Should I Pay Attention to Chemistry? As a Mature Dater, Hell Yes!

 

It’s your first or second date and you’re super digging a guy. You’re feeling those butterflies. Should you pay attention to the CHEMISTRY?

If you’re looking for a loving, committed, lifetime partner but keep picking players, narcissists, or non-committals…I’m inclined to say a strong NO! 

Chemistry is your enemy! Run! We make such bad decisions based on chemistry.

But then again, just because he’s hot doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t have the potential to be hubby material. If you want to know how to tell if you’re heading into a chemistry trap…get my tips here. 

Watch the video or read the article below. 

 

You’re an hour or so into a date with a new man. You like him.

Time to pause and apply the “Is He HOT or is He HUBBY?” test.  

Before you begin, grab your Grownup Girl. You know who I’m talking about. She’s your mature dater. She’s the fabulous woman you’ve gotten to know in other parts of your life and learned to love, respect and take care of.

If you must, break his spell by leaving the table for an alone moment, channel her, just do what it takes to get her there. Now, ask her these questions:

1. Is he hot?

Of course, he is; you said “yes” to the date and haven’t yet excused yourself and gone home yet. The answer is “Yes” so go to the next question.  

You’re looking for a great mate…not just a great date, right?

2. What do I like about him other than his hotness?

Granted, you don’t know him very well. But what traits show potential? If the answer is “None” (other than he’s hot); or your only other answer is something like “He’s charming”…get the hell out of there girlfriend.

If all you see is Mr. Hot+Charming, pay attention…it’s chemistry! You are in grave danger of going to that “b’bye grownup girl and heeelllo silly 25 year old” moment. YOu know that you are bound to regret that later on, don’t you?

If there are more (grownup) traits you like…proceed.

3. Does he show other traits I must have in a long term partner?

You’re looking for a great mate…not just a great date, right? 

What you want from a man in a fling is different from what you want from a man in a meaningful, committed relationship. Does he show signs of those qualities?

Be sure to ask your Grownup Girl…she knows the difference. If you can see potential (rather than just hope for it), proceed. 

4. Do I feel good about myself when I’m with him?

Notice I didn’t say “Do I feel good when I’m with him.” When a man is Hot+Charming you feel good – especially when he directs his charm to you. So I’m going to consider that a given. 

What I want you to ask yourself here is:

“Does he seem to bring out the best in me? “Am I comfortable being myself with him?” “Do I feel special and safe with him?”

If this is your first date and the answers are yes or strong maybes…proceed with getting to know him. Be sure to stay in discovery and keep paying attention to the chemistry part of your attraction. He may be a winner!

If this is not your first date and the answers are yes, proceed to the last step.

5. Do I feel good about myself when I’m NOT with him?

Again, Hot+Charming feels yummy…even to the most mature of daters.

The real test is how you feel about yourself (and him) when you’re not with him and feeling the effect of that nasty chemistry. So often that time away is filled with insecurity and uncertainty. That’s not how you want to feel for any length of time, is it?

So…ask yourself again:

“Does he seem to bring out the best in me? “Am I comfortable being myself with him?” “Do I feel special and safe with him?”

If the answers are yes strong maybes…again…keep on getting to know him, checking in with that smart Grownup Girl who knows how to take care of herself. I hope he is your winner!

Can you relate? Let me know!

 

Leave a Comment