Are You Expecting Men to Act Like Women?

My idea for today’s post came from a seminar I hosted last week called “Making Sense of Men.” It was co-led by a trainer for PAX Programs International,  which is in the business of educating women about men. If you haven’t familiarized yourself with PAX, which is the brilliant work of Alison Armstrong, I can’t recommend it enough. I attended my first course with them 10 years ago, and it was a life-changing experience.

Alison’s mission is helping men and women understand each other, which inevitably leads to deeper and richer relationships and creates peace between the sexes. It also eliminates the craziness that comes from trying to figure out what the heck the opposite sex is thinking and feeling and why they do what they do. (I know you’re familiar with that craziness, right?)

A key point in this understanding for women is this:

A man can not be like your girlfriend, just with different parts.

I can not stress the importance of this! Do you know why we are so often disappointed by men? Because we expect them to be behave based on how a women would act. It’s all we know.

We don’t leave room for men to be men. We consider how they think and feel, but it’s generally not based on any real knowledge; it’s based on how WE would think and feel.

One of the keys to finding a fabulous man to share your life is to commit to learning about men. When you do, you will find that, as Alison says, they are not wrong: they are just different. Men are so different from us, and once you “get them” you’ll see their magnificence and absolutely love, love LOVE them like I and so many women I work with do.

Here are a few simple examples of how our differences play out in dating. Did you know:

• When a man asks what you want to do on a date, it’s because he wants to be sure you enjoy yourself. We think it’s because he’s lazy or doesn’t care. Quite the opposite. It’s because he wants to please you, and the best way to do that is for him to have you pick your pleasure.
• When you offer to pay on a date — especially on the first — he assumes it’s because you don’t like him and don’t want to owe him anything. If you insist on pulling out your wallet, don’t be surprised if he doesn’t call you again.
• When a man you’ve been dating doesn’t call you for a few days or just dashes off a quick text, it may be that he’s simply busy. Can’t he just pick up a phone, you ask? Well, when men are working they are doing just that: working. Men are generally singularly focused. Women, though, can do 100 things at once. We can participate in a conference, notice we need a manicure, write a to-do list AND wonder what our boyfriend is doing — all at the same time. That would make many-a-man’s head explode.
• Asking some men how he feels about something could be like asking him about quantum physics. Processing feelings can be challenging for men unless they approach it via their intellect. Instead of asking how he feels…ask him what he thinks. Then listen. You’ll likely get to his feelings. (Most men’s feelings run very deep if we just know how to talk to them about it.)

Learning about these and the many other ways we perceive things differently will make your dating life way more fun and help you make better choices. All your relationships with the men in your life will improve. When you know how men think, you will be able to communicate in a way that nurtures and respects them and also gets you what you need in the relationship.

Larry and I have been together about six years and have never raised our voices or hurt each other with words. We have disagreed, but we always work it out so it’s a win-win. You can do this also!

Here are a couple PAX programs I highly recommend.*

Their Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women Workshop http://shrsl.com/?~1kgm will change your life. I took this two-day course and learned more about men than I had in the preceding 40 years. I saw women who walked in scared and mistrusting, and left feeling safe and looking forward to meeting men. And again, it helps you with all the men in your life.

In Sync With the Opposite Sex http://shrsl.com/?~1kwn is all about dating. It helps you understand how the most basic instincts of men and women pit us against each other in the world of dating and relationships. I think this is a must-have. If you need to, chip in with a girlfriend and listen together.

Making Sense of Men is a funny, information-packed text, with priceless insights into men, their motivations and their inspirations.

http://shrsl.com/?~1kwo

These, along with the work we are doing together, will help you get to your goal of finding that loving, special man to enhance your already great life. When you learn to understand men and celebrate our differences, you will see instant improvement in all of your relationships.

* I don’t often endorse products here but I feel SO strongly about these programs and know how much they can help you. I do receive a commission from any sales of these products but I trust you know that I would only recommend things that I 100% believe will help you in your search for love.