Should You Date a Separated Man?

Hello. I met a man online who said right away that he was recently separated and not looking for a relationship. When we matched our profiles is when I realized what his fully had to say. I probably wouldn’t have swiped yes for him because I’m definitely looking for relationship and love not making new friends. After we messaged back and forth for about an hour, we exchanged numbers and started texting. We decided to talk that night on the phone and our phone conversation sparked an instant, extremely deep connection!! We spent 6 hours on the phone!! He’s 38 and I’m 44, I do not have children and he has 1 son that is 10. He said they separated 2 months prior and he had moved out and gotten his own apartment. I was extremely hesitant given the extreme newness of his separation but he insisted that I had changed his entire perspective in being in a relationship. He said that he had never experienced such a strong connection with another woman in his entire life and I felt exactly the same about him!!! We became inseparable. We live 2 hours away from each other so after our first date, which was dinner, we met halfway. We immediately hit it off and I felt that it was love at first site for me!!! We decided to spend every single weekend together. He was getting his son every single day after school then she would take him for the night @ 7pm. The son would spend every weekend with her parents (Yes, I found that odd but I’m not one to judge, especially since I do not have children of my own). He told his brothers about me and I would talk to them through group texts that they exchanged back and forth. He told his dad about me and I even spoke to his dad on the phone 2 times!! He told me that he had never heard his son this happy before in his entire life. Alec and I felt that we were soul mates and that God had brought us together for a reason. My birthday was a few weeks after we started dating and I invited him to meet all of my best friends the night of my birthday. OH!!! By the way…. he had already told me that he loved me and I said it back!! I still feel it so very very strongly in my heart and soul. All of my girlfriends loved him and they all agreed that he was completely head over heals in love with me!! They said the way he gazed at me and his maneurisms said it all. We were making plans for the summer, he was extremely honest and forthcoming with everything he was going through with the ex. She had decided to spilt their cars, split the bills and she had contacted the attorney to get everything signed and finalized. His son however was giving Alec a very hard time because he was struggling so much with the separation. Alec is a Corrections Officer and there were a lot of Officers quitting given the times we’re living in right now. So he was beginning to be forced to work 16 hour days a couple days a week, he said his son needed more of his attention and it hit him that he had placed so much focus on us, that he had neglected his relationship with his son. He asked if we could take a step back and slow things down. I said absolutely!! About 2 weeks later he broke up with me saying that he was just too overwhelmed with everything and felt that he was being spread way too thin. He needed to focus on his son, his divorce and job. He told me that I needed to move on and find someone better. I of course was a complete hysterical mess!!!! He said that he needed to focus on him and his son and getting his life in order. He said maybe if someone comes along that makes him feel good then maybe he’ll pursue that and take it much slower than we did. THAT gutted me!!!! I said how can you say that to me??? He said…I am not actively looking for anyone!! Have I mentioned to you that I can be an asshole and push people away when I’m going through a tough time? I said no you never mentioned that to me!! He said, you need to move on Lily. I asked him if he ever truly loved me and he said that he thought he did. This all just happened 1 week ago and I haven’t been able to stop crying!!! I have never experienced a connection like I did with him!! I am convinced that he is the love of my life!! I am convinced that he is the one!! All of my girlfriends are saying that he just needs time to get through everything in his life. I believe in my heart and soul that he will be back. But what I mainly want to know from you is….. Am I being too hopeful and naive? Do you think if I just go completely silent and give him the space he needs, that he will come back to me?? He told all of his friends, his brothers and dad about me!!! I even talked to his dad!! I want to believe that it wasn’t just a distraction from his separation and impending divorce?!! Please please please give me some of your professional advice and kind direction. I am prepared to wait forever for him, that’s how much I believe in what we had!! I just think he’s emotionally and mentally confused and doesn’t even know what he’s doing or saying. – Sincerely heartbroken, yet hopeful – Lily

I’ve been the partner of a separated man for 8 years. I’m divorced. 7 full grown children between the two of us. I have no faith in his talk of future plans. I think that he should be thinking about sorting his divorce now. But he is in no rush as says it’s not important to him. We have no intention of getting married but I am starting to feel under valued by no effort to sort his unfinished business off. I have expressed this to him but he’s not hearing me. I guess he now takes us for granted. Am I selfish for feeling this way?

