I’ve learned a lot about what men want in my 10+ years of helping women find love after 40. (As always, I’m only talking about mature, high-integrity, relationship-minded men. We don’t care about any others, right?)
Well, here’s your chance to learn more about what men want…straight from a man.
This post lays it out pretty straight about what a Good Man wants. And it’s written by a man…the kind you keep telling me you’re looking for.
I have a decent number of single men readers. They debate with me, agree with me, and for the most part tell me what men want. They also thank me for helping women appreciate them – the grownup good guys – who too often get overlooked.
These guys have many of the same frustrations, challenges and experiences you are having trying to find a good person with whom to share their life. Single men and women dating and looking for love after 40 have more in common than not.
I tell you ALL the time that there are good men out there…men who are also looking for love after 40. And they are looking for a woman just like you. This post lays it out pretty straight about what a Good Man wants. And it’s written by a man…the kind you keep telling me you’re looking for.
This is my second of articles on how to notice a good guy when you see him. (Part one is here.)
Also, when he talks about our “lists” here is the article he is referring to.
I think your “list” is interesting and wanted to tell you that men have lists too when looking for a serious relationship.
Overall, I think you hit the nail on the head by stating your search-preference, “taller than 5’8”, college educated, non-smoking, social drinker, making $75,000 plus.” Especially the last part, 75k+.
If you are looking for a sophisticated, well-mannered, confident, and successful man these are not the criteria that will lead you to this goal. They are too pivoted towards material possessions and prestige.
“Old-fashioned” men are looking for:
An Independent thinker because he realizes that the two of you can grow together; and no, a college degree is not necessarily a sign of intelligence (oh boy, I can tell you that!).
Ability to argue respectfully. If you date an intelligent person, chances are they hold a different point of view for a good reason, and you should be able to argue respectfully with each other. If you think one person has to lose for the other person to win, well good luck with that mindset.
This list is not anywhere complete. It is an excerpt and priorities vary. However, you can see by this little example that the priorities are quite different.
Which set is more suitable for a long-term relationship is up to you to decide…I, for example, made my choice.
Thanks for listening,
Here’s my reply:
I agree with you 1000%, Tom! If there were a way to search by those qualities that is exactly what I would recommend.
If you read my work here you will see that I’m all about helping women make choices based on how a man makes her feel: safe, valued, etc. It’s not about money or status at all. It’s about whether he’s a kind, grownup man.
Thing is that there is no way to quickly find these guys. We have to dig and do our own discovery. This example is merely to show the quantity of men online who meet some generic “minimum standard” for most women.
It may sound harsh and I’ve had men who are shorter ream me for being so judgmental. But the truth is, a majority of women want a man who is at least a certain height. (I argue all the time with women about this criterion, but it’s the truth. Not unlike most men wanting thin or average weight women.)
And wanting a man who makes a decent living – which is what 75k is in LA …just decent – is nothing to apologize for.
I REALLY appreciate your input and thanks for taking time to share here. Your list of what matters in a relationship is right on. In fact, I want all my women to read it and I plan on featuring it for them in an article about what a good guy wants. Its’ grownup men like you that they all want to meet!
Thanks, and I’m so glad you are here,
Any surprises here? Granted, this is just one guy, but I constantly hear this kind of response from men. And I see men choose the empathetic, independent thinking, win-win women I coach…all the time.
I bet you ARE very much like the woman he describes. But are you showing that to the men you meet? What do you think?