“What’s the biggest challenge women face when dating?” This is the question I get asked most often as a dating and relationship coach for women over 40. And the interesting thing is that it’s mostly asked by men.
I usually respond by asking them what they think is our biggest challenge. Almost every man responds with “self-confidence”
A while ago I had a cab driver “Martin” ask me that question, and he too figured self confidence was women’s greatest dating challenge. I asked him why he thought that, and he said because it’s the biggest challenge for men, and I assume it was the same for women.”
Does that surprise you? That a man (who by the way was single and in his 50s) says lack of self-confidence is the hardest thing for men when dating?
Here’s something else I hear often on this subject: men tell me that they meet many women who seem pretty terrific…but the fact that they don’t know they are great is a huge turn off.
Frankly, smart, accomplished, confident men are pretty tired of meeting women who lack confidence.
How about that? Surprised?
So here’s what I’ve learned from this:
- Men are no different than us when it comes to dating and relating. They have fears and insecurities. (Consider, too, that since they were young men they have been expected to be the one who is assertive and puts himself out there first. Ouch. They really experience more rejection than we ever will.)
- Being fearful or insecure about rejection in dating will…well…get you rejected.
Are you confident? Do you believe in your worthiness to find love, and are you hopeful that you will? And how does your lack of confidence or self-esteem come through? Lack of eye contact, accepting compliments badly, trying too hard, or over-compensating by putting up walls?
Once you answer this, I want you to decide two things you are going to do differently as you date and come in contact with eligible men.
Maybe you’ll be kinder and less judgmental. Maybe you’ll take some time to take a good look at yourself and practice some self-kindness. (I absolutely know you are fabulous!) Maybe you’ll go out there and just fake-it-till-you-make-it.
Here are more ideas of what you can do differently to build your confidence and better your chances of finding love. (These are fun!)
Gotta go. be good to yourself.