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Why Men Disappear After a Few Great Texts, Calls, or Dates

So many women want to know why men disappear. You know the story:

He texts or calls and you have a great conversation.

He asks you out, once, twice even three times…you think it’s going great and maybe even that it has potential and then…POOF! He disappears. No calls. No response to your texts.

Crickets from the guy you thought had the potential to be The One.

You’re confused. This isn’t the first time and you’re wondering why men show interest but don’t end up ‘picking’ you? Why do they keep disappearing?

In this video, I tell you the common reasons why men disappear and give you specific, real-life dating advice to help you keep him interested and coming back.

After you watch the video leave me a comment below and let me know if you think you may have made one of both of these mistakes.

And hey, do you want to learn more? Read this: 15 Ways to Get a Second Date – Like a Grownup!  

  1. Great video! Thanks!

  2. You are so welcome. Jeannie. For letting me know. I love to hear I’ve helped! Bp

  3. Hi Bobbi, love your work! I see myself in what you describe, not allowing my receptive-feminine, but relating as if we were on a mutual interview. In general, it’s hard for me to accept, receive, and believe anyone might really like and love me. This is a helpful clip. Thanks.

  4. Hi Diana, glad you’re here. What I can offer is some truth: the only way to meet single men is online…especially these days with COVID. I completely understand that you hate it. I did for years too. But it’s likely because you’ve been doing it the same way over and over and that way isn’t working. Maybe you live somewhere in the world where people are back out and about and I can help you meet men the “old-fashioned way.” But it’s not likely, and even then online dating was your best chance. What I can offer you is some really good training on how to use online dating in a way that dumps the drama and leads you to meeting quality men. Please consider my From Online to In-Love program. You can learn about it here. I’m confident this will help you a ton! Bp

  5. Hi Bobbi.
    I’ve recently subscribed to tour material and I really like your style! I believe you met your husband on-line and all the dating coaches advocate on-line dating. I so dislike it! Tried it several times over several years and really, really hate it! I am looking for a coach but what can you offer to someone like me?

  6. Hi Michelle, you are SO welcome! I’m glad you’re here. It sounds like you’ve just about moved on from that past experience. I suggest that you spend some time looking back and getting very clear on your past choices and how they steered you wrong. Write that out. Then, write some rules and boundaries for yourself to help you take better care of yourself as you go back out to meet some nice men. Here is how to do that exercise. Bp

  7. Hi Bobbi,
    Your dating advice hits home so close. At 50 still single I feel hopeless but can relate to the advice in this video. I wonder how I can learn to be more vulnerable with the right guy. I have not been on a date in while because I was pursuing a man that was emotionally unavailable…huge mistake, can’t believe I did that for more than a year. I’ve felt so heartbroken since.
    Thank you for providing us amazing dating and love coaching information. I pray I will get courageous to get out there again.

  8. I’m sure I’ve done these in the past but not lately. I haven’t dated in 10 yrs and I thought your advice mind give me a push to get ready to get out there.

  9. Hi Perez. I’m so sorry for you loss but glad you’ve decided to bring love into your life once again. Unless you want a penpal, after 3-5 messages max you should be trying to connect either by phone, video, in-person. The key is to not get into long email threads where you’re talking about unimportant things. If you’ve had 6 emails about what movies you like, getting past that may be a challenge. So…talk about real stuff. What you care about, what makes you laugh or happy, what you do during a normal day, what you plan on doing first when we return to our (new) normal, what you miss most. Here’s a list of 49 Questions to Ask Instead of What Do You Do that I like. Enjoy! Bp

  10. Thank you so much for the work you do. I’m 64 years old and have been a widow for 7 years. We had a fantastic relationship which was Christ centered. I have not dated in 7 years. Just reaching 64 2 weeks ago I stare taking inventory of where I am and where I want to go. Your blogs and story have propel me into taking a leap into finding and giving love a chance again. I have been in the site for 2 weeks and received about 40 likes. I sent out about 15 smiles and got back about 5 messages. My question is: How long should you email\message before expecting a date? What are some of The Icebreakers to start with which would let you know what let’s you know they are interested?
    Thanks in advance for your response.

