The Truth About What Single Men Want from Grownup Women

If he’s providing for a mother or 4 Kids that aren’t his, he’s not an alpha. You’ve got yourself a beta provider. Your second guessing is further proof.
Cute, sexy, Wild is how 20-year-olds describe themselves. You’re a grown woman, not an Instagram model. If your still chasing your bad boy, set that poor man free so he can find a woman worthy of him.

Hi I am 39 now, and when I met my best friend 4 years ago I never thought I’d be interested in dating him as he is 11 years older. However we did always have a crazy connection. So now him being 50 and sharing so many amazing memories and love, actually everyone around us, including my children are asking why don’t we get married? We have had intimate encounters previous to this but again age, distance and the fact he has no children were a deterrent. We have watched each other date, in fact I was in a year and a half relationship during our friendship as well, and we have only wanted the other to be happy. Definately have solid friendship and strong love. We have always been with one another and in fact when together practically inseparable. So on with the story- now we have come to a crossroad where we definitely love each other, never want to be without one another and when I re entered the dating world and he was still dating I guess we started to ask ourselves, how would this person I’m dating react to our friendship? If we didnt think this person would be comfortable with me sitting on his lap around a campfire or snuggling watching the game then they were out the door! Funny right ! So why not give a relationship a try? So now I am challenged with not only dating my best friend but also a man in his 50s and one with no kids where I have 4! He loves all of us so much and wants the family life. He is the kindest, most caring sweetest, most generous, funny, manly alpha but not overpowering male I’ve ever met. He loves feeling like the protector, he hunts( provider). I have encouraged him in his business which now is a growing success. I dont want to lose him ever but I wonder if me at 39 and sometimes a little more needy then him and have been tagged as very cute and sexy, fun and a little wild will grow tired on him. When we were just friends- I was his cute, sweet little miss but now to be his gf I am unsure if this is still the right personality? I mean, I guess that’s who he fell in love with but reading articles about dating men in their 50s contradicts what we are…. I know communication is key, which we do well but a second opinion on my story would be awesome.
Looking for success in dating a man That’s 50 and my best friend. He means the world to me

I love this article & LM is adorable. I rushed into a long term relationship immediately upon separation/divorce. Following that 10 mo. relationship I went online & went out with many different people. 2 short term relationships – however one was serious quickly. Men seem to want to become intimate very quickly & if denied disappear. I know have not dated for 6 months to regroup & wonder how you meet people? I’m apprehensive of online dating. The men I had relationships appeared to be very attached to their ex wives even years after divorce. Often agonizing about alimony payments, her cheating & seemed to bring that negative energy to the relationship. I’m highly social & attractive as well as independent & successful. How do you meet people?

So you’re saying if a woman doesn’t respond to a thinly disguised, half hearted effort to get to know her she’s mentally ill? Not everything is about you. Trying putting in the effort to get to know women as human beings first (not as an accessory or someone to keep you entertained) and you might be surprised what you find. There is a person inside that tail you’re pretending to be too good for. With an attitude like that you deserve to be single.

please get into the special aspects of black and women of color dating and dealing with the pressures of Real racism and therefore money issues (who pays for date) and other levels of how to cope with having to do daily stand up to landlords and feel good. How to be relaxed as the job’s racist attacks keep you worried. This is for both the man or /and woman of color.
You are savvy and can INCLUDE this!

Regan, the rich men know when they are being chased after because of their wealth and they will only treat you like garbage, so your friends will be alone for a long time. there is nothing wrong with boring its about how you find men like me, I am out there quietly watching and listening for subtle clues of compatibility. I will not date someone without genuine similar interests. so boring for me is perfect but how do I find you? if you are pointed to by a close trusted friend or family im telling you now forget about it I wont see you.

I have been meeting the type of men that LM describes in the women he dated.
Men who have been hurt, don’t want to commit, play games, run hot and cold,
Disappear, etc. I am holding out for a quality, mature, honest man whose mind
And heart are open to love. That’s what I deserve to have and will have!