Hi,
I have been dating this man for 5months online. I have never seen him physically. He got separated 5years ago. He has two girls. He said the reason he hasn’t fully worked on his divorce is because of his girls. His wife is a lawyer and she will definitely have custody of the children and the girls don’t want to live with their mother. He wants to marry me. Please what are the disadvantages of marrying a man who is just separated and not divorced. He is from US and I am from Africa and live I. Africa. Thanks

I have been seeing this man who is separated physical from his wife but nothing in writing yet. They are in mediation now.
I met him online but I feel he is not ready for anything.
He does not hold my hand, he has not kissed me or anything …
He does not initiate dates either… He says he is not really sure why etc.
What am I doing?

I dated a man who said he had been divorced for 3 years. Then after a few dates he said he wasn’t divorced, hewas separated, but was waiting one more year to divorce because he would get alimony for the rest of this life if he crossed the 10 year mark rather than alimony for 50% of the time he had been married. (this is in California) He said he had been separated for 3 years, but was still living with his wife because he was financially dependent because he was a stay at home dad. He also said it was for the kids to be there for them during the early years.
It turned out that he was not separated he was just married and cheating on his wife. If anyone ends up in this situation I don’t recommend the benefit of the doubt.

Hello Bobbi,
I met a separated man on line and we went to the driving range For our first covid 19 date and he seems very nice and gentlemanly and we are very sexually attracted to each other and I really want to be with him that way BUT I also dont. want to be rebound girl and I asked him if he wanted to explore multiple women Bc he is getting divorced And he said I “ had not thought of the yet at this point “ now he is separated under same roof Bc of this whole covid 19 thing And I know his first thing is to have sex Bc that’s what he has been deprived of but how will I know he is telling the truth ?? I been lied to before by men so now I am afraid to trust what he says when he says I stayed 5 years too long and I am done .. he does seem like a good guy but why is sex only thing on his mind ?? He seems to want to make love and have a woman appreciate him which I like to do just afraid I could get Hurt but I also need and crave the love and attention and I hope this guy is really a good guy and he Does what he is saying that he plans to move out by July 1 and get a place and file for divorce .. he does have young kids .. it’s just I been wanting to meet a good guy who I have chemistry with and just wish there was no obstacle but I do want to be with him and see where it goes … I am ok if it’s casual for awhile just afraid he will tell me he wants to explore more than just me ?? advice ? Thank you.

I’m 56 and he is 62. I was told he was divorced, only to find out 6 weeks into the relationship that he is separated. Separated for almost 4 years now. I was taken back! I confronted him about my “gut” feeling and he confirmed he was legally still married. He said it just fell to the wayside and he wanted to make sure she was okay, so he kept her on because of health insurance. They haven’t lived together for the 3.5 years and have minimal contact. I’ve developed feelings for him, when I confronted him, he said he’s fallen in love with me and that he’s ready to follow through with the divorce. Should I be angry that he wasn’t honest from day one, or should I dig deeper and try to understand? He’s a great guy, highly educated physicist, but I guess they can lack common sense too! I don’t want to give him an ultimatum, but I don’t want to date and waste possible time with a married man. Should I give a time line and if no proceedings by say within 6 months, walk away from the relationship? Your advice would be appreciated!

