Date Like a Grown-Up – Dating Advice and Coaching from Bobbi Palmer

Time to Meet Your Grown-up Man – Step 2

June 26th, 2009

Bobbi Palmer is a Relationship Coach for Grown-up Women. Her passion is helping ifabulous women find their life partner, while enjoying the journey along the way.  To change this standard text, you have to enter some information about your self in the Dashboard -> Users -> Your Profile box. Read more from this author

Before you can recognize your Mr. I Love You – the man who is good for you and makes you feel the way you want and deserve to feel – you have to be in touch with your needs and your wishes.

In Step 1 you spent time visualizing and getting to know your ideal man and ideal relationship. You’ve written about his character, beliefs, behavior, and maybe his physical attributes. You’ve also connected with how you want to feel when you’re with him.

Now, let’s tighten up your picture just a little bit. There’s an exercise I give my clients early on in our work together. Here’s the gist.

Step 2: Walk Down Memory Lane

Here’s what I want you to do:

1. Make a list of past relationships that impacted your life in any way. (Generally these would be adult experiences, but not necessarily. My boyfriend at 15 had a huge impact on my dating throughout my adulthood.)
2. Under that list, draw a line down the middle of the page. Label the left column “Things I Don’t Want.”
3. In that column, list all the things that you consider bad or lacking about the men and relationships. This means anything from “he had bad manners” to “he wouldn’t go to musical theater with me” to “he cheated on me.”
4. Label the right column “Things I Want.”
5. Turn each negative into a positive. For instance “he cheated on me” would become “100% fidelity.”
6. Remove inconsequential items (did it really bother you that much that the he didn’t take you to chick flicks?) and prioritize your list.

During this step of the exercise it’s likely that you will learn about yourself, your choices, and your dating patterns. This is something my clients and I spend a lot of time with. It’s important, and definitely worth your time.

Next, we’ll wrap it up with the final step: Back to Reality; Who is He, Really?

Gotta go. Be good to yourself.

Want to know if you’re really prepared to Date Like a Grown-up??
GO TO www.DateLikeaGrownup.com TODAY and take your FREE Man-O-Meter test. This fun, one-of-a-kind test assesses how ready you are, and gives you expert advice and invaluable tips about men and dating. I offer a free 30-minute coaching session. There are absolutely no-strings. If you’d like to talk and see how I might be of help, email me at bobbip@datelikeagrownup.com

Entry Filed under: Dating to Find Love, Grow and Change so You Can Find Love, Learn About Men