When I say these two words — MEN and COMMITMENT — what comes to mind?
Men are commitment phoebes? Men are afraid of marriage? Men just want the milk without buying the cow?
Does anything like this pop into your brain?
A lot of women — especially women who are dating over 40 — believe that men are far more interested in getting regular sex than they are in being in a committed relationship. It’s like some truth we’ve been telling ourselves for decades. (I’ve heard that nasty cow comment since I was very young. You too?) We were raised to believe that men want to enjoy our beauty and have a sexual connection, but don’t care much about the other stuff that makes up human connection.
Why then, do most men get married??
Just to get laid regularly?
Even most of the ultimate confirmed bachelors ultimately get married! Remember Warren Beatty? He’s been happily married for over 20 years to the lovely and extremely talented Annette Bening.
And now the former sexiest man alive, George Clooney, got hitched this month in Venice. George’s bride, Amal Ramzi Alamuddin, is an accomplished human rights trial lawyer. They first met in Italy when he accepted the Andrea Bocelli Humanitarian Award. (Be still my heart. That George really is an exceptional man.)
The way I see it, their connection is about way more than just being so damn gorgeous. George and Amal share some things that are far more compelling and meaningful: Deep commitment to active participation in creating social justice around the world. Consciousness and compassion. Hard work ethic. Passion for whatever they do.
Now THOSE are “must-have” qualities that bring good people together!
A couple by-the-ways” Amal is a first-time bride at 36 and George is 53. Yes, girlfriend, here’s another guy who went for a younger woman. But remember, they aren’t like most “real people.” Also, he’s a little shorter than Amal when she wears heels. Just thought I’d point that out. She apparently decided it was OK dating a shorter man. Yes, he’s exceptional. But so are a lot of men you’re meeting who happens to be a little shorter. Just saying.
I know that George and Warren are just a couple examples of recovered commitment phoebes. But they are examples of guys who the women of the world have held up as proof of the “men really don’t want commitment” “truth.”
Now…I’d like you to give me the chance to dispel this men-hate-commitment notion once and for all! This is getting in the way of so many women being able to trust men and open up enough to make the deep connections they so want in their life.
Here is my truth: Men are NOT afraid of commitment, in fact, they often want and need it more than we do.
Yes, many men are reluctant to get into a committed relationship and get married; and sometimes with good reason. But they want it.
Recently I hosted a GGNO webcast called “The Happy Truth About Men and Commitment.” When I saw the news of George’s nuptials, it spurred me on to pull this out and give you all a look at what I taught about men and commitment. You just gotta have these facts! Even if you’re not a GGNO member.
After you watch this, let me know your thoughts about men and commitment. Did I share anything that may have changed your perception or opened your mind, even a little bit?
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Bobbi Palmer says:
I’m excited too, Carmen!! Talk Monday.
Carmen Valdez says:
I’m so excited to meet Bobby is going to be great to talk to her, and learn from her advice. Thank you so much.
Bobbi Palmer says:
I’ll be direct, Ebo: You may be being very overly judgmental if you make assumptions about who he is because he is divorced. Hear his story, and learn some facts before you jump to conclusions. You may be missing a lot of really good men! Bp
Ebo says:
I have a question….whenever I meet a man…he try to sell himself as the best as we all do but as soon as you ask this magic question you don’t know anything else about them…why did you get divorce? inside im saying if you are so marvelous…please I really need an answer, thank.
Katy says:
Hi, Diane; I’m experiencing the same. SSOOO tough to be the odd one out, yet I seem to be all the time 🙁 May be I am not looking in the right places, but I live in a small town and it seems only married or attached men talk to me. Perhaps we can both find the direction we need here … hugs
Marsett says:
I have been in a relationship with a 54 yo man for 11 months now, I’m 46, I have never been married, he’s been divorced for 6 yrs… It does seem to be one of those really easy relationships… Where the basis of our relationship has always been just wanting the others happiness….. Once I figured out and got used to him showing up everyday…. Which is what I asked God to send me, a man to court me, just wasn’t used to that…. It caused some problems with a jealous neighbor….. Which didn’t end well for him, but Mike has stood by me thru it all….even drove me to all my clients when my vehicle died for 3 weeks,, this was 3 months into our relationship…. My gf, didn’t think we would make it….. I think was surprised everyday Mike showed up…. But I never missed work…. Always walked 6 miles a day… Went to counseling thru all this, and church… I think because I took care of myself and used my support system …..( Have really great life coach:-) ]. We could enjoy each others company when we were together and not talk about depressing stuff…. He would ask and I would suggest a 10 minute limit. He is a very intelligent man always making me think and that is what I rather being doing with my brain,than wasting it talking about depressing stuff:-) 🙂 🙂
Diane says:
Odd coincidence…I went to Elton John concert last nite with my sis and her husband (the 3rd wheel tag-along)…same observation…couples everywhere, especially my age (50+) and I feel sad everytime I am out. I see couples everywhere and I want to be one of them. Very unsuccessful at dating (or even getting one), recently left a 4+ relationship that wasn’t going anywhere, I feel sad all the time. I guess I need help!