Do you want to know the key to writing an online dating profile to catch the eye of the type of good, grownup men you want to meet?
When you express who you are and what you want in a positive, straightforward and authentic way, you inspire the mature right-for-you men to want to know more. At the same time, you kindly signal to the wrong men to move on.
Perfect, isn’t it?
I know what I’m talking about.
I was 47 when I met my husband online and became a first-time bride. I was stuck being single for so long. When I finally learned how to “market” myself honestly online, my hubs made a beeline right to me. Now I help other women in their 40s, 50s, and beyond do what I did.
Follow these three tips to land the right men in your inbox.
Avoid clichés. Use “nuggets” instead.
After reading tidbits of online dating profiles here and there, when a man gets to yours and it says, “I love nature, I care about my family, I love to laugh and cooking is my passion…” his eyes will glaze over. He will be on to the next profile before you can say “still single.”
Sure…it’s all true. But if you want to stand out from the rest of the crowd, you have to express it in a more engaging and authentic way. Do that by using something I call “nuggets.”
Nuggets are concise bits of information that express aspects of yourself and your life that will help the right men feel a connection. Nuggets help the real, unique, lovely you shine.
He wants to know who you are as a woman. Clichés tell him nothing.
Use this simple formula to attract your potential suitable matches:
An anecdote that reflects something you want him to know about you
the word “because”
your feelings about what you just shared.
For example, instead of “I love nature” write this:
Most days, I walk my dog to Solana beach to watch the sunset because being there makes me feel at peace and so grateful for my life.
Or, instead of “I love spending time with my family” say:
My grown kids and their partners come over monthly for our taco and board game night. The time is so precious because we stay caught up and we laugh a lot.
Do you see how the word “because” magically takes the fact of your story and helps also share feelings?
These tiny sentences have more depth and provide a much better picture of who you are. And sharing this so authentically is something that will set the right relationship-minded grownup man into action.
So, use these headlines to give him that “I want to know more!” feeling. You can tell him your stories when you’re on the date.
Attract the right men by telling them who you are – not telling them who they have to be.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is using their profile as their shopping list. This is a big no-no! The last thing a mature, confident, relationship-minded man wants to see is something like:
I want a man who is responsible, fit, funny and a great conversationalist. No couch-potatoes, gamblers or smokers.
Even if the guy is exactly who you say you want, that demanding attitude is always a huge turn-off. Instead, show him that YOU are those things! For example, if you want him to be active, write this:
I’m not up on the latest TV shows because I’d rather be taking a class, running with my dog or cooking my famous pasta Bolognese for friends. Or maybe going on a long hike with you?
Men are smart. They’ll figure out you’re talking to them. Not only will Mr. Active-and-Busy feel a connection with you, he will get the vital message that he’s the kind of guy you’re looking for.
Don’t be afraid to tell an important truth.
What about your deal breakers? Do they belong in your profile? I’m talking about things your partner must agree with, participate in, understand and/or respect.
Take the nugget example I gave you in tip #1 about your family. If seeing your family regularly is something you would never give up and your man needs to participate happily, include it! The man who is excited about adding to his family will pay attention. The guy who has no interest in getting to know someone’s kids will quickly move on.
How about your spiritual beliefs? Do you feel your partner must share these with you? If so, don’t be afraid to include that positively and kindly:
“My connection to [God, Earth, etc.] brings me clarity and joy, so I go to [church, temple, etc.] most weeks. I look forward to sharing that with my partner.”
(Nugget tip: notice there is no “because” here, but we still communicated the feeling.)
A warning: this can be tricky. Don’t explicitly say you want him to do something with you unless it’s a 100%, for-sure deal breaker. You don’t want to send a good man running by giving him the impression he doesn’t have a quality you say he must have. Instead, use more of a “would be nice to have” approach.
You are online to meet men who have potential to be The One, right? Focus on standing out to those good, grownup men who are looking for the same things as you. Help them learn some parts of who you are…and even who you are not. Help them feel what it would be like to be with you and be a part of your life.
Making your online dating profile more positive, and authentic will help the right men find their way to your inbox and help the not-so-right men self-select out.
Now I task you with taking a look at your own dating profile now and start making adjustments. My experience tells me you will have some exciting men coming your way very soon.
This article originally appeared on Plenty of Fish here.