No matter how much you may think you have your shit together, life carries harsh truths. No matter how much you deny these truths, it is only through acceptance that you will stop being single and start being happily coupled.
I’m willing to be the compassionate truth teller that may have you hating me today but thanking me tomorrow.
Here are 8 brutally honest truths you need to accept if you want to get your shit together and stop being single:
1. Playing it safe will keep you single.
Here is the not so good news: What you’ve done until now hasn’t worked, right? You want to stop being single, which is why you are here. Which is the good news! You ARE here, at Date Like a Grownup, where you are learning how to get what you want: forever passionate love with a good man.
But, you need to up your game. Try new things, learn new truths and scare yourself a little. Get out of your comfort zone! It’s the only way.
2. You will regret not using online dating– the right way.
Not using online dating is way riskier than trying it…the right way. Yes, there is a right way to be online that will minimize your contact with jerks and users and maximize meeting good men and having fun.
Over 90% of my clients met their forever men online. So, what do you risk by rejecting online dating as too scary, too much work or “not for you?” Staying alone and single.
3. You ARE going to have bad dates, meet jerks, and feel bad when a good guy doesn’t call you.
You are just NOT trying hard enough if these things aren’t happening to you. Did you get every job you interviewed for? Every college you applied to did you get into? Or have you loved every movie you’ve ever gone to?
If you AREN’T getting rejected, or meeting less than stellar men-occasionally- then you are not stretching yourself and taking the risks necessary to find Mr. Forever. It means that you are not trying hard enough.
4. Blaming men is a waste of time.
Blaming others always feels good in the short run, and gets any accountability and blame off your shoulders and on to “theirs.” But, in the long run blame and resentment seeps through your attitude and reactions and will turn off the good guys. And, more importantly, it wears you out.
Learning all you can about grownup men will increase your empathy and understanding and decrease the blame and anger you feel. As will taking personal responsibility for your actions and decisions. It’s called dating like a grownup!
5. When a man wants you, he WILL let you know.
You won’t have to guess, or call him, or ask your girlfriends or write me. Even the most reticent man will always let you know when he wants you.
As I always say, if you are wondering if they like you, they most likely don’t…move on.
6. If you define yourself by your “baggage” so will he.
This translates into over-sharing in your profile or on the first date. Or being so scared to share you don’t really open-up on dates. Or prematurely bonding with men over your problems because he has them too – which sounds good, but it’s not.
Start to see your baggage as part of a well-lived life and share what you have learned from your challenges, along with all the really GOOD stuff about you. You will start to see and accept your WHOLE self, and so will he.
7. Not even a perfect man will complete you.
You know how I say a great relationship will “enhance” your already good life? It most definitely will, but it cannot make a not-so-great life good.
Relationships are an extension of your happiness, not the basis of it. If you don’t have a life you feel good about, work on getting one BEFORE you look for a man.
8. To stop being single you are going to have to devote time, energy and, yes, money to this.
Whether you need to learn how to better navigate the internet to find men. Or work on your confidence. Access and express your innate femininity. Or get over your old patterns of choosing the controlling, userish guys, there is WORK to be done.
Which almost always, in my experience, translates into time, energy and some level of monetary investment. Bitching, moaning or secretly wishing it would change will keep you stuck in victim-mode. And single-mode.