Is he into me? It starts from the first “hello” or glance across the room. Trying to decipher if he really likes you, or not. The doubting and trying to “figure it out” escalates from there.
If it progresses to a meet date, then you worry about getting the first date, which moves on to wondering if there will be a second date. Maybe you became intimate and your “is he into me” questioning is now at DEFCON 5.
(Btw, if you are wondering about my advice on when to have sex, you can read it here, and here.)
When my clients ask me this question this is what I usually say:
Biologically, women have so much to lose by choosing the wrong man. We are the ones who bear the children. If we chose a man who is NOT into us, then he will leave us at our most vulnerable, pregnant or with a baby. And we will have to raise and protect his child, alone, for at least 18 years.
No wonder we are like Nancy Drew when it comes to trying to figure out if he really likes us. Asking, “Is he into me?” is in our ancestral past, it meant survival of the species!
How does this translate into your life here and now? How can you tell from the first time you lay eyes on each other if he’s interested in you?
While it’s good to understand your biological drives, you can also use your intellect and common sense. That’s what I am here to help with: Giving you information that will help balance your head with your heart.
BTW, in another article, I shared with you 4 more ways you can tell if a guy is interested in you.
Since the beginning of time men have had the natural instinct to take care of and protect women they care about. Since there are no longer wild animals to fight off, he’s going to try to take care of you by helping with your packages, giving you his coat, or giving you some advice.
My advice? Accept graciously even if you don’t need it. If he’s trying to be helpful, he could just be a nice guy in the grocery store. But on a date? He’s definitely into you.
Guys have an unconscious way of displaying their masculinity by standing tall, with their stomachs in, when they are in the company of a woman they are attracted to. It’s a man’s way of trying to impress a woman with his body. If he straightens up and sucks it in when he sees you – bingo! Think of a proud peacock.
You’ve seen this. They puff up! You can’t miss it if you’re looking for it. (Is he into me?… check!)
Even the most confident man can be shy about making sustained eye contact with a woman he’s recently met and to whom he feels attracted. Let’s say you’re on a date and he’s not maintaining constant eye contact; don’t assume he’s doing it because he’s not into you. It could mean quite the opposite. (If he’s doing it and leering at other women that, of course, is different.)
If you catch a man looking at you when you are not looking in his direction, and who quickly turns away the moment you look at him, that also indicates that he’s got some interest. (Tip: This is a good way for you to show your interest in men, as well! Look, then look away. It’s an age-old, effective way to flirt.)
Men who only see you as a friend won’t be shy about maintaining eye contact.
I’m not talking about “Nice ass, honey” type compliments. Yech.
He might say he likes your shoes. (Seriously, Larry said that to me on our meet date!) He might tell you how much he digs your dog, or comment on your beautiful smile.
Yes, your mistrust of men can kick in and make it seem awkward or trite. But if you give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s a nice guy who’s just interested…and it’s not a flat-out misogynist insult, accept it and see it as his sincere attempt to connect with you. He’s probably flirting! Flirt back! (Here’s how!
Yes, this is annoying and can be a turn off unless you see it for what it really is – an attempt to impress you. It’s kinda like when he stands tall and maybe sucks in his belly. (He is a little older, after all.)
When he’s into you he wants you to notice him and choose him. Men are hard-wired to compete for your attention. So, if he brags about his big career or his boat or his awesome travels…that can be a good sign!
If you meet a guy online at Starbucks or at a friend’s dinner party (you wish, right?) and he has no way of knowing your status, he might ask. It’s as simple as that sometimes.
Grownup men have been through the dating and relating gauntlet and frankly don’t want to waste their time on women who are either not single or playing hard to get.
So, if he asks if you are single, or tries to find out by asking about “your boyfriend or husband”, let him know you are available! Don’t be put off by his directness, he’s just cutting to the chase and that can be a good thing!
And here is my #1 tip for you from the beginning – when you go to meet a man, it’s not about whether he likes you! Always go in thinking – I hope I Like Him!!
Once you decide you do, and he has earned a deeper look, pay attention to these signs. And trust me, when he’s into you, you’ll see… you won’t have to ask.
Hopefully you’ll never have to ask again “Is he into me?”
