Is he into me? It starts from the first “hello” or glance across the room. Trying to decipher if he really likes you, or not. The doubting and trying to “figure it out” escalates from there.
If it progresses to a meet date, then you worry about getting the first date, which moves on to wondering if there will be a second date. Maybe you became intimate and your “is he into me” questioning is now at DEFCON 5.
When my clients ask me this question this is what I usually say:
If you have to ask, he’s probably not.
Biologically, women have so much to lose by choosing the wrong man. We are the ones who bear the children. If we chose a man who is NOT into us, then he will leave us at our most vulnerable, pregnant or with a baby. And we will have to raise and protect his child, alone, for at least 18 years.
No wonder we are like Nancy Drew when it comes to trying to figure out if he really likes us. Asking, “Is he into me?” is in our ancestral past, it meant survival of the species!
How does this translate into your life here and now? How can you tell from the first time you lay eyes on each other if he’s interested in you?
While it’s good to understand your biological drives, you can also use your intellect and common sense. That’s what I am here to help with: Giving you information that will help balance your head with your heart.
BTW, in another article, I shared with you 4 more ways you can tell if a guy is interested in you.
Here is my list of 6 (more) things grownup men do when they like you:
1. Tentative Eye Contact
Most men tend to be shy about making sustained eye contact with a woman they feel attracted to. If you catch a man looking at you when you are not looking in his direction, and who quickly turns away the moment you look at him, it indicates that he finds you attractive – I didn’t say love – I said attraction.
If you find a guy making sheepish eye contact with you, every so often, it’s a sign of his attraction for you.
On the other hand, if a guy leers at you, or gives you blatant flirty looks, it shows he’s interested but in a strictly physical way. It suggests that he finds you hot, and you trigger sexual attraction in him. If this is not the kind of relationship you are looking for, then just give him a cold shoulder.
If a guy only sees you as a friend he will not be shy about making eye contact and mostly it would be casual and uninterested.
2. Standing Tall
Guys have an unconscious way of displaying their masculinity by standing tall, with their stomachs in, when they are in the company of a woman they are attracted to. It’s a man’s way of trying to impress a woman with his body. If he straightens up and sucks it in when he sees you – bingo! Think of a proud peacock.
You’ve seen this. They puff up! You can’t miss it if you’re looking for it. (Is he into me?… check!)
3. The Helpful Attitude
If you find a man trying to be helpful it can be indicative of his interest in you. Since the beginning of time men have had the natural instinct to protect and take care of you. Since there are no longer wooly mammoths to fight off, he tries to help you with your packages, or give you his coat, or give you some advice. My advice? Accept graciously even if you don’t need it.
4. He Compliments You
I’m not talking about “Nice ass, honey” type compliments. Yech. He might say he likes your shoes (seriously, Larry said that to me on our meet date!), or digs your cute dog, or says your smile is beautiful. Yes, it can seem a bit awkward or trite. But if it’s not a flat-out insult (as in “great rack”) accept it and see it as his sincere attempt to connect with you. He’s flirting! Flirt back!
5. He Brags
Yes, this is annoying and can be a turn off. Unless you see it for what it really is – an attempt to impress you. It’s kinda like when he sucks in his belly. He wants you to notice him and choose him. Men are hard-wired to compete with other men for your attention. So, if he brags about his cabin and 3 boats at the lake, or his golf handicap, that’s a good sign!
6. He Asks if You are Single
If you meet a guy online at Starbucks or at a friend’s picnic and he has no way of knowing your status, he might ask. It’s as simple as that sometimes.
Grownup men have been through the dating and relating gauntlet and frankly don’t want to waste their time on women who are either not single or playing hard to get.
So, if he asks if you are single, or tries to find out by asking about “your husband”, let him know you are available! Don’t be put off by his directness, he’s just cutting to the chase and that can be a good thing!
And here is my #1 tip for you from the beginning – when you go to meet a man, it’s not about whether he likes you! Always go in thinking – I hope I Like Him!!
Once you decide you do, and he has earned a deeper look, pay attention to these signs. And trust me, when he’s into you, you’ll see… you won’t have to ask.
Hopefully you’ll never have to ask again “Is he into me?”
I’d love to hear from you. After reading this to do you think you’ve missed some signals in the past? How else do you decide if a man is really interested…in a relationship kind of way?