Why Every Single Woman Over 40 Should Use a Vibrator

Masturbation. There…I said it. The “Big M.” And the most efficient way to get the job done is to use a vibrator. I don’t generally talk about this, so it may shock you. But the time has come to chat about the role sex – or lack of sex – plays in the life of a woman in her later years who has not yet found her partner.

There are many circumstances that may render a woman celibate for extended periods of time, especially when you’re in your 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond. The days of hooking up are over, right? Until you find a meaningful relationship you’re probably keeping your lovely legs crossed.

Maybe you came out of a loveless, sexless marriage that lasted way too many years. Or maybe you’re so scared of being rejected for your not-so-elastic skin that you persist in finding excuses to keep your clothes on. (This includes ending potentially good relationships to avoid getting naked. Yes, sadly, I’ve seen that happen.) Oh, and don’t forget that other Big M: Menopause. Ain’t that the icing on the cake?!

The longer the span of celibacy extends, the more women (and men) are likely to hyperventilate at the thought of intimacy. So we keep putting it off, and the clock keeps ticking.

If you wanted, you could have plenty of opportunities, thank you very much. You need only hop online, turn on your chat feature, sit back and wait for the conversations that start with “Do you like to kiss?” and move quickly to “So…what’s your favorite position, baby?” You can get laid; I’m guessing that you just don’t want to…at least like that.

Now…here is my very personal confession: That celibate woman…she was Me.

I married for the first time at age 47 and spent plenty of my 30+ single-and-dating years on complete sex (and date) hiatus. I know what happens when a man merely brushes against you as he passes, and you feel an overwhelming full body sensation — because it has been so, so long since you’ve been touched by a man.

And now, as The Dating and  Relationship Coach for Women over 40, I help many women move through this part of their life.

My experience is that extended time without intimacy, touch and sex can lead to a woman feeling unattractive, unfeminine or asexual. To adapt, we may convince ourselves that a life without sex is okay — which creates the slippery slope to believing that life without a partner is okay. Then the cycle feeds off itself.

Now in my 50s, I’m enjoying a wonderful life of love and intimacy with my husband. I can tell you honestly that I don’t believe it’s okay—or at least the best it can be – to have a life without sex and intimacy. At least for most human beings.

Why use a vibrator? There is such thing as clitoral atrophy.

Just like any other organ, if the clitoris is not stimulated it can lose function. It’s true: use it or lose it! It makes some sense that the longer you go without stimulation and feeling sexual, the harder it will be to go for it when it comes along in the form of a loving partner.

So this is my advice on how you can rev up so you’re ready for action: The Big M, girlfriend. The Big M!

Yep…I’ve been reading up on masturbation lately. There are so many positives about pleasuring yourself, especially if you are without a partner. Here are some facts:

    • Masturbation can improve your spirits. “It can improve a depressed mood,” says Kathleen Segraves, PhD, a sex therapist and associate professor of psychiatry at Case Western Reserve University.
    • It can help you relax. Women tend to worry and replay experiences over and over in their head. They call that rumination – I know you’re familiar with what I’m talking about here – and it’s been linked in numerous studies to depression. “If you can start pleasuring yourself, that will often interfere with ruminations,” Segraves says.
    • Scientists speculate that some factor associated with orgasm (by yourself or with a partner) may suppress pain or actually suppress the migraine process.
    • Learning to climax through masturbation gives a woman confidence and personal satisfaction. Most experts agree that when a woman can reach orgasm through her own efforts, she’s a step ahead when she’s with a partner. She is able to show a man how to please her, so she is more likely to climax with a loving partner during love play or intercourse.

See what I mean? Not only can self pleasure help you get in the mood, but it can help you improve your mood! Use it or lose it girlfriend…use it or lose it.

So I have a suggestion: start taking advantage of this healthy behavior and get yourself some sex toys. Don’t snicker. Sex toys aren’t hush-hush anymore, and they have something for everyone.

Here is a great article on vibrantnation.com about using vibrators after 50. It has excellent advice along with all kinds of resources. And this is all for you – the grownup woman.  

You can also try my friend, Theresa, at Athena’s Home Novelties. She contacted me asking if I was interested in reviewing their products on my blog. My immediate reaction was that this wasn’t for you. But then she got me thinking: this is information you need to know. It’s a little uncomfortable, but it’s important to those who are interested.

Theresa told me about their products (They even have in-home Tupperware-type parties!), and she sent me some samples. (Yea! Samples!) I have tried a few and find their products to be high quality and quite high class.  Here are a few recommendations:

  • Tickle Your Fancy: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Self-Pleasure: Based on reviews, this looks like a must-read for any woman.
  • Embrace Personal Lubricant: Yummy and not sticky. I tried this and it’s the best.
  • The Amazing Hot Heart Massager: Use this for your aches and pains or with a partner. It gets hot instantly and is amazing.
  • Soy Candle: It’s a candle! It’s a massage oil! It’s a moisturizer!
  • Petals personal stimulator (aka vibrator): From a reviewer on their site: “This was my first toy and I really like. Its small and very fun to use.” I agree.

Don’t be shy. Hop over and take a look. They deliver in unmarked boxes.

PS: Just so you know, I get no remuneration from anything you purchase. I’m providing this as a way to help you, not my pocketbook.

Do you have tips to share?  How can we stay interested and excited – either while we’re waiting for Our Man to show up or to improve the sex life we already have?

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