I’d love to hear from you. After reading this to do you think you’ve missed some signals in the past? How else do you decide if a man is really interested…in a relationship kind of way?
Korina says:
I just read over everything here and I’m gonna be honest I’m still very unsure about the guy I like at work who has been giving some slight signals he’s into me, right now it feels like friends but other times it feels like he’s flirting with me when we first met I was really shy and he was very understanding and patient with me I even did unnecessary favors for him that he seemed to appreciate, nothing changed too much until I took i jump forward and texted him on a personal favor thanking him for a treat he offered me, then he did the same thanking me about a Valentines gift I gave him and said I was amazing for it, he even gave me a hug after the gift despite the office rules we have, then next big change was one day I came to work dressed a lot nicer than usual and had makeup done and he actually interrupted himself when he was talking just to compliment how pretty I was and that I looked nice, that made me feel really confident and proud. Then he also made comments on a jacket I had and that he liked it and then told me about his parents work and places he’s gone to he has not asked at all about my relationship status although I did mention about being single when he was around before but I’m not sure if he was paying attention to my convo with someone else. He also makes it a habit to let me know I can ask him for help as much as possible. A lot of this feels like he’s flirting with me but the issue is I think he’s 25 but I’m only 19 going on 20 and he’s told me about some old high school friend he hung out with over a weekend and that it was a girl and that’s where I’m stuck he seems to show lots of interest but I can’t really tell for sure I feel maybe we just connected over a mutual bond of our anxiety and ADD issues we have, please help I wanna know if I’m blowing it out of proportions 🙁
Beever says:
Hi, I’ve recently rejoined a gym after almost 10 years. When I was relatively newly divorced, I used to go to this gym and happened to observe a man who was physically in a very bad condition – I thought at that time he had had an accident or a major injury. He was so focussed and worked so hard that after about a year or so he was a totally changed man who looked almost perfect. One can really admire such a man and I surely admired him for his strength. I wanted to compliment him at that time for his hard work but stopped myself since I didn’t want to disturb him and also didn’t want to give him a wrong impression about myself that I’m hitting on him as such. Anyways, fast forward to after 10 years, when I joined the gym again I happened to see him again – he actually looked at me as if I’m some kind of special woman – he just couldn’t take his eyes of me. Maybe, I was a familiar face to him as well. He seems to be atleast 12 years older than me. Right now I’m 49 years old. So, either he’s retired or almost about to retire. I’m a single mom and have no experience with men after my divorce. I had decided to first concentrate on bringing up my son and focus on my job for our survival. So, for the last 10 years I’ve been single. Well, this time when I saw him, I made up my mind to tell him. After about a month of joining the gym, I finally took the courage and the impulsive decision and boldly went over to him when he stopped exercising and complimented him for his hard work, which I observed almost 10 years ago. I also told him that many times things are left unspoken and I didn’t want to let this be unspoken. Surprisingly, he was polite but curt at the same time, which kind of made me feel a bit odd…he was reserved and dry. We spoke for about 5 minutes or so and he also mentioned that he’s been coming to this gym for the last 18 years, that he had a major injury and developed a handicap – I do observe that he has a slight limp. At the end of the conversation he said “thank you for the compliment and all the best”….so I told him “have a nice evening” and left to do my exercises. I actually felt a little uncomfortable that he probably felt I was hitting on him and completely concentrated on my exercises. I had no expectations whatsoever and my compliment was genuine. I also admit that I do feel attracted to him – I don’t know why….it’s just a strange feeling. To my surprise, after about 30 minutes he came on a machine in front of my machine and had a smile on his face. I ignored it since I didn’t want to show any unnecessary desperation and continued with my exercises. BTW, he’s european. Anyways, days passed and I happened to see him again and he had just completed an exercise and he decided to come in my direction – so we both greeted each other with a “hello” – I became slightly conscious and went quickly to my machine for my workout. After about 10 minutes, he positioned himself in front of me at a slight distance and conveyed to me that he’s going to the 1st floor to do cycling. I just smiled since I was taken