I have sympathy for men. When it comes to dating, they have it really hard. Do you already know this? I think having compassion for the men you meet is an important part of dating like a grownup. I promise that if you subscribe to this belief, your dates will be wayyyy more relaxing, fun and interesting.
I know…men can suck. They can be superficial jerks, emotionally limited, users, slobs….I could go on. But the truth is that the vast majority of the men you’re going to meet are just nice guys looking for a nice woman. (Yes, it’s really that simple.)
So, assuming we’re talking about the nice guys here (as is always the case when I talk about grownup men), keep in mind that they have feelings, fears and disappointments just like you. And if you think you’ve been rejected, consider them: for each time we are told “no,” men hear it 50-100 times. Think about it: from the time they were teenagers, they have been required to ask first. Ouch.
Now, hop on over and read this from a man’s perspective. Marcus, my new bud from StraightMaleFriend.com, has written a great article about this titled “Who’s Got It As Hard As Women? MEN!” Check it out, and while you’re there look around the site. These guys are fantastic, and it is SO worth reading to get their point of view. (Note: To find this article click on Recent Articles from the home page.)
Then…go out there this weekend and find some nice men to talk to. Ask them their opinion on this topic. But please remember that it’s not about who has it harder, just that both men and women have challenges when it comes to dating and relationships.
And PS: Don’t bother writing me with any man-hating. I always get an email from someone (and you know who you are!) telling me how I’m a “chauvinist” who tells women to be nice to men when men get to be assholes. That’s not what I’m saying, and I’ve never ever said any such thing. So don’t waste your time. Instead, I strongly suggest you actually read what I write and try not to filter it through your intense fear and hatred. That’s not protecting you from anything; quite the opposite, in fact. Life is way too short and too damn good when you finally find that spectacular, loving man. Get on with it.
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. I’m grateful that I’m not a man, especially since in many ways (and especially in our age group) it’s still “more acceptable” or “expected” for men to make the first move/ask out women–and that opens them up for so much potential for rejection. I know in other articles you’ve said it’s important to open yourself up and let men know you’re interested, so that’s something I’ve been trying to keep in mind as I meet men.