Are Your Expectations of Men Realistic? Straight Talk for Grownup Women.

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Have you ever wondered “are my expectations of men realistic?” I can tell you with 99% certainty that, no, they are not. And that may be the very thing that is keeping you single. Not only single, but perpetually disappointed, pissed off, and ultimately, hopeless. Ach! That can be so exhausting.

[If you’re short of time click here and jump to a super juicy training I recorded for you.]

The expectations can just as easily muck up a relationship. Here’s my real-life example:

I ended up working past midnight last night, and my husband didn’t complain. Plus 4 points.

As I slept in this morning, he cleaned the cat box and emptied the dishwasher. Plus 10 points! (The cat box earns him extra credit for sure.)

When he ran off to do errands, he didn’t kiss me good-bye. Minus 3 points.

He didn’t call me on his way home to ask if I wanted him to pick anything up. Minus 5 points!

And so it goes…

Look, I’m a real believer that we should have expectations of people we let into our lives.  But let’s make sure they are realistic expectations!

I’m sorta kidding…I don’t literally keep score.  But when I was dating I definitely kept some kind of tally in my brain. You probably do too. Most of us tend to do this…especially when it comes to making decisions about men.

(If you’re questioning whether you do this, think about the conversations you have with your girlfriends after a date. It usually goes something like “he showed up on time, but his shirt was really wrinkled. He walked me to my car but he went in for a kiss. He did…but he didn’t…” Sound familiar?)

It only takes a few minus points to send us running from a man that we just met or just started dating. If we don’t run, we go into disappointment mode. Once introduced into the complicated dating mix, our disappointment ultimately sabotages any chance of things ending well.

In a relationship when things tip too much to the negative we complain, withhold, sulk, or in extreme cases, leave.

It makes me crazy. And sad. Because with these false expectations in the way, women are missing REAL gifts that so many men are out there waiting to give. And they are giving men points for some really silly stuff.  

So here’s what I want you to think about:

Are your expectations of men realistic?

Are your plusses and minuses based on the stuff that genuinely determines whether a man can make you happy?

Expectations of men - how do you judge?

Is your system based on what your mom or dad taught you that you boys should do? Is it left-over from a list you devised in college, or even high school? Are you giving men points for fancy, surface-y, bullshit-y actions and taking points away for insignificant acts?

Could it be possible that you mistake men’s intentions or misunderstand some of their actions? (I know you know that they are different than us in fundamental ways.)

Are your expectations of men realistic? It’s time you find out.

You know I’m a dating and relationship coach and I guide women dating after 40 to love. I constantly witness potential relationships go up in flames because of women’s unrealistic dating expectations.

I know it’s not because these women are catty, or spoiled, or malicious. It’s because they don’t understand the words, deeds, and intentions of Grownup Men.

It makes me crazy. And sad. Because with these false expectations in the way, women are missing REAL gifts that so many men are out there waiting to give. And they are giving men points for some really silly stuff.

Listen Now: 5 Unrealistic Expectations of Men that Keep over-40 Women Perpetually Disappointed and Single.

I’m assuming you’re here because you have a really big goal: to meet a spectacular man and share the rest of your life with him.

If you want to end that feeling of being constantly disappointed by men and start having them actually meet your needs…. 

and you want to STOP wondering why you can’t seem to connect with a man who makes you happy…

listen to this training!

You can click here to listen or right-click to download the file.

When you’re done I’d love you to leave me a comment here. I want to know if anything resonates with you. Did you find areas where you can be more accepting and things you can add to your list of realistic expectations?


This is the final part of my 4-part series Unrealistic Expectations That are Keeping You Single. If you missed it, here are the links:

Are You Waiting for Some Type of Fantasy Man?

Should You Trust Your Instincts About Dating and Love? 

Are Your Expectations of Men Based in Fear? 

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