  12. Two things Renee: 1) it may be the time to tell him how you feel and ask him to describe his feelings AND his needs. Approach it from curiosity. Don’t push. 2) You said

      I have difficulty accepting his gestures

    STOP THIS right now! A good man needs a woman who can graciously receive. Best. Bp

  13. Hi Bobbi,
    I’ve been divorced for about 20 years, and I’ve had one relationship since then (many years ago now), which lasted less than a year. I ended it because we had very different values. I find I never even get asked out. A few times over the years I have come across a man that seems nice, and we have a momentary connection, but it’s been at store, or once this man helped me put air in my tire, and then that’s it. I’d leave wishing I knew how to let him know I’d like to see him again; get to know him. Should I someone let him know this, and if so, how? I’d like to be ready if it should happen again in the future.

  14. Hi Bobbi, I just watched your video, and I want to ask you how I should deal with a situation I am having with a wonderful man I have been seeing since mid-December. We were fixed up by my former boss, who has known him for many years. He lost his wife 15 months ago, and I served on a non-profit board with her for six years. He was really into me, and things were going quite well. I have never been with a man who has been so warm attentive and giving to me, and I have difficulty accepting his gestures. Since the social distancing because of the Corona virus, we have not seen each other very much ( I work in an Assisted Living community and he is 70). We talk on the phone and try to meet for a walk with our masks on weekly, but lately I am feeling terribly insecure about our situation. I know he is still grieving for his late wife, and he talks about her all the time. I don’t know if this nagging feeling is about his past, or our present. When we first started dating I did not expect to fall for him so deeply. We both said we were interested in companionship, but I now want more. Any suggestions?

  15. Are they actually asking if sex is included on the first date? Absolute deal breaker. Don’t meet him. Period. I understand that men – especially older ones – are concerned about whether a woman is still interested. Also that some nice men can ask really stupid questions. But If he’s asking if sex is ever going to be included, my take is that any mention of sex at the very beginning is out of bounds. Your answer is good. And if he’s a jerk about it tell him yes, you love sex…but never with him.

  16. I just watched your video and I loved it. I do have one question. I am 67 years young and during the last three dates with different men I was confronted with them asking me if sex was included. I’m simply assuming that men in my age group don’t want to waste time with someone who won’t “put out”. I have explained as politely as I could that down the road it could be a possibility, but I’m not a fan of casual sex. Is this question a red flag and what would you recommend?

  17. Thanks so much madam . i really learnt from this video. Hoping not to lose my mr . Right

  18. No worries…you’ll have more chances. Next time just relax and be yourself. No games.Have fun!! Bp

  19. Thanks. Bummed though as I wished I’d know this prior. . I definitely played it too cool and was doing to much ‘I can do anything’ Showing too much masculinity and not enough vulnerability.

  20. I like what you said about showing you are interested. It is easy to not be clear about that at the beginning because you are preoccupied with do you like him or not.

  21. Wow I sure missed the boat on some of these points.

  22. That’s so sad for him. I can’t imagine how painful that would be. He told you what he wants, Gilly, and i encourage you to believe him. I’m sure he cares about you but He’s not ready, which is probably why you haven’t actually seen him for so long. It might be time to let go. And girlfriend, your being curvy does not make you in any way less deserving or beautiful. I used to use that as a reason men didn’t want me but it wasn’t true. It had more to do with me lacking self-esteem and making bad choices for myself. Don’t let yourself do that. Plenty of men love curvy women but as ‘they’ always say youvhave yo love yourself first. Bp

  23. Thanks for that. I’m always worried that they think I’m too interested so I hold back. I was with my first husband from age 17 we separated four years ago. I al 61 I’m a bit curvy so I guess that’s what puts them off. I do look after myself immaculate hair nice clothes. I’ve been seeing Kevin 66 divorced once a bit quirky he was with second partner 11 years sadly she took her own life 2 years ago and he found her. We met on match.com. it was going well. We had one night together he didn’t tell me about partners death until four dates in he talked about her in bed! He also has EDF I’m very patient and a good listener. We last saw each other five weeks ago. He texts every day. He said he wasn’t ready to move on. He can be a bit offhand but he’s also kind. He never tells me I look nice and yet he’s still hanging around me it seems to be on his terms. I don’t want to ask him what he wants in case he dumps me.

