This is the sixth in a series of articles sharing my 6 Keys to Finding Hope and Finding Him. The 6 Keys are:
M - Me and Me first.
A - Assess your list.
S - Shed your stuff.
T - Time to get out and Trail blaze.
R - Real women find their man.
Y -You are the Picker!
Let’s face it: by the time you reached middle age, you’ve had a handful (or more) of romantic relationships. Whether they’re marriages, live-in loves, boyfriends, affairs, flirtations, crushes…we all have a history.
The beautiful thing about having this history is that you can use it to learn from and move forward on a different path. Now, today, right here, right now is the time to do just that.
Over the past few weeks I’ve given you the keys I teach in my upcoming The Secret to Meeting Men after 40 telecourse. Today is a review of the first 5 of my 6 Keys to Finding Hope and Finding Him. You’ll see that mastering these steps leads directly to Key #6 Should You Stay or Should You Go: Make Decisions Easily and Confidently.
Below I review the keys with you, showing what it feels like as you master each one. After each key I’ll pose questions for you to answer.
Before you start, though, I want you to think of one of your significant past relationships. Maybe he’s the one who “got away,” or the one you still pine for, or the one who really got under your skin.
As you ponder these questions, have this man in mind. Reflecting on this relationship will help crystalize all that you’ve learned in these keys and empower you to move forward on a different path—one toward grownup, joyful, lasting love.
Got him in mind? Okay! Let’s go:
Key #1 is M for Me First: Falling in Love with Yourself. You can now approach men with confidence and know that you’re deserving of adoration and love. You’re ready to attract kind, mature, and relationship-minded men.
Reflection: Did you come to the relationship feeling confident about yourself? Did you help him truly get to know you? How did you feel when you weren’t with him?
Key #2 is A for Assess Your List: Figure Out Who He Is and Get Past Your List. After reviewing your list, adding some items, and throwing out others, you now know what you truly need to feel happy, safe and loved for the rest of your life. This clarity allows you to become a much better man-picker and man-attractor.
Reflection: Did he have your current, updated “must haves”? Did you feel all those feelings you need to be truly happy in a grownup way? What things did he have that you thought you needed but have now scratched off your list?
Key #3 is S for Shed Your Stuff: You’ve taken the time to shed the stuff that’s been getting in your way of enjoying yourself and connecting with the right men. You’ve done the tough work of dumping the false beliefs that no longer serve you. You’ve put your gremlins (all those self-sabotaging voices in your head) where they belong: under lock and key.
Reflection: Did you act or feel in a way that was a reaction to your gremlins or limiting beliefs? If so, how did it affect your relationship and/or decisions? Which gremlins came in to play here? Can you image how not having that negative self-talk would have changed the relationship?
Key #4 is T for Time to Get Out and Trail Blaze: You learned to flirt and connect with ease and have become comfortable with your feminine side. You see good men everywhere.
Reflection: Did you feel your prospects were limited? Were you afraid for the relationship to end because you didn’t think anyone else was out there for you? How did that affect the relationship?
Key #5 is R for Real Women Find their Men: You’ve mastered the most important part of connecting with a man: being the real you. Being authentic has also given you great overall joy and satisfaction with your life.
Reflection: Did you show up with him as the real and authentic you? Did you use your skills to help him get to know the real you—all sides if you? How did you receive his love and attention? Did you use communication skills to ask for what you wanted and resolve any misunderstandings?
Once you complete this inquiry in a thoughtful way, you will have more clarity on resolving these past relationships. I’ll bet some of your past stumbling blocks were about not loving yourself enough, or maybe your “list” was out of whack or you didn’t even have a list in the first place. Maybe you let your gremlins take over, or maybe you led with too much heart and not enough head.
Whatever you’ve learned from this exercise, becoming a master of these five keys leads naturally to becoming a great picker, which is Key #6, Y for You Are the Picker, Should You Stay or Should You Go: Make Decisions Easily and Confidently.
When you love yourself and know exactly what you want and don’t want, you become an expert “picker” who can make solid, confident decisions about who you see or don’t see (or stay with or don’t stay with).
You are comfortable with being alone (for the moment), living your already full life, until you find grownup love. All the knowledge and insight you’ve gained working these steps allows you to recognize real love and embrace it with a balanced head and heart.
You now can make decisions about your love life easily and with confidence. Truth and clarity are your allies in your quest for true love. And I’m here too: coaching, encouraging, cajoling, comforting, and nagging until you find what you desire and deserve.
Click here to read Key #5.