Want to know the number one trick to meeting men online and getting dates? Learn how to write a killer email.
I was online for several years before I figured it out and met my husband on Match.com. I will never forget how it felt to send an endless number of emails, only for them to end up in the pit of Internet rejection hell.
The truth is, there is a lot of competition out there—especially if you’re a woman dating over 40. Move into your 50s and 60s, and the competition can get downright fierce. Having a fantastic profile is a must, but coupling that with the art of writing emails sets you up to be a surefire winner in the game of online dating love. (Like I was in 2006.)
The vast majority of emails sent by women go something like this:
Subject line: I like your profile
Hi, Bob. I like your profile, and it looks like we have a lot in common. I also love to travel and read mystery novels. Check out my profile, and if you’re interested, get in touch.
If Susie’s email is landing in the inbox of a relatively handsome, kind and interesting 50- or 60-something man, chances are Susie isn’t getting a date. She’s probably not even getting the darned thing read.
A killer email attracts, entices and begs to be opened. It makes him pick yours before Susie’s. It makes him smile and feel light. It piques his interest and tells him there’s more good stuff to learn. It makes him want to come back for more.
Here’s my formula for writing emails when you’re dating online. There is a certain finesse to writing these, but with some practice you can master the craft. (I write these for my coaching clients all the time. After a while, they all get it. Practice makes perfect!)
1. A spectacular subject is key. Make it enticing, intriguing, or flirty…and personal. You can even get a bit provocative, but don’t overdo that or you may send an I-want-sex-and-you-can-count-on-it signal. Some sites do not have a place for a subject line. Usually then the first characters of what you write show up in their inbox, so make your first sentence count!
2. Show kindness and tell him how glad you are that he connected/got in touch. (If he emails you first).
3. Be positive, light and even a little flirty. (Humor is always good!)
- A sincere compliment. (Don’t go overboard. You seem amazing, or you’re incredibly smart is too much to say to someone you don’t even know. Don’t be presumptuous. Be real based on what you read in his profile.)
- A “nugget” or two about yourself. (Don’t make him go to your profile. Share a couple brief, juicy, fun things about what you did last weekend, what excites or delights you, what music gets you dancing…help him get to know you a little so he’ll want to read your profile.)
- A clear, confident show of interest. (Don’t be too forward by asking him out but let him know you are definitely interested.
- An open question that’s easy for him to answer but encourages him to share about himself.
- Your first name. (I know that seems obvious, but many people forget this.)
This doesn’t mean you send an email a mile long. The finesse comes by combining these to make a short, sweet contact with all kinds of yummy stuff in it.
Here’s an example:
Subject Line: Can we jump in when we’re done?
I know about a lot of things, but a physicist I’m not. I would enjoy learning more about the where’s and why’s of how matter and energy interact. (Ok, I admit…I looked that up. But my interest is real.) Or, if you prefer, we can talk about how well you liked the last movie you saw. (Mine was Hunger Games and I loved it.)
Like you, I’ve created a peaceful environment at home. Last week friends were over for a poker party. I lost big time. 🙂 What you’re doing in your yard sounds great. You said you need help digging your pond…sounds like fun to me! Can we jump in when we’re done?
In two weeks I’m going to Prague on a river boat cruise. I’m so excited. How about you? What coming up that’s exciting in your life??
I look forward to hearing back. Enjoy the beautiful day.
Now let me break this down:
Subject Line: Can we jump in when we’re done? [a little enticing, maybe double-entendra, will stand out]
I know about a lot of things [nugget – tells him you’re smart and proud of it], but a physicist I’m not [you’re smart yet humble and not interested in competing with him]. I would enjoy learning more about the where’s and why’s of how matter and energy interact. [compliment and men love the thought of teaching us stuff.] (Ok, I admit…I looked that up. But my interest is real.) [a little humor and honesty, and shows an effort to learn about his interests. Only say something like this if it’s true!] Or , if you prefer, we can talk about how you liked the last movie you saw. (Mine was Hunger Games and I loved it.) [offers a lighter subject and a nugget]
Like you, I’ve created a peaceful environment at home. Last week friends were over for a poker party. [shows compatibility and nuggets about yourself ] I lost big time. [a little bit of self-effacing is good.] What you’re doing in your yard sounds great. You said you need help digging your pond…sounds like fun to me! Can jump in when we’re done? [light, fun, a little flirty]
In two weeks I’m going to Prague and on a river boat cruise. [nugget and compatibility] I’m so excited! How about you? What’s coming up that’s exciting in your life?[kinda easy question to answer and gives you info you want to know]
I look forward to hearing back. [confidence instead of that “hope to hear from you” stuff, but you’re not asking him out, either.] Enjoy the beautiful day. [upbeat, positive sign off.]
This online dating email is a little long, but I wanted to show you some good examples. Also, in this case his profile was somewhat long, so we matched his content. (Yes, this was a real email and Karen did receive a response.)
One more thing: I believe in dating karma. When a man emails you and you’re not interested, don’t just hit Delete. He has taken time and bravely reached out. Write him back, say thank you and wish him the best of luck in his search.
Between these killer emails and the chits you’re putting in your karma bank, you’ll see a positive difference in your online dating experience in no time. Let me know how it goes! I want to hear!
I’m 2nd time around (met my wife 12 years ago on match and she died last year). I’m 61 now. Many things have changed significantly. The predominant viewpoint seems to be that we’re all way too busy to take the time to respond personally to each email from someone we’re not interested in. Many women state this in their profiles (often after receiving the same practice from men), and say there should be no hard feelings, that’s just reality. I totally agree. Online dating is exhausting enough already.