aback. I mean I don’t know him as such and he clearly gives me a signal that he’s interested :). I mean, why else would he inform me of his whereabouts in the gym when we hardly know each other 😉 I completed my exercises and decided to go home rather than follow his lead and workout next to him. I don’t want to be desperate to grab the offer. I’d rather be a bit more deliberate and respond to his interest when I meet him the next time with a beautiful and warm smile to clearly give him the green signal – he should be able to come over and talk to me to take things further…I need advice here to know if I’m not reading too much into these interactions with him….his aura is of a real and simple man – a quiet Alpha! But I’m sceptical by nature….and I’m also not sure if he’s married or in a partnership….ofcourse, I’ll be direct and respectful with him on this if we go on a date….I don’t want to be the reason for any mess 😉
Bobbi Palmer says:
Raquel-Just talk to him. Ask how his weekend was. But know this: you may be living a fantasy since you don’t even know him. Keep that in mind. Bp
Raquel says:
This is great advice. Thank you. Sometimes I wish had an older sister or some sort of female influence who I could talk to about these things. I just hit my thirties and am interested in a coworker 17 years my senior. We’re in different departments and there’s no policy prohibiting office relationships, but I’m lost as to what to do in this situation. It’s rare that I’m attracted to anyone (I attract “alpha type” males) but am attracted to quite, intellectual types. He’s certainly both of those things, handsome, and has the kindest eyes I’ve ever seen, but I can’t pin why I feel how I do. Usually it takes much more than looks to hold my attention but this feeling has been going on for 2 years now. He’s polite, always helpful, and I want to believe the attraction could be reciprocated, but the age difference and not knowing much about him makes me feel like I’d only be setting myself up for professional embarrassment. Completely lost, but certainly appreciative of your blog. I just wish I knew what to do.
Kelly says:
Hi, so there is a guy who is around 7 to 8 years older than me, I am 23. We met at our local dog park, and he was the first person to get my dogs nerdy name reference. So we started talking about books and he seemed really friendly. Every time we are at the park together he stands decently close and talks on and off to me, and will come reaaally close to show me pictures. He also freinded me on Facebook and gave me his number, inviting me and my dog for playdates at his house (with other people). I want to ask him out for coffee or maybe offer one of my books that I think he’d enjoy, but I don’t want to overstep if hes just being freindly.
Bobbi Palmer says:
Sounds like he is interested! Is he single? Could his non-response of texts mean he has someone at home? Ask him. Bp
Jennifer says:
After reading this, feeling a bit more confident but still indecisive… I met this guy at work, who just turned 30, I am 20 years old and have been trying to figure out if he’s into me.. I don’t want to come at him in a wrong way or get the wrong idea and end up leaving the Situation awkward at work.. he talks to me all day and always asking about me and what I like, about my son(he seems so interested in my son and asking about him frequently!) , etc.. we’ve gotten to know each other a bit well these few weeks, he finally gave me his number but our conversations through text never last.. he’ll end up not texting back but at work all he does is talk to me, always buying me snacks and asking if I’m fine through out the day.. I want to go for it but I don’t want to be embarrassed! I need helpppp lol
Becky says:
Hello,
I have been divorced for 3 years. A man that lives in my neighborhood. He is a widow of three years. Suggested we start walking together. We have been walking for several months 3-4 times a week. We never stop having something to talk about. One topic leads into another. We have started even cutting up with each other about sex. He ask me if I wound ever be interested in getting remarried one day. That conversation led into him saying I am going to start dating again soon. He even said I wound ask you out , but not sure if you would go. My response was I do not know why you would think that and that I really enjoyed his company. He said just gave so much going on right now. I said you have to do things on your own time. Which he dose. We are both retired. He is very involved in taking care of his parents who live very close to him. His daughter just got married and is pregnant. We were cutting up about sex while we were walking and I jokingly said do you just want to use me for sex he said no not at all. I just do not know how to interrupt his actions. He has helped me do several things in my house. He dose touch me softly sometimes when we are walking. I know this is all over the place. I am trying to paint you a picture. I am confused as to why he had not ask me out. We are both in our late fifties. Any advice you can give.