I have been dating a separated man for the past 4 months. We have been friends since 2016. Him and I met back in 2016 after my divorce and he was married through business. In 2018 he became separated to his estranged wife. He purchased a condo for himself. He and I would occasionally hang out over the next year and half. I relocated further south and his demeanor started to change toward me. He started coming to visit more and showes more affection toward me. We have discussed his predicament numerous times for us to proceed with anything. He assures me he will handle it and keeps me in the loop of his progress. We have fallen in love and I want to keep him in my life but things are complicated when you have a divorce that has not been handled. He has met my a couple of my family members due to other circumstances. Also he has met my kids (first primarily due to his business he conducts & he went to school with my children’s father) and they are aware of us dating. I don’t expose them to much more than our friendship/dating situation. I told him not to introduce me to anyone involving him until he has handled what is needed for us to become that more open. I want to know if this is possible we can fall in love and dream of our future together while he is seeking a divorce? Is it okay that I continue this with knowing he has some form of connection with my exhusband (who is remarried and with family) and his family?

Hello, I’m 28 and have been dating a 38 year old for about 1 and 5 months. Me and his wife discussed separating in April of last year ( 2019) and if move out in oct to another state for work. He saids that she going to file but she has yet to do so and she contantly checking his calls and texts. I asked him to get his own phone line but he says he don’t want to give her any reason to come me after me. It’s going on a year and he still want make the decision to file because he don’t want to hurt her so she wants her to do it and I just don’t think she will. I know he care and love me and We have discussed having a family together and buying a home but I feel conflicted on the fact that he won’t file. What should I do?

You don’t know that he is happily married, and just want something else on the side. They don’t have children, it should be an easy divorce. Men can always say sweet things to get what they want, it’s more of if you let them have it, they’ll just keep taking. You’re not going to know the truth until you put pressure on him to make a decision

To “A” – You might be looking for some professional advice, but I strongly suggest you take a break if your feelings are getting strong, and that he be fully legally divorced if you are to reconnect. If his wife’s emotions are high, she may well use the child as a wedge, and you do not want to be present while he tries to work through this as a father. If you think you love him, he needs to make decisions that he can live with, and he deserves that space. I dated a man who’s Ex wanted him back and whose teen girls were totally put in the middle. It was heart wrenching for him, and while he was eager to divorce, the kids made him reluctant to divorce. I broke up with him once over it, we got back together when he said they had settled and he was ready to file. Then the emotions got high with his wife again, he did not tell me but I could tell. He got upset when I tried to leave him again and said he loved me, but he also showed a bit of contempt for me being there as well when he couldn’t be fully available. I could not win. We parted ways badly, by this time I was feeling a lot of resentment and he was dealing with an angry wife. He divorced and we spoke briefly 6 months later, but now I need to fear his relationship with his EX may be too messy for me to handle. It breaks my heart since I absolutely adored him.

Hi just wanted some advice, been dating someone for 5 months. He was seperated but live in the family
Home, moved out 3 months ago, has got the first part of the divorce the Nisi, but finances next before it’s completed. So could be months? Year? Not met and they don’t know about me his 2 girls which he sees every other weekend and one might after school each week. I know I have a tendency to be impatient, I’m 38 no children of my own but would like and don’t know if I want to wait many more years which might be the case here, don’t want to push this and he knows I do. He stays at mine, is very honest, mediaton session about finance is next month however she wants everything and the reason I am a secret is it’s only word of mouth her parents will buy him out the house. He says he loves me, I love him, we have a holiday booked in May and also a weekend to Paris in April, I know I’m so lucky to meet this amazing guy who is very kind and loving to me, however I hear what everyone says about dating someone who is still leagally married and I just don’t want to feel I’ve wasted my time here if things just won’t change, he obviously doesn’t know how long it will take for this divorce to finalise, his solicitor is very slow about getting back to him and I’ve queried this once or twice and then I have to step back and not push/ nag and understand this will take as long as it does. Until I feel like the secret person, which doesn’t help my self esteem or worth and I do have a little conscience that it’s wrong to date a married man ( I have met his parents and went to his work do so it isn’t all bad) but in reality after 5 months I’d like to walk in town holding his hand, and think about moving in with him if he was the one… please any advice?

