“I’m tired of being exhausted.” That’s what Shari told me one week during our coaching session. We had only worked a few weeks together but she had some ah-ha moments right away that started her on the path of making different choices. She was open to seeing herself differently; especially in relation to men and dating. After only a couple weeks she was happier and more hopeful. She actually started finding the “real Shari” instead of the gal who’s led by her fixation with finding a man.
When Shari and I first met she was dating two men. Both were hot (her words) and fun to be with. Sounds perfect, right? She’d been seeing both men for some time, yet neither had moved into the boyfriend role. She was hoping that would eventually happen; especially with one. When she spent time with each she enjoyed it; when they were apart she experienced all kinds of doubt and insecurity. She was constantly trying to figure out why they weren’t moving to commitment and monogamy and how to make it happen.
One of my roles as a coach is to help you look closely and honestly at your life today and the choices you are making. Are they bringing you happiness?
When Shari took an honest looked, she admitted that each man left her feeling bad about herself and, ultimately, she wasn’t even having fun. Neither was going to be The One to love and adore her for life. And each had told her in his own way; she just chose not to hear it.
That wasn’t pleasant to acknowledge but Shari finally accepted it and, with my support, she released them romantically. Then she worked on discovering what she loved about herself (Step 1 in my 6-Step Find Hope and Find Him System) and defining the qualities in a man that would truly fulfill her. (Step 2 of my system.)
Within just a few weeks Shari’s self confidence shone through and she became ready to make better choices. She went on her to live her life as a single gal, while keeping an eye out for the good guys.
Enter Mike. Mike had been a friend of Shari’s for over a year but she never thought of him as a potential partner. After spending time with him over a weekend (during which he helped her with all kinds of repairs around her house), she realized that he seemed to truly like and appreciate her.
They had fun together. They talked about all kinds of things. Hmmm…maybe he was a candidate for a date, or even a relationship. And he was clearly giving her the message that he saw the same potential.
When I asked her how she felt when she was with him, she said it was easy. She trusted him and felt emotionally safe. She said “I feel like he likes my heart and that feels simply amazing.”
Shari had finally learned that she was worthy, and for the first time in her life she knew the feeling of being with a man who appreciates and adores her. And she liked it.
She had been working her butt off to get the wrong men to like her. She was living with insecurity and self doubt; in a constant struggle to figure out how to be different so she could be accepted.
When she let herself be…and hung out with a man who obviously enjoyed her, not only did she feel accepted, she felt seen. Isn’t that what we all want?
“I’m tired of being exhausted.” When she said it, it was brilliant. Shari got it!
You see, it’s not about being what men want – it’s about being YOU. This is the biggest irony: The good men want a woman just like you. You just don’t yet know that woman.
When you are your best self, and are willing to openly express her to men, the mahttp://datelikeagrownup.com/wp-admin/post-new.phpn who makes you feel emotionally safe and likes your heart will cross your path, he will dig you and he will be your guy.
And by the way, Shari and Mike have been together for over a year. Her daughter loves him, and has new pride in Shari for making such a good choice. They have committed to each other forever. She has the life she thought was only for other women..and now she knows it’s for her too.