Bobbi Palmer says:
Glad you stopped by and that I could help you, Lucy. Bp
LUCY says:
Hello BP very helpful information I met a guy on online dating first date left me confused he didn’t compliment me or say one thing nice or what he like about me I felt like there was any connection like it was over the phone verbally and texting I had to ask him was he into me and he said yes I thought maybe because there was a 7 year age difference it was a month before we had our second date … I saw all the red flags and this information was on point thank you so much BP
Bobbi Palmer says:
Glad you had the experience with him and that you made the decision to leave due to his drinking, Susanne. Though he had that unfortunate disease, now you know what a nice man looks like and how it feels to be with one. You know what I say: Once you go nice you never go back!! Hugs. Bp
susanne magyar says:
I completely agree – if he likes you, he’ll let you know! I went to a Kareoke meetup a few years ago on my own (huge step for me) and ended up sitting beside a guy who was really into music and performing…it was too loud to really hear him but I had a great time. The next day he messaged me and asked me out for coffee. We met and I was so surpised how easy he was to talk to. He was a foodie so he wanted me to cook me a lovely dinner but I’d been attacked on a date and leary..so we just kept meeting until I was comfortable enough to have him pick me up. We dated for 3 months..really got to know each other…but sadly, he had a drinking problem and I was afraid to go any further with me. (A good friend’s husband was an alcoholic and she told me about her miserable life with him before he died.) He got very angry with me for breaking up with him..but I feel I did the right thing by giving him a chance. He moved away for work but is coming home at Thanksgiving to see his sons. We are going out for dinner – as friends – so I hope to have a nice visit with him and thank him for being so good to me – respecting my boundaries, calling/showing up as planned, being open and honest, etc. Very different from many of the other men I have dated.
Isabel says:
Wow this is a sociopath. He gives you nothing&gets upset u have a boyfriend. I dated a guy like this for a few weeks. Trust me , you are not monogamous. He’s got someone or he has many like u. I’m so sorry u have put up with this for months.
Bobbi Palmer says:
Oh Sharon, my heart is breaking reading this. And I’m mad! I can’t label this. I don’t want to be unkind but I’m telling you like it is: He is NOT your boyfriend. He is using you, my friend. But here’s what’s more important: You are letting him! Stop. Right. Now. I don’t know if he’s married or what, but he isn’t interested in making you happy or giving you any sense of comfort or security. He wasn’t with you when your Mother died! Please please start working on why you are allowing this. Instead of getting online only to find some other man to misuse you, how about learning more about how to value yourself and make good choices. Here’s a start: https://datelikeagrownup-com.mystagingwebsite.com/number-one-way-find-love-after-40/ and this, assuming you’re going to dump this guy: https://datelikeagrownup-com.mystagingwebsite.com/how-to-get-over-your-ex-heal-broken-heart/ . With love and support, Bp
Sharon says:
Hi Bobbi,
How have you amassed such wisdom about that most confusing of creatures-Men?
I’ve been seeing a guy I met at work over a year now. He recently said he considers us friends. (Our kids have met. We’ve stayed over for weekends. We’ve been on 1 actual date-our first date. I went on the Pill & I quit my job for this guy.)
Because we worked together & we live in separate towns within an hour of each other, we have to keep it on the quiet. He told me not to tell any of my friends at work. He still insists on this. We meet maybe twice a month out of town so no one he works with sees us together. (He said our relationship wouldn’t reflect well on his position within the corporate sector where he works. It’s taken years for him to get there.)
I’ve met his mother. No one else.
I’ve had 3 deaths, funerals to deal with this year. Minimal response except for the trite cut & paste standard replies. One was my mother. One was a distant co-worker. Another was a friend of 20 + years.
We can’t spend Christmas together or other holidays as family would take photos of us & they’d be online.
He’s planned to come over many times & didn’t without apology, text or call. Including my son’s 13th birthday…
He once said that it wouldn’t hurt if I lost 20 lbs. (My BMI is normal.) His ex is bone-thin.
Texts are sporadic. Usually me starting them. Unless he’s feeling needy, weeks can go by without texting, calls.
Yet we’re monogamous.
One time, a former guy-friend of mine caused some trouble claiming that I was his girl to my boyfriend (his boss). That almost lead to a breakup! It was the most he’d ever texted me.
