Rejection can be a very good thing.
Until you find the man who brings you the love and joy you deserve, you should thank the men who reject you. These men are doing you a favor. I think they know – consciously or not – that they won’t be able to give you what you need; and they know it before you do.
I blogged about this last week. If you haven’t, you should read Why You Should Be Happy When a Man Rejects You.
One of my spectacular coaching clients commented on that post today. And basically she said that she hoped the man she is stuck on rejects her.
I say he already has.
Read on for her comment, and my response.
Okay, I am ashamed to say that I am hanging on to a man who is probably not for me. I will keep reading these “Bobbi-isms” until something in me clicks and says ENOUGH! I am hoping that the one who isn’t good for me will reject me!
Here is my response:
Hi Natalie: I appreciate your honesty. Here’s the thing: You’ve been hanging on with this man for a long time, and he has consistently disappointed and hurt you. As long as you continue to feed his ego and make yourself available on his terms, he won’t dump you or leave you. Why should he?
You say that you hope he rejects you, and I get it. It may seem like the only way you can extricate yourself from the emotional grip he has on you. But, Natalie, the real truth is that he rejected you a very long time ago. You are just refusing to accept it.
Remember in my story I was the one who left my boyfriend who wouldn’t marry me after 3 years? Well, even though I left, it was he who rejected me. He may not have walked out the door or refused my advances, but by refusing to treat me the way I wanted to be treated, and by not giving fully in the relationship; he was saying loud and clear that he didn’t want me. At least not the way I needed to be wanted. It just took me a long time to realize it.
Rejection comes in many forms. It’s often disguised in the form of a man’s unwillingness to do simple things that would make you happy, his unavailability, or his seeming inability to give you the emotional attention and affection you crave.
Although indirect; it’s still rejection. And maybe the worst kind.
I don’t know if this is the “Bobbi-ism” that will help you move on from this man – or any man who doesn’t contribute to your life in a positive, respectful, and loving way – but it’s the fact (as I see it).
Please know that I understand the pain that comes with this realization. But I know the freedom that comes with it too. I believe that when you see this, you will find the proverbial door and walk the hell out.
And then…another window will open.
You know you always have my love and support.
Gotta go. Be good to yourself. (Yes! I mean it!)
My co worker and I were flirting and when this young women got hired he started keeping his distance from me and not talking to me I know now he doesn’t me but I think he still finds me attractive please give me some advice