How to Connect with a Man, Genuinely and Instantly

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You’re getting one of my very best tips today.

I’m going to show you how to use “nuggets” as a new way to connect with a man. Nuggets allow you to express yourself with men and get to know them. In a real way. Genuinely. Instantly.

You know…like when you meet a man and wish you could jump up and down, wave your arms and scream: look at me dude…we have potential!

Using nuggets, you’ll be able to show him things about yourself that you want him to know like your beliefs, feelings, values, and dreams. And, in turn, you will help him expose his. All the stuff that matters in a grownup relationship and that so often takes years to learn.

You’ll also know if he’s wrong for you…and pretty quickly.

Yep! When nuggets are used right — in a smart, kind, elegant way — every experience you have with men will be richer.

Share who you are, not what you do.

Okay…so what the hell is a nugget?

Nuggets are bitesize pieces of information that help you express yourself in a way men can hear.

My husband says it best:

Women talk in stories; men want to listen in headlines!

You use nuggets to tell him about yourself and help him get to know you without making his head explode with details and long stories.

And here’s the best part: in turn, you learn about him!

No interrogation. No manipulation. No oversharing. You know…Like a Grownup. 🙂

Examples of how to connect with a man using nuggets.

Here’s a scenario: You’re out with a guy on a first date or maybe getting to know each other over the phone. He says “I see you have dogs.” Or maybe “what do you do to unwind?”

You can say:

“I walk my dogs in the park every evening after I get home from work.”

Or you can say:

“My favorite way to unwind is to take my two pups on a brisk walk each evening in Golden Gate Park. Getting a workout while touching base with nature at the end of the day puts me in the best mood.”

In a couple seconds, he’s learned that you love the outdoors and animals. He has an image of you being active and communing with nature; that’s sensual. He knows you value exercise and are not a couch potato. He knows you’re a woman who takes care of her needs. And he knows when he goes out with you at night you’ll be in a great mood. 🙂

The first way tells him what you DO: you walk your dogs in the park. It’s “just the facts ma’am.” The second paints a picture of who you ARE and what you value. It also gives him a glimpse of your daily life.

Wow! You’ve told him a lot of important things about you…without talking his ears off.

Now…here’s the super magic of your nuggets: you will now learn about him!

He can respond: Oh geez. That sounds like a great way to unwind. Can I join you sometime?

Or he can respond: Hmmm. I’m not big on the nature thing and I’m allergic to dogs.

He can even respond with nothin’. Nada.

It’s all good information, right?

Here are various other examples of good nuggets:

I sponsor a boy in El Salvador because I believe in giving back. I’m constantly reminded of how fortunate I am and I believe it’s my duty to be charitable. (Instead of “I like to give to charity.”) 

My ethnic background is Armenian, an ancient people that should have disappeared long ago given all the troubles they’d faced over the centuries.  So the experiences of my ancestors make me both strong and compassionate.  (Instead of “I’m Armenian.”)  

I love to travel because it brings perspective to my life to see how other people think and live. (Instead of “I love to travel.) 

I’m a ‘wherever I hang my hat’ kind of gal. I have moved a lot in the last ten years. I don’t have a favorite because each offered something unique and gave me the chance to learn something new. (Instead of “I’ve moved a lot” or listing off the places you’ve lived.) 

Penguins are my favorite animal because they are so loyal, adorable and dressed up and chic.  I’d love to see them all be able to live in their own habitat someday. (Instead of just “penguins are my favorite animal.”)

I love my job because it challenges me and gives me a chance to help people. Most of my clients have become lifelong friends. (Instead of the requisite “I love my job.”) 

Do you see how much richness can be encapsulated into just a sentence or two? And how giving him that little bit of depth can lead him to respond with the same?

Can you see why so many first dates go no further? Or why dates get boring and no real connection is made? You say you love to travel and he says he does. Maybe you compare where you’ve visited. So what? You’re not sharing anything that is meaningful about one another or that sets you apart from the other women he’s met.

But when you say why you love it, you introduce a whole new layer of communication and opportunity to get to know one another.

The key to nuggets.

So, next time you are talking or emailing with a man, ask yourself: am I just relaying facts or am I sharing feelings? Am I helping him get to know things I think are important for him to know about me? Am I giving him a glimpse into who I really am as a person and a woman?*

This is simple, but I promise it will instantly improve your dating experience.

Oh…one last Big Tip to help you make that genuine connection.

Notice that some of my examples contain the word BECAUSE? I love my job because…I love to travel because…penguins are my favorite animal because. When you’re struggling with creating some meaningful nuggets, simply add the word because. See how that moves you from fact to feeling? Voila!! 

* By the way, don’t worry that giving him more about yourself might turn him off. If he’s turned off by learning something about you that you find meaningful, then that’s good! He’s not for you and you learned it early on. Next!

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