This is so funny! I am not even dating, but wonder if I could put on the show my over 50 girlfriends do to get attention from multiple guys, find a “rich” one even if they bring no assets to the table, and as this man described, don’t seem to know what they want at all.
What these women are up to seems exhausting, and I thought it must be what the guys find interesting!
I am a happy, boring but attractive woman with many interests aside from a man.
I have come to think that you as a woman have to meet a mans wildest dreams as well. (Just from what I have observed)! Well, I am glad to heat there are some sane grounded men out there.

L- I agree with you whole heartedly. I’ve gone on 6 dates with a nice guy and I keep going out with him because he’s nice. Yet I feel no spark. I do need to feel some spark and I do need a guy who can make me laugh. I almost feel like there’s something wrong with me because I’m not feeling anything other than friendship with this guy. And I think a lot of women feel that too. We are raised to believe and are told that we need to be”fixed”. When in reality he’s just not the one!

LM looks like the kind of “quality” guy who rejects me all the time on match … presumably cause I am not gorgeous enough or not young enough!

I experienced the same as Nancy. Also dated several men in their fifties never getting over the ex wife. I’ve really tried in the dating world. Most of the men are highly dysfunctional and undateable in the over fifties age group.

I would love to find a man that would take me out to dinner.and treat me like a lady.I’m looking for a man thst will be loving caring honest very faithful. That I can live with and marry him. And that I can give myself to completely.and be my best friend .that if we disagree on anything that we can sit and talk it over.and work it out together.unite as one.that will only want to lose ‘ve me and only me.

I actually don’t think LM sounds that unusual.

I don’t understand the posts claiming that all men are just looking for sex, afraid of commitment, etc. In my experience with men – and I mean those I know from both dating and ‘real life’ (meaning work, friends, etc.) lots of men are looking for emotional connection and companionship – they crave it as much as we do.

Sure, they want sex but they also want someone who makes them feel happy, who makes their lives better and more enjoyable…and when they find that person, they want to keep her in their lives. I mean, it’s not rocket science – don’t we all want to be with someone who makes us happier?

Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying it’s easy to meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with…there are still a lot of things that need to match up (temperaments, core values, life goals, a reasonable amount of common interests, energy levels, physical attraction) and, yes, the search can be tiring and disappointing but that’s quite different from writing off all men (or women) as users, narcissists, nutcases, etc.

If you don’t care, why even bother posting? Every man is not a dumb animal who only wants sex, just like every woman is not a gold digger who only wants money. Many people want and get companionship and fun friendship. Like attracts like.

Dear Bobbi,
What has been said here, in the article and in these comments, really resonates with me.
I’m a widower who was married for 27 years. With dating, we were together for 30. I’ve been “on my own” for nine years and began dating 2 1/2 years ago. My wife was the 3rd woman I dated. In the last 30 months…37 women. Not because I’m a ladies man, but because I can’t seem to find someone who wants to show their heart. When things start becoming serious, I see trepidation and withdrawal. Very frustrating!
They all tell tales of pain and hurt from unfaithful and uncommunicative husbands, alcoholic partners, and men who were condescending. I try to be in that moment…listening carefully. However…being nice, gentlemanly, romantic, and caring doesn’the seem to do the trick!
I teach, pilot airplanes, read voraciously, cook, and do yoga. I even study qigong. And, even this diversity of interests doesn’t get me any closer to a partnership.
While I try to remain hopeful…I’m pretty darn sad.

Bobbi
LM sounds lovely and I love his discription of ‘hurding cats on caffeine’ – I would share the same sentiment for women and men after a certain age 🙂 I’m divorced, happy and looking for a boyfriend.. problem is that I live across the pond in Europe – Switzerland to be precise but what’s a bit of water in the way. At least we can chat and whatsapp if we like each other. So please do share my email with LM – good to connect with open and loving people.. it seems such a rare commodity these days.
With thanks and all good wishes, Diane
PS 50s and still young and beautiful 🙂

