Exactly What to Say to Men in Difficult Situations

In dating, knowing what to say to men, especially in challenging situations, is the key to attracting the right men. It’s also the key to developing and maintaining fulfilling relationships.

One of the most important ways I support my coaching clients is by helping them communicate well with men. Online or offline, good communication requires certain knowledge and skill. It’s a bit of an art, actually.

When challenging situations come up, I help women write a script that not only communicates effectively but  also feels comfortable and true to who they are.

This week I helped “Kathy” tell the man she’s been out with four times that she’s not yet ready for intimacy. She was going to break it off with him, but I convinced her to try to tell him and see how it goes. He seemed like a great guy to me.

Kathy had that conversation (see our scripting below), and his response was, “Okay…I can do that. Thanks for telling me!” There you go. Not only did she avert ending a potentially lovely relationship, but she earned his respect and opened up the possibility of further meaningful conversation. Well done!

Here are some other things I’ve helped clients with this week:

  • Showing a man she is interested without being too pushy. (Remember: Showing interest and taking the lead are very different things!)
  • Apologizing and showing regret for something she said
  • Writing killer online dating emails that get read and get responses
  • Answering the question “Why haven’t you been married yet?” when she goes on dates (Ugh…I used to get that question all the time! Guys: there is a better way to ask this.)

Here are specific examples for some situations:

If you want to…

Show a guy you’re interested without being too pushy…

Instead of saying…

I’d like to go out. How about Sunday?

Say this…

I really enjoy talking with you. It would be great to do it again some time. (Make good eye contact…smile. Show him you mean it.)

 

If you want to…

Tell a man he is going too fast and you are not ready for intimacy…

Instead of saying…

You’re going too fast for me!

Say this…

I like you and I’m enjoying getting to know, Bob. And you ARE pretty hot. (Again, eye contact, smile.)  I’ve found focusing on getting to know each other works best at first. I’d like to [fill in with how you would like to proceed]. How does that sound to you?

 

If you want to…

Write killer online dating emails that are getting read and getting responses…

Instead of saying…

Hi. I like your profile. I see we have many things in common. Read mine and write if you’re interested.

Say this…

Hi, Bob.I understand what you said about [thus-and-such], and I completely agree*. (Agreeing with a man is very complimentary.) In fact, [give him a real-life vignette that shows you have that in common]. There’s more to the story, and it’s pretty funny. [Create some intrigue and set up for future conversation.] It would be fun to learn more about [something he has in his profile]. Sounds cool. What was it like? [Or some direct question that’s easy for him to answer.]

I’m looking forward to hearing from you. [Show that confidence, girlfriend!] Enjoy your day.

  • When you connect with a guy, don’t do it on something intellectual. That’s not very sexy. Connect with some life event, feeling, dream, value, etc. For instance, if you went to the same college, great! Don’t just tell him that – it’s boring. Tell him how you used to connect multiple power cords so you could pull blenders out to the quad and host daiquiri parties. (Okay, I admit, that’s directly from MY life experience. But I think you get the point.)

 

If you want to…

Answer the question “Why haven’t you been married yet?”

Instead of saying…

It’s none of your business OR because I haven’t found the right guy yet…

Say this…

My life has been great but just hasn’t gone that way yet. But I’m ready and looking forward to when I meet that terrific guy I spend my life with.

 

It’s actually not so hard as we make it to be. Most men want to understand us, and they want to please us. They just want a little help!

This is no different than learning how to communicate with your boss or that passive-aggressive gal at work. You need to learn some basics, and then you need to practice.

Do you see the pattern in all these? When trying to address a potentially difficult situation:

  • Be positive
  • Be direct
  • Speak from the “I”
  • Don’t demand

Try these and tell me how it works for you! Leave me comments here or go to my Facebook Page and share your experience to help others.

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