You need to run. It does not take that long to get in a place financially to file for divorce. He is getting his cake and eating it too!! Sorry to be negative, but don’t let a man drag you down that path of empty promises. If you are meant to be together and he truly wants to marry you (men crave marriage for companionship, sex is a bonus, they don’t want another man to scoop you up), he would have already filed or will if you tell him he has to within a month if he wants a future with you!

Hi Bobbi,

Thanks for shedding some light on the situation! I don’t even know where to start. I’ve been dating this guy for a year and a couple of months only to find out that he’s not separated yet. He gave me absolutely no reason to doubt him all this time and I’ve already met his family (parents & siblings, son even), which knows what he’s going through. His wife had presented him with divorce paperwork earlier this year but he hasn’t signed them yet because a lot of financial things are at stake. He’s in the process of working on it and getting rid of things little by little so that she doesn’t hit him up for alimony (they’ve only been married for a few months till things went rocky, but have been in a rocky relationship for 8 years). So my thing is, he wasn’t truthful about it in the beginning, but claims that they’re separated, living in separate homes, which I believe because he supports his mom and siblings in the household he’s currently living in. I never suspected a thing about this, things were going so well, but when all of this came to light, it’s brought a damper on our connection. The love is there between us and he says he needs time to take care of his financial assets prior to separation, so am I really fooling myself? A year and 1 month with him that’s been invested, connection is great, we took turns seeing each other since it’s a long distance relationship, always went out and when were with each other often lots of PDA, you mentioned emotional baggage and I see that’s what he’s going through now, like it all makes sense. I guess time will tell, but how long I wait? Who knows. We both admitted that we do have a strong connection but almost 9 years with her and barely a year with me, I’m starting to lose hope, though still keeping positive and holding on. It hurts, still going through the recent news, but are these all false feelings now? Am I in denial? I’m working on myself and giving it time for him to fix his stuff, I guess the ball is in my court as to whether to stay or not. We’re both still talking and working this all out, I just feel I need to step back a little bit because I don’t want to be tangled up in that situation. This can go both ways I guess. Please enlighten my situation, both pros & cons? Thank you.

PS – I want to note that he does see a future with me, family, kids & all but needs time to sort all of the stuff. He knows what I want, he knows that time is at stake, he’s doing his best to deal with it all. You’re right about the grownup communication though, which we did have. He’s 44 and I’m 38.

Hi there, I’m really glad I found your article. I’m 26 years old, and I just went on my first business trip and ended up meeting a man at a bar. He had a ring on, but we were both sitting alone and just struck up conversation. When did up talking there for an hour or two And when I came back from the restroom he asked for my number. He said that he would love to show me around the city as I’m not from there. I gave him my number and told him that sounded nice, and he left. Then to my surprise about 10 minutes later I got a text message from him asking again if he could take me somewhere the following day. We got to chatting and I ended up meeting up with him later that night. I immediately asked about the ring. He told me that him and his wife were separated, but it was recent, and he was very clear that it was still a work in progress. We had a few drinks and he ended up kissing me. I let him because of how well we hit it off, and after a while of just kissing and talking he took me back to the hotel. The following day we talked all day and we went out as he said to another place in town. This time he took his ring off, and told me it was out of respect for me so that I felt more comfortable. We had a really great time and he expressed to me how into me he was and how he never expected to find somebody so soon that could even make him feel the way that I was making him feel. It’s been two weeks now, he lives in Georgia and I live in Indiana, and he travels a lot for work. After two days of us talking, he bought me a plane ticket to come see him for my birthday next month. He has been sleeping at their house occasionally, but he is also slept at his parents and his brothers house. He has been very reassuring and seemingly open with me about him and his wife’s status. He is So kind, caring, wants to take care of me, and refused to be sexual with me that first and second night, because he wanted “to do this the right way.”

