This is one skill I want you to master: Rejecting online rejection. Learning to accept rejection gracefully, with as few “dings” to your self-esteem as possible, is key to finding your true love.
As a dating coach, I’ve found the #1 reason you won’t have success online is giving up too soon. What you perceive as online rejection can exhaust you mentally and the positive attitude you started out with will quickly dwindle.
Here are 4 things to know to help you move forward in the online dating world with your self-esteem intact!
1) They don’t know you.
All a guy knows about you is 20 sentences and a crappy picture. If they don’t “pick” you, take a deep breath and remember: There are 1000 reasons a guy won’t be interested and most have nothing to do with YOU. The want a blonde, someone under 5’2”, someone who skis, someone without kids, etc… Better he NOT chose you and save you both heartache and disappointment later. And let’s be honest. There are a myriad of reasons YOU reject guys online as well. You don’t know them and wouldn’t expect them to take it personally, right? (And believe me, they don’t) If you write 10 emails and hear back from 1 or 2 that’s good!
2) Let’s define rejection.
Let’s separate true rejection with online rejection. You have a right to cry in your wine if the guy you’ve been dating for 3 months, who has truly gotten to KNOW you, suddenly stops calling or breaks up with you. That is rejection. Some guy not responding to your “like” on Match doesn’t count as rejection – it counts as LIFE. Move on.
3) Men over 40 are like kids in a candy store.
Guys in their older years have the statistical advantage – there are more of us (women over 40 looking for love) and fewer of them (men over 40 doing the same). A lot of women are emailing the 60 year old man with a great head of hair, healthy, active life, etc.
Imagine it like this (I asked a client about this yesterday): “You meet a guy in Starbucks and after a very brief chat he takes your number and he never calls. Would this bother you?” I asked. ”No”…she said. “I’d figure he probably went off to live his busy life and, since he didn’t really know me, I just kind of dropped out of his mind. That wouldn’t bother me.” Well, imagine that he went home after Starbucks and there were 25 women waiting for him with open arms. Some even have candy for him and are wearing sexy outfits. That’s what it’s like for a guy online. Lots of choices. And we all know how easily men are distracted – especially by a pretty face.
4) Your age actually counts in your favor.
One advantage to being a woman over 40 is that you have the perspective of a life well lived. Instead of tapping into the insecure 18 year old who is biting her nails waiting for the phone to ring, you can “turn on” the confident, experienced woman who knows it’s a numbers game, it’s not personal, and all you need is 1 good man.
It takes time! I encourage you to meet as many guys as you can without losing your mind.
Mastering the art of accepting rejection gracefully will most certainly help you stay online long enough to find your true love.(Like I did!)