How to Stop Being Your Own Bully When it Comes to Love and Dating

Date Like a Grownup

I’d like to start this article off by telling you that you are an AMAZING woman. The most beautiful thing you can do for yourself is to acknowledge and embrace just how special you are.

Did you just cringe at the thought of telling yourself that you’re amazing?
Then, girlfriend, we’ve got a problem!

So many of the women I help have this exact same reaction when they first start their path to finding hope and then finding him. How can you expect someone else to love you when you can’t even love yourself?

Do you find that you talk yourself out of hope before a date? Do you tell yourself, “He won’t like me because I’m too old, too fat, too successful or too busy?” You might think you’re helping to guard your heart against being hurt again, but what you’re really doing is setting yourself up for failure.

When you say these things, you’re just beating yourself up and sooner or later, you’ll come to believe everything – all those lies – you’re telling yourself.

There are tons of men out there who would find you absolutely irresistible if only you would embrace who you are and own her. There is nothing sexier to a man than a confident woman, especially when he’s a confident man who is dating after 40.

No matter your age, weight or status, when you love yourself men can’t help but be drawn to you. Think about the women you know that men seem to be drawn to. She usually isn’t the most gorgeous or youngest woman in the room. She’s the most confident and open one. (She’s open because she’s not obsessing over what the guys are thinking. She’s just having fun.)

So how can you start embracing your beauty and banish your inner bully?

Say “Yes!”

Bobbi pointing to Yes LRE_HappyClam_0781_001
There’s a lot of power in positive thinking. When you start using positive words in your everyday life, they begin to impact your mindset. Instead of saying, “No.” to new things or experiences, say “Yes!”

Say “Yes!” to happiness and greet new obstacles with a positive outlook rather than a negative one. Say “Yes!” to looking that cute guy in the eye when you see him. Say “Yes!” to letting the hope in… because this WILL happen for you if you do the work to change things up a little.

Make yourself happy.

“But, Bobbi, isn’t this whole course about finding companionship?” Yes, but if you aren’t taking time for your own personal forward movement, then you won’t be able to get to the end of that rainbow. It can be as simple as taking 15 minutes a day to meditate or having one girl’s night a week to lift your spirits. Find the things that make you happy and do them. A happy woman is a man magnet AND… uh… is happy.

Get healthy.

I’m not talking about salads and yoga here; I’m talking about your state of mind. Bullies pick on people they perceive as weaker than they are. You’re bullying yourself because you think that you’re weaker than you really are. Start doing some emotional workouts and then when that nasty little bully tries to cut you down, you can face her and tell her to get the hell out of your life. You don’t put up with her nonsense in your business life, do you? Then why are you letting her get to you when it comes to connecting with men? Give her a little ass kicking.

Stop hitting yourself.

For crying out loud, you’re amazing! Your family tells you that, your friends tell that (if you let them, that is), why won’t you let yourself believe it? The next time someone gives you a compliment or tells you how much you mean to them, instead of countering with an emotional one-two punch to your psyche, say thank you and soak it in, sister. (They don’t lie to you, do they?)

Do Your Homework.

Call or email your close friends and ask them to tell you what 3 things they love most about you. Then, when they tell you, believe them and remind yourself of THAT woman when your bully comes calling!

What is your Dating Personality - Take the Free Quiz

Leave a Comment