Do you go month to month, year to year, repeating the same mantra in response to the question Why Am I Still Single at my age? It leaves your mouth in various forms, but you’ve got only one point: to release yourself from responsibility and to keep yourself snug-as-a-bug-in-your-complaining-blaming-single-rug.
There are no good single men out there! I’m better off without a man! Online dating sucks! I’m not changing for any man! All the men my age are boring fuddy-duddies! Older men just want younger women! I don’t meet decent single men anywhere! Love just isn’t in the cards for me.
Blah, blah, blah.
Too harsh? Well, if that’s what it’s going to take to get you to Take Action and change your life to the way you want it to be — one that includes loving and being loved by a wonderful man — then I’ll risk pissing you off.
That way you don’t have to worry about that pesky rejection or imperfection thing.
I’m convinced that this stuff we get stuck in our heads is simply about self protection. I’m also convinced that playing it safe is just not worth it; and that trying — just the act of trying — gives us the confidence and pride we need to propel us forward.
Okay ladies…here’s my compassionate truth-teller for you: Just Stop It!
As a smart woman told me recently: it’s scary out there. Yup. It can be.
Putting yourself out there can be scary.
Hoping for something really big like passionate, forever love can be scary.
Openly searching for the love and acceptance of others can be scary.
I may not have this particular fear anymore — I’ve found the love of my life — but I certainly have others like it. Take this blog, for example. My mantra for the longest time was “No one will ever read my blog, and if they do why would they be interested in what I have to say?”
That kept me from starting for many months. And even now, after almost 10 years and many hundreds of thousands of readers later, fear of rejection still sometimes keeps me from writing and putting myself out there to you.
This crap we get stuck in our heads about how scary and painful things can be is simply about self protection. We think by holding ourselves back we are keeping ourselves safe.
But you know what is REALLY scary?
Not being happy.
Never experiencing the joy and security of being someone’s #1. Of partnership. Of yummy, deep, exciting intimacy.
THAT’S some scary shit.
I’m asked all the time how I changed my life in my 40s and finally found love. Realizing that I had all these stories that my I had to learn and believe
Playing it safe is just not worth it; and that trying — just the act of trying — gives us the confidence and pride we need to propel us forward.
If I had played it safe, I’d be single and working in a corporate job that was sucking the life out of me. Instead, I spend every day of my life with a good man that I love and who loves me, and I’m given the gift of being able to help women improve their lives.
When we hold back out of fear, we give up so much. We risk missing moments of our lives that can create such extraordinary joy, and give us such a feeling of purpose and meaning. When we go for it, our experiences can go beyond anything we’ve ever dreamed of.
So for my part, I’m going to stay strong and positive and keep putting myself out here, hoping that you love and accept me. And, missy, I expect you to do the same…with men.