You want a rent me rent a wi. A plus one date BUT. …..with out the relationship going any further than boyfriend -girlfriend status. Women 50 or even 40 and up at this stage in in their lIves they usually are independent on every level and are not standing in line to be someone’s girlfrien. Ww have girlfriends and guy friends. Why would we want a man that dosent want the our relationship to do any deeper? Ok 3 nights a week you ate asking a women to get all dolled up an go on dates. May make you dinner weelky, pick up your dry cleaning, A plus one date, meet the parents date but that is it. This poor chick can’t have feelings that go deeper. Basically is boils down to you want your cake and eat it too. Getting free milk is wI’ll not forever. Do you expect a girlfriend to keep you company in tbe nursing home some day? Allways pick you up at the airport just because of free have sex and you buy dinner? Buddy…you are just as clueless as most men.

Dating isn’t worth it..let alone the “marrying” bit

Really, Why should I care or put out all this effort when there is when the reality is that its all about the vagina? Define the relationship all you want, but the only real distinction that can be said of them is sex. So it all boils down to this- how expensive do you want your sex to be? By expensive, I mean, how many requirements must be met before you put out?

Men want to “engage” in activities where they have control. Buying a home and getting involved in financial ventures, to them, are far more controllable than navigating the waters of trying to figure out “women.” Men want simple things in simple situations; if you make it too hard for them, they’ll move on. I’m a woman and my advice is that women need to find a purpose, a passion and be involved; be adventurous. Pursue whatever it is you love with confidence and enthusiasm. Then, when you do meet a man, he will, most likely, be interested because most men I’ve know (I’m no spring chicken) love confident, successful women who don’t cling. My two cents. Thanks for listening.

perfect.

I agree that both sides are encountering the same issues.
For me the friendly approach LM is describing would be perfect, would give you both the time to get to know the true person and make your relationship decisions based on those discoveries.
Communication and mutual activities – a walk, coffee, will show both if they wish it to go further.

I have to agree with you. As a straight man at 59 all I hear from my single guy friends is how much they get laid
I have had one girlfriend that told me I was the only guy that actually showed interest in her as a person not a sex object
We split up but it was mutual because of a distance thing and have remained good friends
its not easy out there but i think you have to love yourself and not be self-centered about it
before you are ready for a healthy relationship
take care Don

I can’t tell you how true Bobbi’s reply is for me. The “putting up with” over the top flirting. This happened to me over the last 3 or 4 months.
I worked hard a discouraging it in a man that seemed poker hot interested. Eventually he wore me down and I started to reciprocate. After all, this was the young, insecure, method I used in my teens and twenty’s. I regressed for fear of missing a potential opportunity.
FINALLY we got together and after 3 months of this flirtation stuff there was a lot of energy in the room, if you get me. He kept acting on it, I kept liking it but pausing to get back to grown up conversation. In the end, I lost out and participated in the hot and heavy petting.
I won’t say it wasn’t fun, it always is, but not at all where I was at or what I wanted and… true to form, after satisfying his curiosity…… he disappeared. Just. Like. That. He was 54, fairly successful at his career, cute, a great dad to adult children, interested in taking care of himself and an involved g’pa. It seemed really wonderful…. but… the signs were there and I allowed it, just like Bobbi said.

The nice guys are covering up they are secretly angry at the core, I found — at least with my ex. I thought we had a really harmonious relationship, but he was just avoiding conflict and sucking up until he left and displayed a lot of disgruntled negativity, having expected some ideal that was unrealistic, and took a pretty self-centered and not very mature view of things. He admitted he was too thin-skinned — it made it hard to speak up because he was too touchy to take a balanced perspective of both our viewpoints. Maybe overly nice guys are a little cowardly, and, I found, don’t like obligations at all, just wanting some of the trappings of adulthood and feeling flattered by receiving interest, without putting much skin in the game or really backing you up, say, when you are dealing with an aging parent or other life challenge.

I think at our ages it is hard to trust ..but when you choose to open your heart and wait be patient and give the other person time to be comfortable with you , you will find that both of you are afraid to get your hearts broken. In order to get it broken one must be receptive to begin with. I want my heart open again…BECAUSE every time you do take that step in as a positive lesson you grow. My thoughts on some women playing those silly games are because they havent dated in years and pick up from the days of high school cat and mouse..We are to old to be playing those teenager games. A man texts you text him back if your really interested if not tell him so he can move on.Its not fair when they do that to us ..either .Be honest with what you want and be open to receive. Dating at 50 is hard be respectful towards yourself and he will see that you are woman of value.

