15 Ways to Get a Second Date…Like a Grownup

He’s a man you want to know better. How do you make this first date the best time possible and turn it into a second date? Here’s exactly how:

Dazzle him. Dazzling the right man is actually pretty simple. It takes a positive approach, along with a little finesse and skill.

I know you want to do this like a grownup — authentically and without any manipulation or games, right? Well, here are the first nine things you can do (and not do) to dazzle your man and make sure the first date leads to a second and a third…:

1. Timeliness is next to goddess-ness

I know you’re usually on time, but make it definite for your date. Many people think that being late shows disrespect. If it’s taken that way, and disrespect is your first impression, it could end your date before it begins.

2. Go with kindness

Approach your date with an open mind and open heart – to him and yourself. Allow for nervousness and even awkwardness, and show compassion by being willing to see things from his perspective.

**3. First find three things you like about him**

We tend to look for the negatives first; what discounts him as a potential suitor. Wonder why you never meed guys you like? This is one big reason why.

4. Stay connected

Keep eye contact, smile, laugh (when he’s truly funny)…repeat. (This is still true when you’re doing a video date!)

5. Manage the conversation

Be the master of the segue. Learn how to change the conversation when necessary and to respond to inappropriate or overly personal questions with ease…while remaining open and charming.*

6. Listen the way a man wants you to

Simply put, let him speak! Keep easy eye contact and let him talk with no interruptions; not even uh-huhs, oh yahs.or me-toos. Smiles and chuckles are ok.

7. Hop on his wavelength

Dr. Diana Kirschner, in her book Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, talks about “assuming his vibe” with mirroring voice, body language, intonation, energy, sitting position, etc. ( This helps you make good connections in all parts of your life, so it’s a great skill to learn.)

8. Flirt with flair

There can be a fine line between flirting and coming on too strong. You don’t have to be a hussy or silly. Keep eye contact, be playful (but not sarcastic), give and receive compliments graciously, laugh (again, when he’s funny), strategically touch (him and yourself) in the right places. Here are some more tips to help you flirt like a grownup.

9. Relax and have fun

Don’t over-think, don’t over judge, and don’t overindulge. You’re simply there to learn more about this guy and enjoy yourself. You can chill…you don’t have to decide that night if he will be your future husband. The more you relax, the more you are yourself. They more yourself you are, the more he’s going to like you. Trust me on this one.

Click here to learn more ways you can dazzle him on your date, sister.

These will also help you:

Drew December 10, 2010, 8:23 am

Thank you for your compliments. I do hope your female clients take your advice to be more feminine through appearance and actions.

For me, I do find femininity to be profoundly alluring. Also, a woman’s warm and honest smile is magical.

As a follow up, I now have had three or four dates with “T”, each one being quite wonderful.

I have learned that even though T was born here in South Florida, she was raised by Southern (small town Georgia) parents. After living in both Georgia and South Carolina, and being raised by a Southern mother, I can say that the expectations of femininity are stronger in the Southern states. But Southern women are hardly submissive, they just use their feminitity in a positive way to show strength and resolve.

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Bobbi Palmer December 6, 2010, 8:55 pm

Drew – I LOVE your story. I know you to be a super cerebral guy, but it seems you’ve found out that a woman’s femininity is what’s really hot.
This is a great example of how beneficial it is to at least try dating “outside your type.” You never know what you’re missing until you do.
I hope you see this lovely woman again. But even if you don’t, now you know something incredibly valuable for the next date.

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Drew December 3, 2010, 11:13 am

Note – At 51 years old, she is three years older than I am.

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Drew December 3, 2010, 11:10 am

Funny you should mention this…

Normally, I tend to find myself attracted to the independent type of women with the high-flying education and professional career.

When I peruse the online profiles, I usually bypass those which don’t have something indicating independence, serious education, or career as I do enjoy the company of worldly, sophisticated women who tend to challenge me intellectually.

I took a flyer on a Plenty of Fish profile the other day. In this woman’s profile, there were no words like “sassy”, “feisty”, or even “independent”. The words that this particular woman wrote were softer, gentler, kinder.

After some initial correspondance and a phone call, we agreed to meet.

It was a marvelous first date. We didn’t have to bandy about high ideas and deep thoughts. We simply enjoyed each other’s company. Her genuine and gentle smile was quite alluring, even a bit intoxicating. I felt no need to impress her with my vocabulary or worldliness. While not intellectually sophisticated, she was certainly emotionally sophisticated and knew well of herself. She smiled a lot. That was infectious. We both had a mutual attraction and it was obvious to us both.

And when I kissed her in the middle of the date, she simply beamed and then giggled shyly. It was a devastatingly feminine reaction to an intimate moment. I have never experienced it before. I felt no need to push the intimacy further. None of that “let’s go back to your place”. The kissing we shared was like an introduction to wonderful possibilities. We parted that evening with mutual smiles.

Her femininity made me feel protective and wanting more. Hers was a natural graciousness that comes from being a real woman and not being a pretend man. As well, she looked feminine with clothes that fit well but didn’t flaunt. She did have a good figure born of exercise and prudent eating.

But aside from the physical appeal, I sensed a gentle and humble soul. That left me smitten. So infrequently have I found gentleness and humility in a woman.

Best. First. Date. Ever.

Yes, we’re having another date quite soon. I have no expectations but will certainly be disappointed if there are not continued dates.

I am very glad I didn’t go with my normal patterns of attraction.

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Drew November 29, 2010, 10:06 am

Numbers two and three are incredibly important!

I’m reminded of this quote:

“If you look for a reason to reject a man, you will always find a reason.”

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- Bobbi Palmer November 30, 2010, 10:11 am
  
  Thanks Drew! So true…we tend to focus on what won’t work and we can always find something.
  I hope you’re practicing my advice with women. I’m sure you know it goes both ways.
  
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