Are you “taking a break”, open but not hopeful, or have you just given up? I know dating can he hard sometimes, but I want to shake you and tell you to just go for it. It’s worth it. Having love and intimacy in your life gives you a fulfillment that is unparalleled. A good relationship makes you a better person. And when you get prepared, and do it on your terms, it can be a nice journey to finding love.
When I coach my beautiful clients, a huge part of my support is being your biggest cheerleader, pushing you to keep going, giving you tools and information to guide you to success, and reminding you of the beautiful payoff. I was reminded of this yesterday when this spectacular, smart, loving woman told me she was taking a few months off. Dang. Some fabulous man is going to be very disappointed.
So here is a post from my archives. This is for you C. S.
I’ve been coaching this glorious woman “Pam.” We’re working together to comfortably guide her back into the dating world. Our goal is for her to meet a man she enjoys, trusts, and can develop a secure relationship with. Does Pam want marriage? Not necessarily. Commitment? Yes, please. Fun and safety until she finds him? Absolutely.
When I met her she said the magic words to me: “My life is great. Why would I screw it up by getting involved with a man?” Oh, my friend, those words are my calling card.
I instantly loved Pam. She is me. I knew I had to work with her. My job – my passion – is showing women like Pam that adding a man to your life can do just that: add to your life. It doesn’t have to diminish anything. It most certainly doesn’t have to change what you love about yourself or what you love about your life.
Tell me if this sounds like you or maybe a girlfriend of yours: Pam is 56. She is educated, has had a rewarding career, owns a nice home, has raised two fantastic kids, and has a circle of loving friends. She is quite rightly proud of her achievements, and credits herself for doing it practically solo. Pam was married once a long time ago, but ask her and she’ll tell you she’s single; not divorced. She hasn’t had a “real” date for a while, and it’s been forever since she’s had a meaningful relationship. But, in general, Pam’s been quite satisfied with her life this way. Sometimes she wished she had a companion, but those thoughts were fleeting. She liked her life. No reason to change it.
I get it. I lived it. But here’s my question: what if you found the right man? The one that thinks you are delightful, and beautiful, and brilliant? The one that boasts to his friends about your successes and supports you in all you do? The one that makes you feel safe, gives you permission to soften, and to be the complex woman that you are? What if you found that man? Would you be willing to make that change to your life?
Pam has decided to take this journey. All you “Pams” out there, many of you are my dear friends, I’m asking you to open yourself up to the possibility of adding a fabulous man to your life. Your journey to find him, whom you choose, and the way he impacts your life…that’s all entirely up to you. The fact is that you are in the perfect position to be searching for love. You’re a grown-up! You’re a content, mature, woman of depth who knows and likes yourself, has a great support system, and has life experience to guide you wisely.
Think about this. Can you open your heart for a good and loving man? Do you trust yourself, respect yourself, and feel worthy enough to let yourself have this ultimate joy in life? Yes, your life is nice. But you know, in your heart and in your head, that the right man and a loving relationship could put your happy-meter over the top.
You deserve it. Now just get out there and date like a grownup. Love yourself, have fun, and make good choices. It will lead you to love. And if I can help, let me know.
I actually took a break from dating because I felt overwhelmed and lost who I was.Before my break, though, I made a lot of really bad choices and decisions. I’m working on re-evaluating who I am and what I’m looking for using some of your suggestions. I’m really starting to get that I’m pretty great.