I DO think LM is hot! Just for what he thinks and says. But that’s exactly how a single woman in her 50s (me), smart, reasonably good looking, funny (I’ve been told), warm and friendly, feels in the dating scene. I met a guy who wanted to text incessantly – he was funny and intelligent in his messages so I continued too – but every time I suggested meeting, he just had something to do that weekend. If he wasn’t interested in me, I could’ve taken that. I don’t have to be everybody’s cup of tea. But he wanted to stay connected and that’s all. And he’s on one end of the spectrum which is heavy at the ends. There’s this type and then the other type who after a single date falls in love…. Oh for a man who wants to meet me perhaps once a week or a fortnight, make some plans together, give me space to do my own thing, and who will let a friendship develop before the L word is spoken… Ah! Well, LM should know that women have the same problem that he does…

What women want is not infatuation. We want men to spend time/energy to know us, just to get to know us, a real us. But this is very hard to men. Agree?

…and after reading the ‘Wow Me Women’ bit on the blog, those are seemingly the women I counsel..except their guys have run off, and they have zero ability to move on. Wow..really.

I cannot count the number of guys I encounter in their 50s just out for a roll in the sack. The first thing I am told is the size of their package. I want a man I can talk to that cares about me, that we have a life outside the bedroom. I definitely want someone healthy enough for sex, but I want more than just sex.

This guy’s email waves all sorts of red flags for me. He wrote:

“I like to keep things simple. All I want, to use an old fashioned term, is a girlfriend. Somebody I can take out to dinner on Wednesday, a picnic on Saturday, and talk to or text during the week. How hard can that be?”

So … date on a weeknight? What’s he doing Saturday night? Exhausted from picnicing?

If a guy wanted to date me on weeknights and weekend afternoons my 1st thought would be he’s married.

This guy sounds like he wants a ‘girlfriend’ for a couple days a week action and some keep-in-touch texts in between. He wants stress relief in the form of a woman. No wonder the women he meets treat him in exactly the same way.

Those women are sending a clear message that they don’t want to fit into his schedule and no amount of blaming them makes his meager offer of ‘girlfriendhood’ any more palatable. He wants a free prostitute from what I’m reading. Sorry but I’m blunt at this point of my life 🙂

Free advertising for LM: Today he’s a rockstar.
I don’t buy it. He is a nice guy but is just as clueless as other men.
He doesn’t want to be your best friend, your mate, your partner.
He wants to go on a picnic. Dinner. Well shoot ,,,so doe severy other
guy who just want to “date” casually (meaning, hook-up and have never ending,
non-monogamous relationships. )Heck, I would still be married to my ex
if he had actually been committed to it. He was a nice guy too, but he was also Peter Pan.
LM does not address the future. At our age, we need to plan…retirement, family affairs, LTC, paying off mortgages and taking care of our elderly folks.. At least discuss it. Don’t try to hide your lives from each other.
We don’t need any more dreamers to flop in and out of our lives just because it appears we are desperate.Men seem to believe that older women are all desperate. I’m not desperate., but some of these replies here sound just like that .This isn’t a job interview, girls. It’s a relationship-two people who click and want to be together, through thick and thin.

We only want all men to grow up and finally take on adult responsibility with a woman. If there was no pay off in committed marriages, no one would have ever, in the history of time, continued a marriage. If you think alike and have the similar interests and plans, it’s a natural match, Be yourself. Present both your attributes and baggage, because you both have some .Learn to recognize the difference between those who are looking for a place just to hang their hat for a while and sticking around for the whole show. If LM wanted a long-term relationship, he would have mentioned it.

