“Bobbi, how do I meet single men? Where are all the good, single men – you know, the ones I WANT to date?” I get asked this question daily and I always want to laugh. It’s like there is a treasure trove of good single guys all in a secret hiding place that only I know. Well, I do happen to know, but it’s not what you think.
Single, quality men are everywhere. There are about 45 million single men over the age of 35 in the United States. About 8 million are over 65. There are about 7 million single men in Britain and 2 million in Australia. And those are just the ones using online dating!
And before you say “Yeah, but all the quality guys are taken or gay,” here are some facts for you:
I “shopped” for men on match.com today (which is where I met my husband). I looked for men over 40, taller than 5’8″, college educated, non-smoking, occasional drinker, making $75,000+. (That’s an above-average income where I live.)
Within only 20 miles of my house there are over 2000 of these guys. 2000!
And you need only ONE!
I think it’s only fair to assume that these 2000 guys are walking around and going places. They’re at the grocery store, bank and dry cleaners. They are playing golf, drinking coffee, and at a place of worship. Now, all you have to do is know how to connect with them.
Here are 5 simple things you can do to start talking with and meeting men wherever you go.
1. Lighten up on the requirements.
Don’t just pay attention to the guys who look hot. If you typically go for the 8s or 9s, lower your range to the 6s or 7s. Often when a guy speaks. he can become pretty cute. His sense of humor, his wit, his compassion will make him more attractive, but only if you give him a chance.
You know how some of those 9s and 10s open their mouths and suddenly they’re 5s? Well, it can go both ways.
This goes for height as well. Lower your height requirement by just two inches your pool of eligible men grows exponentially!
2. Stop looking at the ground.
When you’re out and about, look at the people around you. Smile and say “Hi.” Maintain eye contact for a few beats longer than is comfortable. (It won’t hurt, I promise.) This is only scary the first day or two you do it. Then it can be fun.
Try to start a conversation by asking a simple question. You don’t have to be brilliant or clever. Simply asking “Are you getting hot or cold?” at the coffee shop or “Do you know what time they close?” at the cleaners can lead you to your next husband. It really is that easy. Men absolutely love a friendly and confident woman. That’s exactly what he’ll see when you chat him up.
3. Listen, but not too much.
You can get the conversation started. But as you may know, men can sometimes talk too much. This happens especially when they’re nervous. Give him a break if he’s fidgety or gets overly chatty. It’s likely because he likes you.
Whatever you do, do NOT just listen and look on adoringly as he goes on and on. Why would he want to see you or talk to you again unless he feels some connection? The only way he can do that is if you share about yourself. So make sure to squeeze in a few “nuggets” about yourself. Get in talk of what you care about, what you enjoy doing ,or what makes you laugh. Don’t be afraid to be real and show your softness, dorkiness or even nervousness.
4. Get your flirt on.
If you like him, show him some attention. Men love attention from women, and they don’t get it very often. We hold back either because we think it’s their “job” or because we’re too freaked out at the chance of being rejected. If you’re interested enough to want him to ask for your number, get his attention by doing this:
Compliment him. Men are especially flattered when you show them you admire, respect and trust them. Oh, and laugh at his jokes–but only if they sincerely tickle you.
Touching is the surest way to make a connection with a man. Below the elbow is the safest place, or you can brush your shoulder or arm against his every now and then. Actions do speak louder than words. And don’t worry! He won’t think you want to sleep with him: only that you’re interested.
Lean in when you’re talking with or listening to him.
Twirl your hair. Make it look subconscious and playful, but it gets them every time.
Don’t worry that he knows you’re flirting…that’s the point!
5. Be ready to close the deal if he doesn’t.
If he doesn’t ask for your number or if you want to meet again somehow, don’t hesitate to make a move. You don’t want to ask him out or try to make any specific plans, but let him know you’d say “yes” if he asked.
The way you do it is to clearly show your interest. Tell him “It was fun talking with you. It would be nice to do it again!” Have your business card at the ready if he wants to contact you.
You can even say, “I’d love to continue this conversation. Here’s my card.” That’s not asking him out; it just puts the ball in his court and clearly lets him know you’re available and interested.
So, here is your homework for the week:
Cast your net a little wider than usual. Or start casting if you haven’t been. Start looking at men who are a few inches shorter than your ideal and are more in the 6+ range on the “hot” scale (Read this if you are not convinced).
They don’t even have to be men with whom you want to close the deal. I just want you to practice eye contact and connection, flirting, and opening yourself up to men outside your usual zone.
Does their attractiveness change, either up or down, once you get to know them? Does it seem like there are more eligible men than before? Were you able not just to listen but to share yourself too? Did they ask for your number?!
I want a full report on your experiences and progress this week. Happy hunting!