I guess because I don’t have any experience in this, I don’t want the wool to be pulled over my eyes. From what it sounds like, if he makes some movement in the separation or divorce then maybe we do have a shot. I just don’t wanna end up in a situation where I am naïve and believing someone that might not have the intentions that I hope/think they do. But with that being said, he has never lied to me, never been sketchy, adores me, and talks about a future together. We have so much in common, can talk all day about anything, and he told me he has told his Brother about me.
I can really see a future with this man, and I guess my question is, from everything I’ve explained- do you think the chances of this working out? I know it’s impossible to predict, but Him having no kids and me having no kids or previous marriages, I feel like this could work. Thank you!

Thank you for this article.
It was reassuring to read considering a majority of websites will tell you that having a relationship with a separated man is unacceptable.

The man I am seeing isn’t legally separated but him and his wife are no longer together because she cheated on him.

We had a conversation in regards to why he hasn’t filed for a divorce and he described court and legal aspects that have caused interference.

Especially since they now live in two different states away from each other, it makes things more tricky since there are different rules in different states.

This is a situation I have never been in until now, so I am taking everything as a learning experience but remaining hopeful that things work out, despite the skeptics I personally feel.

Met a guy on Match, met for coffee where he asks if I read in his profile that he is separated. I hadn’t noticed. He still lives in the same house with the wife (“for financial reasons”).
I’m 62, he’s 64. I like him enough to go on a second date but I have reservations. One thing that I noticed, our texts and calls happen between 6am and 6pm.
I’m also a bit concerns me is that his home will not be a place we can go….
Any suggestions?
Marie

Hey Morgan! Would like to know how things are going with you? I am 28 years old, seeing a 37 year old man who is married but separated with 2 daughters as well… He tells me and reassures me all the time that he is never going back together with his current wife but I can’t help but feel insecure. I’m a complete worry wart! Don’t know if I can afford to want kids of my own in future as well…

Hope all is well with you xx

Hi there..thank you for your story. i would like to get some advices from you.
here we begin..i dated 4 years a man separating with his ex wife with one son. at first he didnt mention it.. only said that he been divorced long time but he still responsible with his son. So i said yes thats fine..we both lived n worked in abroad. it was good time for us.. after 2 years he got problem his job and his decided back to his country..with promised will preparing my visa to UK. while i finished 6months my contraxt then back to my country in indonesia. We both still communicate as long distance and kept meeting each other.. till i kept pushing why all things so slow when we need to marry n live properly together.Then finally he told me he is in the process of divorcing his wife. i was mad and my heart so broken..i had changed my mind to break this relationship but he kept coming to me even miles away to fix our relationship. He sacrifices alots since our rekationship despite our different ages his older 13 years than me. At last i give him chance to finish his papee.. but untill now with our long distance rekationshipp added with his not yet finish his papers for another 2 years. its giving me so much pressure is this worth it to wait for him everytime i arguing and many timea asked for break up but never happened he will kept trying harder to safe this relationship. I dont know shall i trust him or not we kept discussed bout his papers and he promised by the end of year will be done..untill now i did not see anything. what should i do? he is my first relationship. if we are not meant together i will take this destiny but he never stop to contact and asked me to stay he explained coz of the divorce process never been easy… its been 4 years we are together please any advices will be appreciate so much. thank you

Is it a sin…to be with a man thats seperated 20 years but has not got a divorce..

Hi Bobbi, thank you so much for being a part of our single woman world! I have experience with this type of situation, and so glad that I found this discussion.

Matt an I met online six months ago, and during our first lunch I was very interested in having a second date prior to finding out at the end of the lunch that he was still married. After 27 years, he and his wife still live together in separate quarters. They have not discussed divorce yet, but are dating other people. I know this is true because we spend time with his parents, siblings and friends. His main house that they share is 3 1/2 hours away, and he is only part time in my city due to work obligations. He does want to divorce but because their is of a lot of money involved, he is waiting for the right time to approach her. When we have a conversation about it he gets frustrated and says he does not like the topic, that he has to be careful around the timing and feels like I am putting pressure on him . My frustration is that there is a long road ahead, I am in my late 50’s and want a committed full time relationship with someone. There are also many business and personal commitments that take his time and attention. He is really trying his best to fit me in his life, but not sure if it is or will be enough for me.

