Why do we hold on to the man who isn’t good for us, our feelings of insecurity and being less-than, or our pattern of picking jerks and liars? These are all self-sabotaging behaviors and beliefs, and intellectually we know it. Yet we cling on for dear life, feeling powerless over our unfortunate circumstance.
That’s exactly what one of my relationship coaching clients, Alison, told me yesterday. She said that she felt she had done all she could to meet her future husband and father of the children she so desperately wants. She felt the rest was up to “them.” In the kindest way possible, I told her that I disagreed; she had not done all she could.
Did she believe me? I mean really believe me. Probably not just yet. It’s true that by the time women come to me they are clearly open to dating tips and advice. They have generally accepted that they need to make shifts in order to improve their dating and romantic life…but lasting forward movement may still take time. Her heart and mind need to open, and let change take flight. I’m there to help her do that.
What was true is this: with the tools Alison currently had in her toolkit, she was pretty well topped out. But with new information, experiences and compassionate support, I know she will become the woman who attracts that man, and knows him when she sees him.
I read a fantastic article in Huffington Post today that I think will be of help to Alison and the rest of us — including me — who “know” we can improve certain areas of our lives yet can’t seem to actually do it. Our fears, old habits, and crippling truths create such an enormous barrier that it feels impossible…downright hopeless.
Tom Ferry, CEO of YourCoach, and success coach to more than 100,000 people, wrote an article called The 4 Addictions That Destroy Your Dreams (They’re Not What You Think). I think this is important for us to read. It doesn’t give all the answers, but the 4 addictions (aka habits) he brings up are real, and in our way of getting what we want in life.
These are what he calls our 4 addictions. See if any describe you, and what may be holding you back.
1) The Addiction to opinions of other people. As a society, we’re addicted to what others think about us and how others’ views of the world affect us.
2) The Addiction to drama. Some people are drawn to and consumed by any event or situation that occupies their thoughts and fills their mind with negativity, which often brings attention to them in unproductive ways.
3) The Addiction to the past. These people have an unhealthy attachment to events or situations that have occurred in the past. They’re stuck in how things used to be.
4) The Addiction to worry. This addiction is comprised of all the negative and self-defeating thoughts that make us anxious, disturbed, upset and stressed, that hold us back in life.
Read the complete article here. Let me know what you think.
Bobbi, I couldn’t agree more. Sometimes when we find ourselves stuck in some area of life, it’s usually something unhealthy we’re holding onto.
In the area of dating, sometimes it can be an unconscious attachment to a negative belief about our unworthiness in the area of love.
I believe that in order to be successful in dating, one must work on the “inner-game” of dating, otherwise we risk attracting the same old results and not moving forward as we would like.
Thanks for posting on such an important topic. firstname.lastname@example.org