Oh goody…another Valentine’s Day is around the corner. Damn, this day can suck. And my guess is that it’s not because you are dreaming of dinner in an overpriced restaurant or because you just have to have those crummy roses they sell by the billions. I’m sure it’s because you want to be in love.
I get it. You see, I was a first-time bride at age 47 and dated for about 30 years. About 25 of those Valentine’s Days were spent home alone.
Now that I have the perspective of being joyfully married, I can look at this day with a whole new perspective. Here is what I see:
Valentine’s Day can be a day of powerful change, a starting point for a new direction. It can be the day you pause, take a look in the mirror and commit to answering the question that’s been nagging at your heart: “Do I truly wish to share my life with someone?”
If your answer is “yes” and you’re able to acknowledge that in order to do that YOU need to do something different…then I know the very next step you can take: Fall in Love with Yourself.
Rather than pondering over the man who is not (yet) in your life, make February 14 all about you and getting exactly what you want for your future.
If you want to attract that spectacular man, and say goodbye to being super-single or settling for men because they want you, your place to start is by focusing on You.
This doesn’t mean it’s your fault or that there is something wrong with you. I’m not talking about remaking yourself or acting like someone you’re not.
In fact, it’s quite the opposite. This is about sitting down for some honest self-reflection, showing yourself some kindness celebrating yourself. It’s about allowing yourself to see who you really are: a woman who deserves the love and adoration of a wonderful man.
I want to share an exercise with you that I do with all my private coaching clients. My 6-Step Find Hope and Then Find Him System, which is the foundation of my coaching, starts with Step 1: Who Am I? Falling in Love with Myself.
Here is the first part of the exercise:
List all the things you love about yourself.
Whoa! How does it make you feel just thinking of doing that? Did you get that “this just feels wrong” feeling? Did it make you feel selfish or conceited? Were you concerned your list would be quite short?
Don’t worry…this concept is difficult for most women. I mean, how often are we asked to look at our fabulousness, not to mention actually state it out loud?
Well get ready to do it, sister because here is what I know after helping hundreds of women just like you: if you can’t recognize why you rock, you won’t be able to convey it to a man.
Most women come up with the usual things to start: “I’m smart, I’m independent, I’m a good mom, I have great hair.” And then they hit a brick wall.
I’ll give you a key to really experiencing this exercise: You don’t have to be writing the next literary masterpiece or solving the energy crisis to consider yourself wonderful, worthy and special. Things like being a good friend, being someone people can count on, the ability to handle life’s ups and downs, raising good children…these are all attributes you can shamelessly love about yourself.
If you don’t consider these things to be worth much, think about it this way: what do you want in a man? Is loving kindness, commitment, good humor, or intelligence somewhere on your list? These seemingly little things count BIG TIME, right? And I promise you, in some form or another, they are traits you possess.
I once heard a man say, “If a woman doesn’t love herself, why should I love her?”
It’s the right thing to ask. Respect is key to our grownup relationships—and that begins with self-respect. Would you want a man who didn’t appear to love himself?
When was the last time you truly focused solely on yourself? Have you ever asked yourself, “What makes me a good person worthy of love?” If you haven’t, it’s time. Because if you don’t know the answer men won’t know it either.
Don’t make this Valentine’s Day about what you don’t have or about men. Make it about yourself and what’s yet to come. Don’t put this off another year. Mark your calendar, make your plans and get ready to achieve that image of ideal happiness you’ve kept in the back of your head for so long. Make February 14 the day you fall in love…with yourself.