First I’d like to say thank you for this article. It always seems like when your going through something your alone until you google and find that so many others are dealing with the same issue. I am currently dating a man who is separated. I would NEVER date a man that is still married but unfortunately when we met he told me that he was in fact divorced. I believed him and continued with the relationship. It happened rather quickly. We met through a mutual friend and went out on a date 2 days later. 2 weeks later he invited me to travel abroad with him for his Residency program. The day before our travels I met his mother, grandmother and other family members. Everyone was very welcoming and loving towards me. We spent an amazing 8 days oversees and that’s where I feel in love. When we returned home, something began to nag at my gut and I needed more answers about his divorce. So I sat with him and started asking more questions to find out that he really was not divorced. I was angry, confused, hurt and truly disappointed in him. He explained to me that he paid for a lawyer to handle the divorce for him and just before we met he reached out but did not get any answers. I didn’t care what was coming out of is mouth at the time and I told him that I don’t know what to believe from him anymore. The next day, we talked and he came to my home to show me all the communication with his Attorny and estranged wife. She filed for divorce 2 yrs ago and he went back to reconcile before the 90 days so that got voided. Than only a few months of trying to work it out they finally drew yo a separation agreement that he signed now over a year ago. He’s been living alone now since 3/18 and renewed his lease to his home for another year and the home they lived in has already been sold. Since our talk he has connected with his Attorny to ask about his current status and the attorney replied that he is still married but he will contact her attorney to see if any other papers have been filed with the courts. It is a Uncontested divorce proceeding that they both agreed too from the information that I read. They do not communicate. There has only been 1 exchange since the separation and it was not a nice email that she sent to him about a bill that they both are responsible for. This man has been nothing but good to me in so many ways. He is emotional, mentally and spiritually available to me at all times. We go to church together every Sunday. His entire family thinks he is also divorced as well and did not get along very well with his wife so they also do not communicate with her. His children are from his 1st marriage and he has a great relationship with their mom and them. I am so confused in what to do. I would appreciate any and all advice. The last thing I need and want is another broken heart.

What about the reverse? I’m still separated due to my ex’s attorney dragging her feet – everything is already legally settled but judge’s blessing is not for two months. Do I put myself out there as “separated” or wait? Ugh I’m so ready to move on.

I started dating a separated man a month ago (we are both late 50s). Hes a year into the divorce and not final (obviously a bad divorce). I get emotionally involved quickly. Like him but he works 2 extra jobs ( 60 hrs a week)due to divorce attorney fees. How do I know if this is a good risk to take? I’m his first steady since the divorce process started and not keen on dating a separated man. Red flags I should look for?
We dont see much of each other due to heavy workloads at work and him being tired. What red flags should I look for?? Afraid of getting hurt.

I met a man and he said his marriage of 20 years was over and that’s why he was able to start with me. (She started a relationship with a guy one year prior to one year couple counseling in his attempt to save the marriage when he knew about this)
During our infatuation process the “wife” reappeared and the real divorce process started. He was truly worried about their kid of 9 and got in a kind of depression but still wanted to be with me. I said better he took his time to grieve as I started to feel less loved. He wanted to carry on dating me till a point he said he stop believing in commitment and he was needing bring in the present and go with the flow. I said I couldn’t date casually and I asked for no contact as I felt truly attracted to him. He respected that. After two months and a half we are again in touch. He is immersed in his work and his kid and want to meet me up but he finds difficult to find a time for that. What I read as a lot of fear or lack of interest. I am truly sad. What will you advise me to do?

