Continuing from the previous post…
How did I move from 30 years of super-singledom to living in the gorgeous mountains of Mexico, ready to retire with my grownup, adorable, devoted Larry?
I had to shift some major self-sabotaging beliefs.
I had to open up to learning new things about myself and men.
I had to get help!
As I told you in the last post, with the help of my therapist, Anne, I had three GIANT lessons I had to learn.
The first ah-ha was admitting to the lie I had been telling myself for decades.
I don’t NEEEED a stinkin’ man!
Telling myself that it was a-ok to be single for my entire life – to never experience the love and security of being a man’s #1 – that was a lie.
Admitting the truth to myself, and to others, opened me up to feeling hopeful…and taking ACTION!
What I’m about to share is close to the same powerful work I was guided through umpteen years ago.
For the past 13+ years it has been equally love altering for my private coaching and Over-40 Love School clients as I personally support them through the process.
Admitting how important loving and being loved is to you HAS to be your first step.
Before you start this exercise:
Promise yourself to work on letting go of the way the word ‘neeeed’ gets stuck in your craw.
Needing and being needy are very different.
You can need a man to enhance your life and still have total control, be super-smart, and and live without him if you had to.
Repeat after me:
It’s okay to need a man.
It’s okay to need a man.
It’s okay to need a man.
Okay, get started by asking yourself:
- Why do I feel compelled to make a distinction between need and want when it comes to my love life?
- How is holding on to the ‘want’ belief serving me? Does it seem to be protecting me from anything?
- If I believed (admitted?) that I needed a man to truly be fulfilled as a woman, would I make any positive changes in the way I go after dating and relationships? What might I do differently and how might my life be different?
Over the course of answering questions like this, I got honest with myself.
I stopped pretending that it was to just kinda hang back and wait for Mr. Right to magically appear.
He wasn’t going to, damnit!
Anne helped me shift from feeling like a kind of victim with little power to change my love life to realizing this:
All I had to do was stake my claim and approach my love life like the strong, smart, capable woman I was.
Now, all these years later, I’m doing the same for the women like you.
I help you stop hanging back believing it’s okay to die alone, without experiencing authentic, grownup intimacy and love.
I help you stop blaming men, your age, the media, or the luck of the draw.
I help you learn new perspectives and practical skills that replace those that are mucking up your love life.
Like I learned to do, I help you start relaxing and accepting…with yourself and with men.
You will be able to BREATHE and just be YOU.
Ahhhh….
That, girlfriend, is exactly what brings that amazing, loving man into your life!
Next, I’ll share My There-to-Here Big Lesson #2: It’s Not About the Size of Your Thighs. (Really!)
Watch for an email on Sunday!
As always, I’m sending this with so much love!
PS: After you do this exercise share your ah-ha’s with me. Comment below!!
If you’re ready to learn more and do what I did, I invite you to get on my Over40 Love School Interest list. When you do, you will be the first to grab one of the very few seats so I can teach you how to date in a way to find love.
Read post 1 here: Ever Say “My Life is Great…BUT…?” (Let’s take care of that But!)
Read post 2 Part 1 here: You DO Need a Stinkin’ Man, sister Part 1