  24. I love it, my situation is that as I mentioned to you that when we met and I told him that I have to met this other guy, on his understanding that I have to go to the motel to see this other guy, the is he then decide right there that the relationship between us is not going to happen

  25. It’s true .. had two men that wanted to see me. But I gave them very strong hints that this was what it was. Then after months of thinking through I realize that I wanted it to work on my timetable. They didn’t see any real enthusiasm from my part. I should have not seen them again if we both knew there really wasn’t there. Both these men I have as friends now in my life and have been able to ask them questions to help me understand men more.

  26. Hi Farida,
    If you watched the video in this article it gives you very specific advice on how to keep him interested and stay out of the dreaded “friend zone.” – Bp

  27. Hi Bobbie
    I’m 45 and divorced for 12 years . I’ve had one serious relationship which ended after a year . I recently met a guy . Which I really like . We went out about four times . How do I get him to stay interested. He lost he’s wife to cancer two years ago .

  28. You brought a smile to my face, Kathy!! Don’t be afraid of this. Go for it and the right men will dig you and be happy to have the chance to make you happy! Say bye-bye to the friend zone. Hugs. Bp

  29. Bobbie, you are so right about something I have been doing, the friend only thing! After being married for 17 years and now separated for 6 years.. I guess I have been hiding in a rut…I keep asking why dates really never go anywhere or no dates or interest at all? You nailed it…. time for me to stop it…and get out of that place…going to bring the woman I am out of hiding

  30. Dani, after two dates it’s way too soon to decide you are head over heels. Dating like a grownup is all about balancing your head with your heart. Slow down and focus a little more on your head here, OK? You can’t get him to feel anyway. Be yourself, take it slow and see what happens. https://datelikeagrownup-com.mystagingwebsite.com/is-he-into-me/ – Bobbi

  31. So Bobbi like I said I just started this relationship and I was the one who initiated it. We’ve been on a date twice now and we talk and chat every other day. Am head over heels for him but he is a bit slow . I miss him terribly… Bobbi how can I get him to feel the way I feel and even more for me?

  32. Bobbi really great meeting u. Just started dating an older guy I am 48 and I really need all d advise on how to keep him…. Tank u Bobbi.

  33. Hi Zoba.If a grownup man is interested you will know it. He will make it pretty clear that he wants to see you again and again. Sorry but I advise you to move on, sister. You want a man you don’t have to guess about, right? Bp

