Dating over 40 :: Stepping Forward with Confidence
In my last post I talked about how, as adult women, we can turn back to bad experiences and old beliefs about ourselves, and then we project that negativity and self-doubt onto our dating and search for love in our current lives. I encouraged you as a strong, accomplished woman to step back and take a good, honest look at yourself and your life. Once you did, I presumed you would see that you’ve learned a lot, made some excellent choices, and built a nice life for yourself. Armed with that knowledge, my theory went, you could face dating and the search for love with well-deserved confidence, self-love, and a feeling of control.
Wow! Sounds good, right? And I stand by it. But then one of my very smart girlfriends told me she thought I oversimplified it. What if we don’t feel so great about ourselves and our lives? If only just for a moment in time, what if?
She’s right. When I think about the emotional gyrations we as women can go through to get to a place where we feel secure and happy in our lives… Well, that feeling can be tenuous at times. Sometimes all it takes is a “no” from the wrong person to throw me completely off balance. You too?
We know that a woman’s happiness is inextricably tied to her self-esteem. And unraveling these from one another can be daunting if not impossible.
But I wanted to give you more information on how to feel good about yourself overall. So I went on a search for someone smarter than me in this area. Honestly, I sifted through endless blogs and articles by brilliant people with big titles, and then it came to me: I’m not interested in the origin of my self-esteem issues. I don’t want to get in touch with my four year old or dig deep into why my daddy didn’t “see the real me,” which is why I question my self-worth.
Because, really…98% of the time I feel damn good about myself! I’ve had a great career, I love the work I’m doing now, I have a wonderful marriage filled with love and trust, I’m surrounded by precious and loyal friends, and I’m proud of the grownup I’ve become. What I’m actually interested in are useful tools to get me past the occasional moments of self-doubt, when I feel just a bit unsure or out of balance.
I found this wonderful blog by Therese Borchard on Huffington Post. “12 Things I Learned from My Therapist” gives amazingly simple yet inspired advice on how to stay balanced and, well, sane. She talks about specific and tangible things to do, like Team-up, Count to Four, Make a Self-Esteem File, and Hunt Down Unrealistic Expectations. Love it.
Here’s what I’d like you to do. First, please take this quick poll to tell us how you feel. [polldaddy poll=1485065]
Now, take five minutes to hop on over to HuffPo and read this terrific post, “12 Things I Learned from My Therapist.” Don’t miss the comments, which have even more advice from great women. Then, put these tools in your toolbox and use them when you have moments when you can’t remember why you’re special and how in control of your life you really are.
Whether you are interested in dating over 40 or not, I would love to hear your feedback. Are you like me: more interested in tools to use today than in the deep origins of my tumult? What tools do you have in your arsenal that help you when you might question yourself or feel like your life isn’t where it should be? Do you think you give yourself enough credit for the successful life you’ve created? Please help me and the other women reading this by leaving a short comment. This is important stuff.