Put Yourself First When Looking for Love

Do you know that you are special, that you count big time, and that you deserve to think of yourself first when dating and developing a love relationship?

This is such a difficult concept for so many women.

Think of myself first? That’s so selfish! I’ve never done that before…ever! I don’t want to become one of those bossy bitchy women!

I’ve heard this from several of my coaching clients this week as I try to veer them away from first wondering what he thinks and needs. This is their pattern and has been for a very long time. As a testament to that, they all had long generally unhappy marriages where they were always the one giving, and he the one taking…and controlling.

Yep…I tell them…that “he should be first” thing is probably why you’ve been making some pretty crappy choices in the past. Now it’s about you, girlfriend. Get used to it.

It may sound selfish at first, but pay close attention to what I’m saying: think of yourself FIRST. Not always. Not only. Just first.

Make sure your critical needs are met. Make sure he has your “must-haves.” Make sure you get what you need from him and from the relationship. Make sure you can be you — the REAL you, when you’re with him.

Because when you find that guy, you will naturally want to give back. You won’t be able to help yourself. And it will be from the heart. Knowing you (and yes, I do think I know you) you’ll probably give him what he wants and needs in spades. Lucky man.

Today I read something on this from a single man. Want to read what he has to say?

Click here to read The Urban Dater’s take on The Courage to Be a Selfish Whole.  Alex has such a great way of expressing how men feel and think. And, yes, I know for a fact that he represents many, many MANY men. Because I personally know tons of guys just like him.

Read Alex’s article, and then come back here and tell me what you think. I very much want to know your thoughts.

Comments

  1. says

    Thanks for the shout out there, Bobbi. It’s so true that people are really afraid to take care of their own needs, even if only once in a great while.

    There’s nothing wrong with taking time out for oneself. I see it in friends who just give everything they have to their partner. That’s great and all, but we’re still individuals, we have an identity. That’s why it’s so important to “save a little something” for ourselves.

    Good piece as usual!

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