Months ago, I told my boyfriend that if he’s too busy at work for me, I get it. I’ll bounce. No reply. He disappeared for 2 months.
We’ve seen each other since he bought a new house (the future plans were discussed with “I” statements), but the same lengthy silences continue.
We’re 10 years apart (I’m older). The sex (when it happens & rarely doesn’t!) is off the chain.
He’s divorced years ago, but he wouldn’t want me running into his ex when she drops off his 9 year old son.
So what’s up with this guy? Pinger or something else?
And, given the circumstances, would it be cheating if I went on POF? Not to date, but to see what’s out there.
Bobbi Palmer says:
Have no idea. All you can do is live your life. Like I say in the article: If he’s into you, he will make the moves. You’ll know. Bp
Bobbi Palmer says:
Beats me, Assa! Don’t know what’s next. Neither do you. Live your life…if he gets in tou=ch, great. If not, there are tons more guys out there. <3 Bp
Assa says:
Hi bobbi,
Im just trying to confirm how i feel and think here, need a suggestion (or confirmation, i guess).
I met a guy at a lounge, he’s a friend of my friend, and i notice he looked at me several times, and the next day he found my social media, and contact me through that, we talked alot, he ask me out and so we met, i brought my friend with me (because one and other things) and we talked, we had a few awkward moments though, and he still contacted me the next days, i know he’s busy, but its been 2 days he havent contacted me at all, what do you think happen?
Thank you bobbi
Assa says:
Hi bobbi,
Im just trying to confirm how i feel and think here, need a suggestion (or confirmation, i guess).
I met a guy at a lounge, he’s a friend of my friend, and i notice he looked at me several times, and the next day he found my social media, and contact me through that, we talked alot, he ask me out and so we met, i brought my friend with me (because one and other things) and we talked, we had a few awkward moments though, and he still contacted me the next days, i know he’s busy, but its been 2 days he havent contacted me at all, what do you think happen?
Thank you bobbi
Bobbi Palmer says:
Hi Luzel. I bet you know the answer to your question, don’t you? No, it doesn’t sound like he’s into you. Go back through the list in my article; he’s NOT showing up for you at all. In fact, and I’m sorry to day this, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s married or otherwise partnered. You need to ask yourself why you’re putting up with this! I bet you know intellectually that this guy isn’t going to give you what you need to be happy. So sister, the work starts with you. I hope you can realize that you deserve a hell of a lot more than this…and go after that. Hugs, Bp
Luzel says:
Hello Bobbi, I learned to love reading your articles about how to know if a guy is really into you. I hope you could help me also.
I met this guy around November and I found him interesting. Honestly, I like him so much. After 2 meetings or date, the third one was already intimate. I was caught-off guard when he brought me to a hotel but since I like him i did not hesitate to refuse what he wanted to do. So it happened. We are now in our 4th months of intimate relationship. My problem is this, he rarely text me in a day especially on weekends. I wantedto meet him every weekened but he refused because he has classes every saturdays and sunday is his only time to clean the house. He is annulled by the way, Same as me. Within this 4 months of relationship he never introduces me to his friends and even to his 2 sons which i did the opposite. I have introduced him to my friends and collegues already and to my daughter. He only sees me once a week only to have sex. Sometimes not even a week. He doesnt even text me much in a day nor calls. Now I feel neglected and not being valued by him. So I have decided to wait patiently until end of April and he nothing really happened then I have to decide and break with him. He never mentioned also about the future with me. He never discuss about us in the future. When I asked him why he never invited me to his house or even introduce me to his friendsor sons, he would just answer me “we will come to that soon”, but dont know when would that “soon” be. What will I do Bobbi? Any advice that you can share to me? Thank you very much and power to you!!!
