage of the members are paid members.
What does this mean? Typically on a paid dating site if you send an email to a non-paying user, they receive an email notification saying that someone has emailed them. It doesn’t give them specifics of who emailed them. The idea is to bait them into paying for the membership.
On some sites, they might know who emailed them, but for some reason still refuse to pay for the site. Some popular dating sites, less than 5% of “active users” are actually paid members.
So the next time you don’t get responses from a guy or a woman, in addition to the great information above — don’t take it personally. They might not know you even wrote to them in the first place.
Bobbi Palmer says:
Hi Rhonda, Yes, you do need to tweak your feelings on this. Here’s what I finally had to learn: the common denominator was ME. I think you should consider that. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you (like you are probably thinking) or that all men suck (and you are likely thinking that as well). There are just some things you don’t yet know – about yourself, men, dating and relationships at this time of your life. Here’s an article that may show you a couple of those news things to know. https://datelikeagrownup-com.mystagingwebsite.com/2010/12/how-to-get-dates-online/ Stay with me and keep an open heart and mind, ok? NO giving up here! Bp
Rhonda J says:
I was on three sites and I took myself off of them all….because of rejection….perhaps that is not the right word…how about lack of response from men. I must have sent out hundreds of brief emails to men that I were interested in…something that was general, but specific to something that I wanted to find out more about in their profile in hopes to spark a conversation. I got the usual thanks but no thanks response from very few…but I cannot tell you how many of them read my email…but then deleted it. After consistently not hearing from someone that was real
I got frustrated. The only people that reached out to me were the “scammers”. Perhaps I will go back and give online another try…but not now…I still have a negative feeling towards online and I know I need to get rid of that before I proceed into it again.