Dawn
Nope, never, ever, go there!!! Tried that path with the only fit, good looking, single dude here and it was an exercise in emotional battery. Hated my values, lifestyle, pets, goals, embarrassed me publicly to the point of no longer wanting him with me in public, and badmouthed me big time in this small town when I wisely ended things. Dont go there sister, its really bad. Don’t try and force yourself to like a guy you are not attracted to within a coupla dates; grossly unfair to both parties. And yep, I go out of my way to talk to guys here for the races, but often they are married/attached. Dealing with this now; fellow runner, perfect for me in terms of age (60s), education, values, looks, even height. He likes to text me, spend time with me while here but has a hot young girlfriend 4 hrs south of here. You do not need that kind of heartbreak. Funny, I am 5’7″ sans heels and I tower over most men here. Must be the thin air.
As the last member of family died a month ago (my dad), being alone for good is my new reality. I too want to look up (literally) to, be proud of, a man, to have good, intelligent
conversation, have someone who
compliments rather than is a drain
on, ones life. An equal. I was married to a wonderful man for 12 years so I know that a great rship is, how it should feel. I worked hard to self educate, worked hard in school to lift myself up well beyond my dropout, alcoholic family so that I would never, ever be forced to live that life, subjected to those values again. Now I am told to “settle” for men with those very values, or am called entitled, or be totally alone. If I give the house back to the bank, I can go elsewhere but with incredible debt, no job (older academics have zero prospects these days, been looking for years), abandon my animals, and not have enough to retire on. I’d become the sort of trashy, unethical, down and out, debt ridden person I myself am trying to avoid. Horrible catch-22. Ironically, men here approach me all the time but theyre more in need of a meal ticket/therapist/mommy than a girlfriend. Was really hating on myself, thinking its my mixed race heritage/heavy, muscular legs/ wrong color eyes/ lousy cheekbones, you name it, until I found that ALL women within a huge area of here experience the same exact issues AND it’s why women with options and frequently without, leave. I think LM would agree; men too need to BE the person they want to date. No double standards.

Hi Bobbi: Thank you very much for posting LM’s dating experience. He seems like a very self-aware, open, available and vulnerable man, and if he’s interested in dating a beautiful and sweet woman in her 50s in NYC, please let him know I would enjoy communicating with him. LM gives us very valuable feedback on how NOT to proceed during the dating process. So many women in their 50s have been affected by the RULES, which encouraged us to have rigid boundaries, and I feel some women carry this book’s recommendation to the extreme. Ladies, let’s return call, texts and be honest if we need to move on. Let’s treat men the way we want to be treated. I always ask the question, “Would I date myself?”

This is what I do. Usually, the best men for me are older guys that are here for the races we have here. The very fact that they are participating means they must be healthy, non addicted, and financially stable to even be able to do the races. Unfortunately that is only 3 months/year; for the rest of the year, the door is pretty much slammed shut. The on liners willing to drive here do so because they have few options in the cities down the hill. I have thus given up on on line. Too much expense, waaay too much driving just to deal with someone who has lied about who they are or has serious emotional issues. Ironically, dealing with the aftermath of my dads death on my home state the past few times, I have had dinner dates during both visits. These were very successful men with good work ethics so I guess it isn’t
me. Wish there were more dudes like our poster here and far, far fewer ski bums. Trying to do my best till I can get outta the West.

Hi Noquay,
I agree with you that there are many men out there who are gold diggers. Quite often they lost everything in their divorce, and they’re looking for a woman who owns a home they can move in to. This happened to me several times when I was online dating. They generally conceal this fact until you meet them, and then hope their charm will win you over.
Given your unique lifestyle, I can imagine that your pool of men is somewhat limited. I found the best thing to do was to screen men very carefully. But it’s even better to go to events that are of interest to you, which would allow you to meet likeminded men in person.

Hi Bobbi. Thanks for posting LMs letter. One of the problems I face with online dating is that some of the men who contact me don’t read what I wrote. For example, I love to dance and I wrote that in my profile, yet when we meet for coffee, and we start to spend time together, they are surprised. What does that say? To me it reflects their need to have someone who just wants to have a partner, but is not really interested In sharing common interests. After a few dates, this comes out from his behavior and I move on. I try to be authentic when I write and talk, and feel good about not just trying to get him to like me. So I date a fair amount and go to a lot of social activities, but no LMs are showing up where I am.

