What are you doing this coming weekend? Are you getting out to have some fun? Are you going somewhere to be around people and practice your connection skills? Are you hopping online and writing emails to five fine men you’ve scoped out?
No? You’re not? If you’re like I was when I was single, or you’re like many of my private coaching clients, you may not be doing any of those things because you dread feeling rejected.
I want to help you shed that dread by telling you a few quick stories.
1. Last week one of my clients told me that she sent an “I don’t think we’re a good match” email to a really hot guy. Why? Because he lived in the same small town as her cousin. She can’t stand her cousin and doesn’t want to risk seeing him.
2. A male friend of mine was dumped like a hot potato recently by his girlfriend. They had lived together for three years, and one day she told him that she “just realized [that she] really wanted a man who is taller and blond.” After three years, she just figured that out. And she left that day…along with most of his belongings.
3. I was going through profiles with a client the other day, and she dismissed men for these reasons (not all of which I agreed with, by the way):
- One was not the religion she wanted.
- One was separated and not yet divorced.
- One was too short.
- One wasn’t interested in politics and she was.
What do all these have in common? The rejections had NOTHING to do with the person’s worthiness as a person or partner! NOTHING.
These “rejections” were about logistics, someone else being crazy and losing her mind, and stuff that just didn’t make him a good match.
Our taking things personally is most often a complete waste of time. My friend – the one whose girlfriend dumped him – was destroyed by the experience. It took him a good year to realize it wasn’t about him not being good enough. It was about her going a little psycho as a reaction to other things happening in her life.
So, I ask you again: what are you doing this weekend? What efforts will you be making to help you get closer to meeting that kind, smart and loving man who is going to share your already-great life?
Do you have advice on distance? I am the scaredy cat type. hence distance was ideal. However – I’m now ready for a real relationship. He is a grownup (Im 46 he is 56)- we have a good relationship but it’s a 4 hr flight to see him and I have younger children. He would have moved here a few years ago – but my scardey cat ways pushed him away – and in all honesty – I have not dated anyone else since I divorced 5 years ago. Not sure if I should get our there or commit. it all scares me meow…