You’ve been seeing him for a little while. It’s somewhat regular. You think he could be The One. But you have no idea what he’s thinking. Is he into you? Is he looking for a wife or a lifetime commitment? You REALLY want to ask but you know you shouldn’t…or should you?
And what about if he asks YOU and you’re not ready to answer? What do you do then?
In this video I give you the exact words to use to ask and answer this question in a grownup way that generates honest, productive conversation. Let me know your thoughts! Would this have helped you in the past or is it something you can use with the man you’re currently seeing?
Bobbi Palmer says:
AD, after reading the first 5 sentences it was clear to me that there is no future with this man. He may not use his words, but his actions say everything. The thing you need to figure out is why you put up with this? This may help explain a few things: https://datelikeagrownup-com.mystagingwebsite.com/why-does-he-keep-disappearing/. Time to move on and raise your standards.
Andrea Dean says:
Hi Bobbi,
The video is not here anymore. I have been seeing a guy for almost 2 yrs. He is like the male version of me. We like the same things, we have went on small trips together. We pick at each other all of the time, we laugh and have fun.
However, he is divorced and has 2 grown daughters. He was with his ex wife since high school 25 yrs. She cheated on him multiple times and he caught her. But, he kept staying. Which he says he should have left. Over the past yr and a half. We will date for about 2-3 mths. Then he gets cold and says he needs a break. He doesn’t know what he wants. Then we end up back together. This time we have been back together 2 1/2 mths. Well, he is giving me those signs. But, he will not tell me how he feels. I feel that he loves me. But, he does not talk about his feelings or he doesn’t have any affection. He plays around a lot. I can ask him and explain why. He looks at me with a half smile and tells me to zip it. So, I go with it. The last time he broke up. He said he didn’t feel a serious connection with me. I said do what. How long have you felt this way. He said a month. I said so for a month you knew this and kept going on. He said have I told you I love you. I said no I wasn’t expecting you to say that until your ready. Then he said what he has said every time. I just don’t know what I want. I want to be alone. Of course I feel apart. So, he was fixing my car. I started going out with girlfriends and working on myself. The next thing I know we are going out to eat and hanging out again. Until one night he gets in the car and hands me a key to his house. I was like ok. Then last weekend I put I was in a relationship with him on Facebook. He actually accepted it. But, now his daughters are mad. One of them said So, your in a relationship with Andrea. We should have had a talk about this instead of finding out on Facebook. His other daughter blocked me on Facebook. I’ve never met them in the past almost 2 years. However, since his daughter text that last Friday he has gotten distant. I’ve been staying at his house. I’ve asked him if he wants me to go home. He said I would tell you too if I didn’t want you here. Then I’ve read some of your articles. I’m thinking it is just my fears and intuition.
However, I would like some blunt advice from you please.
Thank you,
AD
Bobbi Palmer says:
That clingy thing is definitely not the way to hold on to a relationship. Quite the opposite. Do some internal work on that, Summer. It’s going to send good men running and not-so-good men your way so they can take advantage of your desperation. If you haven’t already I suggest you look into ‘attachment styles.’ May give you some insight. I hope so. Best, Bp
Summer says:
I’m in a relationship. I try my hardest to calm the clingy down but I don’t wanna lose him. Where do you see this relationship going? Can we really be together for a long time, how you are and how I am?
bobbi says:
Hi Dan! Thank you so much for sharing here. Based on what you wrote I’m not so sure it’s a bad thing she said. Did she say she can’t imagine being in a relationship with you? Or just that she’s not ready to make a decision? Did she say she wants to keep dating you? If this is someone you’re crazy about and you are willing to take a bit of a risk and keep trying, you can still go back and take my advice: tell her that you like her and that you’re cool with continuing to date. Worst case she will say “no.” And if she says yes, great! Warning though: be sure not to let insecurity or doubt get the best of you.
Again, I’m always so happy to hear from a man who’s dating. (As are the other women here.) As far as advice for me, as you saw a lot of this translates. Use it when you can! We (men and women) really are more alike than different!! With admiration, Bp
Dan Ordaz says:
Bobbi,
I think your method is right on! I didn’t ask the question quite the way you specified. My conversation with the woan I am dating was more about “relationship check-up”. I asked what’s working, what needs improvement, where do we see this going. Unfortuately, I did not get the answer I was hoping for. I was told that she just wants to keep dating but is not ready to commit much more than that. But at least I know!!!
I wish I had seen your article. Please publish tips for us over 40 men as well.
Thanks,
Dan
NT says:
Oh yes, I will definitely share this amazing blog with my friends! Lots of love and gratitude.
NT says:
Oh yes, I will definitely share this amazing blog with my friends! Lots of love and gratitude. 🙂
bobbi says:
Yay NT! I’m so happy to hear that you didn’t let the “over 40” thing hold you back. Yes…my advice is for any woman who wants a grownup relationship with a good man.
Thank YOU sister for sharing this with me. (I love to know when my work helps people!) And pass this on to your friends; regardless of their age. Much love and admiration. Bp
NT says:
Bobbi, thank you very much for this video! I really needed this great advice.
I’m going to confess that I read your blog and watch your videos for several months. I’m 30 and recently divorced, and even though I know that your articles are about dating after 40, I think that your advice is great also for people like me, who’s ready to date like a grownup now.
After 10 years in the same relationship, it’s not easy to start dating again; it has been scary and confusing (one of the scariest things for me is to say what I want), but thanks to your wise advice, I’m learning to love myself first, become a confident woman and enjoy my new life. I’m also taking my time to heal and starting to have fun in dates.
Thank you so much! 🙂