Bobbi, I’ve heard you talk a lot about having empathy for men, but how do you define early on the fine line between a man who’s heart can heal from just being heard and understood vs the one who will progress into a downward depressed spiral and needs someone to fix it for him. How does a woman be empathetic but not get sucked into their dark hole with them? What are the clues to watch for before getting your heart broken when you realize they need a mommy and have no intentions of standing on their own two feet? I’ve also dated the “nice guy” that the other’s talk about, only to find myself slowly being drug down a dark hole of negativity. How do we as women determine what is a healthy need of empathy in a man vs a man who wants has no intentions of growing and evolving?

As someone who has given a wealth of empathy only to find myself in unhealthy relationships down the road, it’s only natural to hold back because of past hurts. How do I change this?

There are definitely 50 year old men who are interested in 50 year old women. I live in a small town and am 40 and unfortunately there are not a lot of men my age so I end up dating men 10 years older. I would really like to date a man my age. In my experience men are opportunists. If they are online and they see a woman 10 years younger that interests them they will go for it but same if she is the same age as he is- it’s more about whether you catch their interest. I actually get a lot of emails from 20-25 year old guys on the dating website… and I’m 40. Most of them just say some variation of, “you’re hot”, and I ignore them because I have already done the cougar thing, I’m looking for a relationship, and any guy who just emails me with, “you’re hot”, regardless of age, is going to get deleted. =)

It sounds like our dude was dealing with women who are playing the field on line. Men do this too. Frankly, “wow me” type guys make me suspicious; all hat, no cattle. My approach is this; I would meet you, decide whether or not I am or am not attracted physically. I would carefully listen to what you said, your non verbals, decide whether I want another date, keeping in mind that as I am a mixed race eco chick, you may or may not want to date me. Subsequent dates, I am still paying attention. Am I at ease with you, do our values mesh, are you at ease with me? Are you OK driving to my small mountain town, being with my critters, my unconventional house. How and where do you live? I am also ascertaining whether you are who you say you are in terms of health, values, and yep
socioeconomic level. Do you live within
your means. Yep, a good many of us
older, professional chix are protecting
ourselves from further hurt, exploitation.
We are a tad defensive because we’ve
been told repeatedly to settle for folk
who have chosen to accomplish and be
far less in life than we chose to.
Something no older man is ever asked to
do. You seem like a really good man; at least in my area (mountain west), most older men are not so great, yet feel they deserve super models. They haven’t taken care of their health, appearance, have a lot of baggage, often issues with
alcohol, drugs, barely employed, if at all.
I live a very full life, they generally do not
and resent me for doing “too much”.
Reject them and you are an entitled
b@#$%, and here, may wind up being
stalked. Accept them and you wind up
supporting an overaged child you quickly loose attraction for. Dealt with both and very recently. I understand folk have hard times; that’s the time to not date and fix the issue, yourself, not look to someone else to fixxit for you.
Yep, I wish more older men were like you but unfortunately, many aren’t. This is why many sooo many of us older, more accomplished chix are angry, frustrated and horribly lonely, and yes, defensive and wary. We are being asked to be OK with and embrace a very warped double standard.

I’ve also dated the overly “nice” guy. Funny thing is, on e things got real, after the new part wore off or when an obstacle occurred, I found these type “nice” guys, weren’t really so nice at all. Give me a straight shooter, respectful, but confident any day of he week.
To me, that’s a true nice guy;-)
Tami

I think he is cute and sweet and would go out with him. But is he being straight about what he wants. I mean, I have a home, family, a job and I am not always sure what a man my age wants; I am afraid they want to move in me or vice verse before we learn about each other. I can’t just give it all up. But if I knew he wanted what he clearly states here I would go for it and see how it develops. I don’t believe I clearly understand men of my are. I mean do they want ‘casual’ or what?! Many times They are complex about where they are coming from lol. What a turn of the tables right. But our lives are more layered now so it would seem if you are clear about intentions then the woman you are interested in can be able to make an informed decision. And btw are you being positive because my experience is that men bring alit if baggage to the table and I really want to start off having a fun time- baggage comes later

I can see a little bit of myself in the women he describes, but not because there isn’t enough electricity. I do think it takes time to get to know each other and develop a relationship! For me I think sometimes I give mixed messages…text more often and then maybe pull back a little out of fear of getting hurt again. I’m learning a lot from you! LM definitely seems like a good man…and attractive too! I would definitely date him! East coast hmmm…anywhere near Maryland?

