Is he into me? It starts from the first “hello” or glance across the room. Trying to decipher if he really likes you, or not. The doubting and trying to “figure it out” escalates from there.
If it progresses to a meet date, then you worry about getting the first date, which moves on to wondering if there will be a second date. Maybe you became intimate and your “is he into me” questioning is now at DEFCON 5.
(Btw, if you are wondering about my advice on when to have sex, you can read it here, and here.)
When my clients ask me this question this is what I usually say:
If you have to ask, he’s probably not.
Biologically, women have so much to lose by choosing the wrong man. We are the ones who bear the children. If we chose a man who is NOT into us, then he will leave us at our most vulnerable, pregnant or with a baby. And we will have to raise and protect his child, alone, for at least 18 years.
No wonder we are like Nancy Drew when it comes to trying to figure out if he really likes us. Asking, “Is he into me?” is in our ancestral past, it meant survival of the species!
How does this translate into your life here and now? How can you tell from the first time you lay eyes on each other if he’s interested in you?
While it’s good to understand your biological drives, you can also use your intellect and common sense. That’s what I am here to help with: Giving you information that will help balance your head with your heart.
BTW, in another article, I shared with you 4 more ways you can tell if a guy is interested in you.
Here is my list of 6 (more) things grownup men do when they are into you:
1. He tries to be helpful.
Since the beginning of time men have had the natural instinct to take care of and protect women they care about. Since there are no longer wild animals to fight off, he’s going to try to take care of you by helping with your packages, giving you his coat, or giving you some advice.
My advice? Accept graciously even if you don’t need it. If he’s trying to be helpful, he could just be a nice guy in the grocery store. But on a date? He’s definitely into you.
2. He stands tall.
Guys have an unconscious way of displaying their masculinity by standing tall, with their stomachs in, when they are in the company of a woman they are attracted to. It’s a man’s way of trying to impress a woman with his body. If he straightens up and sucks it in when he sees you – bingo! Think of a proud peacock.
You’ve seen this. They puff up! You can’t miss it if you’re looking for it. (Is he into me?… check!)
3. He makes tentative eye contact.
Even the most confident man can be shy about making sustained eye contact with a woman he’s recently met and to whom he feels attracted. Let’s say you’re on a date and he’s not maintaining constant eye contact; don’t assume he’s doing it because he’s not into you. It could mean quite the opposite. (If he’s doing it and leering at other women that, of course, is different.)
If you catch a man looking at you when you are not looking in his direction, and who quickly turns away the moment you look at him, that also indicates that he’s got some interest. (Tip: This is a good way for you to show your interest in men, as well! Look, then look away. It’s an age-old, effective way to flirt.)
Men who only see you as a friend won’t be shy about maintaining eye contact.
4. He compliments you.
I’m not talking about “Nice ass, honey” type compliments. Yech.
He might say he likes your shoes. (Seriously, Larry said that to me on our meet date!) He might tell you how much he digs your dog, or comment on your beautiful smile.
Yes, your mistrust of men can kick in and make it seem awkward or trite. But if you give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s a nice guy who’s just interested…and it’s not a flat-out misogynist insult, accept it and see it as his sincere attempt to connect with you. He’s probably flirting! Flirt back! (Here’s how!
5. He brags.
Yes, this is annoying and can be a turn off unless you see it for what it really is – an attempt to impress you. It’s kinda like when he stands tall and maybe sucks in his belly. (He is a little older, after all.)
When he’s into you he wants you to notice him and choose him. Men are hard-wired to compete for your attention. So, if he brags about his big career or his boat or his awesome travels…that can be a good sign!
6. He Tries to Find Out if You are Single
If you meet a guy online at Starbucks or at a friend’s dinner party (you wish, right?) and he has no way of knowing your status, he might ask. It’s as simple as that sometimes.
Grownup men have been through the dating and relating gauntlet and frankly don’t want to waste their time on women who are either not single or playing hard to get.
So, if he asks if you are single, or tries to find out by asking about “your boyfriend or husband”, let him know you are available! Don’t be put off by his directness, he’s just cutting to the chase and that can be a good thing!
Bottom line: Grownup men tell you that they are into you!!!
And here is my #1 tip for you from the beginning – when you go to meet a man, it’s not about whether he likes you! Always go in thinking – I hope I Like Him!!
Once you decide you do, and he has earned a deeper look, pay attention to these signs. And trust me, when he’s into you, you’ll see… you won’t have to ask.
Hopefully you’ll never have to ask again “Is he into me?”
I’d love to hear from you. After reading this to do you think you’ve missed some signals in the past? How else do you decide if a man is really interested…in a relationship kind of way?
I just read over everything here and I’m gonna be honest I’m still very unsure about the guy I like at work who has been giving some slight signals he’s into me, right now it feels like friends but other times it feels like he’s flirting with me when we first met I was really shy and he was very understanding and patient with me I even did unnecessary favors for him that he seemed to appreciate, nothing changed too much until I took i jump forward and texted him on a personal favor thanking him for a treat he offered me, then he did the same thanking me about a Valentines gift I gave him and said I was amazing for it, he even gave me a hug after the gift despite the office rules we have, then next big change was one day I came to work dressed a lot nicer than usual and had makeup done and he actually interrupted himself when he was talking just to compliment how pretty I was and that I looked nice, that made me feel really confident and proud. Then he also made comments on a jacket I had and that he liked it and then told me about his parents work and places he’s gone to he has not asked at all about my relationship status although I did mention about being single when he was around before but I’m not sure if he was paying attention to my convo with someone else. He also makes it a habit to let me know I can ask him for help as much as possible. A lot of this feels like he’s flirting with me but the issue is I think he’s 25 but I’m only 19 going on 20 and he’s told me about some old high school friend he hung out with over a weekend and that it was a girl and that’s where I’m stuck he seems to show lots of interest but I can’t really tell for sure I feel maybe we just connected over a mutual bond of our anxiety and ADD issues we have, please help I wanna know if I’m blowing it out of proportions 🙁