  34. Hi, Bobby. I just watched your video on why men disappear after a few dates. I’m single and going to be 40 years old this year and still yet to find love.
    I recently met an accomplished and successful 45 year old single guy in November last year. He’s well educated, well travelled and his work requires him to travel a lot. Coincidentally, he lives within the same neighborhood as I do. he approached me and we went on our first date. Our date went well ( or so it seemed to me ). Conversation flowed well, we laughed. When he was dropping me off at my apartment I thanked him and I told him that I had a great time and he said he did as well. There was no first date kiss. Three days later he called me and asked what I was up to and I told him I was taking a stroll in the neighborhood and he decided to join me. He joined me for the stroll and we talked and laughed and we were enjoying each other’s company. He walked me back to my apartment and then asked me if i’d Like to see a movie sometime and I said yes and said he’ll let me know when, gave me a hug and we parted ways. I felt really happy and was looking forward to hearing from him again.
    I didn’t hear from him again for the next 5 days. No text , no call. So I decided to reach out to him. I called him but he didn’t answer his call so I sent him a chat on WhatsApp saying “ hey how’re you doing “. He didn’t respond to the chat until 12 noon the following day which was a Saturday saying he had had a long day the day before and so had an early night. The following day Sunday he chatted me on WhatsApp but I didn’t see the chat cos I was offline and I was busy with some orders( i’m a cake artist). When I finally got online I saw his chat and then replied but he never responded and I didn’t hear from him again for 2 weeks ! I started wondering why he suddenly went silent on me. Ok, first off I know he has a demanding career which requires him to travel a lot so even if he had to travel should that stop him from keeping in touch wherever he is? Anyways, he chatted me up after 2 weeks and he confirmed to me that he travelled. We chatted briefly and that was it. He did not attempt to initiate a second date. I travelled out of state in the country where I live to visit my parents for the Xmas/newyear. He also travelled for the holidays. Since then his contacting me has been sporadic. I returned from my holiday a few days before he did. I ran into him the morning he was just arriving from his holiday trip. he asked his driver to stop and he alighted from his car to greet me and hug me we made small talk and he said we’d catch up. We didn’t see or talk again that day. I wasn’t expecting to anyways since he just returned from a trip outside the country and he’ll probably be exhausted and jet lagged.
    The following day while I was going for a work in the neighborhood, we saw each other again. He was just returning from work. We talked and he took a walk with me before going back to his apartment and still DIDN’T ASK FOR A SECOND DATE. I’m really confused about entire situation as I’m at a loss at what to do. I feel like he’s breadcrumbing me. I’m beginning to feel like he’s not keen on dating me. What do I do? Should I move on?

  35. The start you had surely sent you on the road to these kind of painful relationships, Cristi. It’s so difficult to shed the layers of bullshit that was foisted on us in childhood. But you are obviously learning about it – and yourself – and making new choices. Good for you! I have a ton of help for you here, as so many women I help have backgrounds like yours. Glad you’re here! Hugs, Bp

  36. Thank you for the info. I have stayed away from online sites for reasons mentioned below. In addition I have been reluctant to go to a bar/restaurant as I have had 2 20 year relationships with alcoholic narcissists. I have done quite a bit of soul searching of myself and see where I early on should have turned and left the situation. This has been a difficult learning as only 3 years ago I learned I was adopted and it made much more sense after understanding the survival of one so young to attempt to please the new parents, who by the way, educated me in accepting alcoholic narcissistic behavior. Last night I took the advice and did bravely venture out to a bar restaurant and met a lovely man and talked. We agreed to meet same place tonight. I am now better armed with what signs are not okay for me. I look forward to this evening.

  37. That’s the nature of online dating, Lynn. There are definitely some slobs, scammers and fisherman. But there are also thousands and thousands of lovely, smart,serious men. They don’t just appear. We have to dig a little and even put up with some less-than kind treatment. Like I always Say: dating is a bunch of no’s until you get to that one wonderful YES! Ya gotta be willing to go through the no’s, my friend. I encourage you to read up on online dating tips. I bet there is a lot you can learn that will help you use it as the great tool that it is. I wish you the best! Bp

  38. I am 67. I understand the two main thoughts shared in this video. Complementing him and showing femininity. My problem is finding someone who wishes to meet me who is not a redneck slob or whose profile indicates he’s looking for an athletic woman to go fishing, hiking, boating or riding on the back of his motorcycle. I am not that woman. Recently I have been on 3 dating sites and was majorly disappointed: Plenty of Fish, Zoosk and currently eharmony. On one sight I was scammed twice. Another I was ghosted and on one I met someone I liked and who continually called and had great conversations but he never got to the let’s meet part. Lastly, one site eliminated 4 different men for safety reasons who seemed interested in me.

