It’s Really Not About the Size of Your Thighs:
(Read It’s Really Not About the Size of Your Thighs, Part 1 Here)
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…After quite some time and a lot of self-discovery, I eventually came to understand that what those men heard every time I droned on was: Hey!!! Mr. Man!!! I don’t need you!!!!
A first date for me went something like this:
Nice guy: Hi. Nice to meet you.
Me: You too. Excuse my being frantic. I rushed here from work. It’s so crazy there! Lot’s to do.
Nice guy: Oh, what do you do?
Me: I’m a consultant. Right now I’m managing an international training project. We’re developing an e‑learning program that teaches people how to use proprietary technology. I’ve been doing it a long time; the last several years as an independent consultant. I work mostly in the foreign automotive field, but I’ve also managed large projects in the health care and mortgage industries. I really love it. I work a lot but I’m lucky to have such a great job and career. How about you?
Nice guy: Oh, I’m a ________ (fill in the blank).
Me: That’s interesting! I read an article about that… My opinion is… What do you think?
Get the picture? Was I hot or what???
Here’s what else I learned: men want to feel needed. Just like us, men feel good when someone relies on them. In fact, they require it.
Here’s one of the most brilliant questions my therapist put to me: if you had a friend who never needed you, who never asked for help or advice or support…would you want that friendship?
Think about it: helping each other – being there for each other – is an integral part of any good relationship. And being able to help people is part of being able to feel good about yourself, right?
I learned that needing a man doesn’t make you needy; at least, not in that negative I’m-such-a-loser kind of way. Relying on someone else and letting them see your “weaknesses” or “flaws” actually takes courage. It takes more courage than doing it all alone.
Over the years, I learned to let myself fully open up and rely on my women friends; and I finally realized I could do the same with men. And, like women, most men met me with kindness and generosity.
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And this leads me to my favorite quote:
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
— Lao Tzu
Tomorrow…It’s About Your Head and Your Heart.
With love and support. Be good to yourself.
