Online Dating over 40: It’s Not Your Height: It’s Just…You

An Online Dating over 40 Scenario

I had a great four-hour lunch with my friend Jan this weekend. Among other things, we talked about her love life. She’s been doing online dating for quite some time. She’s met a lot of men — mostly very nice — but hasn’t yet found her special one. She will.

She told me about a man she went out with last week; we’ll call him Scott. During their phone conversation before their meet date, Scott told Jan how much he loved his last girlfriend. But after two years he dumped her because she was older than him and he “couldn’t stand her aging body.”

I know: big red flag!! Why did she even meet this guy? But that’s not the point of my story.

She goes and meets him, and he continues to talk about how fabulous his ex was and all kinds of crap like that: just improper and not nice stuff. B’bye, Scott.

So Jan tells Scott she doesn’t want to see him again. He asks her:

Is it because I’m short?

Really??? He had no idea: no idea what an immature creep he sounded like. (And probably was.)

Poor Scott reminded me of myself; all those years of first dates I was convinced that my constant single-ness was due to the size of my thighs. But the truth was that it was because of the “Wall of I Dare You” I created out of fear and self protection. If I had had the nerve to ask why they didn’t want to see me again like Scott did, most guys would have probably said it had nothing to do with my thighs. They would have said it was my closed off I-don’t-need-no-stinking-man attitude. Hmmm…maybe that would have helped me.

When it comes to dating, especially as a mature dater, Scott has to learn what I did: It’s not your [fill in the blank]; it’s just You. You need to work on yourself as a person and as a grownup dater. Once I finally realized my issue was the way I thought about myself and was approaching dating, that changed my life.

Scott needs to do some introspection.  How about you? Is there anything you may be missing while you’re blaming someone else? 

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