  39. Give it a try, EL. And don’t ever be afraid to let a man know you’re interested or that you ultimately want to be in love (again?). The worst that will happen is he doesn’t return the interest. I’d rather you go for it than always wonder if you lost a “good one” because of playing coy, hard to get or giving him the “I don’t need a man” vibe. The good guys can see right through it and they will leave. The jerks may stick around. Hugs. Bp

  40. Oh, Bobbi! I’m new to your site and dating at 45 after being widowed 5 years ago. Met a super nice man. We’ve been chatting for 2+ months. Only met once but the other times just haven’t worked out because we live in different cities. I read your article about pingers- thought that was him. Until…this video and some self-reflection. In the course of this “whatever we have been doing” , right before we met I got scared and said something like…this is my first date…you’ve been a perfect gentleman…even if it doesn’t work I feel like I’ve gained a great friendship.‍♀️‍♀️‍♀️ There is probably more but I’m just not going to wallow in it. No wonder he pulled away a little. It was my defense mechanism. I called him today after not hearing from him in a week. (Very unusual) He’s traveling for business so I guess we will see if I get to try again with him.

  41. Thank you! I am trying this….

  42. I’m happy for you and proud, Teresa! I know what an accomplishment this is. What you said is the KEY to enjoying and being successful in your journey to love: nothing is perfect and whatever takes place on a date be proud of yourself for taking action toward creating an everlasting future with Mr. Right. Also be proud of yourself for committing to learning how to date like a grownup. That’s the only way to ensure that you do things differently than you have in the past. I’m so glad you found me and that I could help you as I have. Have fun, sister and keep bettering and loving yourself. You are on your way!!! Hugs. Bp (PS: Please be sure to pass on the value of DateLikeaGrownup.com to all the women you can. As you know there are so many terrific women who can use my help. Let’s get them on their way too!)

  43. I have not dated in four years. I am looking forward to my first date on Thursday, I am thankful that I learned about Bobbi Palmer & I get to take this awesome hands-on knowledge with me and learn from it.
    I am realistic and I understand that nothing is perfect, and that whatever takes place on this date I will know that I am proud of myself for taking the first step in to creating a everlasting future with Mr. Right. Even if Mr. Right isn’t discovered for months.
    Thanks Bobbi and thank you to the Ladies for sharing their stories and asking their questions.

  44. Like my article says, just live your life. Don’t worry about what you may have done wrong. If you were honest and kind that’s all you owed him. Next! Bp

  45. Hi,

    I met this guy online and we met up for ad rink. We had a great time and chatted for hours. That night he text me and thanked me for a lovely time. The next day again a text asking if I would like to have dinner the following evening which we did. And again very nice. He texts again next day and then again to ask my plans for the weekend,I was away but told him I’d be back Sunday so maybe next week.He invited me over for dinner and a move which I accepted the evening I returned. We messed around but I wasn’t comfortable having sex since it had only been a week. I was very attracted to him but wanted to get to know him a little bit better so I left. Anyway I text the following day thanking him for dinner. He replied asking how was day was. So then nothing for two days after that so Wednesday morning I sent a text just asking if we wanted to come with to a show on the weekend. That was early in the morning and again he didn’t reply so I sent a message that evening stating if he didn’t want to see me again to just state that. I received a reply the next morning with apology but he didn’t try to make a time to meet which left me feeling confused so the next day I text telling I was confused asked should i not contact him again. He replied and said sorry for the confusion and he definitely wanted to see me again and maybe next week. Great. He hadn’t been feeling well so I text the next evening asking if he wanted to catch up at the night market next Wednesday, no reply. I waited until the next evening and text to see if we could chat to clarify things no reply. So i waited until the next day telling him I liked him and wanted to get to know him better. That’s all I didn’t want to rush into anything either sexually or romantically which I told him when I was at dinner at his place. I’m not sure what I’ve done as to make him disappear on me. Particularly when I gave him an opportunity to just state he wasn’t interested but he was. I even tired to ring but no response. A friend said perhaps he felt blown off and rejected. I’m not sure. Should i just forget about it or maybe wait a few days and send him a text.

