Dating Commandment #2: Kindness… With Men

Today’s excerpt is from page 17 of my eBook. It’s about empathy, which means extending the kindness of being able and willing to put yourself in a man’s shoes when you date.

Kindness…With Men: Dating Commandment #2

Be empathetic. Empathy isn’t just about relating to someone, it’s about being willing and able to consider what they want and need – outside of what you want and need. When they say “put yourself in their shoes,” it means look at it from their perspective – not yours. To do this, you need to do the work to understand how men think and feel differently than we do.

A great example of this is something I hear constantly from my clients. It’s a first date, and the man asks her to pick a place to go for dinner. She’s irritated, and I hear: “I want a real man who will take charge”, or “He can’t be that interested if he’s not willing to plan our first date.” She’s decided he’s a putz, and the poor man has very little chance of recovery.

Are there men who do this because they are lazy or unimaginative? Yes. But they most often do it because they like you and want to please you. A smart man figures that the best way to please a woman is to take her somewhere she likes. It’s that simple. From his perspective, he’s doing a caring thing that proves his interest in you. And when you judge that negatively, trust me, these guys scratch their heads and just don’t get why it’s a strike against them.

In this case, empathy would mean forgoing the knee-jerk reaction (which is all about you) and trying to understand the man’s motives. To do that successfully, you need to be willing and able. Reading this book is a good beginning; but it’s very possible you’ll have to invest more time in learning about how men think and feel. Unless you have a good understanding of this, no matter your intent, you just won’t be able to successfully extend this kindness.


My eBook is filled with exercises, personal reflections, and action items. These are designed to help you as you continue to learn and make personal shifts that lead you closer to finding your good man (and help you have fun along the way!).

Here are a couple questions to ask yourself about your kindness with men:

1. Am I willing and able to show empathy for men? Is there more I need to do or learn?

2. Do I let any of my own insecurities or previous bad experiences affect how I feel about men I meet and date?

To learn more about How to Confidently and Happily Meet Your Mate, click here.

Next up, Dating Commandment #3: Online Dating is Still Dating

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