Not dating at all? Not feeling like it? Slogging through it like some job you have to do? Time to revive your dating life!
If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. ~ Anthony Robbins
I love this quote. I admit that I don’t always live by it myself, but I definitely think you should. (Just being honest here. I’m trying.)
It wasn’t until I made some fundamental changes in myself that I was able to become the holy-crap-I’ve-actually-snagged-my-dream-man Bobbi.
You probably know who Tony Robbins is. He teaches people how to change their lives so they can accomplish their lifetime goals. I’ve seen him speak in person; and let me tell you, this guy is an amazingly talented person. He is unbelievably dynamic, energetic and persuasive.
But I digress. So what does this have to do with dating? Everything. How many months or years have you been unable to reach your most fundamental goal of having love in your life? You’ve probably been looking and looking, and that man just hasn’t yet shown up.
Well here’s what Tony and I think about that: as long as you stay the same and keep doing things the same way in your quest for love, you will remain in the same situation.
Your man isn’t going to just show up. Some energy on your part is required to attract him, call him in, or at least be in a place where you might run into him!
I know, I know. Your situation without him isn’t bad. You’re happy, right? But won’t it be spectacular when you find a brilliant, fun, loving partner to share it all? Contrary to what we tell ourselves, this isn’t just a numbers game or a case of deserving it so one day you’ll get it. That sure as hell didn’t work for me after being single for 25+ years.
If it’s not just happening, we have to make love happen. Just like we’ve done with all the wonderful things in our life. And the only way to do that is by learning and growing, and, yes, even by doing some changing.
After doing a pretty great job of finding love myself, and now helping hundreds of women do it, I’ve learned that becoming your very best self is absolutely the first step in bringing love into your life. I spent years as single-I’m happy-without-a-man-but-gee-I’d-like-one Bobbi. I was waiting for my life partner to show up. It wasn’t until I made some fundamental changes in myself that I was able to become the holy-crap-I’ve-actually-snagged-my-dream-man Bobbi.
So change something. Do something different today in your connection with men. I’m not talking scary change here: just a little shift to see how it feels. A tiny thing that switches up your life somehow, teaches you something new…gives you a new (surprising!) experience.
So without further ado, when you are ready to get the change rolling within, here are 10 Tiny Tweaks That Will Revive Your Dating Life. I want you to do as many as you can over the next 7 days.
- Wear lipstick and shave your legs. (Yes, both!)
- Ask a man to help you do something: reach something in the store, hold the door open for you, give you directions. And when he does, make sure you smile big and say “thank you.” Be sure to watch his reaction.
- Sign up for a dance class, Sierra Club singles hike or a lecture on something cool. (In other words, get out of the house to a place where there may be men.)
- Give a man a compliment. Tell him you like his tie, he has nice eyes, or that you liked what he said about something. If you find the opportunity to call him your hero, do it! He will stay puffed up for a week. How nice of you!
- You know that attractive man you’ve noticed, but never made any attempt to connect with? Look straight into his eyes and smile…for a full three seconds. Then say Hi.
- Tell five people that you’re looking for a fantastic man in your life and ask each to help you meet two men. Give them some of your must-haves. (Got the math? Woohoo!)
- Go buy a new bra that shows off your fabulous girls. While you’re at it, feel free to peruse the lingerie section and fantasize a little. Again, smile.
- Ask the guy behind you in any line any insignificant question. I don’t know what; just think of something. Try “Do you know what time they close today?” Practice easy conversation.
- Ask your chic girlfriend for a referral to her hairstylist and make an appointment. (Hey, if you can’t afford it, have the fancy stylist do it once and have a less expensive one follow the cut thereafter.)
- Ask a male friend to teach you something about men that he thinks women don’t know or understand.
For this to work, for you to find success with dating over 40, there’s one more giant thing you must do differently today: PAUSE, just pause, those old recordings in your head that have forever guided your response and relationship to men. I bet you know what I’m talking about. “If a man doesn’t make the first move he’s a sissy and I don’t want him anyway.” “I don’t need to ask a man to help me do anything. I’ve been doing things myself for a long time, and quite well!” “I’m too shy or bloated or busy or tall or out of practice or chubby or scared or independent to talk to some strange man in the grocery store.”
Stop that! Just for a day. When I tell you that I was expert in singing those tunes, I am understating. I could have won the grand prize for sabotaging self -talk. We can talk about each of these self-defeating discussions later. But for now, please just stop for a day.
Can you allow yourself to trust me on this? Turn off your internal banter for one day and do something that lets you feel what it’s like to connect, learn something, feel pretty, feel powerful, and just do something differently. I bet you learn that it’s not so scary. I bet a perception or two might shift. And that means you future experiences will shift a bit too. And hey, you might even have some fun!
Let me know how it goes, ok? I want to hear what tiny tweaks you followed through with and how it worked out. Gimme your comments below.