Are you making any of the 5 online dating profile mistakes that scare men away? Here are signs you might be: Your inbox is empty. You’re only being contacted by couch potatoes, scammers and guys just looking for sex. Emails that you write never get returned.
Unfortunately, all it takes is one major profile mistake to sabotage your chances of finding love — or even a few good dates.
Let’s face it, our odds are not the greatest, sister. As we get older the man-to-woman ratio moves more and more lopsided. Some statistics show that for every man over 50, there are up to 5 women; over 60, ten women, and so on. Even if you cut that in half…Ugh!
…all it takes is one major profile mistake to sabotage your chances of finding love — or even a few good dates.
The days of sitting back and waiting for incoming email are over for the vast majority of us. If you want to be noticed and rise to the top, it pays to create the best possible profile and keep it polished and shiny. Because if it doesn’t catch his interest right away, or if he runs into a dealbreaker…it only takes a single click for him to move on.
The good news is that your profile is easy to change and update. And once you know how it is inadvertently turning off the men who are looking for a positive, fun connection, it’s really not that difficult.
Here are the top five online dating profile mistakes commonly made by women over 40, along with specific tips to make your profile more appealing and reflective of the best you.
1) It’s a shopping list.
Your profile is your calling card, it’s not a wish list. Using it to list your likes and dislikes, or what he has to be or can’t be, is a gigantic turn-off — even for the men who meet your criteria.
The purpose of your profile is to market yourself. When you do a good job describing yourself and painting a picture of what it would feel like to be with you, it will attract the right men and repel the wrong ones.
What to do differently: Put on your “man-hat” and think about what your ideal man would be looking for. Then, share more of what you have to offer, and less about what he can do for you. I guarantee you will see the immediate payoff in the quality of men you attract.
2) It’s too needy.
Here are some statements I see every day in women’s profiles:
- “I’ve waited so long for the right relationship and I hope it’s finally my time.”
- “I’m ready to be his everything.”
- “My life is okay but I won’t be completely happy until I meet my love.”
While you may think this way sometimes, it’s not something to put in a profile. The man reads this as you having incredibly high (unrealistic) expectations and reliance on your relationship for your happiness. That’s not what attracts a confident, interesting man.
If you want to attract a man who wants to control and manipulate you, or who lacks the confidence to be with a woman who has a life of her own, go for that. (I know that’s not what you want.)
Remember, he doesn’t even know you. So whatever you share here has a TON of weight.
3) It’s not needy enough.
Women in their 40s, 50s and beyond are particularly guilty of this. You’ve probably accomplished a lot in your life without a man and you’re prepared to continue doing so. And you’re busy.
Here is an example of what I see: I spend my days as a busy lawyer and my evenings teaching courses at the local college. Many weekends are spent training for my next marathon and singing in my church choir. Whew!
Okay, it may not be that much, but it’s what men read into it when you provide a huge list of what you DO! Be careful not to sound like there is no room in your life for a relationship. Where can a man possibly see time for himself in that picture?
Also, avoid these statements: “I don’t need a man, but it would be nice to have one in my life.” Or, “I’ve been fine all these years without a man but I’ll make room for the right one .” Men, just like women, don’t want to feel like an accessory in someone else’s life. They especially need to feel needed and like an important contributor to your life. If you make it sound like you can take it or leave it, they are likely to help you leave it.
4) It’s too boring.
“I love spending time with my friends, volunteering and reading novels.” When a man reads this his eyes glaze over and he moves on to the next profile. It’s generic, common and, frankly says nothing about you that’s interesting.
Instead, be more specific and paint a picture for him. Such as, “A great evening for me is trying out the newest ethnic food restaurant with a few good friends and disagreeing about the controversial exhibit at the art museum.” Or, “Sunday mornings you’ll find me at the SPCA walking dogs and then off to my favorite breakfast joint for their fresh brewed coffee, chile relleno and a good book. I’ll be happy to put down the book for you.” (Doesn’t hurt to flirt a little.)
See the difference?
5) You sound like a Debbie Downer.
Does your profile sound like someone who likes to have a good time? Don’t be negative or too serious.
- I’ve tried online dating before and it didn’t work, but I’m trying it again.
- I’ve had a lot of challenges and hardships over the last 20 years and now I’m ready for a change.
- I’ve devoted my life to my children and caring for my elderly parents…now it’s my turn.
Again, this all may be true, but it’s important to let your prospective match know that spending time with you will be enjoyable…otherwise why would he want to contact you? When was the last time you read a man’s profile and thought “Wow, he sounds like he really needs me to cheer him up…I definitely want to meet him!”
Last, but certainly not least…
I know that everyone thinks men only look at pictures, but that’s not true of men who are looking for a real partnership. Here are my tips for posting great profile pictures. Keep reading how to get these good guys to read your profile…all or most of it.
Always start your profile letting him know how you relax and enjoy yourself and how being with you will add positively to his life. Make him smile. Make him laugh. Help him feel hopeful, good about himself, excited. That’s what’s going to get him to keep reading.
As a Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40, I’ve seen (and done) it all when it comes to online dating. I’ve seen how rewriting a profile, making it more positive, more aspirational, and less demanding can help the right guys find their way to your inbox. I’ve also seen how it creates love connections.
My husband and I met online and married in 2006. Because of online dating, I am spending the happiest years of my life.
Have you made these mistakes? C’mon…we all have. Let me know how you’re going to change your profile, and how it goes for you!