  46. Hi Annie, You stated the problem right up front when you said “he seemed to be everything I was looking for. The only problem was that when I wasn’t with him his behaviour was inconsistent and he would only come to me with messages every now and again despite being on WhatsApp practically every minute of the day.” Really? That’s a pretty big problem? How can he be everything you’re looking for AND AT THE SAME TIME be someone who doesn’t keep in touch or make consistent attempts to be with you?
    You are accepting crumbs, girlfriend. So you’re attracting guys that give you crumbs..and then leave. This guy never wanted anything serious. Seems it was clear from the beginning. I hope in the future you expect more. When you do, you will get more. Bp

  47. Hi Bobby!
    I recently was seeing a guy from plenty of fish we had 3 amazing dates and he seemed to be everything I was looking for. The only problem was that when I wasn’t with him his behaviour was inconsistent and he would only come to me with messages every now and again despite being on WhatsApp practically every minute of the day. After the 3rd date he went totally silent on me and I had to text him 2 days later to see if everything was alright. He said it was fine just busy at work but then a day later when I tried to text him again he messaged me back with a big long explanation about how he had been texting some other girl for weeks and wanted to go for a date with her. Even though we had made some arrangement about exclusivity he wanted to get out of it. I was absolutely gutted and told him where to go. Now I am regretting my decision because I miss him even though I couldn’t bear the thought of him with someone else. Since then we have only spoken once and he has now told me he no longer wants a relationship. This is something I have had to deal with time and time again from guys and is the main reason I cannot seem to find anyone. Every time I find someone I like They always change their mind and say they don’t want to commit to a relationship after a few weeks. Is it something I am doing or are all the guys out there just a bunch of jerks and players? I am not into this whole casual dating/ hook up culture thing whatsoever but his pof status now says “wants to date but nothing serious ” 🙁
    Hope u can help
    Annie xx

  48. Totally agree with OIga. One minute they want to be your best friend and talking about the future and the next minute they are gone for good….no goodbyes, explanations nada,

  49. Good to hear, Claire. Don’t worry, my friend. There will be others. And this was good practice for you, right? Hugs. Bp

  50. I wish I had seen this a week ago! I met a lovely guy, first 2 dates were so good and when he asked me out a third time I started to get very optimistic! But I messed up on the 3rd date. I was so nervous, I was reserved and certainly not girly! In fact when he dropped me off at home I almost bolted out of the car after a pathetic peck on the lips and a “See you later”

    No surprise I haven’t heard anything since. I have tried to make contact via text but he hasn’t replied. I put myself in the friend zone with a guy I really liked but surely if he had really liked me he could have seen past that?

    Anyway I will learn from this.

    Thank you x

  51. I completely agree with Bren. The level of unwillingness or laziness to commit in men is staggering. I have come across a similar situation on several occasions. No amount of feminine care, intelligence, complimenting, admiring stops them to disappear in thin air without a hint of warning. A guy I met 3 weeks ago came across as the most adorable and fun imaginable, and I was relaxed and happy to show him how I felt. Then he was just gone! Apart from confusion, I think it is quite rude and cowardly to leave you without any minor, even formal closure.
    When it is a recurrent event (and I am sure more typical with men in their 50s) it starts having a demoralising effect, How is it possible to achieve the level of trust, openness and all-embracing femininity in looking for love when all that exists is so unworthy and shallow? I am sorry for sounding a bit strong, but I wish I could see a straight sincere guy who would prove the opposite.
    Thank you

  52. SERIOUSLY I THINK MEN NEED A WEBSITE FOR THEMSELVES DATING LIKE A GORWNUP MAN.SO MANY OF THESE GUYS ARE A MESS. WHY MUST WE SLWAYS BE THE ONES TRYING TO HOLD IT TOGETHER. SERIOUSLY IM TIRED OF THESE ADULT CHILDREN WHO DONT OR WONT DO THE WORK IN THEM. WE CANT FIX BROKE. THEY MUST DO THEIR WORK….I WANT A MAN WHO I S EVOLVED AND CONSCIOYS OF HUS GRIWTH AND STOP BLAMING. . I DONT WANT TO PLAY GAMES. I DO AGREE ABOUT THE FEMININE ETC , BUT SOMETIMES ITS RIDICULOUS. WHATS UP WITH THEM AND THERE ARE LOTS OF NARCISSISTS OUT THERE. BE WATCHFUL. DONT THROW AWAY GOOD ENERGY ON THEM . RED FLAGS JUST ARE

  54. In regards to why men disappear…

    My question is what if you do all that you suggest but the guys still disappear after a few dates? I am on a online dating site and I go on lots of dates but some just disappear when I think everything is going get. Can it be that there is such a selection of females on a online dating site that the guy feels he may find a better catch?

