Are you excited about the notion of hopping into bed with your new guy?
Slowly undressing…eyes locked…savoring each other’s bodies…lust so intense that you both might explode…
…or does the thought of it make you so nervous you want to puke?
Let’s face it: if you’re working on attracting a fabulous man into your life, ya’ better be ready for sex. I know that for many of you—especially if you’re dating in your 40s, 50s, or beyond—it’s been a while since you stood naked in front of a man.
Many of you tell me that you look forward to enjoying this intimate and glorious part of a good relationship, but the thought of presenting your naked body to your new man seems daunting. After all, you have those stretch marks, sagging boobs, cellulite and wrinkled skin… all kinds of flaws, right?
I received an email the other day that reminded me of how scary this is. I lived this myself—a room could never be dark enough—but I eventually learned the truth: most men just don’t care. Here is my email exchange with “T.”
This subject has been on my mind and I really feel I can trust you. I have this huge fear! And I know it’s one of the issues that holds me back from letting a man get too close….so here goes.
I have this horrible, ugly tattoo from my stupid teenage years right smack dab in the middle of my right buttock cheek. It’s really embarrassing, and all I think about when dreaming of my perfect relationship is him knowing I have this ugly thing that he will see as unattractive when we’re (I’m) naked. It would cost thousands of dollars to have it removed, and I just cannot afford it. What I am to do?
I appreciate your concern. But to be honest, this is one of the easiest questions I’ve had to answer in a long time. I’ll tell you what an old (skinny) boyfriend said to me when I was sharing my concern about my fat thighs:
“When you’re naked with a man, all he sees is that he has a naked woman in front of him, and all he thinks of is that he’s about to have sex. That’s it. He couldn’t care less about your thighs.”
I can guarantee you that your tattoo will mean absolutely nothing to 99% of men. They care far less about our bodies than we do. My husband, for instance, really hates tattoos. But would he have not married me if I had one? Heck no! In fact, he married me with far more body blemishes than that. What he does care about (as do most men) is that I’m okay with my body. If I am … well then, so is he.
And don’t forget: men have their own issues. They’re fighting gravity just like we are, and they’re the ones who are primarily responsible for performing. As men climb into their 50s and 60s, they have their own concerns.
I am not minimizing your anxiety or making fun. I am being totally honest: don’t give it another thought. Rather, think about the next fabulous man who will be lucky enough to see your gorgeous cheeks!
Now go out there and be brave. You’ll see I’m right. Let me know how it goes!
PS: This is a great conversation to have before you undress. Tell him the story of when you got it. I’m sure it will make for some good fun. Oh, and be sure to read my article How to Decide When to Have Sex.