As your dating and relationship coach it’s so important that I teach you as much as I can about men: who they are, what dating is like for them what they want , what they mean when they say or do certain things, what they think about your body ,why they disappear.
As a matter of fact, last week we recorded a brand new man panel with three totally grownup, marriage minded, good looking guys. I can’t wait for you to see and learn from it, and maybe even hook up with one of them. (Kidding.)
So, why do I keep giving you the guy’s perspective? Why do I have men guest write articles? Why do I keep educating and yes, harping, on the importance of you really understanding and gaining empathy for men?
Grownup men want to connect with us as much as we want to connect with them. But so often we both miss the mark and we both end up frustrated and alone.
Every time I go down this you-gotta-understand-men-more-road I eventually get somewhat angry emails asking “Bobbi, what about us? What about what WE want and need? What about empathy for us? Why aren’t you teaching men how to understand US and make US happy?” (Often it’s followed by something like “men are the ones who need this help, not US!”)
Well…the truth is that we ALL need to learn more about each other. And, yes, I know I’m supposed to be a coach for WOMEN, right?
Right! I am YOUR COACH, which is exactly why I focus so much on men. You already know about women! (Although I do work hard to also help you learn a heck of a lot more about yourself.)
I make the assumption that it is your goal to find the perfect man for you and be with him for life. So, it follows that the more you truly understand men, the easier it will be for you to attract the right one, choose the right one and finally live happily ever after.
And btw, I’m not saying all guys over 40 think, feel and act the same way. But the GROWNUP ones, the ones YOU want, have many similar qualities. These are the guys I focus on and the guys I help you get to know in a meaningful and compassionate way.
Grownup men want to connect with us as much as we want to connect with them. But so often we both miss the mark and we both end up frustrated and alone. While we can’t control men, we can control ourselves. And I firmly believe knowledge is power. And, when I focus on men, I’m given’ you the power darlin’.
Talk show host and author Steve Harvey airs a lot of shows about dating and finding love. I agree with a lot of what he teaches (definitely not ALL of it), and I love that he addresses this man-woman thing so often and so directly. Now that I’ve been a guest twice on the Today Show it’s my not-so-secret goal to be a guest on his show and really laser focus on the single woman who is dating in her 40s, 50s and beyond. (Can you please write him and let him know he needs me to be an expert on his show? Are you listening Steve? )
Last week Steve did a fantastic show about what men really want. He surveyed 100 single men about love and sex and here are some of the things he found out.
This didn’t surprise me at all. How about you? Men don’t wander because they just want to get laid. Most often they do it because they are lacking real emotional connection in their relationship.
Hello! Men are taught not to show their emotions. They don’t run to pick up the phone to cry to their buddy when they get dumped like we do with our girlfriends. And even if they want to, many really don’t know how. I encourage you not to take a man’s stoic response at things as a sign of not caring or not feeling. Maybe you just need to help him learn to express it.
Loyalty
Respect
Honesty
Time
Security
Isn’t that so beautiful? These were the top things men want to give us! And in all my work with grownup men, I can say this goes double for these guys.
Steve also asked men what they really want to know about women. Here is the clip . He makes it funny but based on all the men I’ve surveyed and knows, this is all true. You can learn a lot from this too. (And hey, when you watch maybe you can leave a comment to let him know I sent you there.)
I’m going to keep on giving you this type of information about men. Just remember, that when I do, I am doing it for you. Not to tell you that it’s only your job to understand the opposite sex, but to further empower you, the over 40 single woman who knows so much about life and has so much compassion, but maybe needs to extend that wisdom and loving nature to this part of your life.
I’d love to know what you think of the answers to his questions. Surprised? Do you have any experiences that you want to share to help us learn more about men in this way? I want to hear from you .
Bobbi Palmer says:
Unfortunately, Tina, of course, every situation is different. This sounds like your man has things he needs to work out for himself; likely things YOU can’t do for him. And I hope you’ve asked yourself if you should keep trying. I will not judge your decision to stay; that’s such a personal decision and cheating in a relationship is often very complex. I will say, though, that I hope you’re holding him to a promise of working on his personal issues with an expert. Also, having the expectation of seeing him demonstrate actual change in his behavior. If not, he’s just going to repeat. You don’t want to live with that, do you? Hugs. Bp
Tina says:
I am in a relationship where he cheated. I understand why (a boost to self-esteem by reinventing himself for someone new when he was unemployed and depressed). I was trying to be supportive without too much adverse impact (picking up the bills, encouraging him to change careers, interact with his family and friends more). He became emotionally detached despite my efforts (when I was not). How does that figure in?
Bobbi Palmer says:
Thanks Katie, Great insight and good article! Bp
Bobbi Palmer says:
Thanks so much, Asra. I love to hear I’m helping! Love, Bp
Bobbi Palmer says:
Hi Diane, Yep, you nailed it. I hope your reconnection works well for you. If he’s not The One, at least you’ll learn a lot and have some good times. You’re on your way to love! Hugs, Bp
Diane says:
I think if we express appreciation and caring for our man, for the little things he does, it is possible, even likely he responds in kind and encourages him to maybe want to give back and care for us. So in understanding that he does need that emotional connection and providing that to him strengthens the bond and that is what it is about. That is why we need to understand these concepts about men, because this may be the way to his heart. And I hope it works for me as I am reconnecting with a man who called and said he wants to see me again!
asra says:
I think you are helping us- all!- women and men alike. We all need to be willing…and we need to be understanding- especially if we hope to be understood. It’s a two way street. We don’t get what we don’t give. This all gives me hope…and the commitment to be true to my self, my heart, my values and keep showing up with these. Thank you.
Keep rockin’ it, Bobbi, you’re singing the right song!
xx