Ever wonder why your first date goes great and yet he doesn’t call? Where are those damn second date invitations?
Men can be far more in the moment than women are; especially when dating. He can have a great time sitting there with you, but if he doesn’t drive home thinking “she was great, I’d like to see her again” there’s a good chance he’ll be moving on.
When you’re dating, especially dating after 40, you have a lot of competition. So, sister, you have to stand out.
In 15 Ways to Get a Second Date…Like a Grownup Part 1 I talked about the first 9 ways to dazzle him on the date:
1. Be on time.
2. Be kind to him and to yourself.
3. First find three things you like about him.
4. Keep eye contact, smile, laugh, repeat.
5. Manage the conversation.
6. Listen the way a man wants you to.
7. Hop on his wavelength.
8. Flirt with flair.
9. Relax and have fun.
Here are six more ways to dazzle him by making yourself memorable. You want him driving home with you on his mind and a smile on his face.
10. Stick to the good stuff
Keep the conversation positive and don’t bond on the bad stuff. Nix the talk about crappy ex’s, jobs you hate or pain in the butt children or grandchildren. As I said in Part 1: manage the conversation. Make a plan for how you will respond positively when he asks you about your divorce or your crappy job.
11. Agree even when you disagree
This too is about staying positive. When he tells you that he loves to play golf, don’t just say “I don’t golf.” Tell him “oh yes, my brother is a great golfer…he loves it too!” (And btw: just because he loves something or believes something you don’t, never assume that’s a deal breaker. Who says life partners have to think the same and do everything together?)
12. Focus on him, but not too much
Keep your connection with your eye contact, listen to his stories and ask questions to show you’re interested. But keep your questions non intrusive, and don’t — don’t — let him do all the talking! (See #4.)
13. Get that shiny stuff out
Remember that you’re trying to be memorable here so you get that second date. If you want him to remember you for being a good listener, let him babble on and on. If you want him to remember you because of your unique or shared interests, accomplishments, allure, interesting life stories, compassion or kindness then make sure you grab the chance to share those at the appropriate times in conversation.*
14. Always leave him wanting more
This is just a first date, not a lifetime. We tend to want to dig deep and get it all out all at once. Slow down and get comfortable with taking time to get to know him. Allow him to hold some things back and give him just a little bit of your story. Not only will this create some intrigue and make him want to see you again, it will keep you from being a chatterbox. (We do that…admit it.)
15. Close in a bold and specific way — but not too
If you’re interested in seeing him again, let him know. Don’t just give him an “I had fun, thanks” kind of send off. That’s a throw-away line. All women tell him that; even the ones that have no plans of ever returning his calls.
Show your confidence and add something that leaves no doubt. Try “I had a great time talking with you Bob, and I loved the restaurant. I’m looking forward to doing it again. Thanks.” Then stop and let him make the next move.