Luz
Bobbi Palmer says:
Hi Sue. No. You are not destined to be alone! Hell no! I won’t lie and say your white cane isn’t a challenge; it is. But it doesn’t render you unloveable! And, unfortunately, many people by your time of life have some form of illness — so many have had cancer — and I see them finding love all the time. What matters is that you feel loveable and you feel worthy. Here is an article for you to read called Imperfection Does NOt Equal Dating Rejection. We ALL have ‘stuff’ Sue. It’s time you realize you’re still a valuable, lovable woman. I have a powerful program that will help you get started. It’s called Unlock Your Mojo and Meet Your Man. (Yes, it could be woman too.) It’s not on my website. If you have interest in learning about it email me at bobbip at datelikeagrownup.com and remind me. I’ll send you the info. I’d love the opportunity to help you. Bp
Bobbi Palmer says:
Hi Kelli. Sounds like he’s as interested as you are. And that you’re feeling impatient. I understand, but still think it’s best that he make the ‘formal’ move to express his desire to be exclusive. That said, it doesn’t mean you can’t give him every signal that you’re ready. When he asks you out, make sure you let him know how happy you are to see him; even tell him if you switched another plan to do so. Make sure you tell him how happy he makes you. Even tell him that you are starting to truly care about him, you’re so enjoying getting to know him more and more…and that even though that scares you some it feels good. In other words, don’t be shy about your feelings for him. There’s no need to do the hard to get crap or play any games. You’ve both agreed that you are scared and can render a potential relationship DOA. Someone has to be the one that says it’s worth the risk. And boy IS IT when it’s the right thing! One more thing: remember that deciding to be exclusive doesn’t mean you’re getting married; just that you want to focus on getting to know each other better because you see there’s great potential. Hope this helps! B
Sue says:
Hi Bobbi. I watched your youtube video this evening about dating and found your website here. Bobbi, I don’t know if you will be able to help me on this but I am giving it a try. I am a 58 year old legally blind woman who is also a cancer survivor and bisexual. I am divorced and have not dated anyone in over 10 years now. I really do not know how to even find a partner, let alone get that first date. Most men and women see the white cane I have to use and automatically are not interested in me as a potential date. They may talk with me but just fro conversation and that is all. Is there any hope in me ever finding my true life partner or am I destined to be alone for the rest of my life?
Kelli says:
Hi Bobbi.
I met a man at the beginning of January. He is kind, considerate, funny and there is no doubt that we enjoy each other’s company. I am extremely attracted to him on all levels.
We are both busy and have full lives, however, he is a shift worker so getting together is more dependent on his availability (he’s a cop) than mine.
We have had 6 dates (all fabulous) and I feel confident that he initiates contact (texts) as often as I do. I do not doubt his sincerity and I know he likes me. He is considerate, does very kind things for me, is very touchy in an appropriate way …
Before we met he said that he rushed into his first few relationships right after his divorce and he wasn’t going to do that again so I don’t say a word about “status”….(I take part in your webcasts and read your articles…I am learning how to date like a grown up, thanks to you. Lol). We both also established that neither of us wants to get hurt (who does) and that we each have our walls up to protect ourselves.
I have a tendency to rush into things too or to force them. This time is different. I am deliberately exercising patience, refraining from reaching out excessively, respecting the space between us.
I am having fun and dating other men who ask me out (only if I’m interested in them..I don’t need to “fill a void” in my downtime), however, my heart isn’t into other men. It is him that I want but I don’t know how to navigate this.
I have been on my own much longer than him so I that much farther along the continuum….
Can you offer me advice?
Thanks for everything. Looking forward to connecting with you again online this coming week.
Suzy says:
In my experience, men know what they want and are very direct about it – they don’t leave you guessing as to whether or not they they like you and see you as a potential partner. They ask you out again (usually while you’re still on the first date,) call when they say they will, do things for you (fixing things is a big one,) try to connect with you by telling you about himself and finding out more about you and, in general, make it clear they enjoy your company. There is zero detective work needed to figure it out…
Bobbi Palmer says:
Hi Stella. I can’t tell you why he’s backed off or is not following up on seeing you. Doesn’t really matter. I hate to say but if a man is into you, you know it. He makes it clear. Even though you were familiar before, the fact is that he’s not showing up for you now, right? Now, if it’s really true that all you want is a fu*k-buddy…call him and tell him that. Give him that option. I doubt he’ll say no. But if you’re kidding yourself and actually wishing for more from him, please please don’t think that starting back with a sexual liaison will lead to a relationship. It hardly ever does. Good luck, sister. Bp
stella says:
Hi Bobbi,
I think you give great advice. I am hoping for some help with my situation!