    Help!!!

  55. Dear So Sad…Please work on releasing that feeling of shame because I see absolutely no need for it. Yes, maybe you probed too much too fast, but his response was very closed and a huge red flag! Do you want a man who says he doesn’t need anyone? He told you he didn’t need anyone and you apparently tried to somehow talk him out of it. Or get him to change his answer.
    What you were doing was simply trying to get to know him…and you did! I think that your energy on feeling bad about yourself would be better spent thinking about why you are still thinking about this guy. He shared his truth with you loud and clear. Why would you waste your time with him?
    I DO want you to learn from every date, but that doesn’t mean figure out what you did wrong. What can you get out of this one that will help you with your future dates? Hugs, Bp

  56. Following up… I feel like maybe I was negative because while on the other dates, I had spoken positively about my work, I had a hard week. As had he.

    I can make you a list of all the aweful things I said, and i can’t stop feeling like I simply scared him away. The list is long and humiliating. How could I have felt so comfortable and then look back and beat myself up? And he had seemed so into me before.

    With that said, he was 46 and never married, and I did not get any sense too what he was looking for and in fact, got a distinct sense that he didn’t need anyone. That is why I asked him about how he felt cared for, which fell on deaf ears…

  57. Bobbi,

    Please help. I just went on 3 dates with a man who was very giving., but he was the one who seemed unable to recieve. I was very warm and juicy as you said. I was very complimentary, and flirty and fun. But, when I asked him questions about what he needed to recieve I and made him feel good, his responce was: I make myself happy, I do not need other people to make me happy. He as also not forthcoming about friends and family info at all.

    Because it was such a closed answer, I asked it twice on two of our dates. But he stopped calling after the third date and I am beating myself up mercilessly that I ran him away. Maybe I blathered on, maybe i over shared, maybe I verbal diarrheal on him. During the date, he was quite complimentary. But I can’t help be feel i over shared.

    My friend pointed out his focus on making other people feel good could have been closed in his own way. And that my oversharing may have been in responce to that void. But I still feel humiliated and ashamed like I ran something good away. When I think to our last night, I did talk a lot (maybe because he was giving the same closed answers?).

    Anyhow, I am so ashamed. During the date, I felt comfortable, like I was sharing, and then when he did not call, I started to dissect what I did and now I feel terrible.

    Thoughts?

  58. OH!! I love this!! thank you! I met a man I like, and I am going to start doing this stuff, so he can know for sure I like him. I wasn’t sure b/c I wasn’t getting a good vibe off him. But now I know how to handle it better!

    Thanks again

  59. Thanks- this is great advice. I really needed to hear it!!

  60. Hi Arlene! Thank you so much for your note. I am always happy to hear consensus from other professionals. (Who doesn’t like to be told they are right, right>) LOVE the work you’re doing – it’s SO important. That’s hard stuff. Let’s connect and talk!

  61. As a psychotherapist who works mostly with singles looking to break repetitive negative patterns which keep them from finding/keeping a mate, I am whole heartedly in agreement with your views on why men may not hang around longer than a few dates. Keep up your much needed good work!

  62. Amazing advice, Bobbi! Thank you so much, you’re great, as always. 🙂

  63. You’re entitled to your opinion, of course, as I am entitled to strongly disagree. Sounds to me like you’re not meeting/attracting serious men, Ah, and I’m sorry for that. Try taking some advice here and let me know how it changes some things for you.

  64. In regards to ‘why men disappear after a Few Dates’

    That’s just talk to fill some video space. Men walk away because they have been hurt to bad by previous relationships, they only want sex and tell you so pretty much right away, or they just can’t handle the thought of a relationship. Even if you start with lots in common… They leave.

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