Is he into me? It starts from the first email or text. Trying to decipher if he really likes you, or not. The doubting and trying to “figure it out” escalates after the meet date, then the first date, wondering if there will be a second date. Maybe you became intimate and your “is he into me” questioning is now at DEFCON 5.
When my clients ask me this question this is what I usually say:
If you have to ask, he’s probably not.
Biologically, women have so much to lose by choosing the wrong man. We are the ones who bear the children. If we chose a man who is NOT into us, then he will leave us at our most vulnerable, pregnant or with a baby. And we will have to raise and protect his child, alone, for at least 18 years.
No wonder we are like Nancy Drew when it comes to trying to figure out if he really likes us. Asking, “Is he into me?” is in our ancestral past, it meant survival of the species!
How does this translate into your life here and now? While it’s good to understand your biological drives, you can also use your intellect and common sense. That’s what I am here to help with: Giving you information that will help balance your head with your heart.
BTW, in another article, I shared with you 4 more ways you can tell if a guy is interested in you.
Here is my list of 6 (more) things grownup men do when they like you:
1. Tentative Eye Contact
Most men tend to be shy about making sustained eye contact with a woman they feel attracted to. If you catch a man looking at you when you are not looking in his direction, and who quickly turns away the moment you look at him, it indicates that he finds you attractive – I didn’t say love – I said attraction.
If you find a guy making sheepish eye contact with you, every so often, it’s a sign of his attraction for you.
On the other hand, if a guy leers at you, or gives you blatant flirty looks, it shows he’s interested but in a strictly physical way. It suggests that he finds you hot, and you trigger sexual attraction in him. If this is not the kind of relationship you are looking for, then just give him a cold shoulder.
If a guy only sees you as a friend he will not be shy about making eye contact and mostly it would be casual and uninterested.
2. Standing Tall
Guys have an unconscious way of displaying their masculinity by standing tall, with their stomachs in, when they are in the company of a woman they are attracted to. It’s a man’s way of trying to impress a woman with his body. If he straightens up and sucks it in when he sees you – bingo! Think of a proud peacock.
You’ve seen this. They puff up! You can’t miss it if you’re looking for it. (Is he into me?… check!)
3. The Helpful Attitude
If you find a man trying to be helpful it can be indicative of his interest in you. Since the beginning of time men have had the natural instinct to protect and take care of you. Since there are no longer wooly mammoths to fight off, he tries to help you with your packages, or give you his coat, or give you some advice. My advice? Accept graciously even if you don’t need it.
4. He Regularly Touches You
While a player may engage in inappropriate levels of affection, a guy who’s really into you may be less demonstrative. However, that doesn’t mean he won’t touch you at all. In fact, if you’re dating someone who’s really into you, he’ll often touch your arm when he’s talking, stroke your back reassuringly, and hold your hand when the time is right. These displays of affection show respect, intimacy, and interest. If you feel comfortable, let him know you’re interested by gently touching him in a similar fashion from time to time. If he’s moving a bit too fast – you should share that too – in a kind way. He wants you to!
5. His Friends Know About You
Chances are, you’ve dated the kind of guy who showers you with attention and gifts and also chases you incessantly, but never introduces you to the other people in his life. I’ve written articles about this guy and many of us have dated a few in our life – emotionally unavailable.
This behavior can be so confusing, but the truth is that when a guy is really into you, he includes you in his entire life. That means his friends know about you. And not just how hot or sexy you are, but how interesting, funny, and amazing you are. As time goes on he introduces you to them and makes you a part of his inner circle.
6. He Takes the Time to Get to Know Your Friends
Not only does a guy who’s into you share his friends with you, but he takes the time to get to know and appreciate your friends. And while a narcissist or a player will seize the opportunity to flirt with your girlfriends, a guy who’s really into you shows genuine interest in your friends and family, while reserving his affection for you only.
And here is my #1 tip for you from the beginning – when you go to meet a man, it’s not about whether he likes you! Always go in thinking – I hope I Like Him!!
Once you decide you do, and he has earned a deeper look, pay attention to these signs. And trust me, when he’s into you, you’ll see… you won’t have to ask.
I’d love to hear from you. After reading this to do you think you’ve missed some signals in the past? How else do you decide if a man is really interested…in a relationship kind of way?