I am 41 yrs old woman in london . A guy I had dated 2 yrs ago contacted me. We had got on well at that time but lost touch as he went abroad. We started texting and he seemed very interested. we met up 4 weeks ago. As usual I enjoyed talking to him and we kissed, got a bit intimate and I felt it went really well. I texted him next day to say I had a good time ,He also said he loved it and should do it again. it all looked straightforward.
We are both busy professionals but we texted on/off for a week. I felt I was initiating most texts but he would always respond well and within reasonable time. I then decided not to initiate texts so much and basically over the last 3 weeks I have had about 3-4 text chats with him and no contact in the last 10 days. I understand that his job has been very stressful recently and has been travelling abroad a lot but anyone can spare a min to text. He knows that I don’t do long text convo anyways.
I feel I am getting mixed messages from him. we called each other twice but both missed the calls for various reasons. In the last text chat we had 10 days ago he said that he hopes I understand him??
I also suggested that we meet again and he said yes we can arrange it when he gets back from the US. Its been a week since he is back and no contact!!
I am not sure if he is not interested and is too polite to tell me. I find that strange as I am not a stranger he is getting to know. Is he scared to commit so doesn’t want to see me anymore. Is he just playing games?
How do I tell him that I am not looking for commitment? Because of our past history and how well we get on, I consider him my friend and trust him. I just want to have a good time, have a sexual relationship and see how it goes. How do I tell him this without sounding too keen!!
Bobbi Palmer says:
Hi Cindy! Sounds like it may be time to let him know that you’d like to do these things with him. Have you kindly asked him? Maybe he has a good reason that he can share with you. Remember that you have some responsibility here. He sounds like he’s trying, so give him some help. If you ask and he tries, you’re golden! Enjoy! Bp
Bobbi Palmer says:
Ugh, that’s awful, Marie. I’m so sorry. A good exercise for you to do (when you’re ready) is to look back and see what you can learn from the experience. Were there any signs you missed or overlooked? For instance, if he was doing that with someone else I would assume he wasn’t always available to see you, answer your calls, etc. Be really honest with yourself and pull out any learning you can. Again I’m sorry you had this awful man in your life, but please know that it’s super rare. You can recover. Grieve, be pissed and, most of all, remember that this is about him being a son-of-a-bitch liar…it’s not about your worth or value as a woman. Then, pick yourself up and go for love again. No reason to let him stop you from that. Hugs, Bp
Bobbi Palmer says:
I’m so glad to know Isabel! I’m here to help any woman who wants a grownup, good man. You obviously do. Glad you’re here! Bp
Isabel says:
I’m 30 years old and I love your advice
Bobbi Palmer says:
My pleasure, Sharon! I love to hear from you, thanks to YOU! Bp
Marie says:
Unfortunately, the guy who broke my heart showed all of these signs to me; took me to meet his Mom and special needs brother, asked to meet my family, came to my Dad’s birthday party, met one of my friends, I met one of his friends…but he was doing all the same things with another girl, too. I think that’s why my heart has been so broken for a year and a half…I finally let in a man I thought was being honest and he wasn’t…and like he said to me, “it’s completely coming from out of left field and is going to hit you like a ton of bricks but I’ve been seeing someone else the whole time…I met her two weeks before you…” he was so right. I’m still shocked and completely crushed.
Rosi says:
Thank you for the ongoing great advice
Sharon says:
Thank you for this, Bobbi! I have always been worried about how I can get him to like me. What does he want? How to keep him interested? I forgot the most important question of all—“Do I like him?” You are a genius!
Cindy Green says:
Enjoyed the webinar last night but now I’m confused even more! What if he does some of the things that show he’s into you (but not all) and does some of the things that show he’s not into you (but not all). It’s like 50-50.
He tries to make me happy & impress me and respects my boundaries–but doesn’t spend enough time with me. He doesn’t include me in his life but he’s happy to be included in mine. He’s met my friends and dogs but I haven’t met his cat or been on the back of his motorcycle. He’s considerate & a gentleman and complimentary of me but only texts-even with his family & friends.
So confused–help!!