Oh! I sure can relate to the game playing and being afraid to get hurt again excuses, I have come a long way and I have been healing from a bad experience for over 3 years.. I decided to believe in myself as a loving person and date again. I don’t play games and I’m not afraid to open my heart. I met someone 4 months ago and we are doing well. The only thing that we need to work on is communication. I know it will take some time but I am willing to work on it. I want to thank LM for his email about dating over 40. It opened my eyes to what guys think. He’s a nice looking guy and I would date him.

Hi Bobbi…I really liked LM’s honesty and the feeling he put into his email.
One thing I have to say is YES…Im that scaredy kat girl…Im trying to work out of it though…
Interestingly enough I had been dating a man recently who fits the description to a T also…Hummm…
It was an eyeopener for me “feeling” the confusion and mixed messages he sent, not a sweet or pleasant feeling at all..
Finally I had to cut the cord, It was all way too confusing for me.
I dont know about anyone else…but dont we all have to feel some sort of little spark of interest in the man?
Blessings~Kathy

Very interesting conversation from LM and the responding women. I can understand both sides of the coin as I read these stories. I know that I am guilty of wanting to be attracted the man who I will kiss and yes, I want some kind of initial spark between us to be there for me to “be there”. I am further challenged by the fact that I am a tall woman, 5’9″ in bare feet, and most of the most I meet are my height. I want to look up at a man. I want him to take care of himself as I do myself. I want to meet a man who is interested in dating a 50+ year old woman. That seems to be a near impossibility. I am athletic, into sports, intelligent and can hold a conversation. Both men and women tell me I’m attractive or pretty. One man told me to not go after a man, but rather, let them come to me. My fear, I will live my life alone. Unless I go back to the man that wants me but I have no attraction to. And no, I am not taking that path….

My 49 year old girlfriend who has been onlinine dating for years read this story with me (I’m a newbie). She said there is no way a man that age would be interested in women over 50, That men his age can get and are only interested in women 10 plus years younger. She really brings me down! Is it possible that she’s wrong?

Sounds familiar….sooo familiar, in fact. That’s just the sort of thing I have experienced many times as a 50 something woman out there in the dating world.

Men have been hurt, tortured emotionally and toyed with by women too and thus present a very guarded and suspicious version of themselves. Truth is, we all have to be brave and continue to develop ourselves, heal from our pasts and learn to trust again. Bobbi helps us with that.
Cheers Bobbi….thanks for all you do for us!
Laurie

Great hearing this from a man’s point of view! I don’t think I’m that hot/cool/cold woman he describes, but, maybe when I get busy…maybe there is a little of her in me at times. Unintentional! I am committing to becoming aware of this sort of behavior and stop doing that in my relationships, if I am doing it at all.

BTW, yes, I’d date him, too! 😀

Bobbi,
LM is a total cutie.
I’d date him!
Think he can handle someone who spends a lot of time travelling? That’s been my biggest problem lately; I’d hardly call that”disappearing” but it’s a big challenge for the guys I’ve dated.

He could join for weekends!
Girlfriends don’t and the company would be nice!
Victoria

I dated a few men who were so “nice” they were indecisive and overly pleasing, which in my experience doesn’t last or evolves into passive-aggressive behavior because he isn’t getting what he wants or needs. The spark for me is a self-confident who knows who he is, know what he wants and isn’t apologetic about it. He knows if the shoe doesn’t fit you move on to the next one. I’ve been in the shoes of the women you are dating. They are keeping their options open because they aren’t sure you are “the guy”.