Want to be a more confident woman when it comes to dating and men? Here is something you must know:
Your fear of being rejected is exactly what is getting you rejected.
~ Bobbi Palmer
Last week I was at a reunion of about 15 women I knew from Junior High School. Two are close friends today; the others I hadn’t seen in about 35 years.
Junior High and High School were not happy times for me. My days were consumed with feelings of inadequacy. I was too fat, too short, too uninteresting…too not-good-enough.
My friends, on the other hand, were all thin, fun and popular; especially with the boys.
I spent about 30 years of my life feeling like I wasn’t good enough; like I wasn’t worthy of the good things in life that those cute and popular girls got. And wouldn’t ya know…I didn’t get those things.
The way I remember it, I was a hanger-on; lucky to be part of their cool crowd. I was the girl they asked to drive because they would all hook-up with some cute boy and I would need a way home. (Hook-up didn’t mean quite the same thing back then.)
I never had a real boyfriend; just lots of crushes and some meaningless romps. My friends had boys all around them, begging for their attention. They also had very close friendships with one another.
Fast forward 30+ years, when I reconnect with my BFF (Best Friend Forever) Lindsay. She and I were bestest girlfriends in Junior High when we were 13 and 14 years old. So…here we are at 50, with our respective husbands, and she starts telling my husband how popular I was.
She tells him that all the girls and all the boys liked me because I was “so cute and so nice.” (I guess I was known as a nice girl then, which I’m proud of today. But at 14, who knew being nice counted?)
After hearing Lindsay tell Larry all about my popularity, it occurred to me: I spent about 30 years of my life feeling like I wasn’t good enough; like I wasn’t worthy of the good things in life that those cute and popular girls got. And wouldn’t ya know…I didn’t get those things.
Throughout my years I continued to feel like I didn’t fit and that I wasn’t valued – especially when men were involved. I didn’t get attention from men, and I didn’t have the relationships and marriages that other women were finding.
When I was in my 40s I finally decided enough was enough. I was sick of myself and my inability to have a good relationship. I committed to honest introspection, learning new stuff and trying new ways to think and behave. I dug deep and got in touch with what I loved about myself and my life and with the support of experts, I started believing it.
I finally realized: I was okay. I was like everyone else – somewhat flawed – but still a great person. I was worthy of acceptance and love. Even from men.
So I stopped wasting time dwelling on my imperfections and set out leading with what was fabulous about me. Did I have to fake that I was a confident woman for a while? Yes. But then I started believing it and showing it to the world.
And then Larry walked into my life. And he wanted me. Just how I was.
If You Won’t Listen to Me…Listen to Men
On Valentine’s Day, I attended an event with a “man panel.” The women in the audience were able to ask them questions, and they got some honest answers. One round of Q&A went like this:
Q? (from a 40-something single woman): What is the one thing that attracts you to a woman you would consider as a life partner?
A. (from a 29-year-old hot looking single man):
The woman I’m attracted to is One Who Knows That She is Enough.
Seriously, that is exactly what he said.
If a 29-year-old guy gets this, don’t you think it’s time you do? Stop wasting time holding back, expecting rejection, and feeling less-than.
Be the woman who knows you are enough.