This is the fourth in a series of articles sharing my 6 Keys to Finding Hope and Finding Him. The 6 Keys are:
M - Me and Me first.
A - Assess your list.
S - Shed your stuff.
T - Time to get out and Trail blaze.
R - Real women find their man.
Y -You are the Picker!
This was the topic of my free telecall last week and of my telecourse: Mastering the Mystery of Meeting Men after 40.
I say you need to Trail Blaze because, as you know, he’s not comin’ knocking on your door. You have to make a plan and get out of your house. I’m going to be honest with you: this part can be what stops you in your tracks.
I can’t tell you how often I hear “there are no good men out there” from women who haven’t been anywhere to meet men in a very long time. Or they have such a crazy list they wouldn’t know the right man if they saw him. Or they’ve gone out twice, didn’t meet anyone and are ready to give up. It doesn’t work this way!
You know my company is called Date Like a Grownup. A big part of that is taking personal responsibility for your outcomes. This is absolutely one of the keys to finding someone – you have to do the work! Sometimes it takes fortitude and courage to overcome some seeming rejection or when you don’t meet someone right away; but trust me, it is SOOO worth it when you finally meet your man!
So, where do you meet men? Everywhere and anywhere. Seriously. At the bank, the local lunch joint during your lunch time, volunteering, salsa class…and of course, online. That’s where I met my husband (on http://www.match.com), so I’m a big proponent.
Even if you’re online, I want you to get out of your house and make connections. Instead of moving around your day like the walking dead, look at people and connect.
Here’s all you have to do starting tomorrow when you see a man by himself:
- 1. Make eye contact, smile and say “hi.”
Don’t turn away. I know you do that, especially if he’s good looking! When you can look him in the eye, it shows a wonderful, soft confidence. And remember, we talked about how attractive that is to relationship-minded men.
- 2. Ask a simple question. No need to be brilliant.
My brother once told me, “If women only knew how easy we are. All it takes is saying ‘hi’ and smiling, and you have our attention. We already like you.” You see, women don’t usually connect in any way with men they don’t know, which makes men appreciate it even more when it happens. And it’s not about picking up a guy. At worst, you’ve practiced, made a connection and made a man feel good about himself because you were friendly. At best you strike up a conversation and find out you have things you like about each other.
- 3. Find something you like about him or what he shares and talk about it.
Men like being flattered just as much as we do. You know how good it feels when someone takes interest in you, what you do and what you like.
- 4. Talk about yourself.
It’s not enough just to listen; you have to let him know some fun or interesting things about you. How else will he gauge if he likes you or not? While men are visual, you may attract him with your confidence, your smile and your looks. But contrary to opinion, if he doesn’t see anything past that, he’s not going to ask for your number or a date. (Unless he is that shallow, in which case you don’t want him to call anyway.)
- 5. Use body language – lean in, touch.
Again, scary, I know. Just swipe his arm gently or brush against his hand. A great tip is to touch him when he’s talking about something he thinks is pleasant or special. He will associate your touch with that good feeling. (Cool, huh?)
This can be scary, I admit. But it works! And once you do it a few times, you’ll realize that it’s fun! Everyone who has done it – including me – ends up being friendlier overall in their lives. That always opens up possibilities…and isn’t that so much of what this is about?
So grab your courage, keep your eyes on the prize, and make a plan. Then it will be time to get out, be seen and connect!