Thank you Bobbi for your insightful reply!
It definitely got me thinking. If i could see my man moving things forward to commit to me by actually divorcing his ex., id definitely stand by him, and the “drama” i mentioned in my previous comment was more in the way of my fear of him not being transparent with me on every step of the process and the stress and confusion on my part that comes with lack of transparency.
You are right, i do need to be ready for all manner of things through the process! And i do need to carefully consider if its worth it or if im even emotionally ready to take this journey with a man.
Thank you, Bobbi, its definitely lots of food for thought!

Choosing to remain tied to someone legally, financially and, yes, emotionally, in marriage, even if it’s supposedly just for health insurance, is a big deal and I can understand a potential partner (woman or man) steering clear of a situation like that.

Sure, it could be that the person still married is just a nice guy (or gal). It could also be that they can’t say no and/or are still very emotionally enmeshed with their ‘ex’ partner. There are other ways to be nice, including sitting down with someone during the divorce proceedings to help them find the best health plan possible – it isn’t as if the only alternative is throwing a person out on the street to die. There ARE other options esp. under the Affordable Care Act, the point of which was to provide decent health care to everyone, regardless of pre-existing conditions.

Someone might say that the health care under those choices might not be as good or that if I had ever been in that position (with a health issue) I would feel differently. etc. and perhaps that is true. But I also would understand, 100%, why other people, potential partners, might not want to get involved under those circumstances.

For my own part, I’m okay with my potential guy having health issues (as long as they aren’t caused by self-destructive habits like smoking) or choosing to bring elderly parents into the home to care for them (in fact, I encourage and respect it). I don’t mind adult children living at home because they are going through a difficult patch (with student loans and such, it can be tough ) and even incontinent old pets (but can we try to keep them off the carpet unless someone is there to watch them please?). But being with someone who is still that entangled with an ex (or, actually, not an ‘ex’!) is not a situation I would consider. ‘Ex’ partners are not in the same category as children or parents – and the latter two aren’t, at least in my view, ‘baggage’ – they are just life.

I respect people have different views and if other people would be okay with it, then more powerful to them. They are the ones that are going to have to deal with the situation so it’s up to them to weigh the pros and cons and make a decision with which they can live and be happy. I think it’s really about being honest with ourselves and knowing with what we’re comfortable…and one view isn’t righter than the other. The fact is, there are plenty of good men (and women) out there who aren’t involved in these types of situations. And there is nothing wrong with focusing your attention on one of them.

Thanks for letting me share my two cents…

T,
I agree with you about the fear of being alone. If I do have one and fast rule, it’s to stay away from men who go from relationship to relationship and spend no time alone. Overlappers. They need too much.

I’m glad it worked out for you, Bobbi, but the odds of things ending well with a separated man who then wants to get remarried within 6 months of meeting his new woman are not great. That would 2 red flags saying “MAYDAY” for a lot of women.

I have known several people who separated and remained married on purpose because one spouse had health insurance through work that covered the other spouse. This is a valid reason for remaining married once a relationship is over. Despite knowing that, even though marriage is not my goal, I would not be comfortable dating a man who was separated.

Separated men are still married. I did it once. He broke my heart in bits then went back to her. Never again. They shouldnt be allowed on dating sites. It gives them an excuse to not commit while you are giving your heart and soul. No thank you.

My brother got involved with a woman that was separated from her husband. She lived in OH and he in AK. They visited each other and had a long distance relationship for a while. She had kids in high school and she encouraged him to move to OH. He did but they did not live together but dated. .Then one day she told him she decided to reconcile with her husband! It is never over until it is totally over.

If someone has been separated for a long time and is willing to go thru a divorce if you want to marry that needs to be up front. I would not go too deep in a relationship with someone still connected. I just saw the other day on a dating website a woman asking if she should get back together with her ex…….the possibility is always there.

I know of one man that wanted to date me and I knew his wife…they were not divorcing because of health insurance! He was covered under hers so she kept him on–she is the one that decided to leave. He wanted to date me but I didn’t feel comfortable for one knowing his wife and the fact that they could possibly reconcile…..they were married for a long time.